Any one else experience this?

[sweetjettagirl04]

So, my BF and I have been together for quite some time, mind you I'll be 24 this year (and if it happened before now I wouldn't be ready, I know that), and it's about time for the whole engagement/marriage thing to happen, as our relationship has taken that course that we have decided we will get married. That being said, is anyone else tired of the questions from other people? Like at another wedding "When are you two getting married?" or around the holidays "Is there going to be a proposal on Christmas or New Years?" Or just a flat out "When is he going to propose to you?"

Most of the time these questions don't bother me, and I just smile and say "It's up to him when he asks me, and I say yes". But, I'm starting to get really annoyed with the question. Case in point - A lady that I work with, who I talk to almost daily, walks up to me this morning and says "So, are you starting to register anywhere?" (she doesn't know about anything, just that a proposal should be "soon") and I looked at her like she had a third eye and said "Well, I can't really register for an event that isn't happening yet..." and she just looked and me and said "Oh. Well, doesn't he know that he needs to get on the ball and ask you?" And this is a woman who inspects my hand every Monday morning to see if anything has happened yet. Really weird. I wasn't sure how to answer it, because I really haven't talked about anything wedding-ish to anyone.

I don't know why, but that question is really starting to irk me. I don't know when he's going to propose, I'm pulling my hair out waiting for that magical day!

Anyone else experience something like this? Is anyone else getting as frustrated as I am with being asked?

Whoooo. That felt really good to get that off my chest, and I know you ladies understand!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I''ve responded to a similar question before.

It used to bother me when people would ask this question namely because I always felt as though I was hanging my head in shame by saying "No, not yet." It constantly got me down. Then I tried thinking of the situation differently...

Instead of feeling embarassed or frustrated when people ask me, I feel complimented. To me, the sheer fact that they feel my SO and I are a couple they could see spending the rest of our lives together is a very HUGE compliment. Imagine how you would feel if you were with your SO for 5 or 10 years and no one had ever asked?!

So when people ask me now, and they do so very often, I smile as big as I can and say "Nothing yet but thanks for thinking so highly of us and our relationship, it means a lot to me."

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

Date: 1/22/2008 10:59:22 AM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
I''ve responded to a similar question before.

It used to bother me when people would ask this question namely because I always felt as though I was hanging my head in shame by saying ''No, not yet.'' It constantly got me down. Then I tried thinking of the situation differently...

Instead of feeling embarassed or frustrated when people ask me, I feel complimented. To me, the sheer fact that they feel my SO and I are a couple they could see spending the rest of our lives together is a very HUGE compliment. Imagine how you would feel if you were with your SO for 5 or 10 years and no one had ever asked?!

So when people ask me now, and they do so very often, I smile as big as I can and say ''Nothing yet but thanks for thinking so highly of us and our relationship, it means a lot to me.''

This is how I''m starting to feel, although I know I shouldn''t. It''s mainly because he''s had the ring in his posession going on 5 months now, and I''m worried as to why he hasn''t asked. But, I don''t feel like that all the time, just when the LIWitis gets the best of me! Like someone else said, I''m enjoying the last few days, months, etc as a girlfriend, because that''s something I''ll never be again.

I really like your view on it, and I never thought about it that way in the past, but I definitely will in the future!

 

[bee*]

I had that for ages, especially from one of the couples that we hang around with once they got engaged. It didn''t really bother me when it''s from other people but when they kept saying it, it was said almost with a smug smile, and so it really bothered me. I wouldn''t say anything at all to that lady again about anything to do with proposals. Even if you say it is going to be soon, it will probably fuel her fire a bit more. I hope that it does happen soon for you though!

 

[Aloros]

When I was with my ex, we got asked that a lot (we dated for nearly six years). I got a kick out of replying with things like "When we''re old enough" or "When we feel like it" or "Probably around twelve months after the proposal". Of course, it was easy for me to not take it to heart, because I wasn''t that keen on marrying him anyway!

I got a little bit of LIW fever before my fiance proposed to me. Thankfully, none of my friends or family were rude enough to start being so nosy. It''s almost as if these questions are designed to prod a LIW''s insecurities, isn''t it? No matter how secure you feel in your relationship, you start thinking "why hasn''t he asked me yet?" and that''s a slippery slope into LIW hell!

Don''t let those people pressure you into pressuring your BF! You two together decided that you will get married. Well, sometimes the proposal takes a lot of planning and a lot of work. So sit back, relax, and don''t let the nosy-people get to you.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 1/22/2008 10:50:19 AM
Author:sweetjettagirl04
So, my BF and I have been together for quite some time, mind you I''ll be 24 this year (and if it happened before now I wouldn''t be ready, I know that), and it''s about time for the whole engagement/marriage thing to happen, as our relationship has taken that course that we have decided we will get married. That being said, is anyone else tired of the questions from other people? Like at another wedding ''When are you two getting married?'' or around the holidays ''Is there going to be a proposal on Christmas or New Years?'' Or just a flat out ''When is he going to propose to you?''

Most of the time these questions don''t bother me, and I just smile and say ''It''s up to him when he asks me, and I say yes''. But, I''m starting to get really annoyed with the question. Case in point - A lady that I work with, who I talk to almost daily, walks up to me this morning and says ''So, are you starting to register anywhere?'' (she doesn''t know about anything, just that a proposal should be ''soon'') and I looked at her like she had a third eye and said ''Well, I can''t really register for an event that isn''t happening yet...'' and she just looked and me and said ''Oh. Well, doesn''t he know that he needs to get on the ball and ask you?'' And this is a woman who inspects my hand every Monday morning to see if anything has happened yet. Really weird. I wasn''t sure how to answer it, because I really haven''t talked about anything wedding-ish to anyone.

I don''t know why, but that question is really starting to irk me. I don''t know when he''s going to propose, I''m pulling my hair out waiting for that magical day!

Anyone else experience something like this? Is anyone else getting as frustrated as I am with being asked?

Whoooo. That felt really good to get that off my chest, and I know you ladies understand!

Try being in your 40s, with a relationship that has spanned the last decade of your life, and then imagine being asked that question constantly from, say, age 37 on. I feel your frustration.

I got to the point where I just had a *look* I would give people that seemed to shut them up.

Your co-worker sound like a real PITA. I''d have to think of something clever, snarky, and just a bit snotty to say to put her in her place.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

Thank you ladies, for your side of it. It''s hard not to be frustrated for me, and Holly, I think I gave her a *look* when she asked, because after my reply, she didn''t really say anything more.

I''m definitely not letting anyone pressure me to pressure him - because it won''t make it happen any sooner. I don''t know what kind of husband other people have, but I can''t, won''t, and don''t walk all over my SO or tell him what to do, because that''s not who we are. I''m not one for "making" him do something he doesn''t want to do, or in this case, he''s not "ready" (as far as his plans) to do.

I''m secure enough in our relationship that I know it will be sooner rather than later, especially since he''s been talking about a wedding in October of this year, which I have no problems with, although with it almost being February, I''m starting to get antsy to plan!

 

[FrekeChild]

The first time I got it was when my aunt closely inspected my hand at Christmas 2006-we''d only been dating for 7 months at the time! She just picked up my hand, looked, put it down, then proceeded to act like this was nothing out of the ordinary...And meanwhile, I was like WTF? But I think KTF21 has a great point--it is a huge compliment!

 

[KateMB]

I know a girl whose boyfriend was referred to as her "husband" by a sales person when they were shopping together. They were together for about 5 years at that point, and she was definitely a "lady in waiting" although not as patient as some. She responded by giving him (the boyfriend) a dirty look and saying "Oh, he''ll NEVER marry me.". He proposed a month later, I don''t know if that incident had anything to do with it, but I thought that it was a pretty funny response.

When people ask my boyfriend and I if we are engaged yet, I usually respond with something like "oh, not yet", but I think that the next time someone asks us I will just say "Oh, he''s just NOT READY yet" and see how he responds.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

Date: 1/22/2008 1:27:58 PM
Author: KateMB
I know a girl whose boyfriend was referred to as her ''husband'' by a sales person when they were shopping together. They were together for about 5 years at that point, and she was definitely a ''lady in waiting'' although not as patient as some. She responded by giving him (the boyfriend) a dirty look and saying ''Oh, he''ll NEVER marry me.''. He proposed a month later, I don''t know if that incident had anything to do with it, but I thought that it was a pretty funny response.

When people ask my boyfriend and I if we are engaged yet, I usually respond with something like ''oh, not yet'', but I think that the next time someone asks us I will just say ''Oh, he''s just NOT READY yet'' and see how he responds.

Hmmm... scare tactics... wonder if they really work?!?!

I wouldn''t imagine it would - I''ve tried the "you don''t love me" bit along with being pouty (joking, of course!) and it''s funny because he knows EXACTLY what I''m talking about.

I''m seriously considering taking EricaR''s idea and having the doctor write me a "lovesick" prescription. Hmmm... I do have a friend that''s a dentist... (as sweetjettagirl''s wheels turn...)

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 1/22/2008 11:29:40 AM
Author: HollyS

Try being in your 40s, with a relationship that has spanned the last decade of your life, and then imagine being asked that question constantly from, say, age 37 on. I feel your frustration.

I got to the point where I just had a *look* I would give people that seemed to shut them up.

Your co-worker sound like a real PITA. I''d have to think of something clever, snarky, and just a bit snotty to say to put her in her place.

I laughed in agreement when I read the above line. I went through the asking when I was pregnant. My ex and I got married after our son was born. We worked together in a large company - not the same department, but we had co-workers in common. There was one real mega-PITA woman who would ask me every couple of days if/when we were getting married. At the time, I was 31 and I was in a professional (suits) environment; I downplayed my pregnancy and relationship and found her questions intrusive and inappropriate. I''d had the random question from other co-workers, but none of them were as frequent or as personal as this woman got. One day - blame it on the pregger hormones, but it was really from being asked for the 50th time by her - I snapped and said, "Nancy, has it ever occurred to you, even for a flipping second, that if it was your business to know, you''d know already?!!" She huffed off, called me a b**tch behind my back to other women we worked with and would shoot me dirty looks in passing from time to time....but I never got asked anything personal again. Which was fine with me

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 1/22/2008 10:50:19 AM
Author:sweetjettagirl04

That being said, is anyone else tired of the questions from other people? Like at another wedding ''When are you two getting married?'' or around the holidays ''Is there going to be a proposal on Christmas or New Years?'' Or just a flat out ''When is he going to propose to you?''

Most of the time these questions don''t bother me, and I just smile and say ''It''s up to him when he asks me, and I say yes''. But, I''m starting to get really annoyed with the question. Case in point - A lady that I work with, who I talk to almost daily, walks up to me this morning and says ''So, are you starting to register anywhere?'' (she doesn''t know about anything, just that a proposal should be ''soon'') and I looked at her like she had a third eye and said ''Well, I can''t really register for an event that isn''t happening yet...'' and she just looked and me and said ''Oh. Well, doesn''t he know that he needs to get on the ball and ask you?'' And this is a woman who inspects my hand every Monday morning to see if anything has happened yet. Really weird. I wasn''t sure how to answer it, because I really haven''t talked about anything wedding-ish to anyone.

I don''t know why, but that question is really starting to irk me. I don''t know when he''s going to propose, I''m pulling my hair out waiting for that magical day!

Anyone else experience something like this? Is anyone else getting as frustrated as I am with being asked?

Uh huh.......

I''m a little older than you (almost 40) and haven''t been with my boyfriend that long - just 2 years....but I am still frustrated. My boyfriend (who is 46) was previously married. Like me, he took a year off from dating after his divorce to take stock and think about what he really wanted in a relationship (or if he wanted one). The only difference is that I came out of a 4 year marriage, while he was married 20 years (and with his ex several years prior to that). We both have kids, and when we started dating, I told him point-blank that I was not looking for a casual see-where-it-goes boyfriend or a boink buddy....I was dating to find someone to settle down with and plan for a future with. At the time, that is what he said he wanted, too. Had he not been sure or had he said something different, I would have found someone more to my outlook.

The holidays were hard, because that is when we hit the 2 year mark. I didn''t expect a proposal because of so much else going on. My boyfriend''s mother had been battling cancer (for the 3rd time at 82 years old!!) since early summer and just passed away week before last. I knew he had her and her health on his mind above anything else. But, people that did not know his mom was sick or how sick she was would ask me if I was "expecting Santa to bring me a present" or if I expected a New Year''s proposal. Just telling people (nicely), "No. I don''t think he''s in a proposing mood with his mom being so sick. Did you know she has cancer and it''s now in her bones and brain?" NO ONE dared ask further after being informed or reminded of that.

However, I faced the uncomfortable question this weekend in the most inappropriate environment of all - at the after-gathering that followed his mother''s funeral! My boyfriend has many friends that go back to his teen years - people he has known over 30 years - and a lot of them were at the funeral and after-gathering, since they also knew his mom. I happened to get into a conversation with the girlfriend of one such friend - a guy my boyfriend played in his first band with at 14. This woman has dated this guy for 12 years and is very antsy to get married. He has told her point blank that he does not want to get married....but she still hangs on and hopes. Anyway, she made the statement of, "Well, you two have been seeing each other a while. Got any plans?" All I said was, "We''ve discussed it here and there, but as yet, no." And then I changed the subject by complementing her on the cute suit she was wearing....
I have wanted to bring up the conversation of marriage/moving forward for a while now, but there never seems to be the right time. We did have a brief conversation last year that he mistook as my pressuring him. After I realized that I''d have to ask carefully/differently, something is always happening out of my/our control to make it the wrong time. His daughter having wild tantrums and finally being diagnosed bipolar. His mom getting cancer. His work slowing down. His ex coming back into the picture (after basically abandoning the kids to "find herself" and hang in bars for 3 years) and deciding that she wants to be a mother after all....the list goes on and on. Meanwhile, my boyfriend vascillates between "yes, I''d like to get married again," to , "no, I never want to go there again." The opinion you get depends on the day. I don''t bring it up, but he makes comments. We get along great together, the personal chemistry is insanely good, our outlooks on life are almost identical, etc. I''ve even had some of his long-time friends comment on how good we are together. And another told me over the holidays, "You''re the one that he''s dated longest after his divorce. In fact, come to think of it, the only one he dated longer than you since I''ve known him is his ex-wife.....you guys gonna move in together, or.....?" I will not move in with him without an engagement and a plan for the future. He called me a few minutes ago on his lunch break just to talk, as he does most days. He said, "Did you hear that the Fed dropped interest rates? This might be a great time to refinance so I can save some cash on the mortgage!" I stifled the urge to ask, "So, does this mean that we might start looking for a house together or put an addition on?" If we got engaged and moved in, we would have to buy a new house or get an addition- I live in an apartment and his house is not big enough for two more people (my son and I) and all our stuff. I constantly wonder if his not bringing it up means a) he is not interested in marriage after all, or, b) he wants to surprise me and then make plans.

Until I can figure out how to bring the subject up and/or finding a good time, I am keeping my lip zipped. I vent on this board. I vent to girlfriends. I vent to my counselor. Having someone safe (ie - not him) to vent to is IMPORTANT. As to keeping my composure when people ask questions these days.....I will admit it''s hard not to get upset. It''s easier for me lately because his mother passing away less than 2 weeks ago is a buffer. People know better than to ask questions now, and I am focused on helping my boyfriend get through the grief and the clean-up process (cleaning out her house, doing her last tax return, etc). I feel less frustrated because I have something all-consuming to occupy my mind. That might help you, too: Get so busy that people can see it --- then they will not ask...and you won''t think about it as much. It''s worked for me lately.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

First of all, I've read your other posts and I'm sorry to hear about the loss. That's a huge thing to go through, and I found that when Jeremy's grandfather passed away, we became a lot closer because we went through that rough time together, because he tells me that his grandfather died loving me, and his other family members, including grandma said the same, and it was heartwarming to see that I was accepted into their family.

That being said, I think you handled the inappropriate question the best way you could. Why would anyone in their right mind bring that up after such an event? Especially that emotional day? Some people just don't have tact.

I, also, come here to vent, or even just reading other people's stories, makes me feel better about where I am, because I can glean advice from others without even having to post my frustrations. I have one friend that I confide in about all this, because I don't want to go around talking to all my other friends, no matter how close, about my feelings towards this, because I fear I'll get "that" look. So that keeps me from bursting out and telling him about it, because I don't want his plan to be potentially interrupted by a tantrum.

Now that the holidays are gone, I'm not keeping myself quite as busy, so my mind does tend to wander to that subject more often. But, I do have a scrapbook to finish, and I think I'm going to focus on that (my best friend got married and I had our entire history in the scrapbook, up to the point of the wedding day, and that was my gift to her - now I have a few pages of the wedding day to finish, as I promised) and start planning Jeremy's birthday party - he turns 30 this year, as do his two best friends, and we're going to throw a huge party for the three of them, and I have started to divert my attention to that instead of other things...

Thanks very much for your input, you are always a voice of reason in my book.

 

[pjean]

I went to a wedding recently with my bf where we were repeatedly asked how long we'd been married. That's definitely a new one for us - usually we just get asked when.

Maybe that'll spur him on to a proposal! (Just kidding - we've been seriously ring shopping, and now we're just waiting for a wax model to be made.)

If he's had the ring for so long, maybe he's planning to propose on a special day? Like, maybe, Valentine's Day? I'd feel guilty for giving you something new to obsess about, except I'm sure you've already thought of it.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

Date: 1/22/2008 3:25:44 PM
Author: pjean
I went to a wedding recently with my bf where we were repeatedly asked how long we''d been married. That''s definitely a new one for us - usually we just get asked when.

Maybe that''ll spur him on to a proposal! (Just kidding - we''ve been seriously ring shopping, and now we''re just waiting for a wax model to be made.)

If he''s had the ring for so long, maybe he''s planning to propose on a special day? Like, maybe, Valentine''s Day? I''d feel guilty for giving you something new to obsess about, except I''m sure you''ve already thought of it.

You know, I have thought about that... I told him a long time ago that I didn''t want a ring for my birthday or a holiday, but we do have a nice dinner and night together (we live together, so I just cook a nice meal) instead of really celebrating - normally just a card and chocolate from him, something small from me for him. But, I couldn''t help but wonder that maybe he will do it then to throw me off, because I would never expect him to do it on said day.

Who knows? I''ve had days where I went home and he was there (normally I get home first), I looked in the peek hole into the apt and saw it was dark, and thought... this is it! But then, it wasn''t, and he was just changing and forgot to turn the light on in the living room. I try really hard not to speculate on when it will be, because I tend to psych myself out too much.

 

[pjean]

Date: 1/22/2008 3:37:27 PM
Author: sweetjettagirl04
I couldn''t help but wonder that maybe he will do it then to throw me off, because I would never expect him to do it on said day.

That was my bf''s plan, as it turns out. I couldn''t figure out why the time frame for a custom ring was freaking him out - waiting is normally *much* more of a problem for me. Then he admitted he''d wanted to propose on Valentine''s day, since it was the one day of the year when he could count on surprising me.

At least I know he''s thinking about it...

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 1/22/2008 2:42:28 PM
Author: sweetjettagirl04

First of all, I''ve read your other posts and I''m sorry to hear about the loss. That''s a huge thing to go through, and I found that when Jeremy''s grandfather passed away, we became a lot closer because we went through that rough time together, because he tells me that his grandfather died loving me, and his other family members, including grandma said the same, and it was heartwarming to see that I was accepted into their family.

Thanks very much for your input, you are always a voice of reason in my book.

Thank you. The good part in it (if you can look at it like that) is that she had a good, long life. She was 82 and was a military and civilian nurse. She saw things (WW2, the bombing of London, most of the countries in Asia) and did things that most people never will experience. Once she was out of the military, she did a lot for her community in terms of charity and working for organizations that benefit people (like Big Brothers), and we had TONS of people come to her calling hours/funeral and tell my BF about what a great lady she was. And she passed in her sleep. We have a wonderful hospice here in Connecticut that overlooks the ocean and where patients can see the sunrise/sunset. People are cared for with compassion and dignity by nurses and caregivers who genuinely care and do whatever they can to keep patients comfortable and pain-free. So, at least her end was peaceful. And I got to know her as a person. I am very thankful for her raising my BF to be the man he is. I would be proud if my own son turned out half as well!

I was thinking about this the other day. A few days before she passed away, my BF''s mother said to me, "Take care of Tom for me." And I chuckled and said, "Well...he''s a handfull, but I try." Now that I think about it and read what you wrote, that''s what she was doing -- telling me how much she loved and valued me. My BF was her only child, and it''s an honor for a mother to tell you that!

You''re welcome! I''m glad I found this board, because I get a lot of good advice/reassurance just by reading the other posts (even if they are not for/about me).

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[mjso]

I got used to this question after a while and you''ve gotten great advice so far.

The only thing I have to add is that I used to get asked this question all of the time by none-other than FMIL...

She would always ask me "why aren''t you married yet?" and I''d respond "Because no one has asked" lol. Annoyed the heck out of FI that''s for sure

 

[beebrisk]

SweetJett

It may be annoying, but remember that the folks who make those remarks really do MEAN well...it''s not malicious in it''s intent. Just relax and enjoy this pre-engagement time. It''s really not worth letting it get to you.

Perhaps however, there IS one lesson to be learned from this. Don''t share your personal business with the butt-inskys at work!

 

[jennypoo]

Having been with my SO for eight years, and him having just turned 27, with my 27th birthday approaching in April, it''s quite rare that even one day goes by without someone saying, "When you are two going to get married?" It drives me INSANE!

I totally thought there was a chance of it happening this past Christmas, so I was all geared up only to open up a diamond NECKLACE instead. Then he got grilled by both sides of our family - BIG TIME. He totally deserved it. Everyone wonders when the hell he''s going to do it! Even HIS friends ask me! One of them told me I need to try a new tactic... lol.

It''s so frustrating. Sometimes I can let it roll off, other times I politely say that I would prefer not to talk about it because it''s very upsetting.

Does anyone else find themselves automatically checking other people''s "engagement" fingers? A new girl recently started at my job, and the first thing I noticed was her E-Ring. When I started that job, all of the other girls in my department, as well as their female superiors, were all sporting some serious bling on the left hand. It made me feel so "unofficial", even though we''ve been together for so long.

Does anyone else ever feel that way? That your status as a couple as "boyfriend/girlfriend" is often discounted or discredited simply because you''re not married? SO and I went car shopping, and the first thing the saleswomen did was zero in on my vacant ring finger!

 

[KatM]

this drives me insane. i have some aunts who are really focused in on me being ''next in line'' to get married. usually when they ask me i say ''i dunno'' and turn red while looking at the floor. a lot of it is that in general i don''t like talking about such personal things with anyone other than my closest friends. but there''s also the part of me that feels uncomfortable being grilled about something that i''m already feeling a bit insecure about.

 

[Deelight]

All the time

I hate this question as no one asks him they all ask ME last time I checked I was fairly sure the man asks the women for her hand in marriage (no that there is anything wrong the other way but traditionally)

.

I don''t care if my friends ask, or people I care about but the rando''s and people who ask snidely give me the sheeets, like is your life that boring you need to ask about mine???

Depending on the situation I either tell them if we decide to get engaged we will be sure to tell people, or I point he is over there feel free to ask him: which people don''t.

 

[INdmbLove]

Jennypoo- I know exactly what you mean! The area that I live in/my family typically marry and/or reproduce young. We are going on year seven, and when I tell many people that- they just don''t get it- Maybe I look into it too much but they give me a look like "oh you poor thing". Many people do not get why are we focusing on careers and not an old married couple making babies yet. We both are the only college graduates in our families- and I hate to sound snobbish- but that definitely has affected our priorities in life. I am VERY much excited to pursue those things- but in due time.

I am VERY anxious to get engaged and as I have voiced in the past on here- I am quite ready to move on to the engagement/marriage stage of our relationship. However being anxious does not mean I want to talk about it with anyone and everyone. I know they''re not asking to be malicious- but I know at times there are people who ask just as a little dig... almost like when I am, I will be validated to them.

My boyfriend says that I am obsessed with checking out other women''s rings. Just walking by women at the mall, or on the street,I take note of their rings. I recently began working with a woman at work- she has the most amazing diamond RHR. I believe she is single, as the left hand is bare and she never talks about a SO. Anyways- I''ve been debating if it is too intrusive to chat her up about her bling (It''s GORGEOUS! I suppose I would be thrilled to talk about it anyday, anywhere!). My eye is always drawn right to a woman''s left hand- there is a bit that you can tell when you first meet a woman based upon her e-ring and wedding set. I do not mean that in a judmental sense, but you can just see if they''re into diamonds and generally the setting just kind of talks for them..... does that make ANY sense at all?

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

Thank you all very much for sharing your stories, and words of encouragement and advice. I''m glad to know I''m not the only one in this boat!

Jennypoo - I check out the engagement fingers, too! I''ve always been obsessed with jewelry, all kinds, so I used to think it was natural, until my BF pointed out that I do it all the time, even to people I am around regularly, and have seen their rings a million times!

Beebrisk - I know it''s not said in a bad way - but after months of wondering myself, I get frustrated when people are asking me the same question that I don''t know the answer to. It didn''t bother me a whole lot until I knew he had the ring, and then once I knew that, it hit home a little more than it used to...

But, thanks to all your wonderful advice, I''ve got a little "mantra" - if you will - that is hanging at my desk at work - most of it is the advice others have given me. It sounds silly, and probably looks silly if someone comes by (which is why I have it hiding half the time), but re-reading it assures me that I need to be patient in waiting, and not to get so frustrated, because it''s worth the wait!

 

[bensbride]

I can sympathize. Its hard when people just put you on the spot like that. It makes you feel inadequate sometimes beacuse you don''t have a specific answer. I get it more with "when are you having babies?" because I work in Labor and Delivery. I usually say we''re a little old-fashioned and would like to be married first and they back off.