Annoyed

[zilaras]

Okay, so i blame this partly on stress and my students testing all week for the CRCT.I really love my SO but I am starting to go crazy right now....

It''s on the nightstand now...he let me try it on the other night again- but I just want it for good. It sitting there is just a constant reminder that he is not ready to do it yet ( whether it be because of planning or what not).

When we bought the ring he said that it was going to be between 4-6 months most likely. I was a little upset but completely prepared to wait that long. However, I can''t take looking at it EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am losing it- and come to the brink of tears - wondering WHY NOT YET? I really really hope he isn''t going to leave it sitting there for 6 months. I will probably end up committed if that happens.

I also am a teeensy bit peeved because we are getting an apartment together. I have never lived with a guy before- and sure we practically live together now, but we each have our own places and leases. Signing a lease with him is a big deal to me and i had let him know that I would feel much better if we were engaged before then. The move in date in June 15th- the lease is already signed. : /

I think tonight I am going to stay up so we can have a face to face conversation. He really hates when i bring stuff up when he gets home at midnight, buuut with him working late shifts- I don''t know how else I am supposed to communicate this to him. The ring needs to move or he needs to propose very very soon. Because it sitting there in close proximity is making me very upset- it''s so confusing and i can''t rationalize it- but i am so so so upset about it right now, sitting there!

 

[Erin]

There is absolutely no reason that ring should be sitting on the nightstand in plain view. It really does border on sadism.

I mean seriously, he knows you want it now. There is no way possible he doesn''t know that. And he puts it within feet of your sleeping quarters? Your safe haven?

Have a conversation with him saying you want it put in a safe place out of your sight.

Gosh this makes me mad now. Is he just that dense or cruel? Does he think it''s funny somehow? If yes, see sadism comment.

 

[Livinthedream]

That is torture! You have to tell him how it is making you feel. Seeing it, trying it on, and then having to put it back in the box- that is just brutal. Good luck girl!! I hope he says- you''re right- and puts it on your finger for good!!!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Have you TOLD him how you are feeling? I think we’ve pretty much covered, in many other threads, just how clueless some men can be. Maybe there is a good chance he figures it doesn’t matter where the ring is because you already know that he has it. I am assuming he has the 4-6 month timeline because he already has a very specific plan in mind. Why don’t you try asking if he could put the ring someplace where it is out of site out of mind so you 1) can stop focusing on it and 2) will not notice if the ring has suddenly gone missing which could negate his “surprise” proposal.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 4/18/2008 12:26:57 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
Have you TOLD him how you are feeling? I think we’ve pretty much covered, in many other threads, just how clueless some men can be. Maybe there is a good chance he figures it doesn’t matter where the ring is because you already know that he has it. I am assuming he has the 4-6 month timeline because he already has a very specific plan in mind. Why don’t you try asking if he could put the ring someplace where it is out of site out of mind so you 1) can stop focusing on it and 2) will not notice if the ring has suddenly gone missing which could negate his “surprise” proposal.

Ditto. And if it goes missing and he doesn''t propose you could end up let down all over again!!

My FI hid the ring away from me, which was good because I was terrified of seeing it before I got it. He needs to get that ring out of view!

 

[lovelee]

I agree... that''s just cruel. I''d make him sleep on the couch till the ring was on your finger..

But really, maybe he just has plans for an amazing proposal and he doesn''t understand how evil he is being.

One of my girlfriends used to wear the ring behind his back.*



*I am in no way condoning such behavior.

 

[CNOS128]

I just. don''t. get. the logic behind buying a ring, having it present in your abode, and waiting 6 months to propose. I really wish someone would explain it to me. It seems to defy logic.

I mean, it makes sense to wait 6 months to propose if you''re saving up to buy a ring. Or if you''re waiting for some special date -- but then when purchase the thing so far in advance? Wouldn''t the money be better off in the bank collecting interest, if minimal interest at that?

Have you reminded him that you''d like to be engaged before living together (assuming you''d told him before)? The reason I ask is I just went through something similar with BF, sans ring (he''s still saving; but we signed a lease. i reminded him i wanted to be engaged - he asked for a couple months'' flexibility, now it''s cool).

Or maybe he''s trying to surprise you (standard PS response) and he''s going to ask sooner?

 

[choro72]

Don''t care if it''s after work...He needs to take it away from your sight NOW!

 

[Blair138]

Date: 4/18/2008 1:56:03 PM
Author: TheBigT
I just. don''t. get. the logic behind buying a ring, having it present in your abode, and waiting 6 months to propose. I really wish someone would explain it to me. It seems to defy logic.

I agree-it''s like buying a new car and letting it sit in your driveway for 6 months before driving it. There''s no reason-and it DEFINITELY should not be sitting on the nightstand. Tell him to put it away in a safe place. If he doesn''t oblige-buy him something cool-like an XBOX 360 or a Wii and put it out, but tell him it''s for Christmas and he can''t have it now

 

[mimzy]

Date: 4/18/2008 11:49:52 PM
Author: Blair138

Date: 4/18/2008 1:56:03 PM

Author: TheBigT

I just. don't. get. the logic behind buying a ring, having it present in your abode, and waiting 6 months to propose. I really wish someone would explain it to me. It seems to defy logic.

I agree-it's like buying a new car and letting it sit in your driveway for 6 months before driving it. There's no reason-and it DEFINITELY should not be sitting on the nightstand. Tell him to put it away in a safe place. If he doesn't oblige-buy him something cool-like an XBOX 360 or a Wii and put it out, but tell him it's for Christmas and he can't have it now

I can sort of understand. my FI had my ring for 3 months before proposing, and while it drove me nuts, i understood in the end. even though he was "ready" to get engaged, it took him some time to really psych himself up for it, and then it took a little more time to plan out how he wanted to do it. it might seem to defy logic, but a man can be ready to commit without actually being ready ready to propose.

and this might not have been my FI's case (or maybe it was!), but i can totally understand a guy having a minor freakout after the ring is bought that might delay it a little bit. i know that if i was the one doing the proposing that there would be a good chance that i would! having nothing to do with commitment issues or anything, it's just a nerve wrecking/exciting thing that isn't always met with a "omg i have to do this RIGHT NOW" attitude/mentality. and it's a much bigger deal than waiting to drive a new car - it's a once in a lifetime event that deserves careful planning and/or consideration. and it's also one thing that the GUY has total control of, and he might want to take advantage of that (not in a spiteful way, just in a i'm going to do this MY way and i'm not going to be pushed into doing it otherwise).

zilaras - it is pretty awful that it's just sitting right there (my FI would bring it over sometimes.....just for kicks) and should definitely be put away somewhere. i totally understand how you feel about the idea of him not wanting to do it for 6 more months being really hurtful and frustrating, but chances are it won't be that long AND it means he is putting a lot of thought into it (whether it is the planning or emotional aspect is irrelevant). and i think that's sweet

 

[honey22]

I totally hear what you are saying but I guess I understand it too. I am in the same situation - albeit my man has the sense to hide it in the safe. It's been there for around 7 weeks and the first two weeks were torture. I felt that same way, that he just doesn't want to ask me, he has the ring, there is no excuse, maybe he has changed his mind etc etc..........

But I have accepted that he needs to do this in his own time. Proposals are not just about the girl - this is one of the few big moments a man has to treasure as his time to shine. We wear the rock, the big white dress, we get the attention sauntering down the isle, we get to birth our children, we really get some special once in a lifetime moments - men get to the most important question of our lives together. He gets to start the new chapter. I have to let him do this in his own time, it's his time to shine, I am going to patiently sit back and wait for the magic to happen. Please don't have it out with him - you may just stuff up the most magic proposal he has planned and you will regret it forever. The wait will be worth it, we are here to hold you hand (if you are holding mine!).

Ok, I am off to take another valium now and wait ...................................

ETA - you might find it easier to take a few photos of the ring - I look at my pics every day, it gives me the hit I need to stay sane

 

[zilaras]

Thanks to everyone for their love and support ( and much needed hand-holding). After a semi-rocky weekend ( run in with one of his ex girlfriends- always fun!) things are a bit better.

The ring is no longer on the nightstand. After a short, sweet ( and not that emotional) discussion he put the ring in the dresser. I know where it is, but I don''t have to stare at it every day ( I even sort of forgot about it for a bit yesterday). I explained that it wasn''t that the ring was making me upset persay- but rather it was making me anxious and obsessive. He at first joked that he was going to put it at his parent''s house. I protested saying that it didn''t need to be somewhere that he can''t access easily. So the compromise was the drawer. He did say the cryptic " you won''t have to wait that long for it". Which is nice and all- but my version of not too long ( tomorrow) and his ( 6 monthsish) is quite different!

I don''t mind waiting really....I know it will happen. I don''t have a doubt in my mind that he wants to marry me. I think the biggest anxiety I have is my beloved''s procrastination. When he gets nervous or anxious about something, he will put it off...and put it off...etc. I''m just a little afraid that the proposal will get further and further pushed back. But I must not give up faith!