A little bummed...

[Diva0413]

So yesterday, I was really excited because I got 2 rsvp cards back in the mail. My excitement went away when I saw that my step-aunt declined with regrets. I found out by way of my grandmother that she''s upset with me because she wasn''t a part of the planning process. So I thought about all of the planning that has taken place and I''m trying to see where I went wrong. FI has been very, very helpful. I can''t say that enough. He picked the music, cake, and photographer (with input from me of course). We also picked the venue and florist together. I have to admit that I pretty much knew everything I wanted and so did FI so everything''s been running smoothly. And I certainly didn''t exclude her on purpose; it''s just that there wasn''t much to do. I don''t even have any DIY projects related to the wedding. And I''ve told her this as well as others in my family. But she''s not coming anyway. I''m not sure if I should say anything else to her, but then in my mind, should I be asking her over and over to please come to my wedding?

Thanks for listening ladies.

 

[Dannielle]

I think she is behaving very immaturely.. she is going to miss one of the most important days of your life because she is annoyed she wasn''t involved in the planning?

It is up to you whether you say anything or not, but personally I wouldn''t.. It is her loss, not yours.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 8/19/2009 7:54:25 AM
Author: Dannielle
I think she is behaving very immaturely.. she is going to miss one of the most important days of your life because she is annoyed she wasn''t involved in the planning?

It is up to you whether you say anything or not, but personally I wouldn''t.. It is her loss, not yours.

Ditto, I think this is extremely immature for a loved one to act.

 

[Diva0413]

Thanks Dannielle and rhbgirl. I was sort of thinking that, but was still confused because I just saw her on Saturday and there was no indication that she wasn''t coming. What I mean is, her and her daughter asked me how everything was going and I said everything''s right on schedule. When they mentioned how they''ve heard how hectic the planning is, especially as it gets closer, I said once again that I haven''t had that problem because I''ve had very little to do to begin with. Amazing...

 

[Snicklefritz]

One question. Are you sure she''s not attending because she is upset or might there be another reason? If not, I agree with the other, she is behaving rather childishly for a grown woman. It''s so strange how the some people become selfish when it comes to someone else''s wedding.

 

[tyty333]

I have to ditto the other ladies...very immature

.

 

[sunnyd]

What?! Wow...very immature.

Why would she EXPECT to be involved in planning anyway? Sorry she''s making you feel bad, Diva, that''s just wrong.

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 8/19/2009 10:49:45 AM
Author: Snicklefritz
One question. Are you sure she''s not attending because she is upset or might there be another reason? If not, I agree with the other, she is behaving rather childishly for a grown woman. It''s so strange how the some people become selfish when it comes to someone else''s wedding.

Unfortunately, it seems to be the case. According to her mother, she''s been complaining about it for months. And she hasn''t returned my calls.

 

[Haven]

I''m sorry she''s behaving in this manner.

The whole thing really boggles the mind--the loves you so much that she wants to be a part of the planning process, yet when you are unable to read her mind to see that this is the case and therefore do all the planning on your own she becomes so upset that she boycotts the wedding? Bizarre. This is obviously about her and what she wants rather than about supporting you in your wedding planning process.

I lack the ability to tolerate this sort of thing, so if I were you I''d just leave her be. People can be disappointing, can''t they?

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 8/19/2009 1:01:02 PM
Author: Haven
I''m sorry she''s behaving in this manner.


The whole thing really boggles the mind--the loves you so much that she wants to be a part of the planning process, yet when you are unable to read her mind to see that this is the case and therefore do all the planning on your own she becomes so upset that she boycotts the wedding? Bizarre. This is obviously about her and what she wants rather than about supporting you in your wedding planning process.


I lack the ability to tolerate this sort of thing, so if I were you I''d just leave her be. People can be disappointing, can''t they?

Ditto. I also don''t play these games. Don''t play them with her.

 

[mrscushion]

Sorry to hear that, diva. If those are her true reasons, she really is behaving extremely childishly. I wonder if there are other reasons, though. Who knows. In any case, I agree with the other posters -- don't engage. It truly is her loss.

 

[tlh]

Her loss, your wedding is gonna ROCK!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 8/19/2009 1:01:02 PM
Author: Haven
I''m sorry she''s behaving in this manner.


The whole thing really boggles the mind--the loves you so much that she wants to be a part of the planning process, yet when you are unable to read her mind to see that this is the case and therefore do all the planning on your own she becomes so upset that she boycotts the wedding? Bizarre. This is obviously about her and what she wants rather than about supporting you in your wedding planning process.


I lack the ability to tolerate this sort of thing, so if I were you I''d just leave her be. People can be disappointing, can''t they?

Double ditto. Well said Haven. I''m sorry she is acting this way, it''s just ridiculous!

 

[Luckyeshe]

Date: 8/19/2009 1:58:57 PM
Author: tlh
Her loss, your wedding is gonna ROCK!

Ditto!

 

[ficklefaye]

oh diva, i''m sorry to hear that your step-aunt is acting so immaturely, my aunt was also upset that we didn''t ask for any help with our wedding, but she''s still coming

in the end, your step-aunt is the one who will be missing out on all the fun at the wedding

 

[honey22]

Date: 8/19/2009 7:54:25 AM
Author: Dannielle
I think she is behaving very immaturely.. she is going to miss one of the most important days of your life because she is annoyed she wasn''t involved in the planning?

It is up to you whether you say anything or not, but personally I wouldn''t.. It is her loss, not yours.

Ditto! she is acting like a child wanting attention, don''t give it to her!

 

[charbie]

most people are excited that they DON''T have a ton to do for the wedding! sheeeesh! sorry you''re dealing with this- she''s the only one missing out. you can''t change other people, even grown adults, and she will be the one to regret it, so i hope you don''t worry about it or dwell over it on your own big day (1 month countdown!)

just curious- did she ever ask about planning a shower/co-planning a shower? at least then she could have participated in some way. or even hosted a bridal luncheon in the weeks before the wedding that wasn''t really a shower, just a small get together. i was in a wedding a few weeks ago, and the bride''s two paternal aunts planned a small luncheon where we just shared stories and each brought a bead to make a necklace for her.

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 8/19/2009 11:25:33 PM
Author: charbie
most people are excited that they DON''T have a ton to do for the wedding! sheeeesh! sorry you''re dealing with this- she''s the only one missing out. you can''t change other people, even grown adults, and she will be the one to regret it, so i hope you don''t worry about it or dwell over it on your own big day (1 month countdown!)

just curious- did she ever ask about planning a shower/co-planning a shower? at least then she could have participated in some way. or even hosted a bridal luncheon in the weeks before the wedding that wasn''t really a shower, just a small get together. i was in a wedding a few weeks ago, and the bride''s two paternal aunts planned a small luncheon where we just shared stories and each brought a bead to make a necklace for her.

Thank you everybody for the support! I actually feel a lot better today thanks to you all.

To answer your question, she never asked about the planning at all. FI and I announced our engagement and wedding around Christmas and haven''t heard from any of our family since. Things flared up once I sent out the invitations. I guess she assumed that I would call her and ask her to help out with things. And BTW, she sent a decline to the bridal shower/luncheon too.

 

[merrymunky]

I can''t believe people are SO picky about issues like this. She is lucky to have recieved an invite in the first place. Just because a member of the family is getting married does not automatically mean that they HAVE to be involved in the planning. She should be grateful that she can just be there on the day to enjoy it all.

Blimey...she should be thankful! It''s her loss at the end of the day.

 

[katamari]

Another ditto to Haven.

This is honestly just unbelievable to me that a close family member would be so juvenile and spiteful over something so silly. It is honestly best she won''t be there. You can never know the kind of a fit a person like this might throw for being seated at a VIP table or the like. I was honestly holding out hope that she really did have something going on, but to decline an invitation to every wedding event,

. I am not a take-the-high-road-kinda-gal and would probably let her know how hurt I was, but hopefully your family is shaming her for these choices if you choose to say nothing.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

How childish. We''ve got a few of those in the family who are passive-aggressively childish, and it''s never made sense to me how people who are supposed to be close family can act in such a way that is absolutely against their loved one''s best interests. Anyway...

If she''s not coming to yours, I''d leave it alone. Don''t give in to her games.

 

[elrohwen]

No offense, but that''s very immature of her. My own mother and FMIL are barely included in the planning other than a few updates. The wedding is for the bride and groom to plan (and maybe the parents if they paid for it) but certainly not the extended family. I can see her maybe being a little disappointed that you didn''t include her more, but the mature thing would''ve been to tell you that months ago and ask how she could help you. Not decline your wedding. I''m sorry you have to deal with this

 

[Diva0413]

Date: 8/20/2009 1:32:38 PM
Author: elrohwen
No offense, but that''s very immature of her. My own mother and FMIL are barely included in the planning other than a few updates. The wedding is for the bride and groom to plan (and maybe the parents if they paid for it) but certainly not the extended family. I can see her maybe being a little disappointed that you didn''t include her more, but the mature thing would''ve been to tell you that months ago and ask how she could help you. Not decline your wedding. I''m sorry you have to deal with this

No offense taken. That was my initial thought, but just wanted to make sure my thoughts were in the right place. Didn''t want to unleash my inner "zilla".

Thank you all for cheering me up. I really thought I had done something horribly wrong, but now I know to just leave it alone. I won''t engage or dwell on it, I''ll have a nice glass (or bottle!) of wine tonight, go to my bridal shower tomorrow and continue on with the wedding stuff.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 8/21/2009 11:14:56 AM
Author: Diva0413

Date: 8/20/2009 1:32:38 PM
Author: elrohwen
No offense, but that''s very immature of her. My own mother and FMIL are barely included in the planning other than a few updates. The wedding is for the bride and groom to plan (and maybe the parents if they paid for it) but certainly not the extended family. I can see her maybe being a little disappointed that you didn''t include her more, but the mature thing would''ve been to tell you that months ago and ask how she could help you. Not decline your wedding. I''m sorry you have to deal with this

No offense taken. That was my initial thought, but just wanted to make sure my thoughts were in the right place. Didn''t want to unleash my inner ''zilla''.

Thank you all for cheering me up. I really thought I had done something horribly wrong, but now I know to just leave it alone. I won''t engage or dwell on it, I''ll have a nice glass (or bottle!) of wine tonight, go to my bridal shower tomorrow and continue on with the wedding stuff.

Good for you! Enjoy your shower!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

WOW! The only reason she declined was b/c you didn''t let her help? That''s crazy.

If you really want her there- maybe you could talk to her and tell her that you just wanted everyone to enjoy the wedding and not have to be bothered with details, etc. Tell her you had no idea that seeking her advice was that important to you.

If you don''t care that she comes- let it go. her loss for being stuck up about it.