Another friend...

[wwmd8118]

...is engaged. Long story short, I have 3 girls who are my closest friends in the world - one got engaged 6 months ago, one got engaged on Christmas and the third one got engaged yesterday. I am very happy for all of them, but I can't help to feel so frustrated and disappointed with the fact that I'm not engaged. As an aside, my BF and I have been together for 2 - 3 years longer than any of them. Now, I know that they're just in a different place than we are and everyone has different timelines, yada yada yada, but that honestly doesn't make me feel any better right now - I still want it just as much and it still hurts that my BF hasn't proposed to me yet. Everyone says my time will come and it will be great, and I know that's true...but I am still SO frustrated right now. What's even more annoying is that the BF and I have talked about it, gone ring shopping, planned a wedding timeline for summer 2012....so why won't he just give me a ring already?! I'm really frustrated with the situation. I'm sick of the talking and would like him to start actually doing. These 3 girls have sat and talked with me about my future engagement and wedding plans for 2 years now, and to see them all get scooped up and now they're planning the real thing just makes me feel so stupid. I will now be planning a third shower and third bachelorette party and have already been asked to be my 3rd friend's MOH (I'm a bridesmaid in the other two), which is an amazing honor that I am so excited about. I just need to clear my head of all of this so I can keep the focus of this special time for them where it should be, which is on them, not me. I know this is a whiny vent, and I apologize for that, but I had nowhere else to do that except here, because, well, my 3 closest friends are the people who I can't talk to about this.

 

[wakingdreams53]

*hugs* That really sucks. As any lady here will tell you, everything you're feeling is completely justified. Naturally your friends don't realize how you're feeling since they're in their own state of elation. We support you here. One thing your friends are right about though, you time will come, and hopefully soon. In the meantime, perhaps a more solidified timeline from your SO would ease it a bit.

*dust dust dust* Feel better wwmd!!

 

[maebelle]

haha, I feel like this forum is here for whiny rants so we don't drive our SOs and friends crazy in real life!

To make you feel better, I'm actually *dreading* my one friend going on vacation because I am fairly sure she is going to get engaged on the trip. My SO and I are definitely the longest dating that isn't engaged/married (and in most cases, the longest dating regardless if the couple is engaged or not!). I honestly can't believe I've gotten so bad that I've started dreading other people going to places where the might get engaged, it makes me feel like a crazy person.

But you guys are the only ones to hear the craziest thoughts

DUST and hopefully we'll both be off the list soon.

 

[wwmd8118]

Thank you ladies for the support. Sometimes it's nice to just be able to come here and vent when I don't have anyone else to vent to. But, I've pulled myself together and have already started helping with the wedding plans for the (most) newly engaged friend. I think I need to stop thinking about me being the only one left and hoping to be next and instead just relax and let it happen. That's what I'm going to try to do now. Wish me luck.

 

[maebelle]

GaH!!! Just a story that sort of commiserates:

So... Everyone at work knows I'm the resident expert when it comes to colored stones, and they use me as a source. Apparently one of the guys is really taking my advice when it comes to buying a sapphire from Jeff White for his girlfriends engagement ring. I'm really excited that he's taken my advice and she'll get a great sapphire for her money but the smallest part of me is screaming "Where is mine???!!!"

I love being irrational

 

[Glitz]

I'm meeting with a friend tonight for coffee and I'm pretty sure that she'll have some exciting news for me. She just got back from a week long skiing trip with her SO and has been calling me ever since she's been back to meet up. She's one of my best friends and I will be soooo happy for her if she's engaged, I'll also be one of her bridesmaids and she'll be one in mine. I'm sure a small part of me will feel upset that it's not me though, and I can't help that. I know my time is coming soon, but SO just had his taxes done and he's actually going to owe more than he originally thought, which may push our June timeline back even more

 

[wwmd8118]

I love being irrational

Hahaha irrational is exactly how I've felt for the past few days. I think I finally snapped out of it yesterday when I was able to remind myself of the bigger picture - I get so caught up (especially now that I've found PS ) in the proposal and the RING that I forget about the fact that I am so lucky to have this wonderful man and I need to just chill out and enjoy it. So, I've gotten past it for the time being....but watch, I very well may have another whiny rant posted again next week. LOL.

I'm meeting with a friend tonight for coffee and I'm pretty sure that she'll have some exciting news for me. She just got back from a week long skiing trip with her SO and has been calling me ever since she's been back to meet up. She's one of my best friends and I will be soooo happy for her if she's engaged, I'll also be one of her bridesmaids and she'll be one in mine. I'm sure a small part of me will feel upset that it's not me though, and I can't help that. I know my time is coming soon, but SO just had his taxes done and he's actually going to owe more than he originally thought, which may push our June timeline back even more

Glitz, how did coffee with your friend go? This girlfriend was actually really empathetic when she told me the news- not that I needed her to make it about me whatsoever, but she has listened to my vents for 2 years now and everyone thought I would be next, so she actually called my BF before she called me to make sure I wasn't at work or school in case it upset me. She knew I'd be happy for her, but separate from that, she also understands I'm frustrated with my situation and didn't want her news to add to that. Obviously, I made sure she knew how happy I was for her when she did tell me. So, if your friend did have engagement news to share, hopefully she delivered it nicely.

Hopefully we'll all be moving off the list SOON!

 

[Glitz]

It was good meeting and talking with my friend, she didn't get engaged, but we talked a lot about the subject. I was actually disappointed that they didn't get engaged, I would have loved to see a new sparkler on my friends hand and hear all about how he proposed. She told me that she's in no rush to get married, and I really believe that. She also has an older sister who has threatened that she better not get married before her, the older sister just moved into her SO's house, so I'm thinking it will happen soon for them. My friend asked me if we've talked recently about engagement and I told her about how we're going to Vegas next month. We really considered eloping at the Grand Canyon, but after weighing everything out, we don't feel like it's "us", although who knows what could happen while we're there I'm still thinking this summer we'll get engaged, he said June would be a realistic month to purchase the ring, but I'm thinking he might wait to propose in July for our 6 year anniversary.

I hope you're able to celebrate with your friend during her engagement and planning period. I was a MOH 2 years ago for a friend who had just barley met her fiance! Although it's difficult and you might think "that should be me!", try looking at everything as a trail run for your wedding. Get to know what style dresses you like, what colours you like and gather ideas for your own wedding. But first and foremost share in her excitement with her, just like you would want her to share in yours with you.

 

[wwmd8118]

Sounds like you guys have some exciting stuff coming up! A 6 year anniversary is a big deal, and Vegas will definitely be a blast! Just beware of the *engagement disappointment*, meaning when you get your hopes up that a proposal will happen and it doesn't. We went on a cruise for our 4 year anniversary a few months ago, and I ended up having a bit of a meltdown when I realized he wasn't proposing there. Basically, I unjustifiably got my hopes up and made a big fuss over it. Not proud of it. We have some trips coming up, too, and I'm trying to keep a more level head this time. From all of the conversations we have had, I really feel like it'll happen by June, but I'm trying not to expect it on any of our getaways and to just enjoy them. Hope you guys have a great time on your trip.

Being the MOH is fun - the one who most recently got engaged is actually planning a wedding in 2 months (crazy, I know ) so we are very busy with the plans. My other friend is getting married in 2 months as well, but we've been working on hers for close to a year. Both have been with the FIs for years less than my BF and I but both are in very different financial positions than us (i.e., their FIs aren't supporting them through PhD school in a very expensive city like mine is), so I know that plays a big part. Sometimes it gets a bit overwhelming, though - one day last week I spent 3 hours off and on the phone with one about wedding plans, emailed back and forth all day with the other about her shower I'm throwing next weekend and then got on the phone with the 3rd friend whose bachelorette party I'm putting together and she wanted to talk about those details. That friend went on to talk all about her wedding plans and then tell me about 2 other girls we used to be close with who are getting married this weekend. At that point, I sort of starting tuning her out because I just couldn't handle any more wedding talk for the day.

 

[inflorescence]

No need to apologize for venting.. that's why we are all here. To listen and be heard
**hugs** Your time will come and soon, he's probably just planning an incredible proposal and waiting for the "perfect" moment. Yes, any moment would feel perfect at this point... check out the proposal idea forum, there's alot of men that have planned their perfect proposal for months... it's coming. Just relax and enjoy the time you have now before all the crazy planning takes affect.

 

[wwmd8118]

I actually feel like things have really started moving in the right direction over the last few weeks. We talked about rings for the last couple months and I showed him some I liked online, then we went ring shopping 3 weeks ago, and now the best part - I thought the hold up may be that he's waiting for his tax refund to help pay for the ring. Well, his friend does his taxes and that friend shared with me that my BF told him last week to hurry up because he needs the money for that exact purpose. So, I'm pretty excited. I feel like he has a plan in mind and based on the urgency he had when talking about the tax money, I feel like it could be soon! I'm not getting my hopes up because I've done that before...but I'm cautiously optimistic.

 

[captainmcgee]

Just reviving this thread. I am in exactly the same position as the original poster. Exactly the same.

My cousin who is one of my best friends just got engaged along two of my school friends all in the past week or so and I just had a meltdown the other day to my SO saying I couldn't understand why we weren't in that position too. My 3 friends (including my cousin) and I have spent the last yr or so discussing our hypothetical wedding plans etc and now while I understand everyone has different times and we are all on our own paths I just don't understand why when we are in such a good position financially, mentally, physically every kind of situation that could be great is, he is still holding back

I also hate to be whiny etc but I just feel so left behind and also lost as to why he is holding back. He has had the ring for 5 months now and I guess when we got it I knew he would hold on to it just not for 5 months It's not a finacially reason obviously because we have the ring and we are set up so that's not really a problem.

I want to be happy for my cousin and I truely am, I guess it just drags up feelings like I think that her now fiance loves her so much that he just couldn't wait another second to propose where as my man is just dragging it out. I am not sure what to do or to think.

Originally my SO had said that he wanted me to be graduated, full time employed and stable. I am now all those things. I feel like he is putting criteria down so he can move more slowly but I feel like if he really loves me and wants to marry me like he assures me he does then he wouldn't be doing this.

Any advice ladies?

 

[gummy-bear]

Hi mif, I'm sorry to hear that he hasn't asked yet. I know the last 5 months must've been hard, especially since you've now fulfilled the criteria for the proposal and you've got such a stunner waiting for you :p.

Just something I've heard, but a lot of guys want the proposal to be a surprise and to catch us off guard. If we're always hoping and expecting, they don't get that opportunity so some of them wait. A friend of mine that was recently married, had her now husband say the same thing; he waited for her to stop talking about it before he popped the question. I think another reason is that they want to show it's something they've decided to do on their own and not something they've been pushed to do.

Of course I could be completely wrong. Have you talked to your boyfriend since your last talk? I know he reassured you about the situation back then, maybe it's time for another talk?

 

[snoopkat]

Hi mif, I'm so sorry to hear that things are stalling on your end ((big hugs)). I have to agree with what gummy-bear says about guys wanting the opportunity to propose rather than being nagged into proposing. At the end of the day, wouldn't you want him to propose because he's ready rather than because you kept pushing him? My boyfriend is the same, he told me not to push, to let him 'have that moment' of asking me to marry him. Perhaps it's the same with your SO? The more you push, the longer he might stall..

As an aside, would you be so inclined to want that proposal now if your friends/cousin weren't doing the same? It sounds a little like you're letting other people dictate your own timeline and comparing your relationship with theirs. I get the sense of frustration, especially when it sounds ilke you're in a good position, I really do. Perhaps it wasn't the wisest move on your SO's part to get the ring so soon when he wasn't ready to propose, I mean 5 months is a long time to be waiting and of course it's going to constantly be on your mind. But if he's not ready, he's not ready.

I think I read in one of your previous posts that he won't be ready to propose till Sept/Oct (why Sept anyway? any special significance to that month?) and he hasn't budged from that timeline. And it doesn't sound like he will anytime soon, so maybe the best thing to do is just to take a deep breath and take a step back from the whole wedding talk. You've already waited 5 months, Sept is only 4 months away. You're more than halfway there! Chin up and know that we'll always be here for you.

 

[captainmcgee]

Thank you so much ladies.

Gummy-Bear - Yes I actually spoke to him when the news of my cousins engagement broke. I was quite shocked a bit upset then happy for them and I needed to explain my reaction to him and that came with the conversation. He said to me, "how do you know I don't have something up my sleeve for say this weekend or just any old weekend?."

^^ This is true, I don't know but he always made me think that he wouldn't propose until his time off which is in September/October because he is always quite stressed about work etc and I didn't think it was on his mind.

There is significance to September - my birthday and our anniversary. He said he dreams of our wedding but I think he is very nervous about the whole proposal thing.

Snoopkat- Yes I realise the way I have phrased it sounds like I am letting others dictate my timeline but in actual fact I have been ready for perhaps more than a year and since we got the ring I figured it was going to happen sometime soon. I think what is most shocking is that my friends and cousins proposals were so out of the blue they were thinking more towards the end of the year, perhaps in the new year. I really want this more than anything for US. Our relationship is so strong and he is everything I'd ever hoped for and I think I am just ready to take the next step forward.

I guess I thought I could cope with him buying the ring early, he really wanted to buy it for many reasons and I assured him I would be ok to wait but then again I figured that there were many opportunities in the near future (when we purchased it) that I didn't think he would hold onto it for 5 months. I guess I was silly. I thought if it were me and I wanted to marry someone, I wouldn't be able to wait another day but I guess the last couple of months have shown he is definitely the turtle - slow and steady wins the race.
He told me the other day when we were discussing it all that my time will come and that the best is saved for last and all that but I felt a bit like it was just another excuse I feel if he loves me as much as he says he does he wouldn't be making up excuses, but I am not sure how I work out whether they are excuses or whether he IS waiting for the right time.

I know I have waited 5 months but I just cannot imagine waiting another 4 or 5. It has been the longest time. I guess it is difficult for me to take a step back, I do a bit of work in the industry and it is always in my face. Particularly now my best friends and cousin are engaged and love to talk to me about it (due to work etc) and ask for my help. Which I love, I do love helping them but I also feel they have been a little patronizing and it's so hard to hear over and over "your time will come", "you will be next", "his turn to ask now". It puts pressure on the turtle (SO haha) and also makes me feel bad

Argggh who would have know it would be this hard. I don't like the fact that us ladies have to sit and wait but I do love the tradition. Normally I am a go and get it girl. If I want something I work to get it but I can't do that here. It is just so difficult, and it is only made worst by the ring sitting in the other room.

 

[wwmd8118]

Mif - You and your situation have popped into my mind numerous times over the past couple weeks - since I discovered there was a ring in our house 2 weeks ago, it has been so difficult and frustrating to wait and I have thought about how the heck you manage! I can only imagine it is the small frustration I am feeling multiplied a thousand times over. I cannot imagine waiting for 5+ months knowing he has the ring. Then your friends getting engaged and it seeming so out of the blue makes it so much more frustrating. I can completely relate to that as my 3 closest friends have all been planning their weddings for the last 6 months after we spent the last 2 years talking about "when wwmd and SO get engaged", "when wwmd and SO get married", blah blah blah. It's hard to deal with that. What has made me feel better over the last week or so is when I realized that my BF is a great guy who is not dragging his feet or leading me on, but instead he is waiting for the perfect proposal he wants to give me. It sounds like your SO is doing the same. His reaction to your reaction is very cute and it sounds like he knows you're frustrated and may in fact be planning something for sooner than September in hopes of surprising you. It sounds like September wouldn't be a surprise, and if he knows that, he may do it sooner just to make sure it's a special surprise. Plus, he may do it earlier just to ease your frustration. I really hope he does - you deserve a serious prize for waiting as long as you have with the ring in hand. Although, your prize is that GORGEOUS ring you have awaiting you.

We're here for you - as you can see from my original post, I can relate, as can most everyone here. So, vent away. Sending major DUST your way!!!!

 

[captainmcgee]

Thank you so much WWMD. It is so fantastic to be able to chat and relate to others who understand because there is just no one to turn to and it is horrible to hold it up inside.

I hope your SO surprises you very soon too. Dust to all who feel the same. It is just not fun!
I am just hoping that you are right and that he is planning something soon to surprise me. He is the love of my life and I couldn't imagine life without him. The wait will be worth it but sometimes that is hard to remember.

 

[iheartscience]

I have no idea why men seem to like to torture their girlfriends like this, but I hope you're both engaged ASAP!

 

[snoopkat]

Mif - your SO sounds like a wonderful man and I'm sure he's not trying to make any excuses. And you're not being silly for feeling frustrated, 5 months is a long time to have to wait for such a big event to happen. And the fact that your friends and cousin's engagements happened so quickly certainly didn't help matters either.

Perhaps your friends and cousin's wedding preps will make good practice for planning your own wedding? It's always the small unexpected things that throw a spanner in the works so if they happen to your friends (evil, i know ) well at least you know how to deal with them when it's your turn to plan your own wedding And i'm sure he has a heck of a proposal planned (after all, he's had 5 months to think about it )

Just out of curiousity, will you be having a long engagement?

wwmd8118 - any update on the location of the ring?

Sending lots of dust to both of you!!

 

[wwmd8118]

I have no idea why men seem to like to torture their girlfriends like this, but I hope you're both engaged ASAP!

Thanks, thing2. My BF has had my ring for a couple weeks and has no idea that I know he has it because I stumbled upon it (see my "I have to tell someone" thread), but I think he'll be proposing soon. So, he's not *intentionally* torturing me at the moment...although I am dying to get the ring!

wwmd8118 - any update on the location of the ring?

No, not really. I haven't looked for it, but I have a feeling it's here and he's planning something. I talked to his mom last weekend and she hinted that he's planning something special, so I imagine he is waiting for whatever that "something special" is to come together. I was really hoping he would do it before I go see my mom on Friday, but I'm pretty much giving up hope there. I keep telling myself he's planning something special so just let him do it and don't worry too much about it! Thanks for the dust!!! Same to you - sounds like yours is quickly approaching, too!

 

[captainmcgee]

Snoopkat - Yes I hope you are right! On the long engagement front, yes we would be having between a year and eighteen month engagement.

I am enjoying helping them with their planning. I absolutely love the industry and just hope my time will be soon but at the moment helping them is actually a good distraction. Plus I am let in on secrets hahah!

I really do hope he has one amazing proposal planned haha but I must be honest, I doubt it. But in better news, he got some FANTASTIC news today which means we are really on the right track so fingers crossed

Dust to us all girls!!