a different kind of waiting...it''s hard

[kcoursolle]

Hey folks, I''m not sure how many of you know my story so here goes. I really appreciate this forum, I think it''s a great place to vent and get advice so we don''t get irrational with our loved ones, haha. You guys are all very supportive and helpful.

Ok...here''s the short version of my story....I moved to LA this August from the midwest to go to grad school. Meanwhile, my boyfriend gets a job in LA...but has to do job training in the midwest first at the corporate headquarters... First he was supposed to be out here in January, then his boss said March, blah blah blah...finally we have an official date from his boss that was much later. He is finally moving here on May 15th!!!!! We have been apart for a total of 8 months now. During all of this, I got to see him about once every five weeks or so for a few days. I''m not going to lie...I really really miss him and it''s been hard on me. Part of the hardship has also been moving across the country and being alone in other ways since I''m away from all of my family and friends out here. It took a long time to finally feel close with the other grad students, and I still really don''t feel like LA is my home yet. Also, during this time, we picked out a diamond and a setting (I guess I should say I picked it out haha) and it''s just been sitting in my apartment waiting for him to live here and finally waiting to be on my finger. We''ve had the ring now since February

.

While I would really like to be engaged soon, honestly I don''t even care about that right now. I just want him to be here more than anything right now. I have been really sad lately waiting for him, even though I know I don''t have much more time to wait. I''m at the home stretch and we''ll have to go without seeing eachother for 8 weeks from the last time he was here until he moves here. I guess what I really am having a hard time with is waiting these last three weeks to see him. Have any tips? Sometimes I get really emotional and get upset with him that he''s not here...even though I know it''s not his fault. How can I patiently cope during this few last weeks and not get all emotional with him? Right now I am having a hard time focusing on the positive and looking forward to him moving. Instead I keep thinking about how he''s not here and how much I miss him.

Thanks for letting me vent for a while.

 

[princessv]

Oh kcoursolle I feel (felt) your pain! It is so hard to do long distance but keep in mind that the end is SO near now!! I didn''t get to see my guy before I moved for 2 1/2 months and it nearly killed me! I''m still plauged by a long distance type relationship even now, and the fact that we were living together at one point but now can''t.

My advice is to start planning fun things that you guys can do when he finally moves there. Start exploring (even if its online) fun things, restaurants, etc to go do. In fact, you could even plan a little surprise for him and it could be anything from buying a little gift that would require some searching for or even making him something (I don''t know what really since I don''t know you or your guy

). Most importantly to stop yourself from feeling down just remember, it''s now sooo close!

 

[ephemery1]

Ugh, K, that sounds awful... I''m so sorry you''ve had to deal with a new school and new place without having him there with you. My BF and I have never been long-distance so unfortunately I can''t offer too much advice, but he has spent the last few months traveling for work and only coming home on weekends, and even that feels miserable to me... so I can''t imagine how you must feel. Hang in there and know that it WILL come to an end soon, and you''ll look back on this time and just appreciate the fact that you finally have him with you full-time. And of course, come on here to vent lots and lots!!

 

[jesterjigger]

Oh, I know your pain...my bf was deployed to Iraq for 8 months last summer and it sucked. But, you know it''s for real when you can make it through a separation that long and still be in as love as when it started. The end is near and you guys can make it. It helped me to send my bf stuff...little fun knick knacks that he could play with to ease the boredom and give people something to do when they came to his office. I also sent a letter a day for the first few months, then one every couple of days.

We also talked a lot through email, we could only talk on the phone for half an hour once a week, which sucked, but we made it, and you and your guy can too...

 

[TravelingGal]

I know how you feel...my boyfriend and I did 2 years long distance from Australia to California. Talk about misery..not too many hours in the day where we could contact each other because of the time difference.

It sucks. But keep this in mind: he is as miserable as you are. It''s very important not to take your frustrations out on him (don''t know if you are doing this or not). However, it''s certainly OK to let him know that you are sad without him.

My advice is to do things that will take your mind off him. Sounds simple, I know, but it helps. I exercised a LOT while we were apart...lost tons of weight (now back on since we''ve been together...the price of happiness.

) I know you said you are new to L.A. and don''t have lots of friends, but maybe you can take a class. If you aren''t that social, then read some books or catch up on movies! I really learned how to cook while he was away and threw lots of dinner parties on weekends. Very hard to think of how much you miss someone when you are elbow deep in food ingredients and your kitchen looks like something threw up all over it. Of course, when come time to serve and everyone I invited was a couple, that''s another story altogether...

Be strong. He''ll be proud of you. This is only the beginning...life is going to throw you more curveballs, I guarantee it. And from experience I can honestly say ENJOY YOUR TIME ALONE! After my boyfriend moved here, there have been times when I have wanted to kick his a** back to Australia!

BTW, I don''t even think I had it bad compared to something I read on here today...there''s an Australian gal who has spent only 1 year out of the last FIVE with her boyfriend...they are doing international long distance too. I can''t imagine.

Hang in there!

 

[meepcat]

Your relationship has been your roots. Now that you''ve been apart, you need other roots. If grad school can''t offer that with the people you''ve met, then seek it through hobbies you enjoy. Pick up a new form of dance (Afro-Brazilian), or some kind of physical activity that allows you to be expressive, creative. If you''re expending energy on focussing on a sport, or activity, you''ll be less likely to dwell on the negative feelings you have from waiting.

One more thing, write in a journal about how you feel. That way, years from now, when you get bored in your relationship, open it to the period you''re writing about now. You''ll be reminded of the times when you weren''t as close, even if by choice.

I hope this helps!

 

[Scooba]

Yeah at least it''s almost over, but that is awful. I was living in L.A. too away from my boyfriend because I love L.A., especially Beverly Hills, where I lived, and I hate where my boyfriend has to live right now, but I couldn''t handle being away from him so I came back. This is a different situation than yours but I really feel for you, that just sucks to have to be apart. But at least at the end of the day you will be in awesome, beautiful, fun L.A. with your man while I am stuck in the stupid midwest with my man and not a thing to do except sit on PS all day! I hope we can go back to L.A. when we settle.

 

[meepcat]

On the long-distance front, I''ve been there, done that, and won''t ever do it again. I moved to France, just to be closer to my ex in Germany. Then I moved to Germany, and moved in with him. The experience was disastrous. Had I been with the right guy, I would have had more fun, and less pain. Instead, I had a self-centered, selfish, self-absorbed, insecure, and incredibly immature pr**k. So being in a foreign country, and relying on this person for boyfriend-like affections tore me apart. Therefore, I''m never doing that again. And luckily, I don''t have to, since my BF and I will move together to wherever we must, because he have an honest, communicative relationship.

 

[AmberWaves]

Hi K!

So sorry you're feeling down right now. But hey, 3 weeks will go by so fast. If you're ever feeling down- super down, I could meet you somewhere and we could have lunch or something, just go look around westwood if you'd like. Once you get out and do something (the bus SUCKS), and just take your mind off it, it'll be okay. He'll be here before you know it. And I agree, you should totally think of fun things to do with him when he gets here.. Like I said, I'm here if you're bored!! You're my center stone twin (only .04 carats older!)! I'll email you my cell number if you need to talk to someone.

 

[roxy7]

Kcourselle,

I think we are leading parallel lives. My bf left in August to live in another state for work and is finally getting transferred back home to me. He will be here next month. It has been such a hard last 8 months. We have both been exhausted from traveling to see each other so much and sometimes it is so hard to talk on the phone so much. I just want to be with him, it''s so simple.

BUT my advice is this -- you have only three weeks to prepare for him to get back. Until then, concentrate on yourself and becoming the best person you can be. When you think about it, you might never have this opportunity to be alone again. So make the most of it and work out, eat right, reorganize your apartment or house to make room for him, talk to your friends, go to the bathroom with the door open, watch the tv shows he hates, etc. Three weeks will fly by. Make a list of all the things you''d like to do before he gets back.

In reality, we are both so lucky (1) that we didn''t have to do long distance for years, and (2) that our relationships have survived the long distance test. So celebrate yourself and your relationship.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Oh hon I almost am in tears reading your post! My BF and I live very far apart and will until at least next Jan. and we see eachother about every two months. I honestly don''t know how I do it but I do somehow knowing we have our future together. I try to loo at it as what is this amount of time compared to having the rest of our lives together and/or losing him for good. Obviously this is not something you two are going to break up over but you have to try and not let it make you miserable either! I know when I plan trips to go see him I get really emotional the week before I leave! It gets harder as it gets closer! We talk every single night, usually going to bed together. That way its like we can close our eyes and imagine we are lying next to each other talking before we fall asleep. I would say the most important piece to staying sane is talking about how you feel adn sharing your hopes and fears. And also know that all the LIW are here for you! Good luck!

 

[kcoursolle]

You guys are sweet thanks for all of your kind advice.

It is amazing to hear how many of you also have been or are in similar situations. I am very fortunate, that unlike jesterjigger I get to talk to my man all the time and I don''t have to worry about him. I can''t imagine how hard it must have been worrying all the time that he was ok...lot of stress I imagine. Travelinggal, Austrailia/CA now that is long distance, oofta! Also, roxy7 and I love sparkles you can relate too!

I think that one piece of advice I will take from all of you is to keep busy doing other stuff. I think I am going to plan a party in May after he is here to celebrate. In the mean time I can think of food, drinks, etc. for the party. I should also work out more...easier said that done...maybe I''ll start joining the workout threads. Even if I don''t loose any weight, working out is just a really good stress reliever. Also, Amber I''ll take you up on lunch sometime...or maybe margharitas, sounds like fun!

I also appreciate how a lot of you said that it is actually good practice or good for my independence to be alone for a while. I actually agree with this, I think I have conceptually gotten a lot older being out here on my own...I''m just ready for that to be over now. Thank goodness it''s the very end now.

I''ll update you all when he finally moves down to Cali soon...and hopefully update you with an engagement soon after...thanks for your kind thoughts.