Am I a bad friend?

[squeaksluv]

Here''s the story...two very good friends of mine got engaged over the weekend.

My first friend, a good friend from work, has been waiting for this ring forever it seems. Her and her bf have dated for about 3 years and she has been waiting, and not patiently, for this. When she called me Saturday night to tell me my first thought was YIPPEE!! I was so happy and excited for her. I can''t wait to see her ring (her future mother in law works for a jewelry store)! I also couldn''t wait to hear the proposal story and all the details. I really am happy for her! I know how much she wanted this and she would always vent to me how he better not wait any longer! I also knew how in love with him she was and how they always had fun together.

Now my other friend called me Sunday morning to tell me that she also got engaged and my first thought was, Oh TG, maybe now she''ll stop being so depressing about it. She left a message so I didn''t actually talk to her but honestly, I really have no desire to hear all about it. She''s been dating this guy for about 4 years and I know she has been waiting for this forever but instead of just waiting and wondering, she has complained constantly about not being engaged for so long it got to the point where I couldn''t even talk to her she was so depressing. They were constantly fighting about it and she would always call me saying it was over (it was never over). She even cheated on him recently, self defense??? She had a hard time being happy for others because she was so consumed her misery about not being engaged. Another friend of ours got engaged a few months ago and she couldn''t even be happy for her. I feel awful feeling this way because there was a time when she was really a good friend. I used to tell my bf she''s the kind of person who is most happy when they''re miserable. I can''t remember a time I ever saw her truly happy, not even when her and her bf moved in together (she''d had been waiting for that too and when it finally happened she found something else to be miserable about). Now that she''s gotten what she wanted I wonder if it''ll be enough.

I just don''t understand why I''m so happy for one friend and not for the other. It''s not like I don''t understand the whole waiting process. I mean I''m still waiting.

Am I a bad friend??????

 

[appletini]

You are not a bad friend. Maybe friend #2 just isn''t a good person, doesn''t sound like it from the cheating, and constant complaining.

 

[flutterby]

you are not a bad friend, but maybe you are not a friend at all. I dont say that to be mean, i just say, it doesnt sound like a friendship. There is no give and take and she is self-consumed. I have learned recently, that you dont have to maintain all of your friendships, there is a point that they just arent worth the time you put into them. If they dont contribute to your life, complain about theres, and arent the kind of person you want to be around (cheats, depressed) then maybe you shouldnt be unhappy for her, but maybe it just shouldnt matter. I know that may sound harsh, but it has made my life so much easier to not waste time and energy on people that truly arent friends.

 

[squeaksluv]

no offense taken at all because I totally understand what you mean.

Our friendship was always take take take and I was always give give give. I was always the one she''d call to complain to about each and every little thing and I was always there for her because I was waiting too so I could understand (although not the the extremes she would go through). It just got to the point where she had such negative energy it was an effort to listen to her go on and on about it. I kept telling her what a great guy she had, how much he loves her and that he will propose but she wouldn''t believe it or was afraid to. He treats her like gold and she treats him like stuff on the bottom of her shoe. I am happy she has finally gotten what she wants but I can''t help but feeling sorry that she sees everything in such a negative light. I can only hope that this will make her happy but knowing her, I don''t think it will. She''ll probably only find something else to be unhappy about.

My bf keeps telling me to call and at least be nice about it. I''ll probably send her a card and leave a message when I know she won''t be able to answer the phone! I''m so bad!

Thanks for listening!

Now I can only hope that my turn will come soon! My Miami trip is coming up so it will be so good for me to get away. I only hope Miami is up & running when I get there! My friend said it''s pretty chaotic down there right now, curfews, no electicity, etc. UGH!

 

[JDgirl]

I completely understand where you''re coming from. Several of my friends have gotten engaged recently, and there are those that I am really truely happy for, and there are those that leave me completely cold. It has to do with how sincere the relationships are, and how I see my friends. Some of them are just obsessed with the idea of getting married rather than the exact person they are with. That makes it a lot harder to be happy for them. So, no, I don''t think you''re being a bad friend at all. In your situation, I really think I''d feel the same way.

And have a great trip to Miami!