An upgrade journey … from a research perspective

[Tonks]

First, a warning: this will be very long with multiple parts, and it will take me a while to get it all posted.

Part 1

Our 20th anniversary is this year, and for about six years now my husband has told me he wants to upgrade my engagement ring this year. To say I have been thinking about this and trying to figure out what I want would be the understatement of the century. Since PS has been so helpful to me along the way, I wanted to bring you along my journey. I tried to approach this like I do everything: with copious amounts of research, reading, and some soul-searching.

Some of you may instantly have known which direction you wanted to go for upgrades. I did not. When my husband first broached this as a 20th possibility, I knew it would take me a while to figure out what I wanted. My problem is that I love all diamonds. Emerald cut? Yes! Pear? Of course. Oval? Yum. Marquise? If you set it like Catherine Zeta-Jones, absolutely! Rounds? Duh, yes. Asschers? Delicious. Old Euros and antique cushions? Heck yeah, rainbows!

Clearly, I’m among my people here.

First I needed to decide on a shape and cut. We had occasions happening all along the way that involved gifts of jewelry, so I used my own collection process as a research opportunity. As a way to experiment with lots of different types of diamonds and determine what was important to me.

--For our 15th anniversary I got a MRB eternity band (Caysie cut the stones. They are gorgeous but not superideals). It is stunning, an absolute glitter show. The stones are supposed to be F color (no certs since they are 0.29s).



-We upgraded my original studs to CBIs.





—I tried a lab stone, in a rose cut.



--A year or so later we added a pair of bezeled Canera European Round studs. I adore both these and my CBIs and can’t tell you how much time I’ve spent walking around with them on my hands observing their behavior in different lights.






-I ordered a French cut band and a single cut band from Victor. Their sparkle is nothing short of delicious. The French cuts shimmer, the single cuts are little points of fire.



-A couple of years ago I bought a preloved HPD band with CBI lux melee. Talk about sparkle bombs.






What did I learn from my close up observation of these various stones? A surprising amount from each piece.

From my Norah eternity:

First, I figured out quickly that the best course of action is to choose the diamond first, setting second. I wanted the Norah from Caysie for my eternity, and passed on ACA melee because I wanted that setting. After I got my CBIs I wondered if it would be more sparkly if the stones were ACAs. I also learned that for mind clean purposes, I want the best light performance possible. Later, when I compared these F color non-superideals to the I/J color superideal melee in my HPD band, I realized that superideals do indeed face up whiter. My HPD band, despite being several color grades lower, looks whiter.

CBIs:

My CBI studs are eye clean SI2s. Truly. They were vetted by Wink. And at first, the clarity did not bother me one bit. But…gradually, I started to wonder. Would they be more brilliant if the clarity were higher? Hmm. The clarity that did not bother me upon purchase has come to be something I would change. I learned that I am sensitive to clarity. That informs future purchases, especially a ring I would be viewing up close. I thought about eye clean VS2, but really, for comfort, decided on VS1.

Lab rose cut:

I learned that Iab stones are not mind clean for me. Perhaps the fact that this was a rose cut factored in as well—hard to say. But my takeaway was that for an engagement ring, I need to stick to earth mined.

CER studs:

I really appreciate the juxtaposition of modern setting and old cut stone in these. I LOVE that I have zero questions about light performance. I love that the setting is easy to wear and clean and doesn’t catch on anything. These confirmed to me that I can love old or new and that mind-clean for me involves knowing the cut is the best possible.

French cut and single cut band:

These are gorgeous and I love the stones. The larger facets of the Frenchies are quicker to show dirt. I love stacking both with my MRB bands, and I learned it does not bother me to mix old cut stones with modern round brilliants. Here you can see the single cut band stacked with both the Norah and the HPD band.



HPD band:

Holy moly I really appreciate that this thing is ON in all lights. The stones are I and J and I do not see color in it. I wasn’t going to draw a color conclusion from these stones as they are only 0.17s, but they did push me in the direction of wanting to investigate my color tolerance further.


Let me come back to the studs (the CBIs and CERs) for a minute, because these were the largest stones and the most helpful in my soul searching. I love them both. They are completely different. I love the rainbows and chunky pastels of the CERs. They are truly mesmerizing. I love the ridiculous light show of the CBIs (in all kinds of light). They find even the dimmest light and just prism it back to you. I was also able to observe that most of my house is truly terrible lighting for diamonds, dang it. But even in the spots where the light was less than ideal, both sets of stones stayed bright and white.


Conclusions:
—Choose the diamond first, setting second.
—I am sensitive to clarity. Need VS2, preferably VS1 to be mind-clean.
—Lab stones are not mind clean for me, at least not yet in the context of an engagement ring.
—I can be happy with antique cuts or modern cuts, but mind clean for me involves knowing the cut is the very best possible.
—Color needs further investigation, but at least in superideal melee I am not color sensitive.
—Cut matters for color. Superideals will appear whiter, even to my not-particularly-color-sensitive eyes.
—I’m happy to mix old and new cuts together.
—I love bands and want to be able to wear a variety with whatever ER I end up with.
—I really, really, really like sparkle. No thing as too much sparkle. Bring it.

 

[Tonks]

Part 2

Before I made my final decision, I visited local jewelers, multiple times over many years. I tried on everything: rounds, step cuts galore, old cuts, radiants, ovals. I saw beautifully cut diamonds and truly terribly cut diamonds. I tried fancy yellows (yikes, not good with my skin tone), and colors ranging from D to O-P.

There was a long period of soul searching and conversation with my husband about what was really important to us. Purchasing a diamond is such an interesting process. It is an emotional decision but also a financial decision. It is a representation of your relationship that will live on your finger for years. My soul searching turned practical. Is this going to be my final stone? My last ring? I mean, that would be great, but good grief, how many times have we seen PSers say “I’m done” and not be done? Over and over. I am trying to learn from y’all!

So, I started to consider how much I valued flexibility in terms of future upgrades. In talking to my husband, we decided together that we both valued it, a great deal. He liked the idea of being able to go larger or whiter or clearer for a future anniversary. I liked the idea of not being locked in. That started to significantly narrow the field.

I also got really honest with myself about what I wanted. I listened closely and could clearly hear my inner bling ho saying she wanted max light return in all situations, please. Max sparkle and fire and consistency.

I think I could easily love a modern round brilliant, a step cut, or an OEC or antique cushion. But given the importance of flat out sparkle and of flexibility, we decided on a modern round brilliant. I felt a sense of peace once we decided, and that peace signified to me that this was the correct decision.

 

[Tonks]

Part 3

My next task: determine my color tolerance and size preference

Color is more difficult, but again, I have been figuring it out for years. My current engagement ring is uncertified, but I’ve had it appraised at both an I and a J. Its color has never bothered me. My HPD band, while small stones, is comprised of Is and Js. I love its color. For years I have visited a local jeweler that has antique stones, and they frequently have lower color OECs. I learned that at least in old cuts, I actually appreciate the effect color can have—to a point.

I visited four local jewelers and saw a ridiculous number of modern round brilliants of all colors, from D to L, ranging from roughly 6 mm to 11mm. Since I wanted to figure out my size preference, I brought calipers on all my visits, and immediately annotated my photos. I figured that since these were not superideals, I could not rely on weight for mm measurements.

Obviously MRBs were the easiest to find, but oh wow, did I see a variation in cut quality. WOW. I am so profoundly thankful for the education I have been able to get here on PS. The best cut stones I saw in person were probably at Tiffany, but it’s hard to say for sure because they would have had to dig out the certificates and so they didn’t. Other than that I saw some 60/60s. One store carried Hearts on Fire, which I would have loved to have seen in larger sizes. Unfortunately they didn’t have anything upwards of half a carat or so. I absolutely loved the 3 carat solitaire I tried at Tiffany. It was clean and modern and just sparkle everywhere.

In speaking of size, let me give you a sense of me for scale. I am not a small person. I am 5’9” and a solid size 10. I powerlift and have a ton of muscle. Delicate, I am not. I take up space (and proudly so). My finger size fluctuates due to autoimmune swelling. My current ER is sized at a 6.5 and my bands are a 6.75. I may size my new ER at a 6.5 or may go to a 6.75–haven’t decided yet. But just know that for size purposes in these photos, if I’m cold I can get a size 6 on my finger, if I’m hot and swollen a 6.75 is tight. For all my calculations I’m using 6.5.

This was the easiest variable to isolate, but I did try to keep in mind that well cut stones would have edge to edge brightness and appear bigger because of it. While I loved the Tiffany soli, it felt small. The 9.9 mm soli I tried at another store felt much better to me in terms of size.

I will be the first to admit the lighting in this store was not the best for color, at least on the showroom floor. I was truly shocked when she told me this was an L.


Side view of the L. Perhaps the yellow gold combined with the jeweler lighting helps, but really, didn’t look all that tinted to me.



I literally had my calipers out measuring everything and immediately annotated my photos so I would remember what I tried on.





It was really great to be able to try such a wide range of sizes mounted. When we looked at loose stones later, they feel completely different.




I was still considering emerald cuts during this trip, hence the various step cuts and rectangular shapes that will appear. I found this one too leggy and realized quickly I prefer a different ratio.



If you are looking for emerald cuts and want to get a sense of size on your hand, jewelers may not have what you want on the floor, but if they have radiants, you can at least get a sense of size.





This one shocked me. On paper this sounds huge but on my hand? Nope. I realized that for step cuts I like them BIG.

 

[Tonks]

Ok, brief intermission. I’ll be back.

 

[SparklieBug]

This is so suspenseful, in a good way!

 

[momofive]

I'm enjoying this.

 

[Mreader]

Agreed! Following! Also I’m embarrassed to say idk what your current ering is.

 

[maryjane04]

I'm waiting in anticipation how this all pans out. I love reading about your journey and the soul searching and I'm sure we've all done but in different time frames

 

[Mrsz1ppy]

You write well. Love your thoughtful process and that you are documenting it for us.

 

[RMOO]

This is fun! I am enjoying tagging along on your journey!

 

[ItsMainelyYou]

Tuned in for the next installment!

 

[MissGotRocks]

This story is perfect! I love how grounded you are while trying to make so many determinations - shape, weight, color, clarity. Can’t wait for the rest!!

 

[Kim N]

Refreshing for updates--I'm loving this story!

 

[Diamonddreaming]

It’s all so difficult and so many choices. I custom designed my own after trying to find my ring. Found something wrong with every ring before that. Happy hunting and don’t forget you can take any crazy idea you have to a wonderful jeweler and watch it come to life!

 

[RunningwithScissors]

Hee hee....I know how this story ends! (But I won't give away the ending!)

And for the record, I think you selected the perfect one for you! Its so interesting to hear about all of our different journeys to our holy grail diamond rings. I'm very excited for you!

 

[RunningwithScissors]

And you can definitely rock those large step cuts too girl! Love the big diamonds on you!

 

[lulu_ma]

I love these posts! The background process is so interesting...

ETA-the 5 ct MRB and large ECs look amazing on you!

 

[Tonks]

Ok, forgive the stop. Kids had to be fed and then there *may* have been a movie.

Moving right along, we were in the middle of color and size, I believe?

Color could really be difficult. I saw some of everything. And the better cut the stone, the better it handled the color. But certs were not always readily available. If I saw the GIA number on a briefke, I looked it up when I got home to confirm the quality of the cut.

Most of the stones I saw were GIA graded. This emerald cut is an E.


Same stone, different view. Again, this was super interesting to me because on paper, I would have assumed this size would be great (at least in length). In reality, it seemed too small.




Bigger step cut, GIA K. It *really* showed color. I was surprised, as I have had on an L color emerald cut in a much larger size in this same store and really liked the warmth. However, my conclusion is that light source matters and it matters a LOT. This was in a back office with windows, so there was mixed daylight and whatever the overhead lighting was. I saw the larger L in the showroom lighting only.

LESSON: ask to see any stone you are seriously considering in daylight!


Another view of the K.



GIA G, 9.8 mm. I learned that if you want to seriously view loose stones, perhaps you should bring a spring ring holder thingy. Having someone hover stones over your finger with tweezers is better than nothing, but it’s not exactly conducive to really understanding size preference in real life. I will also note both pairs of my studs are AGS Gs. They look far whiter than this GIA G, and I’m going to say that’s due to cut.



Between the fingers is slightly better than the tweezer balancing but still seems very inaccurate to me for getting a feel for size. At any rate, this is a GIA D, 9.3 mm.






GIA K, 10 mm.



Interestingly the SA actually left me alone in the room with the loose D and G perched on my hand. She had a coughing fit and had to run out for water. It freaked me out a little, tbh. At any rate, I spent a lot of time with these two stones on my hand because I was afraid to just let them drop to the little pad thingy because I could just see them knocking into each other and damaging each other or getting mixed up so she’d have to find the inscriptions…..ack!

Anyway, I couldn’t tell much difference between the D and the G. I know, @RunningwithScissors is cringing right now. My eyes are not artists’ eyes.




The SA had me put the 5 carat back on. Want to know how fast DSS sets in? 20 minutes. I had it on on the showroom floor and thought, “Damn, that is way too big.” We looked at all this other stuff and she had me try it on again and I thought, “huh, that looks pretty nice.”

Embarrassingly, I did not note what color this one was.

 

[Tonks]

Continuing with the color and size exploration!


My next stop had a massive antique cushion. The biggest I have seen in real life.

And it was totally dead. Like, call a crash cart, the thing has no heartbeat at all. I took a couple photos and was actually shocked to see the fire in them because I absolutely did not in person. However, I figure PSers would want to see.










Then there was the world’s most gorgeous step cut.
In a nutshell, I found my step cut size.

DAMN IT.




Next, there was a MRB that was not particularly well cut, but was SO helpful to me in terms of size. I *loved* this size on my hand. It had presence but felt comfortable. I can’t even tell you how long I wore it around the store. It felt very ME somehow.

Color wise, it was a GIA D, and I will say it was almost too stark for me.




This seemed to fit my hand well.


Yes, I wore leggings. And my conclusion was that I would feel comfortable rocking this size MRB with leggings.



A smaller antique cushion in a G color, and that same MRB in the D color. I was fascinated to see that the cushion looked whiter *to me.* Again, I was concluding that perhaps high colors are wasted on me.

 

[lulu_ma]

The 7 EC and the 4 ct Antique Cushion look lovely on you!

Whenever you have time, can you pretty please tell me more about the massive antique cushion?

 

[Tonks]

Color and size part five billion:

Confirming that I like big ol’ step cuts and not wearable ones. Sigh.
I actually do like bezels but I didn’t care for this one.


This was the only asscher I could find to try on.




Coming back to the large emerald cut. Not gonna lie, I really loved this one. Except for a couple of things:
—I love bands and it would be really hard to stack bands with a step cut this size.
—Rings often end up loose on me because of the swelling/shrinking finger thing, and I got to observe the effect that has on a large stone with straight edges and didn’t love it. It ended up looking crooked quite a bit. Perhaps I would get used to it, perhaps it would drive me nuts.
—Fingerprints. Ok, let’s be real for a second. I do clean my rings but it’s not always every day. This stone, while gorgeous, is like wearing a mirror. Facets this size are only going to look good if they are pristine.






Then it was on to Tiffany!

Luckily, my local Tiffany had a 3 carat I color in their classic solitaire setting.

You know when you try something on and just exhale? That’s how this felt. Like, OH! I get it! This is why everyone loves a solitaire! (I have never actually had a solitaire).

It felt chic. Elegant. Like a perfect black dress.

But we were talking size and color, weren‘t we?




This is the most tinted I could get this stone to look. For me, there was no tint. None. I just saw sparkle. Now, we were in store lighting, so take the photo with a grain of salt.





Same ring from the front.
Speaking of size….I strongly felt that it needed to be bigger.



However, there was not a larger one in the store to try, so I was quite thankful I’d gotten to spend so much time with the 9.9 mm D.


Also, let’s talk settings for a moment. This is a low set cathedral setting on the left, and the classic Tiffany 6 prong on the right. The stones are not the same size (and no, dang it, I did not write down what size the left one was). But it is fascinating to see the difference in height.

 

[Tonks]

Color and size continued (what, you thought I would have stopped with a reasonable number of stones???)

I did try to keep in mind that well cut stones would have edge to edge brightness and appear bigger because of it. These are 60/60 stones branded as Fire and Ice.


Following my own advice, I tried to get them in at least some daylight. Look at the HUGE difference! Under store lighting the J and F were much harder for me to tell apart. Once I got them in mixed lighting I could see a difference. However, the warmth in the J was not something I found bothersome.


This is an H.



This stone was not the branded 60/60. In fact, it was so poorly cut I actually thought it was chipped and had the SA look at it with a loupe to make sure before I held it (I was concerned he might have thought I had chipped it). It was not chipped; it was not round. I don’t think photos capture the issue at all. But my whole point in telling you this is that I absolutely saw the color in this stone. I’m sure part of it was the size, but part of it also had to have been the poor cut.


Again, massive difference in different lighting.


Same stone.



I wasn’t really interested in ovals at this point but did try on this one and thought you’d want to see. Didn’t write down details.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I picture this but with all the PS’er around a computer screen waiting for the next chapter

 

[Tonks]

Percentage finger coverage—an analysis of selected PS solitaires
At this point, I had decided on a modern round brilliant for sure, and needed to nail down the particulars. While I was feeling good at 9.9 or a smidge larger, I wanted to know how that compared to some of the gorgeous solitaires here on PS. Given our different finger sizes it can be so incredibly hard to figure out how to use this wealth of information to obtain your desired look. So, even though math is TOTALLY not my thing, I decided to engage in some analysis to figure out what I was seeing. I used posted info on stone diameters and ring sizes to calculate percent finger coverage for several rings. I got the mm for the ring size diameter from the site diamdb. The very simple calculation I performed was: diamond diameter divided by ring size diameter = percent finger coverage.

Where stones are not completely round I tried to use a middle measurement.



Ok, first up, @yssie ’s Margot.
Yssie’s Margot. 4.01 carat, 10.04 x 10.11 on size 4.5, 15.3 mm ring diameter: (10.07/15.3) = 66% finger coverage






@RunningwithScissors Dainty, 2.56 carat on size 4.5, 15.3 mm ring diameter. I do not know Dainty’s exact measurements but was able to pull 8.8 mm from a 2.56 ACA and used that: 58% finger coverage.







@CharlotteYork 3.1 carat, 9.4 x 9.44 on size 5, 15.7 mm ring diameter. 60% finger coverage.






@IceEmpress (weird, it won’t let me tag her) 3.72 carat, 10.03 x 10.07 on size 5.5, 16.1 ring diameter. (10.05/16.1) 62% finger coverage before the halo. Including this one even though it’s a halo because I was looking hard at this size and there aren’t a lot of stones in this size, either at retail or on PS.




@msop04 3.33 carat, 9.8 mm on size 4.75, 15.5 ring diameter. 63% finger coverage. (Note—I’m not sure if this is the center she still has.)




@LLJsmom ’s center: 2.47 carat, 8.7 mm on size 4.75, 15.5 ring diameter = 56% finger coverage. This was super helpful for me to see because while we’re starting with solitaire, I have definitely had all kinds of thoughts about three stones and I big fat puffy heart love this particular three stone.




@m-2-b ‘s 3.6 carat, 9.75-ish on size 6, ring diameter 16.5 mm. 59% finger coverage.





@m-2-b ’s 4.5 carat, 10.6 mm on size 6, ring diameter 16.5 mm. 64% finger coverage.





@m-2-b ’s 4.7 carat, 10.9 x 10.94 on size 6, ring diameter 16.5 mm = 66% finger coverage.





@grateful4life ‘s (won’t let me tag, hmm) 5.59 carat, 11.36 mm on a size 7, ring diameter 17.3 mm = 66% finger coverage.





And last one, @carbonfan ’s seriously stunning 3.2 carat ACA (no diameter info but I used 9.45), size 5, ring diameter 15.7 = 60% finger coverage.






I compared these measurements to what I had seen, and stones we were considering, to see what percentage finger coverage I would have on my ring size (used 6.5 as my ring size in these calculations).

I had tried on a 3 carat at Tiffany, and though I didn’t use my calipers there, I figured Tiffany was probably using fairly standard MRB dimensions.

—3 carat on 6.5 (using 9.3): 55%
—3.7 carat, 9.8 mm, on size 6.5: 58%
—9.9 mm on size 6.5, 58.5%
—4 carat, 10.2 mm on 6.5: 60%
—5 carat, 11 mm, on 6.5: 65%


And I’m calling it for tonight! Will post more tomorrow!

 

[lulu_ma]

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[SparklieBug]

Oh, my. I see a sleepless night on the horizon…

 

[lovedogs]

This is such an amazing thread. Following along!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Anyone else feel like this thread should be in SMTB? All the effort to write out this whole process (which is amazing by the way) and then a final reveal, seems so fitting for it to be there.

Anyways, this is by far one of the best threads I’ve read in a long time. Looking forward to the next post!

 

[Tonks]

Anyone else feel like this thread should be in SMTB? All the effort to write out this whole process (which is amazing by the way) and then a final reveal, seems so fitting for it to be there.

Anyways, this is by far one of the best threads I’ve read in a long time. Looking forward to the next post!

You know, I thought about putting it there, but there’s not a final reveal (yet)….and I really wanted this to be educational about process. I went through so much thought about color and size, etc. That’s why I put it in RT. Still, if y’all want it moved, please say so and I can ask.

Still working on the next installment!

Honestly, I am thrilled and surprised so many of you wanted to read this. @mrs-b told me she wanted to see all my photos of color and to post them, so I did. But as I was writing, I really did wonder if anyone would want to read. So glad you’re finding it interesting!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@Tonks, I hesitated to post because I didn’t want it to seem like I was trying to tell you what to do with your thread you know? Even if you decide not to move it, this is so fun to hear about the entire journey and can’t wait to see the final result!