Addressing Invitations with No Inner Envelope

[piccolascimmia]

Hi all - we''re starting to assemble/address the invitations, and I''ve run into a few mental roadblocks I can''t resolve through a few etiquette websites. We aren''t using inner envelopes, and now I''m starting to wonder how to address the outer envelope only in certain cases. I''m not at all tied to tradition, but I also don''t want to do anything horribly goofy.

So here are a few cases I''m confused about:
-how gauche is using "Jane and John Doe" instead of Mr. and Mrs John Doe? I hate addressing women w/o a name...and if I do Jane and John...is it that way or John and Jane? Its odd, with some couples it sounds right in both ways...
-married couple with child - do I put the name of the child on the outer envelope?
-single person with guest - is it weird to have ''and guest'' on the outer envelope? I have found out all the names I can to avoid using and guest, but still have a few that I can''t resolve.
-what if his family has the tradition of sending a ''representative'' - should I address the invite any differently? or I thought about adding a personal note inside saying send any 2 folks they want (but I''m not sure how I''d word that...)

TIA!

 

[cara]

-Completely acceptable to do Jane and John Doe. Not acceptable to do Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe. (b/c the titles and names are separated).

-Ladies always first, with the single exception of the Mr. and Mrs. John Doe format. For some couples this *sounds* really wrong to my ear, but its just cause I always refer to the couple with the guy first.

-With no inner, yes you put the child/children on the outer on the line after their parent(s).

-Yes its weird to put and guest on the outer envelope. Better is to put a note slip inside or on the reply that the person may bring a guest.

-i have no idea on this representative business. you mean it is typical in his family for the hosts to specify: "we can accommodate two of your family. you pick and tell us which two?" My gut response is that you invite them all and hope only two come, or specify on the phone that two would be best if this is the custom on his side, but obviously if you have based your planning on not having the whole family there you might be in a pickle if you invite them all and more than two come.

 

[piccolascimmia]

Thanks Cara! I''m glad I can do what I want w/o titles

And for the representative thing...his family is funny. He says we are inviting only his aunts/uncles to avoid a very large number of invites...but he doesn''t care if its them or a cousin or whoever who actually attends. And it seems like there is a precedent in their family for doing this...if they cant make it then send someone else from the family in their stead. So I guess what I''m not sure of is to explicitly state that is acceptable with a note in the card, or just let them do what they normally do.

Thanks again!