Absence makes the heart grow fonder. [vent]

[nebe]

Probably tl;dr for some people, I apologize! I just need to get stuff of my chest.

FH went on a stag fishing trip in a nearby state with all his work buddies. Meanwhile I''m left at home, without a car, with his brother (all three of us live together in a house) who doesn''t really interact with me. I had to go to my parents house today, where I haven''t been there in such a long time to take care of the dog my mother abandoned at the house. She was so dirty

I had to bathe her twice!! So that put me in a mood.

Back story: My mother had an affair which she involved me in under false pretenses, so I don''t speak with her, see her or go to my parents house. I have a huge hand in the divorce because I told my father about the affair after I caught my mother in their bed with the other man. She wasn''t at the house today, but my father was fixing my car there and she still pops in occasionally (which had me on edge). My father asked me to clean up the dog so we can find a new home for her, but it was really uncomfortable for me to be there.

I miss my FH so much. He''s been helping me deal with the breakup of my family and I feel so alone and unprotected without him here. We''ve spent time apart before; weeks actually, when he went to visit family in Canada but I didn''t have a hard time then. Now we live together permanently and waking up without him in the middle of the night actually made me cry! I''m having serious anxiety issues lately and he helps keep me grounded a lot of the time (he''s going to make such a sweet hubby). I feel like I''m missing my other half this weekend. It''s such a terrible feeling.

Does anyone else feel like this when your FH and you are apart?

I''m keeping myself occupied but I''m having a difficult time. Tomorrow should be better I guess, I have to work. Maybe it''s just because I had the day off or something. Blah!! And there''s nothing on TV.

 

[Aloros]

Awwww, I know how you feel. My bf was gone for a conference a little while back. I''m normally fine with it, and in fact, sort of enjoy my alone time to an extent, but I was having a huge bummer of a weekend.

It''ll pass. He''ll be back before you know it and you can commisserate.

It helps to keep busy. I spent a night out on my couch watching the boxed set of a funny television show and that helped. I also spent the night with a bottle of rum, but I wouldn''t really recommend that!

 

[bubbly1126]

I know how you feel. My BF was away every week (sunday night through friday afternoon, only could come home on the weekends) for 2 months straight when he was training to become a Corrections Officer this past summer. Let me tell you, I missed him so much it was pathetic! But not really being away from someone for 5 years will do that to you, I guess! Haha.

But yeah, you just have to keep yourself busy. Having a day off from work with nothing to do will really make it so much worse, too! Just keep busy... that''s all I can really say. And just think about when he does come home and how happy you''ll be!

 

[wolftress]

Awww, that sounds terrible. DH and I had a long distance r''ship and were apart for weeks at a time for a period of 9 months. It was difficult, but I don''t think I missed him anywhere near as much as I miss him when he has to go away on business now that we''re married. I think it makes things a lot harder when your other half becomes part of your daily routine.

 

[Mara]

actually, when my husband or myself is gone for a trip, we enjoy our time apart. sure we miss each other, but we have been together for almost 8 years now and we are very used to having each other around all the time as part of the day. so when he is gone or i am gone, it shakes up the routine and we really have more of a chance to appreciate the other's presence in our lives on a continual basis. plus both of us are really independent personalities...so we really do enjoy time away from each other. he goes on 1-2 trips a year with friends and i do the same. and we take trips together. but i also travel for business as well maybe 4-5 times a year for 2-3 nights.

i freely admit i love having the bed all to myself when he is traveling or when i am traveling. that never happens otherwise, and it's such an awesome feeling to have so much space...i can lay diagonally if i want! but after a day or two of being alone, though i have a ton to do and can stay busy with friends and family, i do max out on 'alone time' and really wish for him to come home.

i would venture to say that the more time you spend apart...the more you will get used to it and realize and hopefully embrace your own independence. it's a good thing. i really don't believe in being dependent on anyone for emotional support...you have to learn how to support yourself and be strong for yourself. it's great to have someone who IS there for you all the time and you can depend on especially in tough times like these...but in my opinion it should never be required for your day or life to be a happy one. maybe spend these times you are apart really cultivating the burgeoning independence in you. when you wake up and he's not there, don't feel sad...stop and think about the positives, whatever they might be. having the bed to yourself, knowing you can eat whatever you want and not worry about cooking for anyone else, or you can do absolutely whatever you want, aka watch crap girl movies all day curled up with cookie dough, or whatever. make whatever you can do alone fun and entertaining rather than sad and depressing. there are things i do alone that i wouldn't do with my husband. remember charlotte in SATC when she'd stare at her pores in the mirror for hours at night? that was something she never wanted to do around her husband. also, not sure if he feels like you are very dependent on them, but some men wouldn't like knowing there was so much 'pressure' on them to be the support in the relationship, so i'd just caution on that a little.

anyway my thoughts. i also think the longer you are together and more secure you are in the relationship....you will not feel as out of sorts about being alone. i think i was more like that when i was younger and things between us were still more new. i actually didn't like feeling that way, and am much happier knowing that i can embrace my independence in our relationship and he does the same but we can still come together and be insync when it matters. good luck!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

My FH left this morning for nebraska until Friday and I am going to be soooo bored without him around to talk to and lay next to in bed, I know how that feels. My remedy: pull out a stuffed animal to sleep with while he is gone, it usually helps me feel better!

 

[nebe]

Date: 9/30/2007 1:47:53 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
My FH left this morning for nebraska until Friday and I am going to be soooo bored without him around to talk to and lay next to in bed, I know how that feels. My remedy: pull out a stuffed animal to sleep with while he is gone, it usually helps me feel better!

He''s coming back today so all''s well. My kitty slept with me last night, so it wasn''t too bad. Normally she sleeps at the foot of the bed, or on this little cardboard scratching circle between the dressers, but she could tell I was out of sorts so she in the curve of my side. So cute.

----

As for Mara, I''m not dependent on him. I love him and I support him as he does me. I''m in a particularly unususal state with my family, and he gets that and has been more supportive than is normally required in a relationship. We''ve talked about it and he hasn''t said that it''s been too much or I''m being too intense. Right after he left I felt like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, doing my thing. But once I slowed down, I felt a little unwhole.

In some instances it is good to have the bed to yourself, so we have seperate rooms in the house. He sleeps in my bed as a daily habit, but when he goes out with his friends (a couple times a month) he sleeps downstairs if he comes home past 2am. But it''s different when I know he''s not going to come home or possibly sneak into my bed. Our lives are so meshed together, we practically are married and operate as a team in our daily lives. It''s weird when you''re suddenly down a member, y''know? I''m in no way worried he''s going to do something bad while we''re apart, I completely trust him so that''s not what I''m anxious or offput by, I''m just feeling a little lonely.

 

[bee*]

I''m the exact same as Mara-I love having some time alone. D and I see each other all the time and when he goes away on fishing trips with his friends, it gives me time alone and I love it! Last week when he was away, I went to the gym, got a facial and did a ton of errands that I had been meaning to do for ages and also had a great night on the town with all my girls. Are there any friends that you can have stay the night when he''s away, even for one night if you''re feeling lonely. Other than that, I would advise that you try and keep as busy as you can. You sound like a strong girl and I agree with Mara when she says that you should embrace your own independence. It''s great to have someone that''s so entwined in our lives, but it''s also good to be able to rely on ourselves and ourselves only.