Am I alone?

[caribqueen]

Okay, let me first say that I come to this board because of the great ideas and answers that I receive and read about. There are not many people in my everyday life who can answer and relate to what I''m living right now as I get ready to walk down the aisle. But some of the posts tend to get me down and it''s no one else''s problem but my own. But with that being said, is there anyone else out there who is wondering if they can even afford a honeymoon? While my parents are generous to take care of our wedding costs, I recently lost my job and my fiance''s job is really not enough to support both of us. So I''m presently looking for a job while being a "professional bride-to-be." And while my fiance has a great job opportunity in front of him, the vacation time that comes with it is barely a week. So not only do we know at this point if we can have something close to our dream honeymoon, but it may only be for a few days. Don''t get me wrong, I''ll be grateful for whatever time we have, but this is not how I pictured my preparation for my big day. Am I alone? Is there anyone out there who can relate?

 

[FrekeChild]

We can''t afford a honeymoon. So we''re not having one unless we can afford it before our first anniversary. We''ll see...

And even then, unless we win the lottery, we won''t get our dream honeymoon for a good long time.

So you aren''t alone.

 

[D&T]

we did not have a honeymoon, we stayed a couple of nights in a a couple of nice bed & breakfast place as gifts to us. We actually moved right after we got married, after the two nights stay. We were off looking for jobs, moving to another state, establishing ourselves. After five and half years and two kids later, we are looking to finally have a honeymoon maybe next year. I'm sorry about the job situatioin, I do hope things turn around soon for you. Just know you are not alone and I wish you well and best with all the wedding plans.

 

[trillionaire]

My dad offered to let us use his time share. I'd prefer to go on an all-inclusive vacay, but we'll see what we can afford. We might go on a trip and elope, but I'd be just as happy to go to a local beach and get a beach rental for a few days. We might have to do this because FI wants to do an 'at home' reception after we elope, and clearly the recepetion is the bulk of the cost of a wedding. My parents are willing to help pay, but I'd rather my parents use the money towards retirement. Clearly we haven't worked out our logistics, but I don't see a big honeymoon in the cards. We don't own property yet, so while I am DYING to travel, I have other financial priorities in mind. Honestly, where ever I am with my new Hubs will be magical to me!

ETA: I sometimes have to remind myself that PS is not the real world. Most people aren't as accomplished, well off, educated, and most don't own (or care about) massive diamonds. Once I read the thread on how much people spent on jeans, purses, dresses, etc, it really hit home. I live a very comfortable life, but some of these people are livin' LARGE! No 50K weddings over here...

 

[Dannielle]

You are not alone...

I lost my job and have had so much trouble finding another (although I have an interview on Thursday *Fingers Crossed*) . FI and I have a big honeymoon planned but unless I can find work soon I am not sure if it will pan out or not

 

[katamari]

Date: 8/17/2009 11:28:27 PM
Author: trillionaire

ETA: I sometimes have to remind myself that PS is not the real world. Most people aren''t as accomplished, well off, educated, and most don''t own (or care about) massive diamonds. Once I read the thread on how much people spent on jeans, purses, dresses, etc, it really hit home. I live a very comfortable life, but some of these people are livin'' LARGE! No 50K weddings over here...

Trillionaire is sharing some wisdom here! PS is a diamond (i.e. very high price luxury good) forum, so there is quite a class skew going on.

 

[honey22]

Date: 8/17/2009 11:14:25 PM
Author: FrekeChild
We can''t afford a honeymoon. So we''re not having one unless we can afford it before our first anniversary. We''ll see...


And even then, unless we win the lottery, we won''t get our dream honeymoon for a good long time.


So you aren''t alone.

Ditto sweetie. We aren''t going to afford our dream honeymoon either, since the buggers cancelled the sweet deals I had found online!

Anyhoo, at least we are having DW, and I get to hang around Mum and Dad''s pool for a week afterwards and pretend I am on a tropical island somewhere

 

[sap483]

I wanted to add that a honeymoon doesn''t need to be taken immediately after the wedding. DH and I just took our dream honeymoon and it was over our first wedding anniversary. When we got married we just didn''t have the time off to go for as long as we wanted. Looking back, I''m so glad we waited because it really gave me something to look forward to all year and it was nice to experience the excitement of being a newlywed all over again.

So my point being that please don''t let this ruin this special time in your life. You can wait a while and go when finances and vacation allow it, and you''ll get to experience the excitement you''re feeling now all over again!

 

[charbie]

FI and I are hoping we can take one (wedding is only 45 day away and we haven''t planned one yet...) but it may end up being a last minute detail if we do. We are paying for everything mainly ourselves, I lost my job (but got a new one right away....thankfully!!) but understand that it''s not easy. I''m lucky he doesn''t have the student loans that I do, or else who knows how this wedding would get paid for, even after we''ve saved for over a year (we aren''t very good at saving- plus our house needed repairs...but that isn''t a good excuse...we just suck at saving).

Many people give money as a gift- if that isn''t already spoken for in another area of your life, think about putting some of it into a vacation fund to plan that dream trip! FI and I really really want to go to Rome together, but it isn''t in the cards for us at this point, but we hope to use some of the wedding present money to plan a trip there in the near future!

 

[laughwithme]

These posters have made some really good points. A co-worker of mine couldn''t afford a lavish honeymoon so they got a rental home at a nearby lake for a few days and from what I hear, it was a total blast. Imagine just sitting by the lake each evening with a beer and bonfire - sounds totally relaxing to me!! There are tonnssss of low-cost options and now, with the economy and so many unemployed people, you will find more help than ever in having an inexpensive getaway. Don''t let PS narrow your vision or make you think you''re missing out - like a PP said, this is only a small portion of people.

 

[rhbgirl24]

You are absolutely not alone. We are going on a honeymoon, but its because of a use of his parents timeshare, which I am grateful for. We are scraping together for the wedding, looking at buying a house, and my job isn''t the most stable right now (real estate), so honey - many of us are where you are.
PS - while is a wealth of knowledge, isn''t a good representation of the real world, you know?

 

[adak]

Nothing exotic here! We are driving about six hours out of town and going to a baseball game. We''ll only be gone for the weekend.

My fiance and I have two children between us and are trying to save for a bigger house. We have been to quite a few places already together, so the honeymoon wasn''t a big deal to us.

 

[Lynnie]

Aw, carib.... I''m doing my best MJ performance of "You Are Not Alone" over here for ya! I''m sorry to hear you''ve lost your job. Lots of job dust to you!
\
We haven''t gone on a honeymoon yet... my aunt gifted us her timeshare for our wedding, but between work & school schedules, it''s been impossible to go. DH has been in school part-time since the wedding, and is starting full-time this semester, while working part-time, too. I work nights. Also, since the wedding we''ve been house-hunting. A house is much more important than a honeymoon to us, so that takes priority. So we''ve gone on a few mini-moons... a few nights down the shore, a camping weekend, all within driving distance. Romance doesn''t have to equal $$$$, ya know?
And believe me, I hear ya on the money woes... just after the wedding, I found out that a family member had taken out an account in my name, and it had gone into collections... so in order for me to get it off my credit report I had to shell out over 3K

.
Lots of dust, again!!!

 

[treefrog]

You are not alone. I''m cutting corners anywhere I can. It''s contract renewal time and we''re also going through a company merger so we are all very nervous these days.


Treefrog

 

[mayachel]

I think you will actually find yourself in the majority when it comes to what is a "honeymoon". The economy is down, and the idea that everyone should take a honeymoon to an exotic far away place is a newer than old notion. You may want to scout out a B&B just a couple hours away, or even more local. If you are limited on time, why spend half of it traveling? There is no hard and fast rule that you MUST take a long and expensive post wedding vacation. Besides, really what you want is time ALONE and on holiday with your new husband.

If you have a travel bug, why not postpone a bigger trip till you are both employed with some travel time saved up.

 

[Miscka]

Not alone! DH is in school and we live on my not huge income during the year, so we will be taking a belated (9 months post actual marriage, 4 months post re-wedding) honeymoon, which is nothing huge. Driving 10 hours to hop on a cruise to Mexico for a few days, it was really cheap (200/person). We could not justify a huge trip, as much as we would love to. Plus we can only travel during school breaks, which = more expensive and more small children. Bleah.

I get where you are coming from. All my recently married friends post pics of their hmoons to Aruba or St Lucia on FB, and DANG that would be nice! A big wedding and then off to the tropics. Just not in the cards for all of us

 

[House Cat]

No honeymoon here. We *might* be able to sneak away to the Napa Valley for a couple of nights, but our biggest challenge is our youngest son. He really has a problem staying the night at someone else''s house! We''re fearing how he''s going to react on the wedding night, let alone a couple of days! We are trying to get him used to the idea. We will try to do a few trial runs first, but we are certain that we won''t be able to be gone for more than two days.

So, my dreams of Bora Bora will just have to wait! :::Wistful Sigh:::

You aren''t alone. Many of us have different reasons for not going on a honeymoon. This doesn''t mean that we can''t have a honeymoon phase at home, right?

 

[Patchee]

Trillionaire hit the nail on the head... Thank you!

And OP again, you are not alone. I am *hoping* to go on a honeymoon and we are already 1.5 months into marriage. $$$ will decide what, where and when and IF it will happen.

PS IS a "Diamond Junkie" forum and I am thankful to have this place from wedding planning to rings etc. but like Trill said not your average Joe or Jane is walking around with a 3.5 karat flawless solitaire with 2xtra karats in the newly designed Halo.

There is nothing wrong with living large ...

There is nothing wrong with being average. We just need to hit the friggen Lotto or something

 

[Smurfysmiles]

you''re certainly not alone. fi and i have literally one day to ourselves when we get home from the wedding and it will be spent next to the fireplace in our apt watching movies we are planning to go away in a year or so when we can better afford it and also can finally ask for that time off then.

my parents didn''t go on their honeymoon until their 40th anniversary! after their wedding they went camping and ended up next to a boy scout campout in the woods and still had a great time! lol

 

[Paz]

Ditto to what everyone else has already mentioned.

We''re getting married this Monday and staying the night at a very nice hotel; the rest of the week we''ll be playing tourist in our city. I recently lost my job and FH is leaving for Iraq in a few months so we won''t be able to do a honeymoon for at least a year or more. Instead of being bummed, we''ve decided to take advantage of the inexpensive museums, galleries, zoos, and beaches near home. In the three years we''ve lived here we haven''t explored the area very much and I think it will be fun to see the sites and go to places that we wouldn''t normally think of (e.g. going iceskating at an indoor rink August?!). It''s been really fun searching for places that are cheap and nearby.

Why not make this into an opportunity to get to see your hometown through a tourist''s eyes? Check with your local Chamber of Commerce to see if there are any festivals or discounts for museums/parks that you could take advantage of. Pack a picnic lunch and visit a nearby state park or historical site. There are a ton of inexpensive activities that you can take advantage of locally and have a blast! I hope that you and your fiance will have a wonderful honeymoon no matter when or where it is!

 

[ilovesparkles]

I don''t even know where to begin. Forget a honeymoon, FI and I won''t even have 1/3 of the wedding we have hoped and dreamed for. Sometimes we don''t get what we want or deserve out of life. And when H and I start to get upset, sad, mad, etc because X, Y, or Z isn''t going to happen, we repeat our wedding date over and over. Know that on that date we will be married, and try to accept and realize that is the only thing that matters. It usually doesn''t make the heartache any easier though. Try to keep it all in perspective and enjoy what you are able to have after your wedding!

 

[caribqueen]

Thanks so much ladies. I really needed a reality check.

Maybe things can only get better from here for my new husband and me.

 

[that_someone_special]

Well, I''m with you. If we wanted to take one, SURE the funds/ability are there. But honestly, I have the hardest time even preparing for this wedding that I can hardly prepare a vacation as well. In addition to that, FI get''s like no time off from work (bastards) so going to Vegas to get married AND THEN taking a honeymoon doesn''t sound like it''ll work right now. We are getting married October 2010, so I am thinking of shooting for one in winter 2011.. or fall 2011... who knows. I just want to walk away from this with like, as close to $1 in debt as possible.

 

[Pandora II]

Honestly, after the wedding all I wanted to do was sleep! The thought of getting on a plane and having to go anywhere exotic would have been a total nightmare.

Instead DH and I went away for a few days to a nice B&B in a seaside town down the coast from where we live. Being in the UK it was not exactly hot, sunny or exotic - but it does have amazing fossils and is a special place for both of us. We just chilled, did some fossil hunting and ate fish and chips on the beach. Didn''t cost much at all.

Granted we did do an exotic honeymoon later that year, but I''d have happily waited as long as needed to do that trip.

 

[Sharon101]

I think that honeymoons are so overrated. First of all you are all stressed out from getting over the biggest day/ night in your life. You`ve already spent a fortune. You might rather go over all the details from the wedding with family and friends, organise your pressies, house, photoes etc etc. You know what I mean, all the post party and new house stuff.

I would rather go on a holiday exactly at the right time of my choosing, when you can go in peace. i also think you have extra stress when you know it is a honeymoon and it has to be perfect! A holiday down the track is a much better option for many.

Maybe you could have a weekend honeymoon and a bigger holiday for when you are ready.

 

[Lilac]

I know a LOT of people who didn''t go on their honeymoon right away after their wedding (including myself). In fact, now that I think about it, I don''t have ANY friends who went away right after the wedding! Some couldn''t get away because of work, some had school, some had to save up more money or vacation days in order to go on the honeymoon they really wanted.

DH and I just got back from our honeymoon this morning - it was amazing and SO worth the wait. We needed to save some more money and vacation days for him in order to go on our "dream" honeymoon. I think it was actually even BETTER that we waited - we were able to look forward to it for longer and really save for what we wanted! Many of my friends waited a year or even two years to go on their honeymoons and I know people who waited 5 or more years.

So I just want to tell you - you''re not alone! If you can get away for even just a couple days to spend time with your new husband after the wedding, even somewhere inexpensive and close by, it will be very special to the two of you. And you can spend the next few months/years saving up and figuring out the perfect honeymoon destination for you when the time is right for you! And no matter when you go - it will be amazing and you''ll have the time of your lives!

 

[DMBFiredancer]

Date: 8/24/2009 9:11:28 AM
Author: Pandora II
Honestly, after the wedding all I wanted to do was sleep! The thought of getting on a plane and having to go anywhere exotic would have been a total nightmare.

I agree 100% with this. We got married 7/25 and havent even really discussed a honeymoon other than "Well, maybe we'll go to Hawaii or Mexico someday when we can afford it"

We drove up for a "minimoon" weekend in San Francisco, but that was more to see Tim Lincecum pitch for the Giants than anything else

At least now I can still have something bigger to plan and look forward to...and save up for!
I feel good that we didnt go somewhere big yet...I feel like there's still a part of the 'wedding' that's still to be experienced....if that makes sense.

 

[D2B]

the honeymoon is nice if you can afford it or you have the time, but it is not the wedding iykwim, and that is the important thing. We didnt have a dream honymoon, in fact it was quick and quite ordinary, but the wedding was great and that was the main event.

Now thinking about it, I realise that this gives me the opportunity to plan our "dream" honeymoon as an anniversary present to ourselves and really have some fun, without the hassles of a wedding beforehand.

db