Am I right about this....it''s been so long since I was a single gal...SORRY long

[btrflygrl23]

Ok maybe you guys can set me straight...
Most of my close friends are married by now or engaged this includes me(engaged, getting married 09Sept) BUT one of my closest girlfriends is single and looking anyhoo...

She and I went to high school with this guy who used to have a crush on her, he even asked me once whether I thought she''d say yes if he asked her out and I had to tell him no b/c during high school she was madly and I mean MADLY in love with this other guy who she never ended up dating b/c he didn''t feel the same way as her...

Fast forward to today years after high school we lost touch with him but we are both on facebook and he found one of our other mutual friends and added her and subsequently added me and my friend who I am talking about. No big deal, they didn''t really talk over facebook or anything and then recently they got into a bit a of a debate over our Canadian election, nothing mean or anything just fact based arguing and that was weird to me, I read all about it on facebook as it was going on and then like a week after that his grandfather passed away and my friend sent him a msg on facebook with her condolences...
SO he messages her back and thanks her and asks if she is in town for the holidays or elsewhere and that he is going to be in town starting that night for 3 weeks and thought maybe she''d like to get a coffee or drink or both and that is actually what he said.

She asked for my thoughts and I told her I think he wanted to catch up and was curious about her and had more courage now than in high school and that she should go why not right?? who knows?

So she messaged him back and said yeah I''m here for the holidays and pretty much all the time b/c I work here and go to school here..it would be nice to catch up over coffee or a drink or both and added a smiley and that he should msg her on facebook or call her and that they''d figure something out and that she wouldn''t be around the next day as she was going out of town to pick someone up but other than that she''d be around and that''s about it

So anyway this was last Friday and she called me today to say she has not heard a thing from him but facebook being what it is she can see that he is here and around and on facebook so he has obviously seen the msg but nothing and what were my thoughts...

SO I said well he has family here and is probably visiting them, his granddad died so likely funeral arrangements, he doesn''t want to seem like an eager beaver...hey I get into town and like the next second I see some old crush from high school geez that doesn''t seem lame at all...

So she agreed but then e-mailed me later wondering if maybe the fact that she put in her reply to him that she wasn''t going to be around the day after he got into town was taken by him as HER being a desperate eager beaver, like oh I haven''t seen you in ages but of course you would want to see me the second you get into town but I''m letting you know that I won''t be around tomorrow but she really meant I won''t be around tomorrow to make any plans for later on to get together just get a hold of me after that kind of thing...
Anyway I told her that I really don''t think guys/a guy/this guy would have taken it that way and that she will likely hear from him probably after Christmas
AM I correct ladies?? PS guys???
I''m sure he wouldn''t read that much into just a reply to a msg for coffee right???
OR Could it be he IS just an immature jerk who couldn''t get her to date him in high school and now is more confident and wanted to prove to himself hey I can get her to go out with me now and when she agreed was like great now I don''t even really want to kind of thing
Can guys really be that silly...actually now that I think about it maybe...
I love to back up my thinking patterns especially with PS opinions so your thoughts people???
Thanks

 

[btrflygrl23]

Forgot do ya think he''ll call??? YES? NO? MAYBE so? LOL

 

[iheartscience]

Who knows? People act so weird when it comes to dating. Way back in the day when I was on the prowl I just refused to play reindeer games! Your friend told him she''d be around, and if he doesn''t get in touch with her, it''s his loss.

 

[purrfectpear]

I think maybe both you and your friend are wayyyy over analyzing this

A casual reference to meeting up for a possible cup of coffee is not a date. He''ll probably call her sometime over the holidays when he thinks she''s in town.

 

[btrflygrl23]

thing2 you are right of course... I will pass this on ball is in his court if he doesn''t take it and run with it he is out of luck..
Is kitty sitting in a WF box BTW??? If so TOOOOOOOOOOO CUTIEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

[btrflygrl23]

purrfect too true and thanks for setting me/us straight...that''s why I posed this question to get this kind of info..for my part I''ve been dating now engaged for so long I think I was a bit excited at a chance to play in single land via my buddy when she came to me and I AM an over analyzer in my life and she kinda is too so I guess together we went on a rampage oops...LOL!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Date: 12/18/2008 10:38:38 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I think maybe both you and your friend are wayyyy over analyzing this

A casual reference to meeting up for a possible cup of coffee is not a date. He''ll probably call her sometime over the holidays when he thinks she''s in town.

ditto

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 12/18/2008 10:41:50 PM
Author: btrflygrl23
thing2 you are right of course... I will pass this on ball is in his court if he doesn''t take it and run with it he is out of luck..

Is kitty sitting in a WF box BTW??? If so TOOOOOOOOOOO CUTIEEEEEEEEEEE!

Hahaha no, it''s actually a shoebox. A really small one, but my silly kitty will cram herself in any box or bag!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Okay, I am just putting this out there...

If a guy is into a girl, he''s going to make the required plans to get together...he''s going to show up...he''s going to try it out and let you know he thinks your important thru his actions. When someone is genuinely interested in getting to know you better, there is no miscommunication...the guy is making the date and setting the time. I once read that in He''s Just Not That Into You and that is so completely true.

I remember back to when I first started dating my now husband...there wasn''t a waiting game. Sure, we were both professionals, with busy lives...but we made plans because we were interested in setting time aside to be together...there wasn''t floundering, or open ended questions...

IMHO, it sounds like this guy was being polite...it was the opened ended "lets make plans, but not really make plans" --"lets get together for coffee" can be a great opener, when you move forward right away and set up a firm date and time...but when it''s open ended, it more along the lines of making fake plans. I mean, anytime I''ve ever casually mentioned in passing "getting together for coffee" it was usually a bit of a blow off....

 

[btrflygrl23]

Italian I see your point...when FI first asked me to hang out it was firm in that we actually made firm plans for a time,date etc and did it/saw each other and spent time and then went from there.

I didn''t think of the let''s have coffee I don''t really mean it thing BUT I will say this to sort of explain why my friend may have seen it another way not as a date but as a genuine meeting to catch up...He SPECIFICALLY asked her if she was in our particular town for the holidays or if she was elsewhere since it does not say on her f/b and then he told her that he was coming into town for 3 weeks starting that night and then went on to say thought maybe you would like to get together for coffee or a drink or both
I totally see the coffee open ended thing and even saying that he is coming into town but I can kinda see where she could have gotten her perception with the part where he did specifically ask her if she was in the area that he was just about to come to...does that make sense?
I hope I conveyed what I meant over...sorry if I didn''t and maybe I am still off base and honestly I don''t really care that much it''s all whatever to me I think I just got invested b/c I told her hey why not say sure and go...ya know?

 

[Sharon101]

It sounds to me like he was keeping his options open, but another unknown (to you) set of plans came into play. But the bottem line is to take it as a not interested response.

 

[bee*]

Date: 12/18/2008 10:38:38 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I think maybe both you and your friend are wayyyy over analyzing this

A casual reference to meeting up for a possible cup of coffee is not a date. He''ll probably call her sometime over the holidays when he thinks she''s in town.

I''d agree with this. He might contact her or he might not, but I don''t think that it was a date. Hopefully he''ll call her to meet though.

 

[newsboysgrl777]

Okay, here's MY brutally honest take on all of this. I think that him asking her if they'd like to catch up and have coffee (or something) was meant as JUST that. It's you GIRLS that are reading into it with the idea that he's still the same guy who had a huge crush on her! GUESS WHAT?? That was YEARS AGO and he may have (probably has) moved on!! And to me, it seems extremely arrogant to think this is some crush-related thing. Now, I'm NOT saying this to be mean or hard on you, mostly I'm saying it this way because I've been in the SAME place where I've gotten so PRIDEFUL that I couldn't see past the fact that this person who USED TO like me, probably doesn't anymore!! You know??

That being said, I want to remind you both of something EXTREMELY important: His grandfather passed away!!! I'm sure he's DEVASTATED over that!! So, his 'coffee meeting' (notice I said MEETING, not DATE!! Don't give yourselves the wrong impression) isn't some kind of 'trying to make himself feel better' or 'trying to get back into your life' or anything like that. He's probably just interested in meeting up and saying hi, BUT, that's SECONDARY to what he's going through!!

And, the fact that he hasn't called yet doesn't mean A THING!! Like someone else mentioned, he's got a lot going on right now and regardless if he is finished with 'the funeral things' or not, when you're grieving, it's important to be around family/friends who are feeling the same way to gain some comfort. Also, it's the Christmas season and he's lost a family member; that's SUCH a hard time to lose someone. So I'm sure the family is still trying to make the most of their holiday together and also, it IS the holiday! I doubt he's going to call someone he hasn't seen in years on Christmas! You know??

I honestly think your friend needs to stop looking at him as a love-sick puppy who's trailing after her. Guess what might happen? She might be interested in him and he may not even think twice about her that way!!!

I'm so sorry if this comes across as mean, but pride and arrogance are things I struggle with at times, so when I see it in others, it bothers me more than other things. (Pride is such a subtle (awful) thing!! Most of the time, we aren't even aware of it in ourselves, even when we're staring right at it!) And I also hope you see what I'm trying to say?? I just think both of you need to take a step back and just try to think about how he must be feeling right now.

-Rachel

 

[Sha]

Date: 12/18/2008 10:38:38 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I think maybe both you and your friend are wayyyy over analyzing this

A casual reference to meeting up for a possible cup of coffee is not a date. He''ll probably call her sometime over the holidays when he thinks she''s in town.

Dittoooooooo....!!!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 12/18/2008 10:34:32 PM
Author: thing2of2
Who knows? People act so weird when it comes to dating. Way back in the day when I was on the prowl I just refused to play reindeer games! Your friend told him she''d be around, and if he doesn''t get in touch with her, it''s his loss.

Ditto - I really think this should be all there is to it. Its not worth it to agonize (easier said than done, I know), but I really think your friend has done what she can do.