Any tips for being patient?

[somedaysunday]

I'll admit it. Patience isn't my strong suit. It is a virtue that I have some serious trouble with already.

Add that on to the fact that I *really* don't want to mention us getting engaged non-stop. I don't want to pressure him into it (especially since he has already expressed that he is interested in getting married), and I know if I start feeling comfortable mentioning it all the time, then it will quickly turn into nagging.

So I am basically driving myself crazy. We've had some timeline discussions and from those I have a good feeling that he will propose sometime this spring. He had said we would go look at rings over Christmas, but that never happened - I made it clear that I would go when he was ready....and we just never went. I mentioned it one time since then and he affirmed that we would go look at them. But I'm growing uncertain and impatient. It doesn't help that I'm going to graduate from grad-school this spring and I have no clue what I'll be doing a year from now - I just feel...unsettled.

I know this is all in my head. Do you ladies have any tips for staying patient and grounded as this unfolds? Anything I can do to keep my mind in the right place?

Thanks!

SS

 

[monarch64]

Tips for being patient:

Don't be so patient. Don't put off thinking of where you'll be in a year because you're waiting for a ring/engagement. Start planning your future as if you will NOT be engaged next year. Always have a backup plan, even if it's painful to think it might not include the person you're currently spending time with. Share your plans with your SO during a casual conversation in a neutral location (not where you live), not as an ultimatum, but just letting him know that you have thought ahead if things don't work out or if he's still not ready by then.

Take up a new hobby.

Volunteer, if you don't already.

Remind yourself daily that you're a great person in or out of a relationship, and do not lose sight of that fact!

 

[Enerchi]

Monarch, your advice is great! Good thoughts you've shared!!!

I agree with all of Monarch's suggestions. You are worthwhile as a fantastic human being whether you are a MRS or a MISS. You can't fully plan or control the future - somehow, life takes it's own path, regardless of what you think should be coming next.

You've talked about it (the seed is planted) now he needs some 'processing time'. It may kill you not to mention it, but give it time. He's not unaware of what is important to you - let him move at his pace for a bit.

Hang tight SS!

 

[gem_anemone]

I advise against browsing diamond forums. but really....

Since that's not an option I would also suggest taking up some other hobbies as monarch64 has suggested. Even when you are in a relationship with someone please remember that you are your own person, so don't feel like your decisions need to be based on exactly what he wants or what he's doing.

What important decisions do you have coming up? Is there something weighing on your mind (after graduation - finding a new job, where to live etc?) If that is what you are worried about and whether you and your SO being together will be a part of that decision, then talk to him about that.

 

[MisakiChan]

Well, I know the feeling. It comes over me sometimes with great intensity. But anyway...I think this forum is a great place to vent and so, when LIWitis increases, I write here instead of telling my bf. You should also focus on finishing your studies and telling yourself you'll think about getting engaged after that happens.
I know it's tough and the feeling will probably build up again say, 2 weeks from now, but when that happens, you have to tell yourself you have to let it go. Also, try to relax. Try some new sport or browse music sites and finding new artists you like or smth. Your bf made it clear he wants to get married, so don't worry about it too much. Just dive in, have fun and let it all come to you!

 

[somedaysunday]

Thanks for your responses!

As far as concentrating on the decisions for my future - that's basically a job search. Since I'll be getting licensed only in one state, I pretty much know I'll be in the area - and I know he'd come with me - but, at this point I'm in full job-market freak out.

I need to get back in the gym - maybe that will help me. I had to cancel my membership for $ reasons, but there's a community gym here that I can check out.

There is a variety of other projects I should be working on - I just need to get up and get motivated. I've been distracted by my impatience!

SS

 

[LaraOnline]

I have also had very strong LIW - for completely unsuitable men! I am partly saying this to make you smile...but also because I DID find LIW-itis was strongest when I didn't really know what my direction and plans were.
Perhaps it all comes down to hormones, because our bodies think we may be having a baby any minute.

Instead of waiting for your man to decide YOU are the one, I would be trying to be realistic and down-to-earth about your true feelings about him..your life is not really about him, and his choices...it's about you...are you on track for your own dreams?

Don't 'prove your worth'...prove your mettle instead, enjoying life on your terms! I hope you find my post helpful.
Dancing backwards, in high heels IS pretty hard...
L.

 

[beesha77]

I agree with monarch! Good luck! I totally feel the same way!