Addressed my STD envelopes too formally?

[violet02]

So in anticipation of receiving my STD''s tomorrow I went to paper source and purchased some awesome beet colored envelopes, embossed my return address on them, put a cute gold rubber stamp in the corner and used gold ink to address about 50 of them, which of course took quite awhile. I did them all according to ''how to properly address a wedding invitation''. Now I know these are more informal but I was using it as practice so to speak for things to come. The envelopes are small though so it wasn''t like I could spell out entire states, i did have to abbreviate.

What I''m concerned about is this. I used the formal etiquette of addressing the envelope to ''Mr & Mrs. John Smith''. That sounds okay but i''m wondering if my friend ''Jane Smith'' is going to be annoyed that it''s addressed formally with her husbands name and not her''s on there as well OR in the case where both people in the married couple are friends of mine but it''s addressed the same way. The only married couple exemption was when the woman didn''t take her husbands name and I addressed it to:
Mrs. Jane Jones
Mr. John Smith
(addresss etc)


Does that seem acceptable or are my female friends going to be miffed?

 

[Independent Gal]

OK, if it were me, I would be SERIOUSLY miffed. But you know your friends best. Oh, and i wouldn''t be so miffed that it''s worth you re-writing them. I''d be seriously miffed for about... 3 seconds. Then I''d be mildly annoyed for another 2 seconds, then I''d go back to thinking about something that mattered.

So my advice is, don''t worry about it this time as it''s really not THAT much of a big deal (compared to the time you put in) but then don''t do it again, at least for friends you know might be sensitive about being subsumed into their husband''s identity to the point where they actually lose their FIRST name as well.

I know that''s the proper etiquette, but since the point of etiquette is to protect peoples'' feelings, and since many are now offended by this, I think it''s time this particular rule was changed.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Once you''re married, you''ll notice pretty much all the mail you receive as a couple will be addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. John Newlyweds"...so I honestly don''t think your friend will even notice. I wouldn''t stress out over that at all, it''s the smallest detail in the world!

 

[laine]

I pretty much agree with IG. I'd be seriously annoyed--but not at you. I realize that this is technically according to etiquette, but it really bothers me. You certainly don't need to re-do them. And you aren't really incorrect--you followed the rules! The problem is, the rules are stupid and thats what irritates me. And the "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" is bad, but ever worse is the "Mrs. John Smith" thing--women do have first names!

I refuse to address things that way, but I haven't figured out a good alternative.

"Mr and Mrs Smith" is ok, as is "John and Jane Smith" but what if you want first names and titles together?
Mr John and Mrs Jane Smith?
Mr and Mrs John and Jane Smith?
Mr John Smith and Mrs Jane Smith?
Any of those would work, I think one just needs to become conventional so that it doesn't seem so weird and out of place.

(I'll leave my preference for Ms. and the mess that is professional titles out of this for now.)

ETA: Just came across this, apparently my ideas were wrong: "If you are addressing a married couple and want to use both of their first names, the husbands name must be kept next to the surname, for example: Mrs. Gloria and Mr. Howard Jones"

 

[karasue91]

Hahaha it''s funny because I was just having this conversation with FMIL and FSIL about how they would announce us when we walk into the reception. We all agreed that it should not be "Mr. and Mrs. FI''s name".

But, if I got an invitation addressed that way, I wouldn''t be offended. And they are your friends, they will probably think it''s funny that you are being so formal!!

It would be really funny if on your formal invites you changed it around to say "Mrs. and Mr. Kara Sue", for anyone who comments to you about it, that''s probably what I would do as a joke to my friends, lol.

 

[Independent Gal]

Italia I had better not get mail like that. I'm pretty sure no one who knows us would insult me by addressing me as "Mrs. Husband's Appendage" (even if the insult only stung for a few seconds), unless it was sort of 'by accident' like with violet here. And any business who dares to make me disappear beneath my husband's coat will lose my business STAT because I can't do business with someone who doesn't see me as a full agent in my own right.

Kind of a sensitive point for me. But this is one of those glorious 'each to their own!' things. Hurray for freedom.

 

[Sparkalicious]

Violet - I would actually get a kick out of it. I would think it was funny ... While somewhat annoying to all of a sudden lose my identity ... it''s kind of one of those par for the course things ... It''s common and it''s "etiquette" ... me being upset about that will not change that and I couldn''t be miffed with my friend unless they relished the fact that they were excluding my name from the address.

Don''t sweat it. You addressed your envelopes with the best of intentions. If anyone takes offence, that is their issue and not something that you need to take on yourself. This process is already stressful enough!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Hmm, yeah. Wouldn''t bother me, I expect to receive mail that way once we''re married. I already get called his last name sometimes at places like the grocery store and we''re not even married yet (which I always explain in a polite way). He, unfortunately for him, gets called by my last name sometimes as well. Anyway, as I said. I wouldn''t be offended.

 

[Future Mrs Polka Dot]

I wouldn''t be offended at all. I would think most people view it as proper etiquette so would not take issue with it. I actually dind''t know women were bothered by it until Indie brought it up! I hope none of my friends are offended...

 

[diamondfan]

You could do Jane and John Smith too. But if someone is that fragile, heck, what can you do? I follow the formal school of things unless it is to a very casual event. I like getting things in the mail that look elegant but that is just me. You cannot please all people all the time, so just do what you want and what is appropriate to the event.

 

[blondie23]

I personally wouldn't be offended either. It's just an envelope which gets ripped open and thrown away 5 seconds after receiving it...There are so many other things that are way more important than this to worry about.

ETA: I also had no idea that people were offended by this until Indie brought it up. I just addressed my wedding invites this way so I guess I'll find out how many people get offended.

 

[diamondfan]

Lane, it is usually done Jane and John Smith so the man''s name is next to his last name.


FWIW, I am not super picky about that stuff, if I feel it was done in the best way possible and not as an offense. Some people do not agree, but in the scheme of life it should be the least of someone''s worries.

 

[violet02]

Maybe once us unmarried folks are married it won''t seem so weird anymore... it seemed weird to me. I took a little informal poll today. I asked my uber feminist married friend, my same age bracket married friends and my aunt and all of them agreed that following proper etiquette was the correct way to do it. Or the acceptable way at least. None of them objected. They said they did the same on their invites. I thought at least my uber feminist friend would have commented but nope! I guess if you follow whatever proper etiquette is if anyone complains you can point them to Emily Post or something... either way though it worked out.

Where I got caught up again today was not realizing who the Dr''s and Doctors on my list were. Just to make it more annoying:
Medical Doctors are ''Doctor and Mrs etc''
PHDs are ''Dr. and Mrs etc''
Married couple doctors: Doctors John and Jane Smith
I had a married couple different last name, both phds:
Dr. Jane Jones
Dr. John Smith
(I think that was right)

Anyways I ran out of envelopes so the few Drs I missed will have to get corrected on the wedding invites. If anything I''d have to say sending out STD''s was great practice for addressing wedding invites!

One thing I did find REALLY annoying last year etiquette-wise was last October my FI''s friends (pre us getting engaged) got married... I''d hung out with them quite a few times etc. The woman addressed our wedding invite (we don''t live together yet) as ''Mr. Jason XXX and Guest''. The ''and Guest'' really bugged me. It wasn''t like we were just casually dating. It should have been:
Mr Jason XXX
Miss Marian XXX
(his address)

Who knows if it was an accident she never really seemed to like me that much at the time....