A sad LIW story...and something to ponder....

[Italiahaircolor]

Let me begin with saying that I''m not making any assumptions about anyones relationship on this site...and I''m certainly not trying to "mother" anyone with pushy advice and "warnings"...it''s just a good story, and prehaps something for all you LIW to ponder over before going past the point of safe return...

My BFF''s husband has a female cousin named Megan.

Megan is a very educated young lady...with a BA in accounting, and is working towards her Masters Degree. She worked for a time with IRS in Springfield...and now is in charge of the accounting department for a mid-sized company. She is, in a word, successful.

Megan spent the last five years dating a guy named Eric, whom we affectionately nick named Johnny Appleseed (JAS) in part because he sports a large red beard, and loves the out doors.

JAS and Megan built a life together. They live in a home that, together, they refurbished, and furnished although it is owned by his parents, but allowed for them to save money towards other ventures. When she graduated college, she spent her gift money to buy him a car. Together they bought additional land to built their future dream home on. All in all, together they lead a comfortable and happy life together.

Friday morning, that world imploded.

Megan''s grandparents recieved a call that JAS was "kicking" Megan out...and if they wished to, they could come collect her things from the front yard (yes, he dumped her and then dumped her clothes on lawn).

Megan was left more or less homeless. The life they built, was over. The money she sunk into things, will have to be recouped via lawyers and court dates---if, she can recoup it at all. She''s hear broken, and lost. All of her eggs had been in JAS''s basket, and now she has to start from scratch. She cannot even access her own money, because he sucked the funds from the account and left the balance at $0.00!

And since they weren''t married but making commitments like they were married...it''s not for sure she''ll ever get all of what she invested back because as far as the home goes (which is where most of the money was tied up) isn''t in her name, and she has no legal recourse...she had no parachute, and boy did she ever need one!!

Of course I feel horrible for her...its a hard lesson to learn. Its shocking when it happens to people you know, but this story isn''t uncommon. I just hope that every LIW, even if they have their life completely twined with their SO''s...keeps a little bit to just herself, as a parachute, or safety net...because the unthinkable happens....

Oh, and the car she bought him, is stick shift...she can''t drive stick. The car she drove, was his. He, of course, demanded that back...so now, she''s stuck there too.

 

[ladypirate]

That is so sad--it''s hard to believe anyone would be so heartless to another person, especially one they''d built a life with. I hope that she is able to land on her feet from this and that it doesn''t scar her too much in terms of finding someone else.

 

[Clairitek]

This is truly a scary story but also a good wake up call for all of us over on this board to seriously consider how we connect ourselves to our SO financially.

I own a house with my FF but we have an agreement signed that if we split up we will take out of the house what we currently own. Since I put down 1/3 of the money to buy it, I pay for 1/3 of the improvements, and I make 1/3 of the mortgage payments that is what stake is truly mine. If we split up he would have 2 years to pay me my portion of the house (since he makes a lot more than me and would be in that position) or we would sell and each take away the portion that we own. I''d like to think this is a pretty safe situation but I also realize that he could take me for a lot if he wanted to. The worst I''d be worried about is that if we got a credit card together that he could ruin my hard earned good credit.

I very much appreciate you sharing this story with us. Its so sad what JAS did to Megan and I really can''t believe that anyone would be that horrible.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 10/11/2008 8:41:58 PM
Author: Clairitek
This is truly a scary story but also a good wake up call for all of us over on this board to seriously consider how we connect ourselves to our SO financially.

I own a house with my FF but we have an agreement signed that if we split up we will take out of the house what we currently own. Since I put down 1/3 of the money to buy it, I pay for 1/3 of the improvements, and I make 1/3 of the mortgage payments that is what stake is truly mine. If we split up he would have 2 years to pay me my portion of the house (since he makes a lot more than me and would be in that position) or we would sell and each take away the portion that we own. I''d like to think this is a pretty safe situation but I also realize that he could take me for a lot if he wanted to. The worst I''d be worried about is that if we got a credit card together that he could ruin my hard earned good credit.

I very much appreciate you sharing this story with us. Its so sad what JAS did to Megan and I really can''t believe that anyone would be that horrible.

I''m proud of you!

You''re very smart of being proactive about things!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 10/11/2008 8:41:50 PM
Author: ladypirate
That is so sad--it''s hard to believe anyone would be so heartless to another person, especially one they''d built a life with. I hope that she is able to land on her feet from this and that it doesn''t scar her too much in terms of finding someone else.

Megan has a long road ahead of her...who knows what will happen from here. She''s hurt, mad, disappointed, and yet...hopeful. She''s starting all over again, a little bruised and battered, but smarter...

 

[LaraOnline]

It''s not just about financial aspects of life, though, is it... it''s about emotional experiences, and intimacy... this kind of story is just horrible...
I will be desperate to protect my daughter from this kind of experience
unfortunately, it IS rather common

it can be hard to reassemble

All my best to your ''friend''s friend''. I hope she gathers together her sense of integrity, and finds herself in a comfortable headspace, soon.

*heart and hugs*

 

[fieryred33143]

Well, I always feel that there are two sides of every story. While they way he went forward with this breakup was indeed awful, I wonder why he would do such a thing. What was going on in their relationship that led to this sad ending? And how long Megan ignored all the warning signs that either the relationship wasn''t working out or that he was a complete jerk. But then again I''m someone that doesn''t believe that good, loving people become cold, heartless monsters overnight.

My heart feels for her. I hope she can move forward with her life in a more positive way.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Well I''m PO''d into speechlessness

. It''s one thing to realize that the relationship is not working, but it''s another to throw a person into the street and empty out their bank account so that they''re left with nothing. That shows *a lot* of hatred, which makes me wonder what else went on in their household, and that perhaps there''s some pertinent information we''re missing -- but I digress.

I usually don''t condone violence, but I really, really, wish that someone would take it upon themselves to administer JAS an old fashioned a$$ whooping.

I''ll be praying for Megan, and that human decency prevails -- and of course, I''ll also be praying that JAS gets what he deserves sooner rather than later.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 10/11/2008 10:14:28 PM
Author: brooklyngirl
Well I''m PO''d into speechlessness

. It''s one thing to realize that the relationship is not working, but it''s another to throw a person into the street and empty out their bank account so that they''re left with nothing. That shows *a lot* of hatred, which makes me wonder what else went on in their household, and that perhaps there''s some pertinent information we''re missing -- but I digress.

I usually don''t condone violence, but I really, really, wish that someone would take it upon themselves to administer JAS an old fashioned a$$ whooping.

I''ll be praying for Megan, and that human decency prevails -- and of course, I''ll also be praying that JAS gets what he deserves sooner rather than later.

My friend and I bounced back and forth different "reasons" their relationship could have skipped the track--cheating, lying, insecurities on his half and a bunch of other things that would generally trash a 5 year relationship. Because, we too didn''t believe that all of a sudden things went from 100 to 0. We both acknowledged that there was a lot anger inorder to "throw" someone out. But, Megan is insistant that things were fine...she was happy...they were in love.

JAS, on the other hand, has no comment...literally. While the family came from far and wide to help collect Megan and her things...JAS never uttered a word. He spoke to no one. However, his mother was more forthcoming...saying that JAS called her to inform her that Megan was being kicked out.

Megan has moved in with her grandparents, rented a 10x10 storage space for what he "allowed" her to take that she cannot keep with her.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 10/11/2008 10:13:02 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Well, I always feel that there are two sides of every story. While they way he went forward with this breakup was indeed awful, I wonder why he would do such a thing. What was going on in their relationship that led to this sad ending? And how long Megan ignored all the warning signs that either the relationship wasn''t working out or that he was a complete jerk. But then again I''m someone that doesn''t believe that good, loving people become cold, heartless monsters overnight.

My heart feels for her. I hope she can move forward with her life in a more positive way.

You''re right, we do only have one side of the story because JSA isn''t talking.

What he did was awful and cowardly. And upon further research illegal in our state . In IL, if someone recieves mail at an address, you cannot simply kick them out. You must give notice, a reasonable timeline for them to vacate, and have it signed. He didn''t do any of that, of couse. And she never though to check on her legal rights, but its to late now.

I appreciate your view on relationships...and I too find the sudden shift hard to believe...but anything is possible, I suppose.

 

[Brynn]

OMG my heart absolutely goes out to her. Even without both sides of the story, that's pretty heartless to do to someone that you've shared your life with for five years! This is exactly why, as both a CPA and a law student, I could never live with my BF before we're married. (No judgments! Really). I'm way too super risk averse. I hope she can get her life back together with relative ease!

Random side note: My BFF, after dating a great guy for almost two years, moved to his hometown to be with him (they were in a LDR). She's 6 hours away from her family, commuting 90 miles round trip a day to work, and hours away from her BFFs. Two months after she moved there they broke up and she is so absolutely devastated. She's in a year lease, in a new job and basically stuck in a city where she knows no one but him. Sigh, it's so scary how things work out sometimes!

 

[PrincessDijon]

Thanks for sharing.....sometimes this is the sobering reality if you aren't careful...I was lucky enough to have all of my finances separate from my XH so our divorce was painless as far as finances went.

Some breakups aren't so fortunate!

 

[LaraOnline]

Late-20s can be a wierd time (assuming these people are in their mid-late 20s). It''s like some people go through a 1/4 life crisis!

 

[FrekeChild]

Yeah. That's why we won't mix our finances or buy a house together until we are married.

Then again, my dad is a divorce attorney. FF could potentially be blacklisted and not be able to find legal help in any arena if he were to screw me. And he knows it.

Wooo....that's a little bit of my dark side coming out there.

That story is horrible. Poor girl. And what a jerk. Have some freaking compassion for someone you "loved". Yeesh. I also hope that he gets whats coming to him. I wonder if he has some kind of mental disorder...I don't see how someone can do a 180 so quickly.

The only thing that we have mixed our finances on would be our TV. And we live in a place my parents own.

 

[honey22]

It''s a horrible story, but we do only have one version. How do we know she wasn''t doing the dirty on him with his best friend. You never know a realtionship unless you are in it, and I know from experience, that if a relative is telling the story, it''s going to be shaded a little.

I am not sure about the laws in each country, but in Australia if you are living together as a couple, it doesn''t matter if you have money tucked away for yourself, in your own name, cause if you have been living together for a certain time, it''s 50/50 split, unless you take extensive legal action.

I still say that if you can''t trust someone with something as insignificant as your finances (on a big picture basis) then don''t move in with them. You have bigger things to worry about, ie. your safety, their fidelity, are their exposing you to diseases via indiscretion etc. It''s only money when it comes down to it.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 10/12/2008 1:51:58 AM
Author: honey22
I am not sure about the laws in each country, but in Australia if you are living together as a couple, it doesn't matter if you have money tucked away for yourself, in your own name, cause if you have been living together for a certain time, it's 50/50 split, unless you take extensive legal action.

TBH, I think you'd have to jump through a lot of legal hoops to get hold of 50% of a wealthy ex-partner's assets, or to make sure that all assets gathered during the period were actually split evenly, Honey.
Most people I know who have broken a defacto arrangement have come to their own arrangements, particularly if there are no children involved.

On a personal level, I think it's bad form for a man to suddenly throw a woman out of a house, and empty an account, even if she has been really horrible.
Generally even flat mates who can't stand each other give each other a few weeks' notice, settle bills fairly etc etc. But... love does strange things to people, that's fer sure!!!

I guess most people know a couple of crazy stories about apparently happy couples suddenly doing a 180! I know I do! And the victim is often not a secret villian, unfortunately.

 

[SparklyLibra]

Date: 10/11/2008 8:41:58 PM
Author: Clairitek
This is truly a scary story but also a good wake up call for all of us over on this board to seriously consider how we connect ourselves to our SO financially.


I own a house with my FF but we have an agreement signed that if we split up we will take out of the house what we currently own. Since I put down 1/3 of the money to buy it, I pay for 1/3 of the improvements, and I make 1/3 of the mortgage payments that is what stake is truly mine. If we split up he would have 2 years to pay me my portion of the house (since he makes a lot more than me and would be in that position) or we would sell and each take away the portion that we own. I''d like to think this is a pretty safe situation but I also realize that he could take me for a lot if he wanted to. The worst I''d be worried about is that if we got a credit card together that he could ruin my hard earned good credit.


I very much appreciate you sharing this story with us. Its so sad what JAS did to Megan and I really can''t believe that anyone would be that horrible.

This is truly a sad story that unfortunately is all too real for too many women (and men).

I also have a cohabitation agreement in place with my s/o. I made the mistake of going it without one before and found myself in a similar predicament to that of Megan. What people don''t realize is that something as simple as a written agreement signed by the both of you and witnessed,and or notarized can make a HUGE difference. I''m not too sure about the laws in many of the States but in my province (Ontario) Common-Law living arrangements are not always neccessarily treated with the same regard as legal marriages when it comes to dissolution of assets. In many common-law cases it can become very cloudy in a court of law. In my experience (graduated with dimploma in Paralegal) having an agreement like this can save a person thousands of dollars and many years that would have otherwise had them tied up in court...

So sorry to hear about Megan, this will definitely serve as a learning experience for her, I hope....

~SL.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I recieved an email from Ali this morning asking me if Megan and Eric were the real names of the parties involved.

To pubically answer the question:

No. Megan nor Eric are their "in real life" names. However, JSA is accurate (but he nor she would know, because my BFF and I make fun of him when we refer to him that way)

Sorry for any confusion this caused.

 

[smithsmith]

Ugh. I learned my lesson the hard way with an ex too. He still owes me about $5000 that I probably won''t ever get the full balance of. He also took my dining room set and my BBQ that my parents bought for me, as well as some other furniture of mine that I just have given up on. Thank god I didn''t let him put his name on my car title. I was financially devastated after that breakup, but in the end it was worth getting out of that crap relationship. Never get joint accounts or own property with someone you''re not married to! Yikes.

 

[dragonfly411]

SO''s ex was like this. She drained his bank account of over 30k, took jewelry of his, a car (which we got back... trashed), and tried to take his very expensive collector''s item gun but once a gun is gifted it''s your property no matter what. I feel sorry for your megan and hope she can pick back up, what a heartless ************************

 

[Blair138]

WOW!

That is a horrible situation to be in. Though engaged, FI and I have not mixed finances or purchases yet and will not do so until we are married. I teach high schoolers about relationships and family and ALWAYS caution them that in Illinois, there is NO SUCH THING as a common law marriage (whereby you are considered married just by living together for a set period of time and reap benefits such as tax breaks, insurance, etc.) and you should always be CAUTIOUS because if that person dies or you break up, you have no claim to ANYTHING that your name isn''t on.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

What a sad story, I feel for how much pain, sadness, and fear she must be going though.

I came out of a bad relationship a few years back, and while we did not own a home together, I learned some good lessions. I now own my own condo, and me and my current BF do not live together. I will be moving next year, and he wants to move with me. I am getting ready to sit him down and talk about how we are going to spend if we live together, what our priorities are. We are not going to buy a place together because I can''t sell this place (it has lost value) and can''t afford 2 homes. I have already told him I would like to be moving towards an engagement if we are going to live together, and I feel like these things like how we handle spending, how do week keep things fair for the both of the both of us, should be worked out before any big changes in our relationship status.

Bad situations happen, I guess the best thing to get out of them is lessions for how to live your life in the future.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

It''s amazing to hear about how many ladies have suffered thru similar situations, sadly.

But, I dont think it should "scare" anyone away from taking the next big step...only scare them towards making the next step a smart one.

I am all for merging lives with the one you love...but I believe that a woman should protect what she works for, as should a man.

So please, I hope no one took my post as cynical ... it was meant to only be informative.

 

[neatfreak]

Ouch. I feel though that there must be something going on here. Megan''s insistence that everything was totally fine, and JAS''s closed lips make me think there is more to this story...

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 10/13/2008 6:34:41 PM
Author: neatfreak
Ouch. I feel though that there must be something going on here. Megan''s insistence that everything was totally fine, and JAS''s closed lips make me think there is more to this story...

According to my BFF...whom I just hung up with...she says that Megan is almost certain they will reconcile.

I told my friend that if this is case, Megan would be smart to take things slowly because obviously, there is underlying issues...

But, to each their own...

 

[Haven]

Oh wow, I''m sorry to hear this happened to Megan. Regardless of the part of the story we don''t know, what a horrible thing to do to someone you once loved.

This is just one reason I refused to live with anyone before marriage.

 

[BlueSki231]

Date: 10/13/2008 6:57:26 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 10/13/2008 6:34:41 PM

Author: neatfreak

Ouch. I feel though that there must be something going on here. Megan''s insistence that everything was totally fine, and JAS''s closed lips make me think there is more to this story...

According to my BFF...whom I just hung up with...she says that Megan is almost certain they will reconcile.


I told my friend that if this is case, Megan would be smart to take things slowly because obviously, there is underlying issues...


But, to each their own...

hmmmm yea something definitely feels like it''s missing. Part of me thinks she wants to appear as though she''s the helpless victim here. but there''s gotta be something more she''s not revealing cause it may make her look bad...

and if she DOES happen to be the helpless victim like she claims she is, why in the world would she consider taking him back after he demonstrated to her how she can be kicked to the curb, along with all her belongings, at any time for no apparent reason.