Aggrivation station

[larussel03]

I''m excited to be inviting some of our MI friends to the wedding, but one always asks those questions that sort of frustrate every bride - everything from "Am I invited" (which I didn''t know at the time if I could, so I felt so on the spot), to whether there''s an open bar and actually saying "there''d better be,"

(there most likely is an open bar, but I tend to still put off questions about it because I find it rude to answer "so what am I getting out of this", which is what that question feels like to me), to SCOFFING at the time being at 4pm because she wants to be able to do "Boston things" while she''s in the Boston area and acting irritated that the hotel is 1/2 hour away from the ceremony site (but 5 mins from the reception site). I kind of just wanted to say "I''m sorry my wedding in inconvienancing (sp) you."

But really the day is supposed to be about FI and I, not her, which I think she''s kind of not completely getting. I also know that she means well and that she''s not really irritated about the location, or judgemental about things, but it''s how she comes off because she has no concept of not asking those kinds of things.

I know i get more annoyed though b/c I''m so stressed right now, so I don''t bother saying anything b/c she''s a pretty good friend to me out here, and I know she just doesn''t really get it - but she will eventually esp when she goes to plan her OWN wedding ...

 

[misysu2]

Hi Sweetpea,

I can see why you''d be a little put out by your friend''s comments. I think I would be too. If you''re close, though, I''m sure they don''t mean it like it sounds, but I think you''re also free to tell them "tough noogies" and to go to someone else if they want to complain about it. And then let it go-- they''ll be so happy to see you on your wedding day they''ll forget about all those petty complaints!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/15/2007 10:01:32 PM
Author: misysu2
Hi Sweetpea,

I can see why you'd be a little put out by your friend's comments. I think I would be too. If you're close, though, I'm sure they don't mean it like it sounds, but I think you're also free to tell them 'tough noogies' and to go to someone else if they want to complain about it. And then let it go-- they'll be so happy to see you on your wedding day they'll forget about all those petty complaints!

Yeah, that's why I don't bother saying anything to her when she says that because I know she's not herself thinking anything bad, she just asks those questions that most people know not to ask, but everyone also knows she does that and seem to not take when she's being b*tchy very seriously. So I need to vent here so I don't overreact. But it is a bit rude -- honestly I attribute some of it to her being an only child - I know MOST only children are fine, perfectly adjusted individuals, but I think she just is missing that concept of what to and what not to say that you often learn from growing up with someone else and having to always be considerate of someone else from when you were younger, and she doesn't care either because she doesn't have that experience.

 

[misysu2]

Sweetpea,

I''m an only child and I say tell her to chill out! It''ll be a rude awakening that she obviously needs to hear. Sometimes us only children need to hear it directly!!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/15/2007 10:08:44 PM
Author: misysu2
Sweetpea,

I''m an only child and I say tell her to chill out! It''ll be a rude awakening that she obviously needs to hear. Sometimes us only children need to hear it directly!!

Haha, thank you!

 

[Harleigh]

Lol Sweetpea,

(It cracks me up every time I write to you...your name is my FI''s nickname for me and when I first joined PS, that''s what I almost used instead of Harleigh, but I luckily saw yours before I did! I love your "code name" an they''re one of my favorite flowers, too!)

Anywho, I am also getting tired of having people ask if they are invited to the wedding, or assuming they ARE already on the guest list and saying that they can''t wait to be there, etc...

We are trying to keep our guest list down to 40, so some people are going to get a wee bit ticked off, I guess. Never assume, I say!

This probably won''t make you feel any better, but in case it just might, I did not formally ask any of my attendants to stand up for me until I had a date and a location in HI so that my girls could make an informed decision about time frames and costs before letting me know if they could make it. I mentioned to one of my girls that I was looking for BM dresses and she was appalled that I would DARE to ask her size when I hadn''t even bothered to ask her to be in my wedding, heaven forbid!!!

So, I felt like I HAD to ask her right then and there and she said she would OF COURSE be in my wedding... However, in the same breath, she then asked if I would rather her come to HI to be in the wedding or just come to the reception in CA as that would be a lot more convenient for them!!???!!! Did I NOT just ask you to be in my wedding and did you NOT just say YES??? Needless to say, I sent out my formal attendant invites last week and actually put a "Please rsvp by" date on there, which was specifically for her. Needless to say, I haven''t heard from her in a month and a half, and at this rate, I''m guessing maybe she won''t be in my wedding...might be better that way at this rate.

Also, my parents have shown no interest in the wedding...my mom''s only comment was to let me know how inconvenient it is for us to choose to go to Hawaii to get married. I reminded her that since WE (FI and I) are paying for everything ourselves, AND, last time I checked, it was supposed to be about us, that that really shouldn''t matter to her. If she says one more negative thing about it, I''m going to tell her to NOT bother coming at all.

So, here''s a toast to us for not making things convenient for anyone but ourselves! You go, girl!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 10/16/2007 12:00:35 AM
Author: Harleigh
Lol Sweetpea,

(It cracks me up every time I write to you...your name is my FI''s nickname for me and when I first joined PS, that''s what I almost used instead of Harleigh, but I luckily saw yours before I did! I love your ''code name'' an they''re one of my favorite flowers, too!)

Anywho, I am also getting tired of having people ask if they are invited to the wedding, or assuming they ARE already on the guest list and saying that they can''t wait to be there, etc...

We are trying to keep our guest list down to 40, so some people are going to get a wee bit ticked off, I guess. Never assume, I say!

This probably won''t make you feel any better, but in case it just might, I did not formally ask any of my attendants to stand up for me until I had a date and a location in HI so that my girls could make an informed decision about time frames and costs before letting me know if they could make it. I mentioned to one of my girls that I was looking for BM dresses and she was appalled that I would DARE to ask her size when I hadn''t even bothered to ask her to be in my wedding, heaven forbid!!!

So, I felt like I HAD to ask her right then and there and she said she would OF COURSE be in my wedding... However, in the same breath, she then asked if I would rather her come to HI to be in the wedding or just come to the reception in CA as that would be a lot more convenient for them!!???!!! Did I NOT just ask you to be in my wedding and did you NOT just say YES??? Needless to say, I sent out my formal attendant invites last week and actually put a ''Please rsvp by'' date on there, which was specifically for her. Needless to say, I haven''t heard from her in a month and a half, and at this rate, I''m guessing maybe she won''t be in my wedding...might be better that way at this rate.

Also, my parents have shown no interest in the wedding...my mom''s only comment was to let me know how inconvenient it is for us to choose to go to Hawaii to get married. I reminded her that since WE (FI and I) are paying for everything ourselves, AND, last time I checked, it was supposed to be about us, that that really shouldn''t matter to her. If she says one more negative thing about it, I''m going to tell her to NOT bother coming at all.

So, here''s a toast to us for not making things convenient for anyone but ourselves! You go, girl!

Thank you Harleigh! It''s amazing the things people say!

 

[Independent Gal]

Holy Shmoo! That is quite startlingly rude. I can''t imagine asking someone if there''s an open bar, or saying that 4pm will inconvenient my sightseeing schedule.

...or agreeing to be in a wedding, and then expressing doubt about whether I''ll actually bother going.

SHEESH PEOPLE!

So far, other than crazy Aunt F, I''ve only heard second hand about one of my dad''s cousins whining loudly about the date and us planning to violate an aspect of the religious service, which he actually got wrong. I thought this was hilarious. If you''re ignorant of not so fine points of practice, best to keep your mouth shut, not parade it. He''s apparently threatening not to come because of it, which is fine with me! I''m only inviting him anyway because I really like his brother.

 

[littlelysser]

SP - I went thought the EXACT same thing with a male friend of mine.

He made all kinds of negative comments about stuff and really sort of hurt my feelings - it wasn''t jealous or anything like that (he''s happily married and we''ve been friends for years) - but his snide little comments were making me nuts

He refused to RSVP cause we knew he''d be there.
He complained about giving up his labor day to be there.
He complained that one of the lines in the silly poem i wrote about the wedding didn''t rhyme.

I was SOOOO ticked and kinda hurt...so I finally said something to him about it.

I''m glad I did. He apologized and it cleared the air.

I think I''d say something, as nicely as possible, but I''d say something.

 

[anchor31]

Some people are so aggravating and rude... I know some people don''t mean to put us on a tough spot, though, but they still do. My sister''s godmother, for example, is my mother''s aunt. We see her once or twice a year. FI and I have an absurdly large family, and we want to keep things as small as possible, so we had to cut somewhere (I drew the line at 90 guests, and I still think it''s too much). Our great-uncles/aunts and our cousins did not make it to the list. My FI''s mother threw a fit, but that''s beside the point.

So last summer we visited my sister''s godparents, and my great-aunt started talking about how she wanted to throw me a shower and how she was looking forward to the wedding. AWKWARD. I mean, I like the woman, she''s very sweet, but... I guess people who don''t have 54 (no, it''s not a typo, we really do have 54) aunts and uncles don''t really get that we just can''t invite everyone. I''ve noticed that most people don''t understand when I tell them that immediate family, grandparents plus aunts/uncles go up to 72 people (

). We barely have room to invite 9 friends + dates.

I didn''t say anything to my aunt, and fighting with my parents ensued ("I can''t believe you don''t want to invite her to the wedding!" It''s not that I don''t want to darnit, I just can''t! I have to draw the line somewhere!). In the end, my FI took his alcooholic (and rather unpleasant) uncle from the list, so we discussed it and added my sister''s godparents. But man, did she put me in a tough spot or what...

Anyway, Sweetpea, I understand how annoying those situations can be. A lot of people have trouble putting themselves in our shoes... It''ll be over for you soon!

 

[larussel03]

Hey Indy, littlelysser and anchor! It looks like we all have 1 or 2 people who just say things that really make us go "huh, are you serious?"

I think some people are just so self absorbed that they really just don't think of anything past what they want or what they think, but what we have to remember is that I really don't beleive that they want to hurt our feelings or actually THINK what they say - it's just that it comes accross badly because of the WAY they say it.

BUT, I find it so irritating when someone refuses to do something b/c they don't see the point - especially when it's easy, the return envelope is addressed and stamped, just fill it out and put it in the mail! UHM hello, I don't set things up in a certain way because I just feel like it. Like the RSVP thing - some of my mom's friends have told her they're coming, but she tells them all "well, I really would like the response card back because I'm going to use them to tally and to write the placecards out." People act like, just becuase they don't think something is necessary that they don't have to do it, but there's a REASON to why we ask people to do certain things and it's not to inconvienance them - it's our weddings and we ask that to CONVIENANCE ourselves (sorry for my bad spelling).

I want to sometimes be like "Well, you're not the ONLY person coming to the wedding, so unfortunately you may have to just deal."

Seriously.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Sweetpea,

I''m sorry all of that is happening. It can''t be fun to have to deal with. I can''t remember if youv''e mentioned it (or if you want to), but where are you getting married? I can''t remember if you mentioned something in the New England Brides thread from a while back. I could go back and look but I''m too lazy.

I don''t get why people say the things they do sometimes. We''ve only had one person that I know of so far ask if she''s invited. It''s a former co-worker of mine who I''ve sort of lost touch with. I''m not inviting anyone from my old school. I wasn''t annoyed when she asked but I did feel a little awkward.

 

[Pandora II]

My brother threw a fit when I told him we weren''t serving spirits at the wedding or having a cash bar - and then turned round to his gf and said that it was okay as there were some bars in the same town and they''d just go there.

So I just turned round and asked him if he was serious and really meant it - because if so he wasn''t invited and he should consider how much money my parents have - or rather don''t have now they are retired. I then made him apologise.

I have made a decision that if anyone makes rude remarks I am going to call them on it.

I might criticize things about other people''s events to FI in the privacy of our own house, but I would never say it to the person themselves.