Always the bridesmaid....

[squeaksluv]

Ever feel like you''re going to scream if one more friend asks you to be in their wedding? As honored as I am when I''m asked, sometimes I just want to scream.

So yesterday a friend of mine calls me up to ask me to meet her for drinks, that she wanted to talk to me about something. I figure she wants to vent about her work as she really does not like her job. When I walk into the bar I see her sitting there and before I even get close I see the bling. Of coure I''m way excited for her (she''s been dating her bf forever like me) but at the same time I''m soooo jealous. After she''s done telling me the details of how it happened and such she says she has a really important question to ask me....and I get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach because I know what she''s going to ask..of course I say yes, because I really am honored and happy for her but this will make the 6th wedding I''ve been in since last year. It''s so depressing to buy yet another bridesmaid dress (and you should of seen some of them from last year, one I swore was my grandmothers curtains and another I looked like little bo peep, parasol and all!). Oh and these dresses aren''t cheap either so all told I''ve spent well over $2000 on dresses alone, not to mention all the responsibilites of a being a bridesmaid...ugh. Do you think I''m awful to feel this way????

When I told my bf she got engaged he gives me this look like ''oh no, is she going to start something with me?''....UGH! I just said it looks like I''ll be in another wedding and he looked relieved and said how nice. ARGH.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

You''re not awful at all!!!! It''s a lot of money, responsibility, scheduling and sometimes inconvienence by being a BM....it''s like you want to be happy for the bride and support her and her day, but not be so active in the process, right?

I have 3 friends who are all getting married within 5 weeks this summer....can I tell you how happy I was when not a one of them asked me to be a BM? I''ll go to the wedding and the showers and the bachelorette parties, but there was the sense of relief too.....

Good luck!

 

[squeaksluv]

AChiOAlumna you''re sooo lucky! Thanks for letting me know I''m not awful for feeling this way. I am really honored but I guess I''m just so tired too. It is a lot of stress with all the planning and such and when you''re a bm you have to be involved whether you want to or not! At least I''m not a maid of honor though...I would think that would be the hardest.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

That''s true....as a MOH, there''s the responsibility of planning the shower and the bachelorette party....much more stress.....hopefully your bride won''t make you wear another hideous dress and you''ll be able to buy something that you can wear again! *fingers crossed*

 

[kimberlina13]

Oh, you are so not alone. I''m going to be in my first wedding this summer, and I''m already feeling the pinch. The dress is going to cost me around 180 without alterations, and the dress will have to be altered. Then shoes, hair/make up, etc ,etc. Then over the weekend, the bride decides that she wants to go to Vegas for the bachelorette party. YIKES!

 

[anchor31]

Wow, you''re making me feel lucky that most of my friends don''t want to get married...

If one feels being part of yet another wedding is too much, is it really bad to say no? I don''t mean to offend anyone, I just think that if you don''t want to do it... then just don''t. But since you said yes, then I hope she doesn''t ask you to wear an expensive/horrible dress and that she won''t be a bridezilla!

 

[nytemist]

Trust me squeaksluv, there is nothing wrong with how your are feeling. Of my childhood/grade school friends, I''ve been to 12 weddings in the past 4 years, 5 of which I was in. Fortunately the brides were pretty cool about what we wore, so I didn''t have any truly hideous dresses. Two of them I can actually wear to other things.

Two other people I know are getting married this year. One asked me to be in it, but I had to decline since I''m FINALLY planning my own. I''m sure I would be raving looney upset about it if my BF hadn''t proposed yet (after 5 years together).

 

[sumbride]

Ah Squeaksluv... you''re so not alone in this! And no, you''re not awful!!!

When my best friend got engaged a year and a half ago she said "we''ve decided not to have any attendants, so will you be the ''Best Friend of the Bride''?" I was SO thrilled! Especially since the wedding was out of state, in the MIDDLE of the WEEK, and it was going to be expensive enough just to be there. It was a fab wedding, and I did end up helping her get ready, but was so glad that I was not an official part of it. My BF loves to be in weddings... probably because it''s so easy for guys... you rent the tux and stand up there... none of the other stuff... he''s got a list of about 10 people he wants as groomsmen. I said "You know, my friends are kind of OVER the bridesmaid thing... Do you REALLY have to have TEN?" He says the minimum is 6. That still sort of shocks me. I hate to inflict it on my friends... especially since we''re thinking of a ceremony on the other side of the country! I''d hate myself for that!

 

[Evie75]

Thats why Im not having a bridal party, just a maid of honor!

 

[squeaksluv]

LOL about the Bridezilla, did you know they have a reality show on them?

I''m afraid that my friend who just got engaged might turn into one. She''s super controlling and super anal about stuff. She already sent out an email this morning to her birdesmaids telling them what she wants in terms of dresses, and she only got engaged this past weekend!

She wants us to wear pink..okay, so she''s planning a dead of winter wedding (next February) and we''re to wear pink? I like pink, and there are plenty of winter pinks I''m sure but she wants pastel, cotton candy, little girl pink (her words, not mine). Okay, no problem but she added that she likes the look of open toe shoes with cotton candy pink, and no stockings cause she hates stockings and open toe shoes....did I mention this wedding is giong to be in February, in Boston?

Her maid of honor just emailed the rest of us unfortunate BM souls and said ''God help us, she''s starting already!''.

 

[anchor31]

Oh dear... *cringe* My heart goes out to you, and I''m sending her chillin'' vibes...

 

[GGLW]

Sorry to hear you''ve been conscripted into being a bridesmaid! I know the feeling that you want to support your girlfriends when they get married, but I''ve been in a couple of weddings and been a MOH for one, and I hope no one ever asks me to be in one again (knock on wood!).
I''m at the point where I tell people I''m happy to help out with anything they need (making favors, addressing invites, etc.), but I had to say no to being one for a friend that lives 5 hours away because I just couldn''t commit to the time involved.
You should not feel bad at all for not being thrilled about being a bridesmaid. It is a lot of work and generally very expensive. I spent over $1,000 on my friend''s wedding where I was the MOH!!!
All I can say is I would recommend bonding with the other bridesmaids for support and hopefully that will give you someone to vent to when your bride is being a bridezilla.
Good luck and hopefully soon, you can make all your friends who made you be a bridesmaid return the favor for your own wedding!!!

 

[JenStone]

None of my close friends have gotten married yet so I''ve never been a bridesmaid or a MOH. Can I ask...what is it about being one that makes it so expensive? I was always under the assumption that the people getting married pay for their dresses/hair/makeup. Is this not true?

Reading all these horror stories make me not want to be one even if I get asked!

 

[tanyak]

Date: 3/16/2006 2:53:13 PM
Author: JenStone
None of my close friends have gotten married yet so I''ve never been a bridesmaid or a MOH. Can I ask...what is it about being one that makes it so expensive? I was always under the assumption that the people getting married pay for their dresses/hair/makeup. Is this not true?

Reading all these horror stories make me not want to be one even if I get asked!

In most cases, you pay for your own dress, alterations and shoes. If brides want certain hair or makeup, sometimes they''ll foot the bill for that. But that can also fall on your shoulders. You also have to help pay for the shower, bachelorette parties and shower/wedding gifts. Some people also have to pay for their travel and accomodations. I was in a wedding a few years ago, and I probably spent $500 all told. They might not sound like a lot for some folks, but it''s a lot to me. If I had to do it again, I might decline the invite. The bride is a good friend, but not in my inner circle or anything. I''m getting married in August, and one of my BMs is getting married in November. She''s asked me to be in her wedding. I figure we''ll break even in the spending.

 

[kimberlina13]

My how quickly things can go from not so pleasant to just down right irritating. So if you read my previous reply to squeaksluv, my bride-friend has recently decided that she wants to go to vegas. so ok, i can handle that, it should be a good time.
but what has got me totally irritated is that she left me a voicemessage a few days ago saying that the tentative date is the weekend of july 21. well that weekend is my mom''s birthday. so i text her with that information. and she texts me back, " you have to be here for that? your mom has a birthday every year, i only get married once." i just about had to read it three times just to make sure that i was reading it correctly. that just really seemed to get under my skin. god forbid, what if my mom doesn''t have another birthday. it would be one thing if there was a whole group of say 8 or more going, but there''s only 4 of us going, so switching to the weekend before or after really shouldn''t be a problem. nevermind the fact that she''s insane for wanting to go to vegas in july.

 

[squeaksluv]

Oh my goodness kimberlina13, I just read your post and WOW

Sometimes it amazes me how self centered brides-to-be can be! I''ve had several friends turn into bridezillas and it can be hard to deal with. I have to imagine what a stressful time it must be to plan a wedding but that shouldn''t mean overlooking your friends and family''s feelings.