... and FI throws me a screwball

[ficklefaye]

two more months until our wedding, we are waiting for 14 more rsvps, and FI calls me today to tell me that two of our guests want to bring four other guests, they are all friends of his father (he passed away almost three years ago), four extra guests would increase my table number to 17 and FI''s mom said she would pay for two tables to make the count 18 so it stays even, for a total of 180 guests! this is not what i wanted but i don''t want my FI''s mom to look bad, what should i do?

i always pictured a small intimate wedding but gave into 160 guests because we both have such large families and wanted them to share this day with us, incidentally, FI only faintly knows the extra four

 

[ficklefaye]

i was so upset over the phone that i was literally shaking once we hung up

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I think if FI's mom is willing to help out with the expenses you should let the guest count slide a bit.

I vividly recollect a PSer having a similar problem where all the sudden the list ballooned and she felt she was losing the intimacy factor. Once her wedding passed she actually said that all the "extra" guests were just extras and she barely noticed them being there. So, if you are helping FMIL and finding a way to honor your FI's dad's memory, let it go. I don't think an extra few people will have that big of an impact. I think you'll still feel like you are having a great day because you will be focused only on what you want to be focused on.

ETA - I am so sorry this got you so upset that you started shaking. Take a few deep breaths and relax. Everything is going to be okay. Your day will be what you make it - try not to stress out.

 

[Lilac]

I''m sorry you''re so upset

I do understand where you''re coming from - I very much wanted a small, intimate wedding with just my closest family and friends. Since I wasn''t paying for it, I didn''t really get to decide who was invited and in the end we had over 500 people (and that is HUGE!) And even with ALLLLL of those people, my wedding was the best day of my life because I didn''t notice the extras - I spent time dancing and having fun with the people I truly loved and cared about. Everyone else was "extra" and I barely noticed them. I said thank you when they wished me congratulations, and beyond that they were just there on the sidelines.

I really am sorry you''re so upset about this. Did you send out the invites yet? Maybe some of these "extra" people won''t even be able to come! I really do believe though that on your special day it won''t matter if there are 4 extra people or 10 extra people or 20 extra people - you''re getting married and you''re going to have an amazing day with the people you really do care about and love! The rest of them will enjoy their dinner and probably leave early anyway if they don''t know you too well

 

[ficklefaye]

thank you, ladies. i guess part of the reason i am upset is i've already let so many people slide at this point. FI's increased the list many times prior to us finalizing the list and sending out invitations. now we are within two weeks of when all the rsvps are due and this happens. all my invites are literally aunts, uncles, first cousins and a handful of friends. FI's invited every branch of his family tree because he doesn't want to offend people (whether he is close to them or not). i just feel like i've already put up with all that and for him to think i'd be happy adding 20 more just doesn't make sense. he literally tried to talk me into thinking this was a good idea. i know i'll get over it, but i'm still in the initial stages of moping.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Aww, I understand how you feel. FMIL has 20 extras that she thinks "should get an invite" (people I''ve never met and don''t care to really meet). She says "they won''t come" but I don''t think she understands that it pushes me up into the next bracket for invitation numbers, from 75 to 100, just to be able to send those few extra invites. Plus, I still have to plan on them coming. I can''t just ignore that 20 extra people will get an invite.

I really don''t want my wedding to be the venue for a family reunion with a bunch of strangers to me. Especially if my side of the family is footing the entire bill. If only families would understand...

But, like the other ladies have said... you''ll probably barely notice them there.

 

[LilyKat]

I would be upset and annoyed. But if your FMIL is covering the cost, and the guest list is already 160, I would probably let it go. Although I would talk to your fiance and make it clear this is the FINAL invitation list.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I would be annoyed like you are, but only momentarily. Believe me, on the day of you''re not going to care. If FI''s mom is willing to help cover the cost then go for it. There''s not a huge difference between 160 and 180. 160 is already a pretty big wedding.