Accepting a ring from his mom, but getting my own too?

[rebeclette]

Hello

I''m relatively new here, and this is my first time posting in this forum.

I''m wondering if anyone else has been in a situation like this, and how they handled it.

So, about 4 or 5 months ago I started looking at engagment rings, found this site, ect..so that I could give my boyfriend ideas as to what type of ring i would want, so when he was ready it would be a surprise. And i''ve found some settings that i really love.

Then, it turns out that his mom has several rings that used to be his great-grandmothers, and that she would be willing to give one to him for my engagement ring. I''m thrilled and honored, but concerned because I''m going to have to wear gloves for school/work and i''m worried I won''t be able to wear it often for fear of damaging it. And we are at school in different cities so it will be a prolonged engagement so I''d really like to have a ring I can wear.

Any thoughts on how I can graciously accept her ring, but get my own too? his parents are very reasonable, lovely people. But I can already feel the pre-wedding stress developing between how they would like things and how I would.

(Oh, and he hasn''t actually proposed yet, he''s just telling everyone that he''s going too...which is exciting, but also kind of annoying because I''m not sure he''s planning on actually proposing for several months. And I have to deal with talking about it with his family without the excitement of actually being engaged. BUT, he doesn''t want ask my dad for permission because it would be too akword. Humpf)

 

[bstraszheim]

Hi Rebeclette,

Welcome to PS! It sounds like a great idea to use a diamond that is an heirloom. How do you think it would go over if you asked if you could use the diamond, but design your own ring? That would add your own spin to the ring and then you could design something that will sit close to the finger and be worn with gloves.

Let us know what you decide and pictures are mandatory!

I wish you well,

Bridget

 

[AndyRosse]

I definitely second Bridget''s opinion. That way, you can have the best of both worlds!

 

[rebeclette]

Hi Bridget & Rascal,
Its a great idea, and I think I would do it if it were a ring in my family, but since its his...I feel aweful to be the one to take it out of the setting its been in for 100 years...But, I think he might be thinking about that because he said he had several options that he was considering.
Thanks for the suggestion!

 

[Erin]

3rd

welcome to the nuthouse

ETA: Realistically, as sentimental as the setting is, there is not only a function issue with it, there is also this factor that somehow it could be not just his grandmother's but a fusion of her and you. I believe in the long run they would understand changing the setting - the honor is still there.

 

[widget]

Hmmm... I personally don''t like the idea of "taking apart" a heirloom piece unless it''s really awful....

Have you seen these heirloom rings in question? One of them might be fabulous! Or...now that I think of it... one might be awful and no one would be offended at the suggestion of dismantling it...

Would finding a great wedding-band to go with the ering, and wearing it solo to work and school while you''re still engaged be a no-no?

Just babbling here...

widget

 

[Blue824]

Same thoughts as widget...unless the heirlooms are truly heinous, I''d keep that, wear that when you''re not at work, and get a pretty eternity band or something to wear other times. You don''t have to use it as your wedding band and can move it to your right hand after you get your wedding band. I just don''t think you should discredit the heirloom before you see it, it could be gorgeous and even if it is too high for you to wear to work, it could be a travesty to take it apart for something else. Besides the uniqueness, its the whole sentimentality of it. That is very nice of his family to offer your bf one of the rings. I think if they were god awful they would''ve suggested taking the stones out and creating something new...so see how you like it first and then see what your options are.