a little sad

[redfaerythinker]

I must spend hours on this site every week and normally I just stick to the LIW section... but today I ran out of posts to peruse and still needed a little more PS, so I went over to the BIW forum. Reading all of these hopefull and excited posts really bummed me out. I, like many of you ladies out there, have always dreamed about the perfect wedding. I wanted my father to walk me down the aisle, and since he was a Roman Catholic Deacon, I wanted him to marry me and my bf. I had even found the perfect song for us to dance to. Unfortunately, he passed away suddenly about two months ago. Now everytime I think about weddings I just get so sad and want to cry. I feel so left out because I know that i''ll never get any of those things that i''d looked so foreward to. It''s really hard to talk about this to my family because they just keep shoving other men into that role. It''s even gotten to the point that my mother is flipping out about the possiblilty of me getting engaged soon... (she''s worried that i''ll make a mistake and marry a not so nice person like my father was). I completely understand her fears but it seems like this is now ruining the one good thing that I had to look forward to in my life. Sorry for this long and dreary post, but I was wondering if any of you have been or are in my position and what you did a. not feel so left out, and b. convince your mother that you are not her, and your bf is not your father?

 

[princesss]

No advice, just a *big hug*

 

[whenharrymetsally]

Dear red,

I''m deeply sorry about the loss of your father. *big hug* I apologize I do not have to much to offer. I cannot say that I know how you feel..but I feel a similar pain. I too do not have my father to take part in my wedding as my parents are estranged and I have not had any contact with him for over a year. I hope things will get better for you soon.

 

[yarrmatey]

My dad died last year too, and I totally understand. As much as I''m excited to be getting engaged (soon!), it''s still bittersweet because I know he''ll never see my life together with my FF. I know I''m luckier than most because my dad knew my FF for 4 years and loved him, but it still sucks.

 

[anchor31]

I''m very sorry about your father... And hopefully your mother will come around. I don''t know of any way to make her understand that you and her live different lives but by telling her... My FI''s mother likes to project her crappy marriage onto her son''s relationship and I just ignore her because there''s no reasoning with a crazy person, as they say. I hope your mother is more reasonable. And of course the two of you are in pain of a very recent loss... Maybe just giving it time will help. I do hope that by the time you will join us in the BIW section, you will feel better.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[Independent Gal]

So sorry to hear this. Sending you warm thoughts.

 

[SeattleSweetheart]

I''m so sorry to hear about your father passing away. Mine passed away 3+ years ago.

My heart goes out to you. I''m so, so sorry that your happy plans are not going to come to pass in the way that you''d hoped. I''m sad for both of us that our dads will not be there to walk us down the aisle.

I didn''t know anyone else on the site was going through this same grieving.

I''m sure that if you want someone to walk you down the aisle that you will find the right person on your own. They won''t even be a close substitute for your dad but hopefully the person you choose will treasure the honor you have bestowed on them with such a special request.

I have no advice for you regarding your mom. Clearly she loves you and wants to protect you from making the same mistakes she feels she made. Sometimes it''s hard for moms to see their daughters as separate from themselves.

Also, a wedding is a very happy thing to look forward to, but I''m sure that there are many good things in your life that you can look forward to. I know that 2 months after a parent''s death it''s hard to see all the good possibilities in your future, but that doesn''t mean they are not there. I hope the many good things in your life that you can look forward to will be revealed soon.

I hope you will let this great community on pricescope support you in such a sad time. I have total faith that you will have a fabulous wedding when it happens because you will make it fabulous.

 

[Junkenpo]

my deepest condolences on the loss of your father....

how tough it must be for you to contemplate what should be one of the happiest days of your life without someone so important.

it reminds me how even the best of plans will sometimes fall apart.... i''m two shakes away from an engagement myself, and my father is not in the best shape of life (to say the least) and the longer i wait, the longer he waits...and i''m afraid i will be able to outwait him, but don''t know a tactful way of bringing this up to BF....

take some time for yourself & treat yourself gently while you grieve....

 

[monarch64]

My deepest condolences on the loss of your father also, redfaerythinker. I won''t rehash what has already been said here, but I did want to offer you this: is there any way you could have your mother walk you down the aisle and walk down to your father''s favorite hymm or religious "song" so that you would feel you were honoring his presence during that time? Anything else you could do during the ceremony that would not necessarily include other wedding party members physically but just honor your dad''s presence and make it known to the congregation that those minutes were meant to honor him and your relationship with him so that he is not being replaced but is actually there with you in spirit? Just thinking out loud here...I was very close to losing my father when I got married but did not know it, looking back I wonder what I would''ve done differently with my ceremony had he not been there, so I am basing these suggestions off of those feelings and thoughts. Best of luck to you, take care.