btrflygrl23
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2007
- Messages
- 816
Hi everyone,
my best friend has a bit of a dilemma on her hands and I have given her the best advice I can but sometimes it helps to get objective advice from those who are not part of the immediate situation so I''m opening it up to you all to chime in with some honest opinions. You have given me great advice in my time on PS and I hope something from you will help her.
It''s a long story so I''ll try to be as short as possible so you get the gist.
Erin has been with her BF for 13 years she is older than me 29. Since they were teenagers and have been exclusive so have not dated other ppl. They got engaged in 99 and still haven''t set a date. She was a student and didn''t want the hassle of planning with her busy schedule. She didn''t like the ring he got her and they have changed it 3 times. She likes the one she has now.
For the bulk of the relationship she has been very happy. But about 2 years ago they started going through a really rough patch and she confided in me that she has some issues with the relationship. For example, she really dislikes her MIL, his grandmother, his brother, his dad pretty much the whole family they are pretty intrusive and they are hurtful to her I have seen it firsthand. She has discussed it with him but he pretty much says what are you gonna do it''s my family I didn''t choose them and he never sticks up for her. She gets really upset about it to the point where she will call me in tears.
Plus, she thinks he lacks motivation and ambition. She is in grad school and quite intellectual. He works as a machinist and didn''t go to college just finished high school (nothing wrong with that) but this now bothers her. She says he mis-manages money. He recently finished paying off $50,000 in consolidated debt and they are barely 30.
She says the attraction between them is waning and that they have little physical chemistry.
During this rough period in their relationship she started confiding not just in me but in another male friend of her BF''s. They got really close talking all the time at all hours of the night. Going to movies just the two of them. Apparently, one time after they went out she kissed him on the cheek goodnight and he had turned and almost kissed her on the lips. He would flirt with her she would flirt back. He''d call her at 2 in the morning after he had been drinking etc.. She tell me she is greatly attracted to him and thinks about him all the time.
I told her she was having an emotional affair and that if she wanted to save the relationship she should stop contact with Bryan and focus on fixing things with her BF.
So it ends up that Bryan meets some girl and starts dating her and Erin is heartbroken. She tells me she has deep feelings for him and that she wishes she had told him b/c she thinks he felt the same way and was just not doing anything about it b/c she is in a relationship with his buddy.
BTW Bryan always tells her she should leave BF b/c she will find someone and that the two of them should not marry b/c it won''t work and so on.
So in January she broke it off with BF but was upset b/c Bryan was dating this other girl. around march her BF told her he would do anything to fix the relationship and they took 6 weeks of counselling and she was happy and they got back together and I thought everything was fine then this week she calls me b/c BF''s mom was mean to her on the phone and he didn''t stick up for her and they got into an argument and she is now having second thoughts again about if she should have gone back to him and what their future will be like and she has regrets that she never told Bryan hey I like you and I think you might like me too and explore a possible relationship with him. She says it bugs her not knowing if Bryan might be the mr. right for her and she let him slip through her fingers.
Then last night she calls saying Bryan called her and he has called things off with his GF.
We are all going to a mutual friend''s wedding this saturday and her BF is in the wedding party so she is sitting at a table with Bryan who will be coming by himself and she had said to him I have no wedding date kinda like a joke and he says to her I thought you were my wedding date WTH?
I don''t know what''s going on. This is what I told her I think Bryan is making trouble and trying to split them up. I''m not sure if he does have real feelings for Erin and if he does I''m not sure he will ever act on them as she is his friend''s GF. Even if she breaks up I''m not sure she can date Bryan w/o it being super awkward we have a small circle of friends. I don''t think she should tell Bryan her feelings for him she could come out hurt and humiliated and her BF could find out and be very, very hurt poor guy has no clue right now how she feels. She should make more effort to fix her relationship for good or get out now and move on but not with Bryan.
What do you think did I give her bad advice?
I don''t want to steer her away from possible real happiness but I''m not sure Bryan won''t break her heart too.
Pls advise I want to help her and I''m out of advice of my own.
Sorry this is so long.
my best friend has a bit of a dilemma on her hands and I have given her the best advice I can but sometimes it helps to get objective advice from those who are not part of the immediate situation so I''m opening it up to you all to chime in with some honest opinions. You have given me great advice in my time on PS and I hope something from you will help her.
It''s a long story so I''ll try to be as short as possible so you get the gist.
Erin has been with her BF for 13 years she is older than me 29. Since they were teenagers and have been exclusive so have not dated other ppl. They got engaged in 99 and still haven''t set a date. She was a student and didn''t want the hassle of planning with her busy schedule. She didn''t like the ring he got her and they have changed it 3 times. She likes the one she has now.
For the bulk of the relationship she has been very happy. But about 2 years ago they started going through a really rough patch and she confided in me that she has some issues with the relationship. For example, she really dislikes her MIL, his grandmother, his brother, his dad pretty much the whole family they are pretty intrusive and they are hurtful to her I have seen it firsthand. She has discussed it with him but he pretty much says what are you gonna do it''s my family I didn''t choose them and he never sticks up for her. She gets really upset about it to the point where she will call me in tears.
Plus, she thinks he lacks motivation and ambition. She is in grad school and quite intellectual. He works as a machinist and didn''t go to college just finished high school (nothing wrong with that) but this now bothers her. She says he mis-manages money. He recently finished paying off $50,000 in consolidated debt and they are barely 30.
She says the attraction between them is waning and that they have little physical chemistry.
During this rough period in their relationship she started confiding not just in me but in another male friend of her BF''s. They got really close talking all the time at all hours of the night. Going to movies just the two of them. Apparently, one time after they went out she kissed him on the cheek goodnight and he had turned and almost kissed her on the lips. He would flirt with her she would flirt back. He''d call her at 2 in the morning after he had been drinking etc.. She tell me she is greatly attracted to him and thinks about him all the time.
I told her she was having an emotional affair and that if she wanted to save the relationship she should stop contact with Bryan and focus on fixing things with her BF.
So it ends up that Bryan meets some girl and starts dating her and Erin is heartbroken. She tells me she has deep feelings for him and that she wishes she had told him b/c she thinks he felt the same way and was just not doing anything about it b/c she is in a relationship with his buddy.
BTW Bryan always tells her she should leave BF b/c she will find someone and that the two of them should not marry b/c it won''t work and so on.
So in January she broke it off with BF but was upset b/c Bryan was dating this other girl. around march her BF told her he would do anything to fix the relationship and they took 6 weeks of counselling and she was happy and they got back together and I thought everything was fine then this week she calls me b/c BF''s mom was mean to her on the phone and he didn''t stick up for her and they got into an argument and she is now having second thoughts again about if she should have gone back to him and what their future will be like and she has regrets that she never told Bryan hey I like you and I think you might like me too and explore a possible relationship with him. She says it bugs her not knowing if Bryan might be the mr. right for her and she let him slip through her fingers.
Then last night she calls saying Bryan called her and he has called things off with his GF.
We are all going to a mutual friend''s wedding this saturday and her BF is in the wedding party so she is sitting at a table with Bryan who will be coming by himself and she had said to him I have no wedding date kinda like a joke and he says to her I thought you were my wedding date WTH?
I don''t know what''s going on. This is what I told her I think Bryan is making trouble and trying to split them up. I''m not sure if he does have real feelings for Erin and if he does I''m not sure he will ever act on them as she is his friend''s GF. Even if she breaks up I''m not sure she can date Bryan w/o it being super awkward we have a small circle of friends. I don''t think she should tell Bryan her feelings for him she could come out hurt and humiliated and her BF could find out and be very, very hurt poor guy has no clue right now how she feels. She should make more effort to fix her relationship for good or get out now and move on but not with Bryan.
What do you think did I give her bad advice?
I don''t want to steer her away from possible real happiness but I''m not sure Bryan won''t break her heart too.
Pls advise I want to help her and I''m out of advice of my own.
Sorry this is so long.
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