Am I alone?

[bubbly1126]

Okay, I''ve got a question for you all.

Do you ever feel like no one understands your desire to get engaged. Whether it be your FF, Friends, Co-Workers, Parents, etc.

Sometimes I think that I am alone in feeling that it''s important to move on in our relationships and take that step to commit ourselves to one another. (I realize getting *engaged* isn''t actually a commitment but it *is* a symbol of a commitment to come.)

I get people who are constantly asking if we''re engaged yet b/c they themselves have seen BF and I throughout our relationship and can''t wait for that special day...

And then I get others, who I know well or not well at all, who realize my desire through our conversations and tell me never to get married or ask, very rudely I might add, "what do you want to get married/engaged for anyhow?" And never have anything good to say about it! I just want to slap these people and tell them that just because they didn''t have a great experience that they shouldn''t rain on everyone elses parade! I guess the phrase "misery loves company" is true!

 

[LaraOnline]

My entire social circle (including my mum) was very cynical and worldly-weary-beyond-their-years when it came to marriage.
Then, eventually, my mum changed her tune and told me that of all her friends married and unmarried, those that had never married tended to question the worth of the lives and love relationships a lot more.
Like it was MY fault I hadn''t got married!

Now that I AM married I am surrounded by people who are positive and warm about the possibilities of married life.

I guess I just moved the suburbs!

 

[Blair138]

Before I was engaged and even now that I am engaged, I have had some (male) co-workers and one of my female friends basically grill me and ask (in so many words) ''why would I want to get married, marriage means nothing now..." At first it would offend me, but after a while, I just decided to tell them "it''s something that we both want, marriage DOES mean something to us, and I do not have to explain my relationship to you"

That shut my friend up who was being a rather big b*tch to me about it.

 

[TheNextMrsB]

My boyfriend brought up the idea of our upcoming engagement/marriage to his best friend of about 15 years. His friend''s exact response was, "if you ever get married, I will never talk to you again."

 

[radiantquest]

i am upset about some of the replies in here. i feel so bad that people in your lives are not supportive of your engagement/marriage. shame on them for being so negative. let me tell you that i am luckily surrounded by happy marriages. when i told everyone they were all happy. jut try to stay in the right frame of mind and remember that they are not you and yours. it can be as great as you want it to be.

i got some great advice the other day. happily married for 22 years told me that if you give 120% and expect 50% and both people feel that way your marriage will work. just give as much as you can and remember that your SO might not be able to give 120% everyday and vice versa.

 

[bubbly1126]

So, I see I am not the only one who receives these remarks.

It's really quite saddening. If a FRIEND of mine ever said that to me or FF, TheNextMrsB, you better believe I'd have some words to say back!

Radiant, for the most part, none of my close friends have ever said such things to me or put down my decision for wanting to be engaged or married. It's mainly just been acquaintances or peoples whose opinions don't really matter. It just upsets me that people actually have those kinds of feelings towards engagement/marriage and better yet feel the need to discourage you from doing it.

I come from a family where my sister is about the only person who has had the longest marriage. There is a high divorce rate and I know it takes A LOT of work to make a marriage work but call me stupid or naive, but in my heart, I believe in being able to love someone and be faithful to them for an entire lifetime.

Thanks ladies. It is disheartening to know others have experienced this same thing but at least I know I am not alone.

 

[LaraOnline]

I wish I had discovered this website during my single years. I spent a lot of time then soul-searching, wondering WHY I wanted marriage so much, when it seemed the rest of the world had moved on.

My boyfriends weren''t interested, my friends appeared to think I was a fool....
my sister (who remains single to this day) laughed at me outright, for clinging to a preference for intimacy within a growing marriage. And no, children were not my immediate thought.

However, the opinions of my friends have changed, as we have all gotten older. My sister has gotten really full on about how people should marry rather than just p*ss around... even though she''s not going to go there herself. I guess I just was before my time!

Additionally, my actual experience of marriage has really reinforced that my original feelings were correct, right from the start. I feel so much more nurtured, my needs are so much more comprehensively met in marriage. Before, it seemed that I carried ALL or most of the risk of relationship, and that my life meant very little in the broad scheme of things.

I feel that in many ways, the best years of my life (my twenties) could have been used in much more constructive ways if I had been married rather than just being jerked around by idiot guys! These idiot guys, by the way, were perfectly behaved in that they did everything expected of the longish term boyfriend... but no more...

I feel this whole area of life is an abject failure of our current culture. I think we could benefit from culturally embracing a few structures / supports that help women achieve relationship goals such as marriage.

So often, while I was single, it really felt that getting married was ''eye of the needle'' stuff. This is probably due to the crowd I was moving with.

I''m not religious, but now that I am happily married, I know several girls who married as virgins, and are very happy with their choices! When I was single, I just didn''t know people even had ''cultural permission'' to make those choices and still be normal, non-religious people !!!