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anyone NOT inviting co-workers?

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selflove

selflove

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I''m not inviting my co-workers to the wedding. I honestly can''t stand most of them and it would be difficult to invite the few that I do like without inviting the whole team (about 15 people not including their guests).

Is anyone else in, or has been in, this situation? Wedding is 3 1/2 months away so it''s not a touchy subject yet...

It''s not that we can''t afford for them to come but that is the excuse I''ll use if they are rude enough to ask me.
 
I''m not planning on it (wedding is a year and a half off, though, so this is not a final decision), but our wedding is going to be about a 5 or 6 hour drive away from where we work/live, and we''re going to try to provide housing (in one of my extended family''s houses) for as many people as we can. So I don''t think it will be weird to tell people it''s a small family wedding and leave it at that. Unless you''re having a huge wedding, I think you could get away with that too; don''t bring money into it, just say it''s "mostly family" and look pleasant and there''s not really any way they can argue with you.

I also wanted to note that at my job, tons of people have gotten married recently, and most of them invite from 0 to 3 coworkers, depending on who they''re friendly with. At our company, that seems totally normal and I haven''t heard anyone complaining about not getting invited, so if I were you I would consider inviting the couple people you''re closest with. I doubt it would become much of a problem unless you invited most of the people on your team, in which case those not invited would feel left out.
 
As of right now, I'm inviting only 2 co-workers...I'm sure I'll get stupid comments from other people, like my former boss, but frankly I don't care....most of my co-workers annoy the h*ll out of me anyway.

I say as of right now because my wedding is 1 year 4 months and 9 days away and a lot could happen in that time. Part of me doesn't even want to invite them because I have a feeling that neither one will show.
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ETA: I'm half considering not inviting them because I am having a bigger wedding than I want right now and I can't cut anyone else..it's all family!
 
I invited co-workers that i consider friends... whom i have hung out with outside of work. I did feel strange not inviting my entire team, but i just couldnt do it in terms of numbers. When my MOH got married, she didnt invite anyone she worked with.
 
OKay, I have a question regarding this, and some advice would be welcome: I work at a small family run company (I''m talking three people in the office all day including me) there are also two salesmen who work outside the office read: at home watching tv and eating sammiches. Anyway, I used to baby-sit for two of the people (an office worker and her husband- one of the salesman) which is how I got this job bookkeeping even though I know nothing about it. So out of the five people: there are the wife and husband "C&C" , and the wife''s brother "B" and another salesman "D". I''m close with "C & C", and they know my BF, and they are very sweet, she''s constantly asking about the ring, and the ceremony, I watched their children for 10 years. Now "B" and I aren''t so close, for being in a tiny office together. I want to invite "C & C", but not "B" or "D". Is this wrong?
 
Date: 1/18/2006 3:05:21 PM
Author: AmberWaves
OKay, I have a question regarding this, and some advice would be welcome: I work at a small family run company (I''m talking three people in the office all day including me) there are also two salesmen who work outside the office read: at home watching tv and eating sammiches. Anyway, I used to baby-sit for two of the people (an office worker and her husband- one of the salesman) which is how I got this job bookkeeping even though I know nothing about it. So out of the five people: there are the wife and husband ''C&C'' , and the wife''s brother ''B'' and another salesman ''D''. I''m close with ''C & C'', and they know my BF, and they are very sweet, she''s constantly asking about the ring, and the ceremony, I watched their children for 10 years. Now ''B'' and I aren''t so close, for being in a tiny office together. I want to invite ''C & C'', but not ''B'' or ''D''. Is this wrong?
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Not at all Amber. It''s your wedding, you can choose who you want to invite and who you don''t want to. But if you get grief about it, just explain that you have a limited budget and that C &C have been in your life for a long time, so have their children. If they still don''t get...tell them to kiss it!
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Kidding.

I have the pleasure of telling my very opinionated aunt that her youngest child is not being invited...we are having a sort of adults only receptions (no kids under 13). Anyone have suggestions on how to brotch that subject?
 
Caribou, I went to a wedding like that where there were no kids allowed, but my Future sister in law begged to bring her two kids (4 year old and a two year old) and they said it was fine, even though my future brother in law (the sister''s brother, not husband) also has two kids the same age, and didn''t bring the kids. So who was stuck at the table with the (ONLY) two kids? Me! And I love kids, but they were so bored. It turned out my sisterinlaw called her brother and begged HIM to bring HIS kids, but he said that was, and I quote, a "Non-starter", when his wife asked why he didn''t tell her about it. Tell your aunt the kids will be bored out of their minds at an adult only wedding!
 
I'm in a kinda wierd situation: I'm part of a sub-department of 15 here in our offices in L.A. My "real" department of 12 is in our corporate office in the SouthEast, and 2 other department members are in 2 other offices in the US (NorthEast and MidWest) Whew- that's corporate America for you!

My counterpart in the NE office is a dear, dear friend. She will be a "Wedding Hostess" (I'll only have a MOH, no BM's). Of course she will be invited, as will my SVP in the corporate office. I don't plan to invite anyone here in L.A, or in any of the 3 other offices.

I don't foresee a problem with my colleagues here in L.A. I consider them co-workers and that's it. I do see some problems with not inviting anyone from our corporate office in the SE. Those gals are pretty catty, and I'm sure they won't like it that my NE co-worker/friend is invited. Whatever- like they'd really fly out to the West for my wedding?

Bottom line- My wedding is my personal business, and that has nothing to do with company business.
 
Date: 1/18/2006 2:48:27 PM
Author:selflove
I''m not inviting my co-workers to the wedding. I honestly can''t stand most of them and it would be difficult to invite the few that I do like without inviting the whole team (about 15 people not including their guests).

Is anyone else in, or has been in, this situation? Wedding is 3 1/2 months away so it''s not a touchy subject yet...
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Husband and I work for the same company, and we didn''t invite co-workers. We had two primary reasons:

1) The most important reason is because we both view a wedding as a very personal and intimate thing. We wanted to share our day with those closest to us; we didn''t want a huge, impersonal party with everyone we''d ever met over the last 20 years. We don''t believe in inviting people out of obligation only. We didn''t even invite aunts/uncles/cousins...it was immediate family only and a handful of really, really close friends.

2) We had our reception on a schooner, so we were limited to less than 50 passengers. Even if we had wanted to invite co-wokers, there are so many between us that there wouldn''t be enough room to invite everyone, and how do you pick who comes and who doesn''t? WAY too much potential for hurt feelings and unfortunate repercussions (friction at work afterward or people being difficult to work with).

I hate to say it, but another factor is just knowing how people are. There will always be those people who enjoy tearing down others (oh, look at THAT DRESS....those shoes are horrible....I can''t believe she picked THAT color), and I just didn''t want even the possibility of that element playing any part in our wedding.
 
Date: 1/18/2006 2:54:31 PM
Author: albicocca
So I don''t think it will be weird to tell people it''s a small family wedding and leave it at that. Unless you''re having a huge wedding, I think you could get away with that too; don''t bring money into it, just say it''s ''mostly family'' and look pleasant and there''s not really any way they can argue with you.
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This really is the best way to handle it.
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I''m inviting one person from work and she''s the one that I''m always talking about wedding stuff with, and I know we would keep in touch if one of us ever left the company, so basically she''s my work best friend. I said early on that we wanted to do something small, plus it helped that on the first workday of being engaged I told everyone that my FI and I weren''t discussing the wedding until after the holidays.
 
I''m not inviting anyone from my current workplace because I hopefully won''t be there much longer. As for my fiance''s workplace, we put all of them on the "B" list. If we have room in the budget to invite them, we will, but if we don''t then they''re out of luck.
 
I find the biggest advanage of having a wedding in a different state is you can get out of inviting people. All I have to say is "well if you really want to travel all the way to WI" and they make a face and never bring it up again
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You chould just tell them you are having a small/family wedding.
 
We also have the A, B, and C lists. what is the rule? Send out the A invites early, then count your "Will Not"s, and invite the B listers and yadda yadda...
 
Ohh...I am not sure how I feel about A, B, and C lists....seems kind of shady. I guess we are invited who we want whether they come or not. If not, we have less people.

Besides Selflove said it wasn't about money. She just needs an excuse.
 
Date: 1/18/2006 4:09:12 PM
Author: AmberWaves
We also have the A, B, and C lists. what is the rule? Send out the A invites early, then count your ''Will Not''s, and invite the B listers and yadda yadda...
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I have a ''Maybe List''...although right now it''s empty.

The people on my list are plenty...I''d like to knock it down some more but can''t...family and very close friends. Although, FI and I went to the bar to met up with some girl friends of his and they assumed they were invitied.
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I really don''t care but we would not have invited them otherwise...I mean before him and I got engaged he hung out with them may 4 times.
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But they are nice people.

When I say girl firends...I really mean just that girls that are his friends. Don''t want anyone to think that he''s stepping out on me.
 
When you have such a limited budget like we do, you have to seperate your guest list into priorities. The most important people in the A list, the lesser important people in the B list. I don''t see any point for a C list. If you have some people from the A list say they can''t make it to the wedding and you would like to spend the same amount of money by inviting some people from the B list, then they move from B to A. If you think "well then that saves us some money," then don''t move them. It''s just that we have so many friends that it was hard to invite them all with our budget. If room and money permits, we don''t mind inviting the B-listers because they are our friends (the A-listers are mostly friends we''ve had for a LONG time and family. The B-listers are mainly new friends and some acquaintances). I know it would save us some money if we didn''t, but that''s not really the point to us. It''s not about money, it''s about wanting them there to celebrate our new marriage with us.
 
We''re only doing ABC because we can''t afford too many people, and we want to make sure there are the people we NEED to have there, the B people would be not so close family, (his parents have about 10/11 siblings put together), and the C people are people we''d like to be there if we can afford it. I know it sounds so horrible, but that''s how we narrow it down, my old friends from High School that I''ve just recently found? C list. His Aunt Cookie who hates the rest of the family? C list. I get so confused. We need to keep it at 100 or less, ya know?
 
I totally feel ya on that. I''m having the same problem. That''s why my B list is almost as big as my A list!
 
I should just have my BF do the list, he''s much more cut throat than I am! I''m almost about to invite all of the PS gals to the wedding, it seems you guys almost know me as well as my friends do!
 
I''m only inviting 1 person from work. I hang out with her occasionally outside of work so I consider her my friend. Plus, she''s been really helpful with the wedding stuff! But other than that, I''m not inviting anyone else since we are trying to keep the guest list under 50 people.
 
I quited a few months before the wedding, and I didn''t invite any of the co-workers except my superviser at that job even though everyone knew that I was getting married. I just only worked there for a year and wasn''t super close to anyone although we had occasionally happy hours and get togethers outside of work. The superviser was DH''s best friend''s wife, so she was a friend anyways. She did tell everyone at work about my wedding, and they asked me about it when we were all over at the superviser''s house for a Xmas party. Didn''t seem like they were offended.

DH, on the other hand, had worked at his job since college and his bosses and co-workers basically watched him grow as an adult. So he invited about 25 coworkers. He wasn''t obligated to, but he wanted to.

In the end, it''s your wedding and it''s personal, so if you don''t want to invite anyone then don''t.
 
We are having a pretty small wedding (about 80) and its mostly family and then our closest friends. We had to leave a lot of friends off the list due to the budget, so i definitely wasn''t about to invite coworkers over our good friends. We decided no coworkers at all because once you invite one or a few, its like where do you draw the line?! Also, we are doing a barefoot beach wedding, and its a pretty intimate affair, and i really don''t want to share that with people i work with -- i like to keep a line between personal and work, even though i''m very friendly with folks at work. I''m not even inviting our assistant, although she invited me to hers, i just don''t feel obligated to invite her to ours -- she seems fine with it. (although she''s probably gossiping to everyone about how she didn''t make the cut!)
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One of the reasons we are having a destination wedding is to avoid situations like this.
Like others have said here, I want my wedding to be about my FI and I, and the people we love. I can honestly say that I don''t LOVE anyone I work with. FI, on the other hand, LOVEs EVERYONE! He''s inviting quite a few people he works with. It''s a drag (to me,) because we are really trying to keep our list small. On the other hand, I love how friendly and social my FI is. The fact that people love him right back is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.
 
I am new to my job, so i am not planning on inviting any of my new coworkers.

However... my old job is tricky... There are two girls I am OBLIGATED to invite.. Basically, as soon as I got engaged they pinned me down and asked if they were invited..and dummy me said yes.. And they wouldn''t understand if they weren''t. Plus they have offered to throw me a lingerie shower.. Then there are some other girls who I would love to invite.. but then I start getting on the slippery slope of it getting to be everyone.. And also.. its my fathers restaurant.. and he won''t let that many people have off on a Saturday night... whether its my wedidng or not! lol..
 
Date: 1/18/2006 7:27:37 PM
Author: MelissaSue
There are two girls I am OBLIGATED to invite.. Basically, as soon as I got engaged they pinned me down and asked if they were invited..and dummy me said yes.. And they wouldn''t understand if they weren''t.
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OOOH, that was so clueless and rude of them!! I hate when people do things like this! Anyway, at least they are going to throw you a shower to make up for putting you on the spot like that!
 
We have an ABC, A is will invite, B are people who are to be considered, and C is people we will invite but already know can''t come, so they don''t really take up a spot on the A list. My FI actually came up with the C idea, I was so proud of him.
 
I quietly invited only 2 of my 3 coworkers. The third is of a personality that was very very difficult to deal with and we weren''t close at all. On the other hand, I am close with one of the 2 we invited and J was good friends with the other in high school. It''s like inviting all but one person in your class to your birthday party in 4th grade; if you''re not going to invite the whole class, don''t hand out the invitations in front of the whole class.

As it turns out the 3rd we didn''t invite was fired a week or two after we sent out invitations anyways (partly for gross irresponsibility in working on my research project), so it worked out in the end.
 
JCJD, did you invite your advisor and any of your professors? I''m also in a PhD program, and because it''s so small (2-5 people per year) it''s going to be a challenge to figure out who to invite and who I can exclude.
 
I think it''s pretty easy to exclude co-workers. Just say you''re having family and close friends. Honestly, most of your co-workers will most likely be pretty burned out on hearing about your wedding anyway so they will probably just be grateful to not have to go. If you have a few close co-worker friends invite them by invitation and don''t talk about it a lot at work.
 
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