Anyone else''s SO in a warzone?

[kelpie]

So my BF was at the Baghdad airport waiting for the dust storm to clear so he could go to the green zone. He wrote me at 4:30 am yesterday morning saying he was at an airport hotel waiting to travel and I haven''t heard from him since. It is VERY nerve racking not knowing if he made it to his destination safely. For those of you whose SOs travel to war zones, how do you cope? Any tips for handling the waiting and the anxiety? I have the day off of work to do some projects and that actually makes it worse.

 

[justjulia]

Bless your heart. Breathe in with the good, out with the bad. I''m sending good vibes your way that all is well and you will hear from him soon. When I get stressed, I do laundry (folding clothes)--I know-boring-but for some reason it helps. That and really hot baths. Do you have some friends you can call up and get out of the house for a while? Maybe go solo and paint a little pottery? Here''s a HUG.

 

[Maisie]

I think you might have heard something by now if he hadn't made it safely? My ex husband was in Iraq and even though we weren't together anymore I still worried about him. More because of the children.

Its really difficult but you must try and keep yourself busy. You will drive yourself mad otherwise.

It will get easier over time. You will learn to adjust and not get so stressed out.

 

[kelpie]

Thank you Maisie & Julia. Unfortunately a terrible thing just happened, my dogs killed one of my chicks, I am so upset with them, it was the chicks' first time outside (in a kennel) The dogs got her flustered and she stuck her head through the links and they grabbed her and broke her neck

Obviously I need to line the whole thing with smaller netting. I whipped their behinds and locked them in a closet but I don't feel any better

This was supposed to be my relaxing day :/

 

[Maisie]

Aww thats so sad

 

[kelpie]

He just left me a voicemail saying he is OK. I still worry about him though. He has to come home soon for a few days then he flies to Pakistan then back to Iraq. It''s all the traveling that really scares me. I feel like he''s pretty safe when he''s on a base.

 

[justjulia]

That''s a relief, that he''s ok. I understand about the traveling. The thing is, he could get hurt crossing the street at home, so don''t spend too much energy fretting. Stuff will be stuff. Some day you two will have kids and then, THEN, you will worry! (lol)

I''m so sorry about the chick. It seems like when it rains it pours, doesn''t it. I hope you rest easier tonight.

 

[stryeyes102]

My boyfriend is on his way home as we speak, So hes not in the danger zone anymore. His ship was over in the gulf for a few months.. They were even approached in one of those show downs with Iranian ships.

Here are my tips;
- Stay busy!! Find hobbies you like, take up bicycling. Just find something you love to do and do it.
- I stay away from the newspaper and don''t watch the news.. It will only upset you and makes you worry.
- Write him all the time! Even when you don''t have anything exciting to say other then what you did that day.. Little things like that help break the monotony. And set up care packages. I found half the time that i was working on those, i didn''t worry about the little things.


I have had four friends go on 3-4 tours a piece of Iraq and Afghanistan, ALL came home safe!


Keep your chin up! Glad you heard from him. Sorry about your chick though

Also remember that me and a few others here have had military SO''s.. Plus, there are alot of great ladies here whenever you need to chat! *hugs*

 

[kelpie]

Thank you Stryeyes! I''m so glad your boyfriend''s coming home. How wonderful! Do you have anything special planned?

Thanks for the good advice. I''m going to try kayaking. But I need more hobbies that involve other people! I do try to go on dates with myself while he''s away. I think I exercise more as well. I don''t know many people in my town yet.

I have such awe for couples who go through 12+ month tours, you''ve got to be one strong lady! It gets really lonely starting at about 3 weeks and worse from there. I have so much trouble sleeping without him.

 

[stryeyes102]

Nothing special for his return but plenty of vacation after it.. We are planning on going to las vegas in june, a friends wedding in july and camping in august. LOL He was planning one month in!

I wish i could say i am that strong.. But i gotta fess up. Hes navy so they''re max deployment is 9 months.. Once you get into the motion of it though, if you have other things going on, it really does go by quick. Is this your first deployment? If so, it will get better, i promise.. This is my second and i have to say that its been alot easier going this time around.

I know exactly what you mean about trouble sleeping! for the first few months it was tough to sleep without him there.

Id also totally recommend buying two hand held voice recorders and lots and lots of tapes.. That way you both can send each other lil love notes and such. Because there is really nothing like hearing their voice when your having a bad day. Heck, even record your voice reading a book!

Another suggestion, see about FRG meetings. "family readiness group" im not sure if thats only a navy thing or not but its basically meetings were all the girlfriends or wives get together to share the latest info and just spent time together. It also would be a way for you to meet some new people in town.
Since you have an interest in kayaking, why not look and see if their is a fan club of the sport in your area? That way you can learn something new and meet new people..

Like i said, it''ll get better. I think your gonna do just fine! And, i do believe your one heck of a strong lady yourself!

 

[ImpatientOne]

I'm on my first deployment with DH (soldier)- we're at the half way point of a 15 month deployment

He's been before, but this is the first since we've been together. I also went through a combat tour with my son (Marine) at the beginnning of the war. It can be harrowing, to say the least!

The best advice I can give you is to remember that no news is good news. They try to notify you within 24 hours if something has happened.

I normally hear from my hubby twice per day via telephone. When my son was there, he had no internet or phone access. I only heard from him once in a 7 month period (other than snail mail). Those were the worst 7 months of my life!

Do you have any support system in place? I find it helpful to be around other military loved ones who can better understand what I am going through. There are a lot of online support groups out there, too!

Hang in there!

ETA: Glad to see you finally heard from him!

 

[ljmorgan]

Date: 5/1/2008 4:00:24 PM
Author:kelpie
So my BF was at the Baghdad airport waiting for the dust storm to clear so he could go to the green zone. He wrote me at 4:30 am yesterday morning saying he was at an airport hotel waiting to travel and I haven't heard from him since. It is VERY nerve racking not knowing if he made it to his destination safely. For those of you whose SOs travel to war zones, how do you cope? Any tips for handling the waiting and the anxiety? I have the day off of work to do some projects and that actually makes it worse.

Hi kelpie, I totally feel for you -- my husband is in Afghanistan right now. I totally understand the anxiety when they're traveling within country -- my husband has to make occasional trips in country and it is so nerve wracking until I hear from him and know that he is safely on base. I don't really have any tips for handling the anxiety, thinking positive was never enough for me because honestly, the things you're imagining are so scary! Just try to hang tight and stay as busy as you can. It is definitely terrible luck that you're home all day! The first few weeks my husband was gone I stayed late at work, went out with friends at night, and spent tons of time at the gym. Maybe some of the ladies more experienced with this type of thing can weigh in, because I don't really have a good antidote to the worry. I try to stay busy, and I've been consoling myself with a LOT of Sephora purchases, haha. My husband is a civilian so these larger paychecks have been funding my nerve calming purchases

I do want you to know that once he's in the green zone it's very safe for them! They will probably have regular lockdowns, but even that gets easier too. The first time my husband's area took live fire and they were put on lock down, I was a mess the next day. But it gets easier! I do want to say that now is the time to really put the extra effort into your relationship -- there are some aspects of his deployment that have been a personal struggle for me. Put your faith into your boyfriend. Good luck! If you ever want to chat I'll be here!

 

[ImpatientOne]

I agree with Lindsey with regard to it getting a little easier as time goes on. Maybe easier is not the right word as it is never easy!!! I guess I have found that as time goes on I am not consumed with thoughts of his safety every single moment of every single day. With my son, I really was not functioning at all as I was just obsessed with his well being. This, of course, was at the beginning of the war where your could watch events unfolding on tv 24/7.

With my husband, I try to push the negative or scary thoughts to the back of my mind and keep myself occupied with other things. Personally, for me, it''s like I found this internal switch to shut off the emotions. When my hubby came home on R&R last month, I didn''t realize how much I had shut down emotionally. The emotions quickly came back as soon as I saw him, but when he left again, I struggle for a day or two until I was able find find that "switch" and flip it. Yes, I miss him terribly, but I am moving forward with my life the best I can while he is gone...

Hugs to all you ladies whose significant others are over there! May all of our men come home safely!