Anyone else feel like they''re not taken seriously?

[brooklyngirl]

So, this week FF''s friend was visiting from out of town, and we ending up going for drinks with some of his friends (whom I have never met before). Most of them were either engaged or married -- so the whole time I was sitting there feeling like these people whom I didn''t even know weren''t taking me seriously, or thought less of me

. To be honest, I''m not even having any LIW anxiety anymore because to my knowledge the ring has been ordered, but I couldn''t shake this feeling. Am I the only crazy one who feels this way?

 

[nebe]

Everytime I see his sister in law.

She''s a brat. My advice is to just ignore them, I do!

 

[redfaerythinker]

I do all the time, a perfect example, my boyfriend broke his arm in three places over the summer, compound fracture, emergency surgery, the whole deal. Because he was just my boyfriend I was not permitted to see him or even come back from school to visit, only a two hour drive away. However, my father died suddenly later that evening so it wasn''t a problem anymore, but I feel that nobody takes our relationship seriously one because we are young, and two because we are just boyfriend and girlfriend. GRRRRRR

The young thing wouldn''t bother me so much except it comes from my mother who was engaged at my age, and her marriage to my father lasted til his death, over thirty years! Bah!

 

[Haven]

I definitely remember feeling that way before we were engaged. The worst example was when my boss hosted a gathering for our colleagues and spouses only last year. Even though my FI and I had been together for over two years he wasn''t invited, yet my colleague who met and married her husband in just four months was free to bring her man. I ended up declining the invite, as it sounded like it might be excrutiatingly uncomfortable.

I say forget them, you know what you two have and they obviously don''t, so who matters most here?

(Can''t wait to read all about your impending engagement . . . !)

 

[brooklyngirl]

redfaerythinker, I''m so sorry about your dad! I hope you''re doing well...

 

[brooklyngirl]

To be honest I don''t recall these people saying anything (although a guy who is engaged got quite a bit of attention) that would give me the impression that they think any less of me/us. However, I feel that it''s more of a first impression thing (first split second, subconcious thoughts), that they will take us less seriously because they don''t see a ring on my finger (welcome to crazyland

).

 

[CrookedRock]

I''m with ya on this feeling. I feel like when I say my "boyfriend" we are automatically discredited. I really hate that I feel like I need to be married or at least engaged to be taken seriously.
As for feeling left out, how about this one!... In the beginning of the year my bfs grandmother died. Bf and I have been together 7 years at this point, and I was even there the day she fell and broke her hip, which was the beginning of the end. Ironically my grandmother died (we weren''t close at all) that some night and in the morning when I went over to his to mourn with his family and find out about the funeral arrangements, the first thing his mom said to me was "I''m so sorry about your grandma, "S" told me that you''d be fine with watching the dog while we go to Nanna''s funeral." So taken aback I said nothing. About 10 mins later it hit me and I became furious. S told me that it was family only and told me that even his sisters husband and his 2 cousins wives were not invited. I honestly did not believe it, and about 4 months ago he slipped up and said something about one of the wives being there!!!

His grandma meant a lot to me, she lived with them the whole time we have dated so I spent more time with her than any of the cousins! Talk about being left out! (Can you tell I''m still bitter?

)

 

[brooklyngirl]

CrookedRock -- that's beyond awful! I can't imagine how angry I would be at such a thing

. For the sake of peace, I'd chalk this up to people acting stupid because they're upset, and aren't thinking straight at the moment

. I hope you can forgive you future IL's, I'm sure Grandma would have wanted it that way.

 

[CrookedRock]

I actually really do love my BFs family and they even made my Christmas perfect this year, when it wasn''t going to be otherwise. There are a few things like the funeral though that have happened in the past that are just a little hard to forget. I have never actually brought them up to his Mom but he knows darn well that those things will not be tolerated ever again. It''s an awful feeling to be left out!

Hopefully we have smooth sailing from here on out!

 

[baby monster]

Date: 12/31/2007 1:06:58 AM
Author: brooklyngirl
To be honest I don''t recall these people saying anything (although a guy who is engaged got quite a bit of attention) that would give me the impression that they think any less of me/us. However, I feel that it''s more of a first impression thing (first split second, subconcious thoughts), that they will take us less seriously because they don''t see a ring on my finger (welcome to crazyland

).

Hmm, you might be projecting your thoughts onto others

. If they are his friends, they probably know that you''ve been a couple for a while and are serious about each other. You never met any of these people before and they were there to catch up with him, so it is understandable that they weren''t paying too much attention to you.

 

[EricaR]

I''ve run into that sort of thinking before, but generally only from people who don''t know us.

The people we are close to, who are also the people who''s opinions I care about, know what we mean to each other. If someone doesn''t think as much of our relationship because I don''t have a ring on my left hand, then they obviously don''t know us and I don''t really care what they think.