A little bummed...and then not

[HappyCat]

Hi everyone. I haven''t been posting much lately, but just wanted to give a little update/vent/share some revelations. We were at FF''s uncle''s house for Thanksgiving yesterday. After dinner, we were talking about his cousin, who just got engaged, and who was planning on a summer/fall 2009 wedding. That makes 4 weddings we have to go to next year (my best friend from high school, our friends from the area, his brother, and now his cousin). After he heard this, he turned to me and said, "Well, looks like I''ve got at least a year still." Meaning, he has a year until he can propose. My heart sank when I heard this. I know that in the grand scheme of things, a year is not that long, but when you''ve been together for almost 7, you start to get a little impatient. I had also somehow gotten it into my head that we''d be getting engaged sometime early in 2009. Not sure where I got that notion from, but it was there. So to hear that he planned on waiting another year made me a little sad. But when we got home, we had a really great talk. He told me that the only thing keeping him from proposing right now was the timing. He doesn''t want to be engaged for more than a year (I agree with him on this one) and doesn''t want to get married too soon after his brother (because he doesn''t want to take away from his brother''s wedding, and because he doesn''t want his out of town relatives to have to choose which wedding to come to because they were too close together). I went to bed a little frustrated, but completely understanding his logic. When I woke up, I felt much better, and realized a few things: even though we both know that we want to get married, this was the first time that he actually definitively said "I would marry you right now" The second is that I initially was expecting a proposal sometime in late winter or early spring, so if I were to plan a wedding a year from that, it would also fall in the winter or spring, which is not really what I want. So if he waits until next fall to propose, we could easily have a fall 2010 wedding. The last thing is that he''s (maybe unintentionally) given me a tentative timeline, which is great, because I can stop obsessing over it now and just relax and enjoy being with him! So that''s my story. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Congrats to everyone who has gotten engaged recently!

~Happy Cat

 

[Tuckins1]

I think it''s silly to wait just because so many others you know are getting married... What does that have to do with you? You could still take a good year to plan your wedding, so it''s not like you would be doing it at the same time as all of these other people!! I can understand your feelings, who could wait for sparklies?

 

[trillionaire]

Happy,

It seems like you and your FF communicate well, so it might be good to have a conversation about BOTH of your needs re: engagements. It sounds like he had his thoughts pretty clearly delineated... but he is half of a couple. It's not really fair to only take his feelings into account. It could be that he agrees to a longer engagement, and you agree to a wedding far enough away from his brother's, but it should be about both people, and not just one. I know guys get caught up in the "the engagement is my thing, my show" mentality, but after 7 yrs, I think you have been more than patient enough to be able to weigh in. I just think that this time passes better when BOTH people are happy about the direction and speed of their relationship, and guys really do not have an appreciation for how hard it is to be a LIW. If you are happy with things as they are, fantastic. If not, try to talk about it. Compromise is a key ingredient in a marriage, after all

LOL, maybe you can let him read a thread or two on PS that you haven't posted too

 

[LostSapphire]

Date: 11/28/2008 4:37:57 PM
Author:HappyCat
Hi everyone. I haven''t been posting much lately, but just wanted to give a little update/vent/share some revelations. We were at FF''s uncle''s house for Thanksgiving yesterday. After dinner, we were talking about his cousin, who just got engaged, and who was planning on a summer/fall 2009 wedding. That makes 4 weddings we have to go to next year (my best friend from high school, our friends from the area, his brother, and now his cousin). After he heard this, he turned to me and said, ''Well, looks like I''ve got at least a year still.'' Meaning, he has a year until he can propose. My heart sank when I heard this. I know that in the grand scheme of things, a year is not that long, but when you''ve been together for almost 7, you start to get a little impatient. I had also somehow gotten it into my head that we''d be getting engaged sometime early in 2009. Not sure where I got that notion from, but it was there. So to hear that he planned on waiting another year made me a little sad. But when we got home, we had a really great talk. He told me that the only thing keeping him from proposing right now was the timing. He doesn''t want to be engaged for more than a year (I agree with him on this one) and doesn''t want to get married too soon after his brother (because he doesn''t want to take away from his brother''s wedding, and because he doesn''t want his out of town relatives to have to choose which wedding to come to because they were too close together). I went to bed a little frustrated, but completely understanding his logic. When I woke up, I felt much better, and realized a few things: even though we both know that we want to get married, this was the first time that he actually definitively said ''I would marry you right now'' The second is that I initially was expecting a proposal sometime in late winter or early spring, so if I were to plan a wedding a year from that, it would also fall in the winter or spring, which is not really what I want. So if he waits until next fall to propose, we could easily have a fall 2010 wedding. The last thing is that he''s (maybe unintentionally) given me a tentative timeline, which is great, because I can stop obsessing over it now and just relax and enjoy being with him! So that''s my story. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Congrats to everyone who has gotten engaged recently!

~Happy Cat

\
Hello Happy Cat

I can''t offer you any advice today but I wanted to say that based on how you''ve described your sweetie, he''s a thoughtful guy!
Worth waiting for!
LS

 

[KatyWI]

It''s awesome that you guys talked everything out. Communication really is the most important thing in a partnership! It stinks that you have to wait, but it''s really nice of your guy not to want to steal anyone''s thunder!

Just continue to talk to him so you both can make sure you''re getting what you need

 

[HappyCat]

Thanks for the replies everyone!

Tuckins: It''s not just that there are a lot of people getting married, it''s that two of them are family members. FF has family all over the place, and it''s very expensive to travel. He wants to spare them having to shell out all that money in short time, or, worse yet, not being able to come to all the weddings because they can''t afford it.

Trillion: We have talked about it, and the engaged-for-a-year-or-less thing is something we both agree on (nothing against folks who are engaged longer than that of course!). I think knowing that the engagement is still a while away will be good for my sanity and my free time...I find I spend far too much time "idea gathering" and looking at wedding ****. But we have talked about it, and while I do wish we could be engaged *right now* I''m happy with this. After thinking about it, I realized that his timeline was only 6 months longer than my predicted timeline, which really is not that long!

LS: Thank you! He really is worth the wait (or I definitely wouldn''t have the patience to stick around for 7 years!). And to jump topics for a moment, your ring is GORGEOUS! What a beautiful sapphire!

Katy: I agree, communication is key, and it''s something that we''ve worked very hard at! It was actually pretty nice to have this conversation with him, knowing that we could both open up to each other!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend! Thanks again!

 

[gwendolyn]

Your sweetie sounds like just that--a sweetheart. I also thinks it''s very thoughtful of him to not want to make his family members feel like they have to choose one wedding or another, and it''s so good that he was able to talk to you about it and explain his reasons for wanting to wait (which, in my opinion, are perfectly valied). Also how great that knowing this has enabled you to relax! Win-win all around!

 

[LoveRoundBrillants]

it can very hard to not obsess of when its coming and i know exactly how you feel...i am in the same boat. We want to be engaged for about a year as well and we are not ready to be married in a year. Agree with others that you guys communicate very well and its great that you both are on the same page, and understanding his logic.