Am I alone???

[HisLadyLove]

I noticed alot of you ladies are going with your FF''s to look at e-rings and even involved in him buying them...

Well, in my case my FF wants everything TOP SECRET and not clue me in on ANYTHING... It''s a little frustrating, but I guess I can understand he wants it to be a special surprise (he''s always been like that!) Now don''t get me wrong, we go and look in jewelry stores and I send settings to him in emails and we talk about what I want in a ring!!! He has made it a point that I am not going to know anything (meaning when he''s looking for a ring, that I won''t be shopping around with him, etc.) We have been dating for almost 3 yrs, talking about engagement, marriage, and kids for almost 2 yrs, and living together over 4 months (which we are well in our time frame we''ve discussed in the past) But it does make me frustrated because being left in the dark sometimes make me feel like "is it gonna happen???"

Am I the only one in THIS boat??? lol!

 

[ladypirate]

Have you gone and tried some on? I know a lot of guys that don''t want their gfs involved in the actual picking of the ring, but you want to make sure that the style you like looks good on you. If that''s taken care of, I wouldn''t worry too much about the rest of it. If you trust his taste, then I''m sure he''ll pick something great. Also, you could always steer him toward pricescope and have the wonderful folks in RockyTalk pick out a beautiful diamond.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Welcome to PS HisLadyLove!

You are not alone at all! I am in the exact same boat with you. My seats are probably right next to you and your BF

I LOVE LOVE LOVE surprises and my SO knows this. So, other than giving him a few ideas here and there, showing him different things IRL and on the net - I am completely in the dark.

I won''t know when he is shopping, I won''t know what he decides to go with (he has my full permission to get a diamond or a blue sapphire), I won''t know when to expect a proposal...I am completely in the dark. I trust his decision 100% and can not wait to see what he comes up with.

At times it is frustrating but I don''t think it is any more or less frustrating than being involved in all the steps. I do have to admit I kind of enjoy the suspence. To me it feels like any day could be the day so every day has a little twinge of excitement to it!

 

[HisLadyLove]

We always stop in jewelry stores and look online and things like that (he even puts on my right hand ring on his finger to check out the size lol!) But he knows what I want but I hate not knowing anything and being left in the dark!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 4/11/2008 1:10:47 PM
Author: HisLadyLove

I hate not knowing anything and being left in the dark!

Have you told him this? I don''t mind not knowing. It would probably upset me if my SO knew I really wasn''t comfortable being in the dark but left me there anyway.

There are a LOT of ladies on here who helped with the ring design process so they knew what they were getting but they did not know when the proposal would come. Actually that seems to be what a lot of couples do. Maybe he would be willing to meet you half way and let you in on the process but surprise you with the actual proposal?

 

[Smurfysmiles]

my SO is the same way but if we go out dancing or something i manage to mention exactly what i want and then the next day i blame it on the morgan diets hahah
its foolproof!

 

[Bia]

HisLadyLove: NO, you are not alone. My BF is the same way. He entertained my "ideas" for one miracle of an hour last week and since then, he does not want to discuss it. He says, "Babe, don''t ruin this...I want you to be surprised, I know what you like." However, being the crazy planner that I am, I want him to know exactly what I am looking for in a ring. I know its not about the ring, per se, (let''s be real, it IS about the ring too! That''s why we are here isn''t it?) but I still would hope that he has more than idea about what I kind of ring I am hoping for. Doesn''t matter...he''s put a lock and key on the topic.

So yes, I know how you feel and YES, it is annoying. Wait, did you ask if it was annoying?

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

If it bothers you, talk to him. It''s stupid for you to be miserable so he can have 30 seconds of showing off. You''re relationship is worth more than that and you are as much a part of this as he is. If this doesn''t make you happy, don''t do it that way. It would have driven me nuts and my FI knew that, so I have been as invloved in the ring process as he is.

 

[HisLadyLove]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 37px">Date: 4/11/2008 1:52:12 PM
Author: Bia
HisLadyLove: NO, you are not alone. My BF is the same way. He entertained my ''ideas'' for one miracle of an hour last week and since then, he does not want to discuss it. He says, ''Babe, don''t ruin this...I want you to be surprised, I know what you like.'' However, being the crazy planner that I am, I want him to know exactly what I am looking for in a ring. I know its not about the ring, per se, (let''s be real, it IS about the ring too! That''s why we are here isn''t it?) but I still would hope that he has more than idea about what I kind of ring I am hoping for. Doesn''t matter...he''s put a lock and key on the topic.

So yes, I know how you feel and YES, it is annoying. Wait, did you ask if it was annoying?

Oh Good!!! lol... I feel a little better to know I''m not alone!!! OMG Bia... we are sooo on the same page!!! And I didn''t bring up annoying... but... YES IT IS ANNOYING! My BF is the same way... except he knows EXACTLY what I want in a ring and the type of setting (I make it known) He just doesn''t want to talk about him getting the ring for the same reason... it''ll happen when it happens... that''s what he says to me!!! lol... SOOOO ANNOYING!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I wanted to add that earlier this week, Delster posted this quote from a man's perspective:

"Someone on here overheard her BF telling another LIW this and she posted it:

Listen, you KNOW he wants to marry you. You KNOW he is going to get the ring. So my advice to you is.... LET HIM. Just let him do this one thing. It has been drilled in the heads of guys that weddings are YOUR day and they're about you, and that is totally fine with us. But knowing that, let us have this one thing. Have you ever spent 2 months of YOUR salary on something that you're going to give to someone ELSE? Its not that easy.Guys have to share all the other stuff with everyone else. When the bride comes down the aisle, he sees her for the first time and its special but everybody else is seeing her at the same time. When he proposes, its HIM that gets to be the one to look into your eyes. He's going to be the one to see that look on your face when you see the ring. This is his one thing. Let him do it."

There are a surprising number of men who feel this way. My SO expressed something similar to me when we first started discussing enagement so being kept out of the loop has never bothered me because I understand WHY I am being left in the dark.

Maybe it's just a matter of perception?

 

[KCCutie]

You are not alone!

I am totally in the dark and I mean totally! We have not even been in a single shop (well together I went to some on my own or with my sister)and he doesn''t want even a few "suggestions." I did manage to squeak in the fact that I am in love with the Asscher cut b/c I don''t want my ring to look like everyone else''s (in a subtle way) and that I thought his sister''s 1+ ct RB was too big for me. He won''t hear any more on the subject.

For now I''m totally ok with this (notice I said for now b/c it''s only been a month or so since we started talking rings and this may all change in a few more months). He has amazingly good taste - better than mine most of the time in fact. I know he will pick something I will just love. I am a little worried that he will go shopping and be overwhelmed (or buy the first thing he likes at a B&M and not shop around) but if he asks for help I won''t hesitate to help him a little but I think it''s so sweet he wants to do this for me. Probably b/c he knows I could never make a decision like this on my own anyways I''m so indecisive it takes me forever just to choose what I want for dinner. LOL.

 

[ringless]

Hisladylove -
no, you're not alone! My FF wants it to be a complete surprise for me as well.. and honestly, I want it to be. I went to the jewlery store that has my Tacori ring I loove and gave him the paper information and specifics on the ring, but I told him I would love anything with the round brilliant stone and the same "look"... and I will let him decide. I think it really ruines the surpise of things when you know so much about the ring already.
So no, you're not alone on this!

 

[HisLadyLove]

Thank you to everyone for your opinions and stories... I love that I can come here and just feel "at home"! I do want to clarify my "I hate being left in the dark"... It''s not that "I hate" not knowing what he''ll buy... Just that alot of the LIWs know that the ring is in process and know the proposal is in the near future! I do understand he wants it to be special and me be surprised, but it sometimes frustrates me b/c... now don''t tell anyone but I''m impatient lol! I don''t want to ruin his surprise b/c of that reason... He loves surprises (I think its a high for him lol)

For example: for one of our anniversaries my BF told me we were going out and to go get a nice dress... so I did! That day we got dressed and hopped in the car and he didn''t tell me where we were going... so we ended up at this nice Italian restaurant (our fav!) in Newport beach, CA... Our table was facing a glass wall looking into the ocean! After dessert, he handed me a box and it was an Italian Charm bracelet with charms that symbolize us!!! After that we take a walk down the street where we run into this man and he says "You two must be my 6 o'' clock" The man takes us to a dock where there''s a Gandola waiting with champagne!!! It was sooooo nice... the sun was just starting to set while we were being serenaded and it was beautiful! As we started to head back to the dock there was a bottle in the water and they had me reach in and pull it out... there was a rolled up piece of paper... I pull it out and read it and in short he was telling me how much he loves me and is so happy we are together! It was perfect!

Sorry so long

 

[Blair138]

No you are not alone! I got to go to ONE store with FF and try on a few rings. I found one that I loved and that was it. He knows the cut I want and the style setting I like, but I get no other input. He''s doing something super top secret with buying the diamonds and setting. It kills me sometimes, because I too wonder when the HECK it is going to happen, but in the end I know I will rather be surprised.

 

[chocolatefudge]

Nope, you''re not alone. My boyfriend wants it all to be a surprise too as he knows I love surprises! The only part that bothers me is not knowing when it will happen as I feel like I''ve been waiting forever!! The ring part doesn''t bother me at all as he knows what I like and he is more picky than me!
Although as I said above the waiting is hard I keep thinking how amazing it will be when it does happen when I''m not expecting it and how exciting it will feel!

 

[absolut_blonde]

SO is HUGELY into the surprise factor. He was actually more into talking about the future early on in the relationship but now that it''s become more of a likelihood in the (er... relatively) near future, he''s clammed up. He does NOT want me to be expecting the proposal in any way, shape, or form.

I did give him some ring ideas a couple of months ago. And we still need to go look at a few IRL, as per his request. But he''s hesitant to give me much of an idea of a timeline. A little frustrating, given that we''re LDR. Takes a lot of faith to just wait. I know it''ll happen, I just don''t know when. He knows where I stand and he said we''re pretty much on the same page but... eh. I''m a huge planner/obsessor/over-analyzer so it can be tough. I do think it''s reasonable to make sure you''re on the same level, w/o ruining the specifics.

 

[autumnlala]

As you can see, you have lots of company

What''s funny is that DBF started in the total surprise camp, didn''t want me to know a thing. But because he inherited a uniquely shaped stone (marquise) and I don''t like the way they look in a Tiffany type setting on my hand (no offense to anyone who has one, I just didn''t like it on me), we''re doing a custom setting, and there are a lot of decisions to be made! Once I started showing him things I did and did not like, he quickly realized that he needed my input.

But I think if he had just been buying a ring for me, I could have given him some pictures and he would have done great.

The suspense was killing me a little bit, but he ended up telling me he was ready to buy it and took me with him to talk to the designer, so I know that he ordered it this weekend (I left the store when they were talking about how long it would take though). So, he still gets to have the surprise of exactly WHEN and HOW it happens, but I do know that it will be relatively soon... hopefully no later than our 2 year anniversary, which is July 4. He wants to get married next spring and I''ve told him I''ll need almost a year to plan...