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[strmrdr]

DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE FOOD CRITIC?
A food critic was traveling in England. He found most of the food bland. One day he stopped by a pub in London for fish and chips. The meal was so good that he asked for the recipe. The owner confessed that he had bought the food from the monastery next door. So the food critic went to the monastery. When a brother opened the door, the critic asked him if he was the fish fryer. “No,” the brother replied. “I’m the chip monk.”

 

[strmrdr]

A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

 

[strmrdr]

Two men in their local pub somewhere in UK.

"I got my wife some nice underwear from Ann Summers for her birthday." says Paul while taking another swig at his Tennants Bitter.
"I got my wife a bag and a belt for her birthday." Says Mike and has a couple of more gulps of his Stowford Press.
"Really!" Paul says. "She must have loved that."
Mike sets his pint down, lookas at Paul and says:
"yeah it was great. Now the hoover works."

 

[strmrdr]

Mike's wife writes:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance
-- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated
flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable
programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, Nascar 2.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to
no avail.

What can I do?
Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the
Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0
should then automatically run the applications Jewelry
2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or
Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring
Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in
the background that will eventually seize control of all your system
resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.

These are incompatible applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You
might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

 

[strmrdr]

A indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant.

The first squaw gave birth to a boy, and the chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of buffalo hide.

A few days later, the second squaw gave birth, and also had a boy. The chief was extremely happy; he built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third squaw gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the birth details a secret. He built the woman a teepee out of hippopotamus hide, and challenged the people in the tribe to guess the most recent birth details, the correct guesser to receive a fine prize.

Several of his people tried, but were unsuccessful in their guesses. Finally, a young brave came forth and declared that the third wife had delivered twin boys.

"Correct"!, cried the chief. "How did you know"?

"It''s simple", replied the warrior. "The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."