Advice on dealing with creepy guy?

[LazyDaisy]

A guy in my grad school class who is "gay" has been becoming increasingly fixated on me over the past few weeks. At first he just flirted a lot, which was no big deal since gay men usually like to flirt. Now he has taken to always tryiing to sit with me in every class, insisting on coming with me whereever I go no matter how much I protest, pretending to be stupid so that he can beg me to tutor him, and saying some generally weird things. Today I got into a situation where I was in a room alone with him and he insisted on shutting the door-- I was more than a little freaked out. It turned out to be harmless, but I still didn''t like it.

This is more than my imagination. It is every last bit of my female intuition telling me that this guy is not gay (he''s bi) and that he is seriously after something. Some of my classmates are starting to notice and comment on his odd behavior towards me as well, although I''m not sure how far their suspicions go. He has been married before and has children with his ex-wife, so he obviously can''t be too repulsed by women. There''s just something about him that is incredibly creepy. My stomach get tied in knots every time I think about him.

I have tried avoiding him, but our graduate class is extremely small and it''s basically impossible. I try to get friends to be buffers whenever I can, but sometimes it doesn''t work. Also, since there are so few of us, I don''t want to get into a confrontation that will impact my next few years of school. Plus, what can I say to a man who is "gay"? He will just insist that he couldn''t be coming onto me because he isn''t into women.

He has met my BF before and asks about him from time to time. He knows we want to get married, but it doesn''t seem to stop the subtle advances. I haven''t told my BF about it because he is the type that would get very upset and possibly escalate the situation which would not be good for anyone. At some point if it becomes necessary I''m open to telling him, but in the meantime it''s especially hard because he''s usually the rock that gets me through hard times, and all of a sudden I have somethiing I feel like I can''t share with him.

Sorry that was so long!! Does anyone have any brilliant suggestions for how to tell him I''m not interested without sounding "full of myself" for thinking a "gay" man would be interested in me? Thanks so much for your help, and for just being here! It''s nice to know I''m not alone!

 

[Pandora II]

Poor you - that is a horrible situation to be in.

I have known several ''gay'' men who atually weren''t, but found it a perfect way to get women to let their guard down and be relaxed with them before they ''pounced'' (not literally).

It''s a tricky one, as it''s hard to have the usual convo.

Do you have a friend in your class who could have a word with him about his behaviour without it sounding like it was instigated by you.

Can you talk to a tutor? It seems like it''s starting to border on harrassment.

Above all stay safe and don''t be alone with him if you can help it.

 

[monarch64]

LD, what a tough situation. I''m not really a fan of beating around the bush, but I think this is a special circumstance since you will have to deal with this person for the next couple years...so...do you think you could just start talking about your BF pretty much nonstop when you''re around this "gay" guy who insists on spending time with you and has pressured you into alone time? I''m thinking if you really make a point of bringing up your BF every single time he''s around that maybe he''ll get the hint that there''s no way in hell you''d ever consider him (Mr. "Gay"). That way you don''t have to potentially piss him off by just flat out telling him you find him and his recent behavior totally creepy. Hopefully he''ll get so tired of hearing about you and your BF that he''ll find a new victim to glom onto and harrass, it sounds like he''s a very confused person and possibly unstable. I definitely encourage you to never be alone with him, no matter what, it sounds like this guy is up to no good imo, and if you''re so uncomfortable you''re posting about the situation here then something is certainly wrong with this situation.

I''ve had gay male friends in the past, and NONE of them tried to monopolize my time. This guy you''re dealing with is obsessed with you for whatever reason, whether it''s sexual or not, and that is not healthy, your intuition is dead on. Please, please, if nothing else, speak to your trusted family members, friends, and hopefully your BF whether it causes an argument or not, that way everyone else''s guard will be up about this guy in advance, on the off chance that he gets out of line, if you kwim.

People are increasingly nutso in this world...last week a 24 yr. old gal went to an interview for a nanny position she found on Craigslist and was murdered by a 19 yr. old male when she went to the address. You just can''t trust anyone, look out for #1 even if it means hurting feelings or alienating classmates. Better safe than sorry.

 

[Tuesday]

>>since there are so few of us, I don''t want to get into a confrontation that will impact my next few years of school.

Well, it seems to me that since you will be stuck with him for the next few years it''s imperative that you say something to him now (otherwise you''ve got a few more years of this to look forward to). No need to be confrontational, just take him aside one day and tell him that you''ve been uncomfortable with some of his behavior recently, and you would appreciate if he would be a little more mindful of your personal space. You shouldn''t have to say anything more than that. If he pushes for an explanation, just say that you''re sorry, you hope he understands, and that you would hate for it to become an issue that ruins your friendship and leave it at that.

 

[SeattleSweetheart]

Trust your gut. Set some clear boundaries sooner than later. If he respects you, he will respect your boundaries. If he doesn''t respect your boundaries then it is harassment.

I don''t think this guy''s behavior has anything to do with being gay. My father is gay and I have many gay friends and all of them are very nice people.

I think this person has other issues and frankly, this guy sounds a little dangerous. Don''t wait to act. Protect yourself before it gets out of hand. Trust your gut. You''re probably not the first person he''s done this to.

 

[princesss]

Hoooooo boy, LD, this is a tough one. I love Monarch's suggestion. On top of that I might get a little rude and make up reasons to call your BF while this guy is around. Have that super-in-love silly grin on your face, smile the whole time, and be that sickeningly cute couple nobody wants to be around.

I've definitely heard of guys pretending to be gay (either outright lying or just through implication) to get a girl to spend more time with them or get on their good side before they make a play.

Whatever you do, be careful. If he's getting obsessive, you need to take precautions for your own safety. Is there any way your BF could regularly begin to meet you after class for lunch or something? I'm not sure if it works with your schedules, but I'd make a point of having my BF around as much as possible when this guy is around. Start carrying pictures of him and you two.

Also, alert a friend or two to the situation so you're not really left alone with him. Have them keep a look out for you. Above all, listen to your gut. It's what's going to keep you safe. Don't let him walk you to your car if you can help it or get out in isolated places. I may sound a bit alarmist, but the last thing I want is for you to put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation because you don't want to be rude.

ETA: Seattle, FWIW I don't think that OP is saying he's creepy because he's gay. She's saying he's obsessed with her and she doesn't think he's gay. As in, he's possibly pretending to be gay for other reasons (like Pandora suggested).

 

[LazyDaisy]

ETA: Seattle, FWIW I don''t think that OP is saying he''s creepy because he''s gay. She''s saying he''s obsessed with her and she doesn''t think he''s gay. As in, he''s possibly pretending to be gay for other reasons (like Pandora suggested).

Absolutely! For the record I fully support LGBT rights and this has nothing to do with wider issues of sexual identity. In this case, though, the individual guy is really creepy because here he is... "gay"... and he''s clearly pursuing me. When he looks at me I feel like his eyes are staring right through me and I want to jump out of my skin. Or vomit. He made a very public display this morning of giving me flowers

, and I was not willing to embarrass him in front of a large crowd of people (mostly because I am becoming a bit frightened and wouldn''t want to set him off). People are starting to ask serious questions, but more along the lines of, "Is something going on between Daisy and CreepyGuy?" I have an appointment to speak to my campus minister in a few days-- it might do me some good to be on the record with a faculty member about this matter in case it gets worse.

Thank you all for your great suggestions. I don''t think it''s being alarmist at all to suggest vigilance! In the parking lot I always carry my keys in my right hand and my phone in my left hand-- ready to unlock and/or dial at a moment''s notice. I do my best to avoid him and at the very least avoid being alone with him, although he is very good at making those sorts of situations happen. Great idea though to start calling my boyfriend all the time. I will just call him at work and also talk about him nonstop. Maybe I can be so annoying that CreepyGuy will get sick of me!

I also know CreepyGuy''s schedule pretty well of when he''s on campus, and I try to hide in my carrel in the library whenever possible (it''s great for getting research done and grading those endless papers). I always feel so relieved when I know he''s gone home for the day and I feel like I can walk around freely. Tomorrow I am skipping class because I serioulsy can''t handle seeing him.

Gosh, I don''t think I realized how bad all this is until I wrote that down. It all sounds so outrageous! I will be optimistic though and try Plan B-- annoyance/codependence on boyfriend. I will keep you posted on how it''s working.

Thanks again for all the help! You guys are the best! I don''t know what I''d do without this community.

 

[Evelynn]

Date: 10/31/2007 11:49:18 PM
Author: LazyDaisy

ETA: Seattle, FWIW I don''t think that OP is saying he''s creepy because he''s gay. She''s saying he''s obsessed with her and she doesn''t think he''s gay. As in, he''s possibly pretending to be gay for other reasons (like Pandora suggested).

Absolutely! For the record I fully support LGBT rights and this has nothing to do with wider issues of sexual identity. In this case, though, the individual guy is really creepy because here he is... ''gay''... and he''s clearly pursuing me. When he looks at me I feel like his eyes are staring right through me and I want to jump out of my skin. Or vomit. He made a very public display this morning of giving me flowers

, and I was not willing to embarrass him in front of a large crowd of people (mostly because I am becoming a bit frightened and wouldn''t want to set him off). People are starting to ask serious questions, but more along the lines of, ''Is something going on between Daisy and CreepyGuy?'' I have an appointment to speak to my campus minister in a few days-- it might do me some good to be on the record with a faculty member about this matter in case it gets worse.

Thank you all for your great suggestions. I don''t think it''s being alarmist at all to suggest vigilance! In the parking lot I always carry my keys in my right hand and my phone in my left hand-- ready to unlock and/or dial at a moment''s notice. I do my best to avoid him and at the very least avoid being alone with him, although he is very good at making those sorts of situations happen. Great idea though to start calling my boyfriend all the time. I will just call him at work and also talk about him nonstop. Maybe I can be so annoying that CreepyGuy will get sick of me!

I also know CreepyGuy''s schedule pretty well of when he''s on campus, and I try to hide in my carrel in the library whenever possible (it''s great for getting research done and grading those endless papers). I always feel so relieved when I know he''s gone home for the day and I feel like I can walk around freely. Tomorrow I am skipping class because I serioulsy can''t handle seeing him.

Gosh, I don''t think I realized how bad all this is until I wrote that down. It all sounds so outrageous! I will be optimistic though and try Plan B-- annoyance/codependence on boyfriend. I will keep you posted on how it''s working.

Thanks again for all the help! You guys are the best! I don''t know what I''d do without this community.

Very odd behavior indeed!

Trust.your.gut! We have that odd knack of sensing unsafe/odd behaviors and situations. It''s best to be safe!

I like the advice give to talk to/about your BF in a ridiculous girly way and become "THAT annoying lovey dovey couple!"

You should maybe first try to talk to CreepyGuy about all of this. Maybe do so in a somewhat public place such as a Commons area at school. The fact that he is going out of his way to give you flowers says to ME that he is surely into you. Maybe a small heart to heart that although you value his "friendship" and connection as classmates you are very much committed to your guy and that he should respect that. That could be all he needs to get the hint? Also, CreepyGuy has you organizing your day and schedules just to avoid contact with him. That says a lot. You are entitled to do things freely and without worry! This guy seems to be a bit off the rocker. Worst case, yes - talk to someone on campus. Let someone know you are concerned with CreepyGuy''s advances and behavior.

I do hope things get easier!

 

[iheartscience]

I don''t mean to be an alarmist, but it sounds like this guy is well on his way to becomng a full on stalker, if he hasn''t already reached that point. I would talk to someone at your school immediately and have them intervene on your behalf in some way. I would maybe talk to CreepyGuy too, but only in a public place or when someone else is with you. Maybe you should check with some sort of stalking expert and see if talking to him would be a good ideam first though. (Or perhaps a school administrator/counselor could be with you when you speak to him?)

If his behavior continues and your school''s administration is unable to help, I would go immediately to the police. You should NOT have to hide in a library carrel or feel dread all day long because of someone else. Please just take this seriously and do something about it very soon! It''s definitely a million times better to overreact rather than underreact in a situation like this. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[Evelynn]

On a much lighter note....



BF should immediately hand you a magnificent engagement ring.

Then it is clear that you and your man are clearly on your way to married bliss!

all in good fun!

 

[MoonWater]

Can you report it to the school?

I mean, I don''t want to give you the advice I''d give if I were in your situation because I would just punch him in the face a few times. I can not tolerate any form of harassment.

 

[LazyDaisy]

Date: 11/1/2007 1:55:33 AM
Author: Evelynn
On a much lighter note....



BF should immediately hand you a magnificent engagement ring.

Then it is clear that you and your man are clearly on your way to married bliss!

all in good fun!

Haha, I like that solution best of all! Thanks Evelynn, you have put a smile on my face this morning!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/31/2007 11:49:18 PM
Author: LazyDaisy

Thank you all for your great suggestions. I don''t think it''s being alarmist at all to suggest vigilance! In the parking lot I always carry my keys in my right hand and my phone in my left hand-- ready to unlock and/or dial at a moment''s notice. I do my best to avoid him and at the very least avoid being alone with him, although he is very good at making those sorts of situations happen. Great idea though to start calling my boyfriend all the time. I will just call him at work and also talk about him nonstop. Maybe I can be so annoying that CreepyGuy will get sick of me!

Ok, I have to say I *very much* disagree with this suggestion. I think that would be a mistake.

This guy has an unhealthy obsession with you. Whether he''s gay or bi doesn''t really matter; I don''t think this is a ''sexual'' thing, per se. He is fixated on you and seems to relish making you uncomfortable.

If you start going on non-stop about your BF and calling him all the time, I fear that you''ll just increase his appetite to harass you and escalate things. If I''m right, he may interpret that as you humiliating him, flaunting that he''s not important to you, and may see it as a call to redouble his efforts to be near you/get your attention.

Someone like that is unstable, and provoking him is a mistake, I think. I think you''d do better to enlist a few folks in your class who you trust to help you out. In addition to filling in a faculty member, I''d also fill in a few of your classmates that you trust. They can help make sure that you aren''t left alone with this wingnut.....come up to you after class and ask you to accompany them someplace, ask for your help, blah blah blah.....but not to leave you alone. Hopefully, this greatly reduces the window of opportunity for him.

 

[LazyDaisy]

Date: 11/1/2007 12:00:54 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 10/31/2007 11:49:18 PM
Author: LazyDaisy

Thank you all for your great suggestions. I don''t think it''s being alarmist at all to suggest vigilance! In the parking lot I always carry my keys in my right hand and my phone in my left hand-- ready to unlock and/or dial at a moment''s notice. I do my best to avoid him and at the very least avoid being alone with him, although he is very good at making those sorts of situations happen. Great idea though to start calling my boyfriend all the time. I will just call him at work and also talk about him nonstop. Maybe I can be so annoying that CreepyGuy will get sick of me!

Ok, I have to say I *very much* disagree with this suggestion. I think that would be a mistake.

This guy has an unhealthy obsession with you. Whether he''s gay or bi doesn''t really matter; I don''t think this is a ''sexual'' thing, per se. He is fixated on you and seems to relish making you uncomfortable.

If you start going on non-stop about your BF and calling him all the time, I fear that you''ll just increase his appetite to harass you and escalate things. If I''m right, he may interpret that as you humiliating him, flaunting that he''s not important to you, and may see it as a call to redouble his efforts to be near you/get your attention.

Someone like that is unstable, and provoking him is a mistake, I think. I think you''d do better to enlist a few folks in your class who you trust to help you out. In addition to filling in a faculty member, I''d also fill in a few of your classmates that you trust. They can help make sure that you aren''t left alone with this wingnut.....come up to you after class and ask you to accompany them someplace, ask for your help, blah blah blah.....but not to leave you alone. Hopefully, this greatly reduces the window of opportunity for him.

You have a very valid point. I have not tried the bf strategy yet and now I''m rethinking it. Fortunately today was an *almost* CG free day! I skipped one class so that I wouldn''t see him when I went to get breakfast (he has a knack for showing up), and then in our other class I managed to do as you suggested and get a group of friends who were my safety zone. There were no seats available ANYWHERE near me haha. I almost got through the day without speaking to him.

He did, however, locate my apartment on campus today. It seemed accidental enough... I almost believe it. He has a friend who lives down the hall from me, although I had never seen him in the building before. My door was open so that friends could stop in, and unfortunately he saw me. However, he did not try to come in (for which I applaud him). He just said hi, that he heard my "beautiful laugh" and knew it must have been me. Weird. But at least he left. So now I''m golden until Monday because he will be out of town all weekend. Ah the freedom. I will try to have a talk with BF sometime over the weekend when I feel like he''s in a decent mood. And tomorrow is my meeting with the campus minister. Keep your fingers crossed that all goes well. Maybe she will have some good Christian words for me to help me deal with it all... who knows?

 

[diamondfan]

So sorry this is happening to you. You do have to tread lightly. He might really be bi or mostly gay but find you very attractive, so his overall sexuality is not the point here. I think what IS the point is that his actions and behavior make you uncomfortable. I would try to avoid him very subtly and try to not be alone with him. If he does not start to get the hint, you might need to just gently tell him that you are suddenly feel a bit uncomfortable with the shift in the relationship and could he please respect that. Not really sure what else you can do. He has not really done anything overt, so you cannot really do much other that avoid or calmly approach him about it. The sad thing is today someone has to really do something serious for anyone to pay attention, and honestly, it bothers me. Women's intuition is a strong tool and you should always trust your gut. If you can confide to anyone in the class you are friends with maybe they can always make sure to be near you. There are stalking laws, of course, but I am not sure how far someone really has to go before it is taken seriously.

 

[risingsun]

This sounds like an increasingly serious situation. You can try talking to him and see if the behaviors stop. I think you do need to report this to someone at your school. That fact that you are having to rearrange your schedule for fear of running into him says a lot. This is not about sexual orientation...it''s about unwanted attention, bordering on harassment and stalking. I''m sorry you are going through this

 

[LazyDaisy]

Thank you all for the concern. I had my meeting with the minister today. She was a great help, saying mostly the same things you all are. She gave me some ideas about how to phrase things so that he hopefully won''t feel as rejected as a person by the conversation. She also wants me to check in with her weekly for a while and let her know how it''s going. She said if I tell him to back off and he doesn''t, then the school can take action. It is a big relief to have someone on faculty aware of this. It was also a relief to have her affirmation that I''m not being unreasonable. I was blaming myself a lot for things and I was hesitant to speak up in certain awkward situations, but I realized when talking to her that unfortunately women are socialized to react that way, even when it''s detrimental to us. This isn''t my fault, and I''m not going to let things get any worse. He will back off or he will deal with the judicial board. This has gone on for too long. Ah my inner feminist is emerging and climbing onto her soapbox

 

[oshinbreez]

I''d tell everyone who will listen about what this guy is doing and how it''s creeping you out. That way, he will be aware that it''s bothering you as well as letting others know so they can keep an eye on things. As I see it, the more who know, the better for your safety. My ex-husband stalked me for many years after getting divorced. I''d tell anyone and everyone to watch the house, watch for him, watch the kids, etc. My whole neighborhood knew. The kids school knew. My co-workers knew. Anytime someone that the neighbors didn''t know came to my house, they were calling to make sure everything was ok. When my kids were outside playing, they were watched. There''s safety in numbers, and if the guy knows your on to him and everyone else is too, he''ll find a more "quiet" victim.

 

[princesss]

Date: 11/1/2007 12:00:54 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 10/31/2007 11:49:18 PM

Author: LazyDaisy


Thank you all for your great suggestions. I don''t think it''s being alarmist at all to suggest vigilance! In the parking lot I always carry my keys in my right hand and my phone in my left hand-- ready to unlock and/or dial at a moment''s notice. I do my best to avoid him and at the very least avoid being alone with him, although he is very good at making those sorts of situations happen. Great idea though to start calling my boyfriend all the time. I will just call him at work and also talk about him nonstop. Maybe I can be so annoying that CreepyGuy will get sick of me!

Ok, I have to say I *very much* disagree with this suggestion. I think that would be a mistake.


This guy has an unhealthy obsession with you. Whether he''s gay or bi doesn''t really matter; I don''t think this is a ''sexual'' thing, per se. He is fixated on you and seems to relish making you uncomfortable.


If you start going on non-stop about your BF and calling him all the time, I fear that you''ll just increase his appetite to harass you and escalate things. If I''m right, he may interpret that as you humiliating him, flaunting that he''s not important to you, and may see it as a call to redouble his efforts to be near you/get your attention.


Someone like that is unstable, and provoking him is a mistake, I think. I think you''d do better to enlist a few folks in your class who you trust to help you out. In addition to filling in a faculty member, I''d also fill in a few of your classmates that you trust. They can help make sure that you aren''t left alone with this wingnut.....come up to you after class and ask you to accompany them someplace, ask for your help, blah blah blah.....but not to leave you alone. Hopefully, this greatly reduces the window of opportunity for him.

Great point, alj. I hadn''t even thought of that when I suggested it.

Play it safe, LD. I''m glad you now have somebody on campus that''s aware of the situation.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 11/1/2007 11:51:03 PM
Author: LazyDaisy

He did, however, locate my apartment on campus today. It seemed accidental enough... I almost believe it. He has a friend who lives down the hall from me, although I had never seen him in the building before. My door was open so that friends could stop in, and unfortunately he saw me. However, he did not try to come in (for which I applaud him). He just said hi, that he heard my ''beautiful laugh'' and knew it must have been me. Weird. But at least he left. So now I''m golden until Monday because he will be out of town all weekend. Ah the freedom. I will try to have a talk with BF sometime over the weekend when I feel like he''s in a decent mood. And tomorrow is my meeting with the campus minister. Keep your fingers crossed that all goes well. Maybe she will have some good Christian words for me to help me deal with it all... who knows?

Ok, I''m absolutely ALARMED at this.

I seriously don''t buy the "friend who lives down the hall thing" ..... timing is a bit too convenient for my liking. I''d guess he''s either trailing you or asking innocuous questions of others who are unsuspecting? "Oh, hey, I''m looking for Lazy D - have you seen her?" "Yeah, I just saw her go by in her room". "Great, thanks". YIKES.

Please.....tell someone about this promptly. I''m really quite concerned.

 

[Circe]

Gotta say, I''m completely with Alj on this ... there are a few too many alarm bells going off here, both for you personally, and for us out here in the peanut gallery. Echoing someone else above, I really don''t think that his orientation matters particularly: what matters is that he appears to be fixated on you, he makes you uncomfortable, and his behavior is getting more, and not less focused.

Now, in terms of concrete advice ... I think your chaplain gave you great advie, but I''d also suggest that you see if your school has a Women''s Center, and that you possibly talk to security: I had to contact my school''s security center about an unpleasant incident with a bad blind date posing as one of my students over the internet and sending me, ah, inappropriate materials over the ''Net, and my god, were they wonderful! Tracked him down, did their damndest to press charges, and, when the legal system fell through, put the fear of god into him. Sad to say, but a fair number of creeps react more appropriately to authority figures.

Hoping that this guy *isn''t* dangerous, and either in conjunction with the above actions, or prior to them depending on your gut instinct, I''d personally maybe try to have a word with the guy: it''s a tough conversation to have diplomatically, but maybe something along the lines of "CreepyGuy, I know that you have nothing but the best of intentions [ahem, but, still, just for the sake of niceness], but I have to say, when you close the door/engage in other inappropriate behaviors, it makes me feel a little uneasy ... it''s nothing personal, just a product of growing up in this society. Could you try to respect that?" Again, this is just my take on what I''ve read, and I could be completely off-base on this, as I get the feeling that the part that makes *me* most nervous - the showing up at your door - is something that doesn''t set you off as much as some of his other behaviors.

And, lastly - admittedly, coming from a New Yorker - pepper spray! Or a police whistle, other form of self defense beyond the cell phone ... something more quickly employable. Best of luck on all counts, and be safe.

 

[Pandora II]

I think you need to be very careful here.

If it were me, I would ask the college to move me to a different room, and make sure that your bf's details are not know to this guy.

Stalking is a very serious matter with potentially fatal consequences.

With the evenings getting darker, make sure you always have a personal alarm with you. If he gives you flowers again, you should give them back and say that you can't accept them.

I would also have a chat with other authorities on campus. In the UK we have special groups that deal with women's safety at University and who run free minibuses etc at night as well as giving self-defence lessons and general advice.

Someone in authority needs to have him in for a chat - and just explain that in this day and age it's not really appropriate to behave in this way.

Trust your instincts 150% on this one and always place YOUR SAFETY above his feelings.

Does everyone there know your bf? Or could you nip down to Claire's and buy one of their 5ct sparklers and become 'engaged'?

(I bought one for when FI and I were travelling - wore it out one night to a restaurant and I swear people couldn't take their eyes off it, and that was only the 2ct one!!!!)

 

[MoonWater]

Ok, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER! Seriously, if you tell someone to back off and they do not listen, just take the legal route. This guy''s name needs to be on file. I had a stalker who I was once friends with. Somehow, years after no longer speaking to him, and after I told him in few words to f-off (he did something extremely creepy to a close friend), he would write me letters somehow knowing where I lived and what I had been up to (one was that I had decided to go to college, really really creepy as only a few people knew about it and none of them knew him or would talk to him). I filed a restraining order and never heard from him since.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 11/4/2007 12:33:09 AM
Author: MoonWater
Ok, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER! Seriously, if you tell someone to back off and they do not listen, just take the legal route. This guy''s name needs to be on file. I had a stalker who I was once friends with. Somehow, years after no longer speaking to him, and after I told him in few words to f-off (he did something extremely creepy to a close friend), he would write me letters somehow knowing where I lived and what I had been up to (one was that I had decided to go to college, really really creepy as only a few people knew about it and none of them knew him or would talk to him). I filed a restraining order and never heard from him since.

Restraining orders are a good idea, but as a cop that I had issue one against my ex-husband told me "A Restraining Order is only as good as the paper it''s written on." Some people will get the idea about the restraining order, others don''t. And they''re usually gone before the police can show up. A lot can happen in those few minutes.

 

[Tuesday]

Date: 11/4/2007 7:08:17 AM
Author: oshinbreez
Restraining orders are a good idea, but as a cop that I had issue one against my ex-husband told me ''A Restraining Order is only as good as the paper it''s written on.'' Some people will get the idea about the restraining order, others don''t. And they''re usually gone before the police can show up. A lot can happen in those few minutes.

Ditto this. As someone who has also had to get a restraining order, I want to say that the order only gives you a tool to use against the other person when something happens and does not prevent something from happening. Also, unless he''s actually done something tangible that gives you reason to fear for your safety it''s likely a judge won''t grant it.

If you think this is just him not respecting boundaries, then be upfront about it. Don''t cop out with the passive-aggressive tactics (like talking about your BF hoping he will get the hint - he won''t). Tell him straight up that you find his behavior inappropriate and tell him specifically that you would like him to respect your space and leave him alone.

If you think (for whatever reason) that he has the capability to be dangerous, then you need to contact campus security and any other authority figures that you''re in contact with that can help.

 

[waterlilly]

instinct instinct instinct!

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/4/2007 8:40:19 AM
Author: Tuesday

Date: 11/4/2007 7:08:17 AM

Author: oshinbreez

Restraining orders are a good idea, but as a cop that I had issue one against my ex-husband told me ''A Restraining Order is only as good as the paper it''s written on.'' Some people will get the idea about the restraining order, others don''t. And they''re usually gone before the police can show up. A lot can happen in those few minutes.

Ditto this. As someone who has also had to get a restraining order, I want to say that the order only gives you a tool to use against the other person when something happens and does not prevent something from happening. Also, unless he''s actually done something tangible that gives you reason to fear for your safety it''s likely a judge won''t grant it.

That "something" could simply be violating the restraining order, not something dire. The point is, I think he should be on record if he is bothering her that much. I would not hesitate to make sure everyone I knew, knew about him. Sure there is a possibility that he won''t care, but there is also the possibility that he will. If he is the type that would not care about a court order, then you know you have a much more dangerous person on your hands and you have to take the proper precautions.

I simply gave my real life example because the guy really creeped me out. Knew when I moved, knew what I was doing in my life, sending me letters and not taking no for an answer. I''m glad I went through the courts as I have never heard from him again.

 

[LazyDaisy]

It''s funny how things just seem to work themselves out sometimes. CG got a DWI Saturday night, and apparently they also found a motherlode of drugs in his car. In all likelihood he will be going to prison! I hate to be happy about that, I really do, but if he had that much in his car he probably was a dealer in which case he really needs to be off the streets. Plus, he''s just a weirdo. USA 1, CreepyGuy, 0.

 

[diamondfan]

Let''s hope so. Sometimes people get good lawyers and get off with minimal punishment, so I hope they do some more digging and find a lot to nail him with. That would certainly make it better for you. Seems like all around he was a stellar guy!

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/5/2007 7:13:08 AM
Author: LazyDaisy
It''s funny how things just seem to work themselves out sometimes. CG got a DWI Saturday night, and apparently they also found a motherlode of drugs in his car. In all likelihood he will be going to prison! I hate to be happy about that, I really do, but if he had that much in his car he probably was a dealer in which case he really needs to be off the streets. Plus, he''s just a weirdo. USA 1, CreepyGuy, 0.

Lets keep our fingers cross the search of him/the car was legal so they can throw the book at him. Man, he really sounds creepy now. No way I would want to be stalked by a drug dealer. Do you think he was using those drugs? Might explain his behavior.