Advice re: possible job offer and disclosing pregnancy

[mylittlepretties]

Hi, I am not a frequent poster but had been planning on venturing into this area of the forums in a couple of weeks to join the Pregnant PSers thread. I have read through many posts and I have been very impressed by the great advice that comes from the PS community. I am hoping you guys can send that great PS advice my way.

Just as some background, we are pregnant with our first and it has been a very long, hard journey to get to this point - really didn't think it would happen for us. I am still not completely registering that we are pregnant and we haven't told family or friends. We are being very very cautious and are waiting until after 18wks when we have the anatomy scan.

So, of course everything happens at once. A manager position opened up at my job and they rarely come up. My manager encouraged me to apply and I also got positive encouragement from others in my department. I have just finished the round of reviews but did not disclose that I am pregnant. I decided not to disclose this based on advice from my company's independent career center as well as from a colleague whose opinion I trust. I didn't want to put the interviewing committee and the hiring manager into a compromising position of having knowledge of my pregnancy and possibly letting that affect their decision.

The issue I am concerned about is that next year, a good number of people will be out as part of a company benefit where after certain number of years at the company, employees are given a several weeks of paid time off. I will be due around March and so will probably be out on maternity leave for 3-4 months. This is the main reason I was concerned about not disclosing my pregnancy during the interview because I would be out when there maybe less resources. However, I think that most will be out after I plan to be back from maternity.

I think I have a fair chance of getting the position, and am trying to figure out, if I get the offer, how best to divulge that I am pregnant. I of course would let them know at the time that I am given the offer (if I get it)! but not sure what to say and would really appreciate some advice on what to say if I get a chance to say "Yes" to the job.

 

[stephbolt]

First, congratulations on your pregnancy!

I'm not sure if you're located in the US or elsewhere, or how starting a new position would affect your eligibility for leave, so I'd make sure of that to start and discuss with HR that you are in fact eligible for the same leave - although I know at some companies that can be difficult to do privately, but you're better off if you know for a fact what you are entitled to. Once you have that info, you could say "Before I officially accept I wanted to discuss the fact that I will be taking x weeks of maternity leave starting in March. I wanted to give you a heads up so we can start to discuss how my job responsibilities would be managed during that time."

Best of luck both with the pregnancy and the potential new job!

 

[armywife13]

I found out I was pregnant 3 days before a job interview. When I interviewed, at the end they asked if I had any questions or concerns. I was honest and told them I had just found out I was pregnant, that I would need to be able to take off for appointments, that I was looking to take X amount of time off after the birth, and that I was planning on returning after maternity leave. They were completely fine with it and hired me on the spot. I don't know your company, so I cannot say with 100% certainty, but I would think that they would act just the same as my company. I would just be upfront with them and tell them what you are looking for with regards to maternity leave, ect. I think it worked out really well to discuss this at the end of the interview during the "do you have any questions or concerns" time of the interview.

Congratulations and best of luck with your pregnancy and job interview!!!

 

[mylittlepretties]

Thanks stephb0lt andy armywife for your replies!

stephb0lt -- I am in the US and have been with my company for enough time to qualify for maternity leave but those are good questions to ask as they would probably determine what the advice would be. Oh and the position is in my same department. All of the people that I interviewed with know me already.


I am not that concerned about them not giving me maternity leave but more concerned about how to to break the news to the hiring manager and my collegues who interviewed me without making them feel like I misled them - which I know I shouldn't feel like I did. Most seem to be very happy that I applied so I just feel like I will be disappointing them and will lose some of their trust once I tell them. Just trying to figure out the best way to word it.

First, congratulations on your pregnancy!

I'm not sure if you're located in the US or elsewhere, or how starting a new position would affect your eligibility for leave, so I'd make sure of that to start and discuss with HR that you are in fact eligible for the same leave - although I know at some companies that can be difficult to do privately, but you're better off if you know for a fact what you are entitled to. Once you have that info, you could say "Before I officially accept I wanted to discuss the fact that I will be taking x weeks of maternity leave starting in March. I wanted to give you a heads up so we can start to discuss how my job responsibilities would be managed during that time."

Best of luck both with the pregnancy and the potential new job!

 

[iheartscience]

I absolutely wouldn't tell them until after you receive the job offer and after the 18 weeks you were waiting. You're not misleading them by not disclosing, and you are entitled to your maternity benefits. (Which are minimal anyway.) You really should not feel bad-pregnancy is a part of life, and is something you've obviously wanted for a long time.

I think it's fantastic that armywife's company was so understanding and hired her, but your company may not be as understanding.

 

[Octavia]

I agree with thing2, and I sort of disagree with stephb0lt's phrasing in that I would just accept the job rather than saying "before I officially accept..." I would not leave open even the slightest possibility that they could somehow retract the offer based on your unavailability or whatever (the legalities of doing so aside). If the offer comes around the 18-week mark, then discuss leave as part of your compensation negotiations after you've accepted; if not, wait until you're comfortable disclosing the pregnancy. Congratulations, and best of luck!

 

[mylittlepretties]

Thanks for weighing in thing2of2 and Octavia! I agree on not saying anything until after I've accepted the offer. They will be making their decision this week so it will be before I had planned to let people know. I am thinking that if I get the offer I will of course accept (provided the compensation makes sense) but I would not discuss the maternity leave as part of any compensation negotiation as I feel that I am definitely entitled to maternity leave.

I am not sure if the HR person or the hiring manager would be conveying the offer - I am assuming it would be HR. In this case, after accepting, I would go to the hiring manager directly and let him know that I am very excited about the job and thank him for the opportunity. Then I would let him know that I want to discuss time that I will need to take off next year as I am pregnant but I would let him know why I did not previously disclose this and that I have not even told family or friends yet but want to let him know so that resourcing can be worked out as I am sensitive to the fact that this will be a challenge next year.

Or should I wait until 18wks as you have both recommended? I am thinking that if he knows that I am letting him know before friends and family that he will see that I am sensitive to the resourcing issue.

 

[lliang_chi]

Personally? I would accept the offer. Then only bring it up to HR and your new manager when you're planning on telling them (18 wks). TBH, when I told my manager I was expected, I was concerned about how my boss and director would feel/react since we had some very prominent projects that I was a part of. And when I was talking to my DH, he kept stressing that a pregnant woman is the most protected class there is. I couldn't get it through to him why I was so concerned, etc. Finally I realized I was getting stressed over my own concerns about how people feel. It's not my job to worry about what they think/feel/react. I do my part by doing my job well. It's their job to deal with me going on leave and who will cover me when I'm gone. So do your job and do it well, let them deal with the logisitics of your maternity leave. You'll have enough to worry about with your LO.

Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy!

 

[mylittlepretties]

Thanks liang_chi for sharing your experience! Are you currently expecting? I plan on accepting the offer. Just trying to determine when and how to disclose my pregnancy. I think I will stick to the original plan of waiting until 18wks to let everyone know including work.

Thanks everyone for sharing your objective opinions! It really helped me sort things out.

Personally? I would accept the offer. Then only bring it up to HR and your new manager when you're planning on telling them (18 wks). TBH, when I told my manager I was expected, I was concerned about how my boss and director would feel/react since we had some very prominent projects that I was a part of. And when I was talking to my DH, he kept stressing that a pregnant woman is the most protected class there is. I couldn't get it through to him why I was so concerned, etc. Finally I realized I was getting stressed over my own concerns about how people feel. It's not my job to worry about what they think/feel/react. I do my part by doing my job well. It's their job to deal with me going on leave and who will cover me when I'm gone. So do your job and do it well, let them deal with the logisitics of your maternity leave. You'll have enough to worry about with your LO.

Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy!

 

[Octavia]

Then I would let him know that I want to discuss time that I will need to take off next year as I am pregnant but I would let him know why I did not previously disclose this and that I have not even told family or friends yet but want to let him know so that resourcing can be worked out as I am sensitive to the fact that this will be a challenge next year.

Or should I wait until 18wks as you have both recommended? I am thinking that if he knows that I am letting him know before friends and family that he will see that I am sensitive to the resourcing issue.

I wouldn't tell the new supervisor before family and close friends, but I would make sure he is the first at work to know. And I wouldn't tell until you're comfortable with anyone and everyone knowing, since even things that are meant to be confidential can occasionally slip out. Hopefully your new supervisor would be able to keep the secret, but you never know...so personally I'd just wait. 18 weeks still gives plenty of time for you to figure out the logistics of maternity leave. As long as you definitely plan to return after your leave, you don't owe them any explanation other than "growing a baby, must eventually evacuate baby and learn how to keep both of us alive at the same time on no sleep." Just make it clear that you plan to do an amazing job before you go and to pick right back up when you return. On the other hand, if you didn't think you'd return to work afterward, that would be a different story, but that doesn't sound like the case for you.

 

[Anastasia]

The issue I am concerned about is that next year, a good number of people will be out as part of a company benefit where after certain number of years at the company, employees are given a several weeks of paid time off. I will be due around March and so will probably be out on maternity leave for 3-4 months. This is the main reason I was concerned about not disclosing my pregnancy during the interview because would be out when there maybe less resources. However, I think that most will be out after I plan to be back from maternity.

This is their problem, not yours. Don't even give it another thought. If they offer this benefit, they need to figure out how to deal with it.

Absolutely accept the position, and wait until 18 weeks to let them know you are pregnant. You obviously are a conscientious employee, and have every intention of doing the right thing. It will all work out fine.

I hope you get the promotion and congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

[enbcfsobe]

Ditto Anastasia. As someone who made the mistake of disclosing early to work (before to fam & friends) out of concern about unavailability for certain work-related activities, I would never ever ever do that again or recommend it to anyone. The leave that others are taking is not for medical reasons but a perk, and your company will just have to deal with staffing given that they decided to give this perk to certain employees. It would be no different than if someone got sick or had an accident during that period. I think as women we are way too concerned with others and need to look out for ourselves more -- that's certainly what a most men would do in this situation!! I would not say a word until after you feel comfortable and ready to tell family and friends. Good luck!

PS you are only required to give 30 days notice before your leave (unless your company's policy says otherwise). Of course we all give lots more because it becomes obvious, but I wanted to mention it anyway.

 

[mylittlepretties]

You are so right Anastasia about the fact that they need to figure out how to deal with the perk they've offered. Thanks so much!

The issue I am concerned about is that next year, a good number of people will be out as part of a company benefit where after certain number of years at the company, employees are given a several weeks of paid time off. I will be due around March and so will probably be out on maternity leave for 3-4 months. This is the main reason I was concerned about not disclosing my pregnancy during the interview because would be out when there maybe less resources. However, I think that most will be out after I plan to be back from maternity.

This is their problem, not yours. Don't even give it another thought. If they offer this benefit, they need to figure out how to deal with it.

Absolutely accept the position, and wait until 18 weeks to let them know you are pregnant. You obviously are a conscientious employee, and have every intention of doing the right thing. It will all work out fine.

I hope you get the promotion and congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

[mylittlepretties]

I am so sorry you experienced problems when you disclosed. This makes me even more sure that I should wait until we tell our family and friends. And you are so right about the others leave been a perk and mine is for medical reasons. Thank you!!

I might be able to have a followup call with the career center either today or tomorrow so I can discuss this with them. But I am pretty sure now that I will not say anything until we feel comfortable. I have my 16wk appt next week and we haven't seen the OB for 4wks. I worry that everything will be ok since we haven't seen the OB in awhile. We had been going every two weeks which was less nerve wracking but at 12wks the OB moves the patients to monthly visits which are torture! I think after the anatomy scan at 18wks, I will feel much more secure in this pregnancy.

Thank you all so much for your support - I am getting teary eyed that you've taken the time to post on this thread (ok, probably the hormones aren't helping!)

Ditto Anastasia. As someone who made the mistake of disclosing early to work (before to fam & friends) out of concern about unavailability for certain work-related activities, I would never ever ever do that again or recommend it to anyone. The leave that others are taking is not for medical reasons but a perk, and your company will just have to deal with staffing given that they decided to give this perk to certain employees. It would be no different than if someone got sick or had an accident during that period. I think as women we are way too concerned with others and need to look out for ourselves more -- that's certainly what a most men would do in this situation!! I would not say a word until after you feel comfortable and ready to tell family and friends. Good luck!

PS you are only required to give 30 days notice before your leave (unless your company's policy says otherwise). Of course we all give lots more because it becomes obvious, but I wanted to mention it anyway.

 

[qtiekiki]

I was at your situation during my first pregnancy, promote within the company. I didn't say anything about my pregnancy until I work for 3-4 weeks. My pregnancy didn't prevent me from performing my job duties. I only told them when I was starting to show. It's not like you are taking your maternity leave tomorrow and they need to scramble to find help. You will still be there for the next 5 months.

 

[mylittlepretties]

An update : still waiting to hear about the position. However, I think I know who some of the other applicants are and based on this info, I don't think I will get the job. I am almost sure I know who they will choose. Hope to find out by end of the month. I am a bit disappointed because I thought I had a really good chance at this but after finding out my competition, I don't think my chances are good after all.

If I don't get the position, I think that I will need to reassess if this is the place for me long term as there aren't many manager openings that occur and I would like to eventually move up in my career.

Thanks again everyone for your support! At least if I don't get the job, I won't feel bad if I have to take any extended maternity leave.