anyone else stressed the *bleep* out?

[lulu66]

let me start this off by saying this is purely a vent. sorry to dump it on you lovely ladies but i feel like if i write--type--this out maybe i''ll be able to get over it or something. so, i''m in the thick of beginning to actually try to book vendors & locations for our wedding. [for those unfamiliar w/my story: fi & i got engaged in august, debated whether to get married in my hometown or our current town, decided our current town would be best, then fi got a job across the country & we are now planning a california wedding on a tiny kentucky wedding budget. k, now that your up to speed, the vent will begin.] i''m feeling very torn between not wanting (or really not being able to but not wanting to even if we could) spend an outrageous amount of money on this shindig but have something that is nice both for us & for our guests traveling across the country. i feel it is important to give them a nice-ish meal, some beverages, and some dancing preferably in a place that has some sort of ambiance. as i search around my new, very small town, i''m left feeling like there are no in between options. it''s either use our honeymoon fund to cover the rental (yes, only the rental) price of one place that is very nice or go w/the hall that is free but in so-so shape and very plain jane. i feel guilty for wishing that we had the money to afford the expensive place; i know i shouldn''t want that. the reception, after all, is just one party. i know my friends & family are there to be with us, share our moment not judge and turn up their noses at the reception site we booked.

i sit down & look at my budget sheet, adding and re-adding, guesstimating here and filling in blanks there and honestly it seems hopeless. which really makes me sad. my budget, while not extravagant, could easily buy a used car and all this money is going toward one day. sometimes it''s enough to make me sick. but then my little girl fantasies creep in and i want, want, want. does anyone else feel pulled by this type of thought? or is it just me?

then i also feel paralyzed at making the choice. like, since i''m new to the area, as soon as i decide and put down money somewhere, someone will come along and say, "oh, blah blah is so beautiful and really cheap, did you check there?" i don''t know why all this stuff is creeping into my head. fi, in his infinite wisdom, says, "whatever, wherever."

bless him, he tries to keep me sane.

so, i guess my rant is over. i know what i need to do: just book the "free" hall and deal with it. the people i love will be there, there will be nice food & dancing & adult beverages & me married to him. so, does anybody have any good tricks to make a place that''s really just a boring room seem nice on the cheap (and i mean on the cheap)? oh, and if you''re stressed out too, please feel free to add your vent here.

 

[beadchick]

LuLu66, I feel your pain! I''m not in the exact situation, but I have tremendous guilt over asking my mom to pay for a wedding that I can''t afford when I''d always joked I would get married in a swim suit on the beach anyway. Your last paragraph is right on: its you and FI''s day, everyone is going to have a good time, so screw it. Have you considered maybe doing the destination thing? This will cut down size of the shindig, you can find a great little restaurant, get married on their veranda, then rent their banquet room out. We are doing a "high tea" rather than a sit down dinner b/c we found an amazing pastry chef who says she can feed everyone tons, and do a very classy affair for less.

So, to cut costs: buy alcohol at costco. Limit mixed drinks. Do ONE "signature drink" and then wine and beer. Those you have to have. We are doing the high tea, so we will have differing lemonades and teas and coffees. You can also get your decorations online and do them yourselves. We''d looked at florists, but also cheaper do it online. You have to put things together, but thats not a problem: bridesmaids- 2 big hydragias, and some accent roses thrown in. Done.

Veil, bridesmaid gifts, etc- get on Etsy. Or, make your own. There is a DIY thread on here. Read it. We are also having everything in one place. This will cut down on car costs and all that. Its a high tea and in a historic house w/ a park outside, so instead of dancing, I am going to get cornhole boards from craigslist and use a $50 gift card I have for amazon (their credit card gives FANTASTIC amazon points if you use it right), for the croquet and horseshoes. We went w/ a pan-steel drum guy: he charged $500 and will do the whole day. Favors: we are making CDs. Cheap to burn, throw a big bow on there, done.

Invitations: check with your place of employment. There is a company called employeeprinting or something like that. You can get invitations for a huge discount. Lots of hospitals use it, check with your HR dept, I''m sure lots of companies have it. We spent $100 for 100 invites, lined and unlined envelopes and thank you cards and envelopes. You can certainly work a lot of this on a budget.

Also, my aunt is making my wedding cake. I went online and found a couple recipes I like, she is going to use those on the cake. My cake cost $160 vs the $800 prof cakes I see on here. To be really honest, the best tasting cake I''ve found is from Costco. Its tempting...anyway, hope this helps!

 

[katamari]

I thought it might be helpful to link to the was it worth it thread over in Newlyweds, to see the various perspectives from the other side.

I also want to sympathize and let you know that I was fully there. I didn''t contribute to that thread since we only used a bit of our own moneys toward out wedding. And, I am honestly still on the fence about how I would answer that question.

(hugs)

 

[caribqueen]

Date: 3/27/2010 5:27:50 AM
Author:lulu66
so, i''m in the thick of beginning to actually try to book vendors & locations for our wedding. [for those unfamiliar w/my story: fi & i got engaged in august, debated whether to get married in my hometown or our current town, decided our current town would be best, then fi got a job across the country & we are now planning a california wedding on a tiny kentucky wedding budget.

So you''re not living in CA anymore or is it just your FI who has moved? If neither of you are in CA anymore, is it too late to consider getting married in your hometown or where FI''s new job is located?

If you were to do it iin your hometown, maybe there could be support in the way of family and friends who could help alleviate some of the stress of the DIY projects and general planning. From what I hear CA is expensive in general, so if you have an option to have the wedding somewhere more affordable, would you consider that now?

I understand the stress. Mine is a bit different since my parents are paying, but that also means the wedding is not just what I want, but also what my parents want. One thing I''m glad we did, was to decide to get married in my hometown where there''s family support. It''s a good thing too, since my FI got a new job closer to our families. Otherwise we''d be planning a wedding 2,000 miles away in a city where FI and I no longer live.

Sounds like you and your FI will have to have a talk about what kind of wedding you guys would be happy with and can afford. Then I think once you make the decision, if it means having a smaller wedding, that''s perfectly fine and you just need to stick with it and not let anyone talk you into anything else unless they''re contributing.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I don''t have any suggestions - we got married with only a couple days of half-hearted "planning" - our wedding was outside in the park near our house and our reception was at a restaurant nearby with cake at our house - total cost was under 500$ including my dress, the license, the official etc.
But I wanted to offer you some support - I"m sorry you''re feeling so stressed!

 

[lulu66]

first, thanks to everyone who made it through this novel of a thread! and thanks for your advice/support. we have a number that we are comfortable with and that''s what''ll we''ll spend; i guess i was just getting frustrated at what our $$ could/could not buy. but for us it is important to share this day with all of our family and friends who are willing to make the trip.

Date: 3/27/2010 4:30:34 PM
Author: caribqueen

Date: 3/27/2010 5:27:50 AM

Author:lulu66

so, i''m in the thick of beginning to actually try to book vendors & locations for our wedding. [for those unfamiliar w/my story: fi & i got engaged in august, debated whether to get married in my hometown or our current town, decided our current town would be best, then fi got a job across the country & we are now planning a california wedding on a tiny kentucky wedding budget.

So you''re not living in CA anymore or is it just your FI who has moved? If neither of you are in CA anymore, is it too late to consider getting married in your hometown or where FI''s new job is located?


If you were to do it iin your hometown, maybe there could be support in the way of family and friends who could help alleviate some of the stress of the DIY projects and general planning. From what I hear CA is expensive in general, so if you have an option to have the wedding somewhere more affordable, would you consider that now?


I understand the stress. Mine is a bit different since my parents are paying, but that also means the wedding is not just what I want, but also what my parents want. One thing I''m glad we did, was to decide to get married in my hometown where there''s family support. It''s a good thing too, since my FI got a new job closer to our families. Otherwise we''d be planning a wedding 2,000 miles away in a city where FI and I no longer live.


Sounds like you and your FI will have to have a talk about what kind of wedding you guys would be happy with and can afford. Then I think once you make the decision, if it means having a smaller wedding, that''s perfectly fine and you just need to stick with it and not let anyone talk you into anything else unless they''re contributing.

just to clarify your question: when we got engaged, started planning, a number was decided on. it was a number that my parents (who are being beyond generous to give us any money for a wedding) are donating for us to pay for the wedding. when we were given this budget, we decided that would be enough to throw the wedding, which is good b/c we had both been unemployed since graduation (6 mos) and were doing good to pay our bills, much less save for a wedding. we were planning a wedding in kentucky for 150 people w/sit down dinner & open bar. now we have moved to california (both fi & i live here now) and are planning the wedding here; our budget is still the same and it is nearly impossible to get the same things. that''s my main gripe, i guess. but we knew that when we decided to change the location. honestly, it was because even if the wedding was in ky the majority of our guests would be flying there; so we figured why not just plan it where we are living now. and really it will all work out, i was just having a pity party moment & feeling guilty for wanting a pity party because i cannot afford a more extravagant venue. again, thanks to all for the advice. katmari, i''m going to read that thread now!

 

[caribqueen]

OK, I get it.

The good news is that you are planning where you live currently, so that will make things much easier. Don''t worry. It will all be okay. Weddings are kind of like engagement rings. There''s always a bigger, better one than the one we have or can afford.

 

[purselover]

I''m sorry you''re so stressed, I know how crazy planning can get! ***HUGS***

 

[Nov2109]

I''m sorry you are stressed out.

You''ll be fine. Who cares what venue you have. The best wedding I ever went too was a backyard BBQ reception! No fancy hall, white gloved servers, etc... It was simple and beautiful, the food was delicious, and everything was intimate...

Things always have a way of working out, and you will have a beautiful reception!

 

[jcarlylew]

*hugs*
I know what you mean. Last month i had nightmares everynight about something or another. However having those DID help me remember to follow up with vendors, etc.

Give into the little girl fantasies. I almost gave up on E not seeing me before the ceremony. Due to timing, location, etc, it would be 5 million times easier if we just did pictures before hand AND including E seeing me before the ceremony. The thing is, i was dreaming of walking down the isle since i was a little girl. And honestly, though everyone else thinks i am crazy for trying cram everything in at once, this is one thing that I want, and i stuck my foot down. SO GLAD I DID.

 

[shertz1981]

I''m sorry you''re stressed! It sounds like a stressful situation

Maybe come up with a couple of things you *have* to have/do, and then plan around the rest.

You''re in CA, too -- maybe you could get married outside, like at a beautiful park?

 

[lulu66]

thanks for all your advice, guys. okay, i''m [trying] to be done wallowing & stressing. tomorrow: hit the pavement again & find a darn venue for the reception. one that we can afford, will fit all our guests, and maybe is okay on the eyes too!

really, it does help just putting it out there. once i typed it out, i felt a bit of release. no, it''s not the end of the world if it''s in an unattractive hall. so, i''m focusing on that but still brainstorming other ideas. i''ll keep you posted.