Anxious wreak - please help!

[DecoArtist]

Hi Pricescope Ladies in Waiting. I am a fellow Lady in Waiting (long-time lurker, first-time poster) and desperately in need of some sisterly support.

This weekend is my boyfriend''s sister''s engagement party at my boyfriend''s parents'' house. He and I are both going to be there, along with virtually all of his family members, and I have been a nervous wreak about attending ever since the date was set.

I know that this day has absolutely nothing to do with me, and that it doesn''t even really matter whether I''m there or not on Saturday, but I just can''t get over how anxious I am about going to this party. I know that in my head (and in my head only), being there will especially highlight the fact that my boyfriend and I are not engaged yet. I''m going *absolutely nutty* over this, and I''m really embarrassed to tell anyone.

I think the worst part is that I know how ridiculous and self-centered I''m being, and that just makes me feel worse. I''m just
so anxious to be engaged already, and someone else close to us (besides my best friend, who is also on her way to the altar) is there before me.

Would anyone else feel this way?

 

[sunkist]

Yes, I think a lot of girls in your situation feel the same way. But what I really think you should do is talk to your BF about it, if you haven't already. Do you know that marriage is in his plans? I think talking with him is the only way to deal with it. And then you'll know where you stand and you can be happy for someone else.

oh! and welcome to PS

 

[ephemery1]

Ugh... you have definitely come to the right place... many of us have been in the same place you are! I got engaged a few months ago, but up until then, any time another friend or family member announced their engagement, I''d feel a whole mess of conflicting emotions. Happiness for the couple, sadness about not being at that point yet myself, and then resentment toward my boyfriend for the fact that I felt that way at all!! I hated that I wasn''t just completely happy for my friends without being aware of that nagging ache in the bottom of my heart.

A few months ago my BF and I were getting ready to go to a friend''s wedding, when we heard another couple in our social circle had just gotten engaged... making us pretty much the last of the group. When he called to tell me the news, I felt my whole heart sink. Obviously I was glad for them, but all I could think about was how the whole upcoming weekend would be spent talking about weddings and I''d have to sit there silently. When I shared this story here before, some people thought my reaction was unwarranted... but it was honestly how I felt. And sometimes it just helps to recognize your emotions and accept them, rather than berate yourself for not being perfect.

So for what it''s worth, I do NOT think you are selfish or ridiculous at all... just in touch with your emotions and realistic about your disappointment. But I firmly believe you can be frustrated about your own situation and still simultaneously happy for your BF''s sister... the feelings are not mutually exclusive! The party may be uncomfortable at times, but grit your teeth and get through it... and remind yourself you are with your BF for a reason... even if you can''t remember exactly what it is at the time! Then come back and vent to us... we''ll be here.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

How long have you been together? I can totally sympathize. My friend who has been dating her BF for one year (to the day!) got engaged. My bf and I introduced them. How nice? Although I was happy for them I felt the exact same way. We have been together longer, why not me....yeah I totally understand. You have come to the right place....

 

[jsc44]

I was in your EXACT situation! My bf (now fiance!! he propsed a week ago) has a younger brother. His brother just turned 26 at the time and was proposing to a 23 year old. I am 28 (about 29) and my fiance was 29. Needless to say I was a wreck. We flew in for the proposal as a surprise. I almost did not go. I was so angry that his little brother was getting engaged and the girl was so young compared to me. I had anxiety attacks all of the time.. it was awful.

I broke down one night. I promised myself that I would not do it,but I lost it.. It''s natural to be envious of other people (especially your b/f''s family)!!! However, after that breakdown I told myself I needed to be on my best behavior or it will just be to my detriment

This is my advice: DO NOT BREAK DOWN AT THE FAMILY''S!!!! Smile the whole time, take pictures of everything and send them to the family... etc. I even bought the girl (who I had never met) a gift...(a ring holder)...Be the classiest you have ever been. Your boyfriend will notice your behavior-- This engagement might actually speed up the process b/c he might want that happiness and attention on him and you sooner rather than later. That is what happened in my case. We got engaged exactly 2 months later!!

 

[DecoArtist]

Thank you all for your kind words.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. (I was a little afraid I was coming off too whiny in my last post.)

After last night, I calmed down a lot. Having my feelings out there *somewhere* really helped. Thank you for letting me vent. I was actually able to consider how his sister must be feeling -- after being with the same person for 11 years, she must have felt some degree of relief when they were finally engaged. And I can empathize with that, which makes going to the party a lot easier now. Besides -- his family has been absolutely wonderful to me, and I truly want to be happy for his sister and fiance. I think I'll also be better at that now, too.

To provide a little more of my background -- My BF and I have been together for just over two and a half years. We have been talking about marriage for over a year now, but the actual proposal has been delayed for a few reasons (mostly just timing and finances). We're happily living together and both determined to make it official.

This was the first wedding event that's "hit close to home," if you know what I mean. Before this party, it didn't seem truly real that either his sister or my best friend were actually getting married. And to those of you who mentioned this, you're right -- it really won't be easy tomorrow, or at any other events like this to follow -- but I think that this mini freak-out gave me some good perspective to hold onto going in. Tomorrow, I'll smile, remember I'm not alone, and really try to have a good time.

Thanks so much again!

P.S. - Congrats on your engagement, jsc44!!