Anyone else''s FI so laid back they are almost horizontal over their wedding responsibilities?

[merrymunky]

Bless him. I love my FI to pieces, I really do.

HOWEVER,

I wish he would get a move on and choose his wedding ring, then go out and choose his outfit with his best man. Our wedding is on August 26th and he still stallling on these tasks.

I ask him every few days when he is going to do it and he says "soon". I find it infuriating. He knows how much of a stresshead I can be and how anxious I get if things aren''t sorted out in plenty of time. I will be worrying about it till he gets it done.

To be fair, he will be getting a 30% discount on his ring through an old work colleague who used to work at the jewellers in question. The contact the old colleague has is away till the 28th so he can''t get the ring till at least then.

His rationale is that he will do it, but if he thinks about it too often, he will become stressed. But surely getting it out of the way so he can relax is the best way to go? I am doing most of the planning along with our parents. He finds this whole event stressful I think. We have been together for 7 years, engaged for 5 years and only set the date in March! It took him so long to come to terms with the fact that he would be a married man soon enough.

I think the ceremony prospect is scaring him slightly! I konw how he feels though, standing up in front of lots of people etc.

Anyone else have a FI who is also stalling/taking too long to sort their wedding responsibilities out?

 

[taovandel]

My wedding is in 3 weeks---he has done nothing for the wedding so far. I forced him to take care of his tux and dragged him to the courthouse to get the marriage license....I finally sat him down the other day and talked to him about it and he''s been a million times better....

But his parents still haven''t even done anything for the rehearsal dinner. I finally got in contact with people and did it myself and passed the info along to him to tell his parents.

He still has two invites he hasn''t give out yet (Some of the people are work people that he sees everyday and they wanted their invites hand delivered)......

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I had a "show up" groom. It has his benefits like not having to compromise over any of the wedding decisions

 

[bee*]

D says that he''s not that into planning but then if I say that I''m going to do something, he wants to be involved in it. He also made all of our invites. I normally go through lots of vendors and then narrow it down to a couple that I like and then show him and he can pick which one he likes. We have to get moving on somethings though-our wedding is a month tomorrow and we still haven''t ordered his ring.

 

[merrymunky]

It's just not a blokey thing to do is it?

He likes minimal fuss. He said as long as he has control over his outfit (which to be honest he HASN'T because he has to choose an outfit that compliments me and the bridesmaids!), his ring and the music at the evening reception then he will be fine! HAHA

I do run ideas past him first but I am careful not to bombard him with everything in case he completely freaks out. So far he has likes all the ideas and is happy to go along with them.

 

[musey]

99% of wedding tasks we did jointly (of course, with myself doing most of the legwork since I had more time and of course a greater interest), so in almost all cases he had no individual "responsibility" to get things done.

Of course, his wedding band was the exception, solely up to him (his outfit we went shopping for together, and the ring too, but he had no "help" from me as I wanted it to be entirely his decision). I was worried about his lack of concern over it, and in the end I said "you need to decide what you want by ____________ because you''ll need at least ____________ weeks to get it custom made if you need to do that" (which he did end up needing to do). All it took for him was my counting backwards from the wedding for him - which we women seem to always be better at than our male counterparts. Having an idea of a good "deadline" in his head was enough for him to get it done on time and in his own time, of course, because he is an ADULT and can of course be trusted to take care of his own stuff

The wedding is in ~15 weeks, custom can take as much as six weeks (in some cases longer, but that''s usually the max for a men''s band). So his deadline for deciding (giving at least a week''s leeway at the end) is still 9 weeks away - he certainly has TIME - plus, as you said, he can''t even do anything about it now.

Same with the wedding outfit (which sounds like it isn''t the standard tux rental deal). Will it really make a difference if he picks it a month before the wedding? Boys'' clothes do not need so much lead time as a wedding dress

I know it''s nice to have things squared away, but you don''t need to put so much pressure on him to do things NOW. He''s a grownup and can handle this on his own... if you want, give him an idea of a good timeline to make sure things get done, and that''s more than enough.

 

[DMBFiredancer]

My wedding is July 25 and my FI has not even asked his groomsmen to be in the wedding yet...just his best man. (He has 3 to ask)

Hasn''t figured out what he''s wearing yet either.

I''ve given up on asking.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

DMB you''re not alone. We''re getting married on July 5th and FI JUST asked his last GM (my brother) this weekend.

I wouldn''t say he''s laid back so much as LAZY!! I''ve asked him to do the following and nothing has happened:

Find a tux (rent or buy, I could care less. Just get one)
Make the play list for the DJ, or at least write down the songs he wants played
Research rental cars-we''re planning to rent a really nice car (LOL like a BMW which is nice for us) for me to get to the wedding in and then for us to drive to the airport on the next day.

Has any of the above happend yet?? NOPE!

*&@#^^& %$(@^#% _#@($_)@ ($#& FI!

 

[katamari]

My FI is all for helping. Unfortunately, he is terrible at making decisions or seeing the differences in a lot of the options we have to choose from. I almost want to tell him to not worry about trying to help, but I know that would be a jerk move.

 

[DMBFiredancer]

hudson, thanks....i needed to know i wasn''t alone!
i keep telling him that the longer he waits, the more they will not think they are his first choice.
plus his bachelor party is in 2 weekends and one of the guys hes planning to ask isnt going....i told him that if he knew he was IN the wedding, i''d bet he''d find a way to make it...i just roll my eyes at it.
guys are just such different creatures.

but when i get stressed hes the first to calm me down and say "dont worry, it will ALL get done"

i sure hope so!

 

[DMBFiredancer]

hahahahha....this guy shows how wedding planning makes me feel sometimes:

 

[Blair138]

Thank God I thought I was alone! FI does NOTHING and it makes me feel like he is not excited. I have asked him MILLIONS of times to do stuff and he is SO SLOW. I was on his A$$ about asking all the GM and he STILL has to ask one usher, we have 55 days left...

I dragged him to get the tuxes picked out and he dragged his feet on planning the honeymoon...when I ask him to do stuff he says "what''s the rush?" UM the rush is our wedding in less than 2 months!!!

Sometimes I want to bang my head against the wall but then I am grateful he isn''t a groomzilla. Still though, it is getting ridiculous that he does NOTHING...Sorry ladies, I can comiserate!!!

 

[honey22]

Yeah, it''s just a guy thing. I made one rule at the start of our planning process - that he wasn''t allowed to tell me that he didn''t care when I asked for his opinion. Now I get - whatever you think darling, I am sure you will make the right choice.

Well duh, I knew that, I just wanted some reassurance

 

[merrymunky]

Bless you all!

I kow my fiance is going to walk into the jewellers and spend about 5 minutes looking. He''ll pick one out there and then, no fuss. He''s good like that. It should only take a couple of weeks if it needs resizing so all should be good.

Luckily his outfit won''t be too formal either, black pinstripe trousers with matching waistcoat, a shirt and a red tie...nothing too flash, more casual but smart. It shouldn''t tae him too long to find what he needs. I have sourced items from various shops for him so all he needs todo is get together with the best man and GO GET IT!

There are no other goomsmen thank goodness. We''re having quite a small wedding.

I know it will get done...I''m just a worry wort.

 

[NuggetBrain]

My FI is of the "I don''t want to be involved in the planning but when you make a decision I''m going to suddenly want to get my opinion heard" camp. He''s decided where he wants to get the tuxes already (we aren''t getting married until May of next year) and he''s finally come to terms with the wedding colors. I can''t seem to get him to go do anything with me, but then when I go to all the meetings and research stuff and make decisions, he''s all "I don''t know, I don''t like it."