Anybody else feel like nowhere is "home"?

[NewEnglandLady]

Has anybody else moved around a little bit and not really feel like anywhere is "home"? I grew up in the midwest, but moved away to go to college and while my family is there and I love them, it no longer feels like "home" (I even moved back for 6 months to see if I'd like to stay there permanently--I decided against it). I went to college in DC and lived there for nearly 5 years--D and I just took a weekend trip down there and reminisced about how much we missed it (he moved to live with me after about 1.5 years of dating, so we lived there together for about 3.5 years). We really miss it, but it doesn't really feel like "home" either. Now we've lived in Boston for nearly 5 years and we like it--plus DH has family here, but the longer we stay, the less we feel like settling down here. We don't really feel like this is "home", either. We've JUST started looking at houses because we're starting to feel more like "nesting", but the closer we feel to nesting, the less anywhere feels like "home".

Is it normal for people to get an inch to want to move after being settled a few years? Is every city some sort of compromise with things you like and dislike (I'm sure it is), is "home" just where you decide to plant your feet and stick? Is anybody else afraid of feeling stuck in one city?? I don't know, I think maybe the whole idea of buiying a house is shaking things up for me a little, but I'm wondering if other people have felt this, too? Or maybe I'm just being finicky....

 

[Independent Gal]

I feel exactly as you do. The thought of staying in any one place indefinitely terrifies me. And I also don''t feel like anywhere in particular is home. I''ve lived in 10 cities in 5 countries on 3 continents.

Going ''home'' to where I grew up always feels secure and comfortable, but it never feels the same as it did when I was growing up because I am different. It''s that old saying "You can never go home again".

Home is where I hang my hat!

 

[decodelighted]

Oh I feel ya ... particularly strongly right now! I''ve moved every five years my entire adult life. Except for the fact that I''m at year SIX in a home I bought that''s now a heck of a commute from most jobs DH & I want. In a buyers market. (At least my mortgage is fixed!) And the places closer to the city are all out of our current price range. UGH.

Not sure this feels like "home" either -- at least for me. For DH it *is* home ... or his own hometown/area at least. His parents are here. His high school friends etc. The closest *I''ve* felt to home was in Brooklyn but its cost prohibitive to buy there and I don''t see it as a FOREVER home. It was just "home" at the perfect time in my life. Not sure it would be the same now ANYWAY.

Maybe that''s it -- these days "home" is transitional. One for growing up ... one for college ... one or more for career & one for raising kids & often another for retirement. Maybe in this mobile society its just too much to ask from one place to be all things for every season??? *shrug*

off to browse Zillow.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Deco and IG, both of you really sum up how I feel. Last week I was on board with buying a house here: the schools are good, there is quite a bit to do, yada yada yada. This week the thought terrifies me and all I want to do is move to San Francisco just to give it a try...maybe it would feel like home, haha. I have no clue...I thought I''d have it all figured out by now.

 

[Rhea]

I'm starting to settle in a bit here but it's not really home.

First, there's the country. Everyone asks me where I'm from, how long I've lived here, if I like it, how did I get here and do I plan on staying. I can't imagine answering these questions for the rest of my life! Maybe one day I'll get an English accent. I don't want to move back to the US and I feel caught between the two countries and their respective lifestyles a lot. I have no English friends yet and am not sure how to make them when I live in such a commuter area. I've taken several classes but everyone already has their friends and doesn't seem to need any more. But in the US all my friends are really spread out and mostly of them barely know each other and have maybe met once.

Then there's the actual city. I live right outside London in a town where over 80% commutes to London for work, myself included. It's a lovely place to live and I really like it. But there aren't any classes here which makes meeting people in your area hard. Plus I commute about 1 hour, 45 minutes each way to work. This makes having the people I have met in classes hard to be friends with because who wants to try to establish a friendship when you live in opposite directions at least 2 hours, 30 minutes from each other.

Finally, there's the flat. It's a one-bedroom flat above a high street shop. It's small with no storage, no place to put plants, no garden/yard. Basically lacking all the home comforts. We can only fit a love-seat in the living room and can't cook together because the kitchen is too small. It makes it hard to call it home when it's not anything I picture a home having - a yard, a freezer, space in the living area for a table that doesn't have to be folded away after every meal.

I like England and think I'll stay here, if they'll have me, but I don't see the city I live in or the flat getting figured out any time soon. Too much is up in the air right now.

 

[bee*]

I feel totally at home in Dublin. Anytime I''ve been away travelling I can''t wait to return to it. Not sure why, I just love it. I can drive about 5 minutes out of the city and I''m up the mountains, we have lovely shops, the people are friendly, I just love it and can''t imagine living full time anywhere else. I adore the rest of Ireland also but Dublin to me, is my fave county.

If I had to live anywhere else, I''d love to live in New York, but I''d still come back to here.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 5/19/2008 3:50:38 PM
Author: bee*
I feel totally at home in Dublin. Anytime I've been away travelling I can't wait to return to it. Not sure why, I just love it. I can drive about 5 minutes out of the city and I'm up the mountains, we have lovely shops, the people are friendly, I just love it and can't imagine living full time anywhere else. I adore the rest of Ireland also but Dublin to me, is my fave county.

If I had to live anywhere else, I'd love to live in New York, but I'd still come back to here.

bee*, this is exactly how I wished I felt about anywhere! I think it's fantastic that you've found a place that you will always know is home! DH and I joke that we'll just be wandering around together for the rest of our lives.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I am like Bee. Whenever I am away from mountains for too long, I feel edgy until I see them again, I can''t explain it, but I am not really home without seeing mountains. I suspect I won''t live in Colorado my whole life, but I know it will always be home. For me, there are certain cities I have been to that I feel like could be home and others that can''t though I don''t know why. I am comfortable with the idea of living in San Fran, Barcelona or Rome, but would be uncomfortable in NY, London or Paris.

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/19/2008 4:00:04 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 5/19/2008 3:50:38 PM

Author: bee*

I feel totally at home in Dublin. Anytime I''ve been away travelling I can''t wait to return to it. Not sure why, I just love it. I can drive about 5 minutes out of the city and I''m up the mountains, we have lovely shops, the people are friendly, I just love it and can''t imagine living full time anywhere else. I adore the rest of Ireland also but Dublin to me, is my fave county.


If I had to live anywhere else, I''d love to live in New York, but I''d still come back to here.

bee*, this is exactly how I wished I felt about anywhere! I think it''s fantastic that you''ve found a place that you will always know is home! DH and I joke that we''ll just be wandering around together for the rest of our lives.

Come over here-you might feel the same way

. I''m lucky in that D feels the same way about living here. I think that we have many benefits living in Ireland, in that we love the country, most of europe is only a two hour flight away andNew York is only a six hour flight away. I could gush all day about living over here

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/19/2008 4:07:01 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
I am like Bee. Whenever I am away from mountains for too long, I feel edgy until I see them again, I can''t explain it, but I am not really home without seeing mountains. I suspect I won''t live in Colorado my whole life, but I know it will always be home. For me, there are certain cities I have been to that I feel like could be home and others that can''t though I don''t know why. I am comfortable with the idea of living in San Fran, Barcelona or Rome, but would be uncomfortable in NY, London or Paris.

I love the mountains. I live at the foothills of the Dublin mountains so I just have to drive a few minutes and I''m on the top of them. If I had to live anywhere else in Europe, it would definitely be Barcelona-it''s an amazing city!

 

[Clio]

I''m like Bee as well. When we moved to New Orleans when I was 17, it was instantly home in a way that my childhood hometown never was. I haven''t lived in New Orleans for over a decade, but it''s still home every time I go there.

When we lived in Texas, it definitely didn''t feel like home, and I think a large part of it was a landscape that felt alien to me. After 2 months in DC, I felt more at home than I had for two years in Texas. Although I will always pine for New Orleans, I''ll happily stay in DC. It''s home now, too.

 

[shigidigi]

I know exactly what you mean NEL. My parents divorced when I was very little and when I was around 10 years old they remarried and started their "own" new lives. And while I love all the sibilings I now have, having my parents start new lives with new children really ruined the idea of home. I left home at 16 to go to college because I wasnt getting along with my stepfather and rarely came home for a visit. Fast forward a few years and I got my first job out of college in Atlanta and moved with my boyfriend (now DH). I liked the city but didn''t love it. Two years after that my job closed our Atlanta office and DH and I moved to San Francisco. I love San Francisco but it does not feel like home at all. I almost feel like a failure that I couldn''t find it in me to want to stay here forever.

Now DH and I are planning on moving to Boston this summer so I can work out of our office there. I like the idea of being back on the east coast where visiting family doesnt take over 8 hours, and despite not feeling at home with either parent I would like to see my family more often including DH''s parents (he is an only child so it is important to them). I like the fact that we could purchase a home in the burbs of Boston (I like the idea of Salem) and settle, but it begs the question- will it feel like "home"? And will we want to settle there??

It is just very tough. I envy Bee because I would love to find a place that felt like Dublin feels to her. I went to University in Edinburgh for awhile years ago and LOVED it there and while I would like to go back and get my masters, it is very difficult financially now that it is no longer just me, and getting jobs in the UK is ridiculously hard when you dont have citizenship to obtain work visas. So, a part of me worries that I will never feel at home any place which is the saddest feeling ever...

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Dh & I imagined living in the house we live in now for the rest of our lives, yet here we are moving again. I''ve moved 10 times since graduating from high school!

We''ve stayed in the same region, but still there is no sense of home and there''s stuff that hasn''t been unpacked in five or six years.

 

[miraclesrule]

There''s no place like home...There''s no place like home. <-----my best Dorothy imitation.

When I was in Europe and visiting three different countries, I was mesmerized, but after awhile, I really just wanted a huge burrito and some bacon and eggs for breakfast. As much as I get tired of the same ''ole "Strip Mall America", when I entered the U.S. I knew immediately why some people want to kiss the ground when they land. I almost did kiss the ground, and while debating whether I should, I was chastised by customs for not completing my form. I told him I was sorry, but I busy thinking about kissing the ground so he forgave me and let me quickly check off the boxes so I could find a place in the airport that had familiar food.

But what was I thinking...no airport in Georgia is going to be serving the same type of burrito I get in San Diego.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 5/19/2008 11:33:35 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 5/19/2008 9:47:32 PM
Author: miraclesrule
There''s no place like home...There''s no place like home. <-----my best Dorothy imitation.

When I was in Europe and visiting three different countries, I was mesmerized, but after awhile, I really just wanted a huge burrito and some bacon and eggs for breakfast. As much as I get tired of the same ''ole ''Strip Mall America'', when I entered the U.S. I knew immediately why some people want to kiss the ground when they land. I almost did kiss the ground, and while debating whether I should, I was chastised by customs for not completing my form. I told him I was sorry, but I busy thinking about kissing the ground so he forgave me and let me quickly check off the boxes so I could find a place in the airport that had familiar food.

But what was I thinking...no airport in Georgia is going to be serving the same type of burrito I get in San Diego.

Oh my stars no.. I love Tio Leo''s chips n salsa.. and nobody can make chili relleno like them!! MmM!!! Give me El Indio''s home made chips! WOOHOO!!!

Awwwww, El Indio''s.... What is that stuff that sprinkle on those chips? They are heaven.
I work down the street from Tio Leos...very dangerous.

(One of these days, I will learn how to highlight the quoted post with yellow like you pros do)

 

[Delster]

When I fly back in to Ireland having been away, I always, always, get a lump in my throat at the first sight of those green fields on the horizon. It truly is so green from the air and it chokes me up every time to think I''m almost ''home''.

But then, no one place in Ireland is particularly ''home''. Like bee, I like Dublin, but unlike her, I can easily imagine living other places. While I love the amenities of the big city, Dublin often feels crowded and dirty to me. I also have a bit of an aversion to suburbia, which doesn''t help.

Even though I was miserable most of the time I lived there, Munich felt like ''home''. Still does whenever I get the chance to go back. Fabulous amenities, amazing recreation right on your doorstep, beautiful weather with defined seasons, low cost of living. And everyone drinks beer on their lunch break and leaves work at four!

I don''t think I''ll feel a connection to a place until I buy a home and decorate it and make it ''mine''. I haven''t had that experience yet and I think that might be part of why I don''t feel anchored anywhere. The places I''ve lived thus far have always felt temporary.

 

[claireabelle]

I often feel a bit ''lost''. I''m originally from a small coastal city in Queensland, Australia (think great barrier reef)... but when I was 21 I moved to london for 3 years (quite a change). Although I loved it there, I became really homesick so my BF and I decided to move home again. When we went from 10 million back to 200,000 people, we felt really isolated and so moved to Sydney where we are now.

However, i have recently been catching myself out thinking more and more about my hometown... I guess it''s because i am thinking a lot more about marriage, family, future etc...

 

[CNOS128]

I''ve always felt like that, but chalked it up to the fact that my family moved 5 times while I was growing up. I thought it was great to experience different regions of the country and always expected - still do - that I would move several times so my children could have the chance to really understand what different parts of the US are like.

 

[Pandora II]

Hey Addy, if you ever fancy a trip to London one weekend, give me a shout!

When I moved back here after 8 years abroad I had exactly the same situation.

Is there anyway you could move more into London? It's a lot easier to meet people and have things to do than it is in commuter towns...

 

[Rhea]

Date: 5/20/2008 9:38:18 AM
Author: Pandora II
Hey Addy, if you ever fancy a trip to London one weekend, give me a shout!


When I moved back here after 8 years abroad I had exactly the same situation.


Is there anyway you could move more into London? It''s a lot easier to meet people and have things to do than it is in commuter towns...

I don''t get into Central London often on the weekends, it takes too much time for my very short weekends, but if I do I''ll be sure to let you know so we can meet up! Thanks for the offer!

I want to move more into London, I''m just not sure where to move to. I just changed jobs and now work in the Elephant & Castle area while DH works near Upminster and needs to drive to work. I''d love to find someplace inbetween the two so neither of us had a very long commute. I''m not sure how to find somewhere though. Central London is very expensive and most of the East End isn''t someplace I can see myself living, not that I know it *that* well. Any ideas on places?

 

[LegacyGirl]

Where I am doesn''t feel like home to me.... it never will. Hopefully I find that place

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 5/19/2008 9:47:32 PM
Author: miraclesrule
There''s no place like home...There''s no place like home. <-----my best Dorothy imitation.


When I was in Europe and visiting three different countries, I was mesmerized, but after awhile, I really just wanted a huge burrito and some bacon and eggs for breakfast. As much as I get tired of the same ''ole ''Strip Mall America'', when I entered the U.S. I knew immediately why some people want to kiss the ground when they land. I almost did kiss the ground, and while debating whether I should, I was chastised by customs for not completing my form. I told him I was sorry, but I busy thinking about kissing the ground so he forgave me and let me quickly check off the boxes so I could find a place in the airport that had familiar food.


But what was I thinking...no airport in Georgia is going to be serving the same type of burrito I get in San Diego.

Haha! You''re hilarious.

 

[strmrdr]

Home is when my wifey2b is here!
June 14th cant wait! gota clean!!!

Other than that the only place that felt like home is a chapel in the woods at scout camp.
It was framed in tall trees with split log benches and was on a cliff overlooking a meadow then a river then some trees.
I spent a lot of my spare time there by myself watching the deer in the meadow below all 4 times I went to camp there.

 

[zoebartlett]

We now live in the same area that I grew up in (we moved here almost 3 years ago). I also teach in this same area. I like it but I feel like I''m just here for a while. I don''t know if that makes sense. The area of our state that we used to live in felt like home because it was where I went to grad school, began my teaching career, and it''s where my FI and I met. We''d love to move back there someday because it''s so close to the ocean and I can get my water fix any time. BIH, you mentioned needing to be near mountains. I feel that way about water. I need to be near it -- preferably the ocean but a lake would "do" I guess.

NEL, I know what you mean regarding the situation you''re in. I don''t feel necessarily "lost" here but it feels like a temporary home. We may feel differently when we sell our condo and buy a house. Who knows.