A rollercoaster of emotions

[fuzzers]

I''ll try to make this as short as possible. A while ago SO got his green card (yay!!!). He immediately applied for a job here in town, one that he''s wanted for a while. He then hinted to me what he would get me with the money (if you catch my drift...). This almost knocked me off my feet. It was the first time he actually mentioned - or hinted toward - "it". Without me bringing it up first of course. So as you can imagine I was ecstatic, inwardly. However, the next day, panic set in. I realized we could be engaged in the near future, and well, were we ready?? We''ve been together 4 wonderful years but we''re still pretty young. To me, being younger than the average married person is not a huge concern, but financially we are just not there yet. Not close - like I said, he JUST received his green card. So while I was pondering over this today I decided it might be best to put it off another 2 or 3 years. BUT! Today he tells me they might not accept him for the job, and he might not want it anyway because he''s too busy with school. So that''s kind of a major disappointment. I feel silly for being a little depressed about this but I can''t help it! It sounds like we''re stuck in first gear again. I''m in a hurry and I''m not! What a roller coaster!

All in a day for a LIW...

 

[Italiahaircolor]

First of all, as far as the waffling, if you wait to become engaged until you''re totally prepared for marriage...you''ll never get married.

I totally believe that for most people pondering marriage, there is always a reason "not to"...either finances, or jobs, or age or whatever...but sometimes you just have to leap.

I think you''re probably disappointed because the decision to wait was no longer yours. Before, you were holding the cards...the option was there if/when you decided to act upon it...but now, it''s been removed from the equation...and you still want it! It''s an understandable let down...but not the end of the world.

 

[megster84]

After months of going back and forth, (both SO and myself) we came to the very simple conclusion: There will never be the absolute perfect time to get engaged/married. There is always something else going on (in our lives at least and I assume this is the same for most of the other LIW''s). We just decided that it is time to stop putting it on the "back burner" because of money or age or where we are in life. Marriage is something we both strongly believe in and want with one another...I guess that means that anytime we choose to make the leap, it will be the right time...I think this rings true for a lot of us. We are at the starting point in life in a lot of ways and getting married takes a lot of planning, money, time etc., but it is also great to be taking the trip with someone. Oh the rollercoaster of LIW..

.

 

[dragonfly411]

Italia - can I quote that first part pls? In my own personal at home notebook of great quotes of all time?

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 11/4/2008 8:43:47 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
First of all, as far as the waffling, if you wait to become engaged until you''re totally prepared for marriage...you''ll never get married.

I totally believe that for most people pondering marriage, there is always a reason ''not to''...either finances, or jobs, or age or whatever...but sometimes you just have to leap.

I think you''re probably disappointed because the decision to wait was no longer yours. Before, you were holding the cards...the option was there if/when you decided to act upon it...but now, it''s been removed from the equation...and you still want it! It''s an understandable let down...but not the end of the world.

Well said! I cannot agree more

 

[fuzzers]

I actually agree with you all (now somebody explain this to my SO)! Although it''s not the message I usually hear. Usually it''s "wait until you''re this or that age", "wait until you''re settled in your career" etc... and these things I hear from THIS site! So... as you can imagine I''m still a little waffle-y about where I stand.

 

[chiapet]

How about having a long engagement? Get engaged now but set the wedding date for a few years ahead. That will give you time to obsess about all the wedding details!
Congrats on SO getting his green card. I know how good (and a relief!) that feels!

 

[*Danielle*]

I agree. Being married is about committing your life to another person. You can always work TOGETHER to build your future and save money, you just may not get the hugest wedding in the world.

 

[vita*dolce]

As usual, i think italiahaircolor hit it on the head. I understand what you''re feeling, I''m sure most of us have been there, but you''re here (PS) for a reason -- at least some part of you must feel ready.

Try not to feel too badly about it, at least you can think of a few reasons why waiting a little longer is a good thing!!