Anyone regretting having a big, traditional wedding?

[june48]

My DF and I started planning without really thinking of other nontraditional option that might be more "us," and now that all of the deposits are paid we feel like we can''t go back. What''s a girl to do?

 

[Odilia]

What do you consider "big"?

 

[june48]

Our wedding is about 150 people, but since our parents are paying for it, about 110 of the guests are theirs. Of course about 80% of those are our relatives, but we''re not close to all of them.

 

[ocbride2007]

What other options were you thinking? Destination? You may want to work with what you have and personalize your ceremony a bit more so it does seem like it''s more "you." 150 people isn''t that large, actually (I''m sure we''ll have 200-250 people at mine, and all but 20 will be his family, most of which I haven''t met more that a couple times, if at all). It''s a decent sized wedding, yes, but I don''t think you will feel like it is impersonal.

Maybe you should work with your vendors, especially on decorations, etc to personalize it a bit more to your interests. Like if you guys are really into the outdoors, you could give favors that relate to that, giving everyone a little piece of your life. Or you may add some tents to your reception site (even if it is indoors, if the space is right for it) and create a little getaway beneath. You can get really creative and incorporate a whole theme, or maybe just do something special with a segment of music. Talk to your vendors and see if you can bring a little more you back into it, making it just a little less traditional, without spending too much extra money. Of course, if you are really unhappy, you should discuss the financial options with your fiance and see what alternative you have. Good luck, and post any ideas on here so we can pitch in to help!!

 

[selflove]

We didnt have a big wedding but we did have 2 small traditional weddings. Two weeks before, I was regretting it all b/c it was so much stuff to do and planning but now that its done I dont have any regrets, just great memories of two wonderful and special parties.

IF you could go back and do it over, what would you WANT to have done? I agree that now that the deposits are down, and paid for by your parents, its probably not worth the drama to cancel. Would your parents really be upset? Maybe they would be less upset if you presented them with a new plan, if you have somehting in particular in mind...

 

[gingerBcookie]

right before when all the details were driving me crazy and stressing me out, i did have thoughts of regret over not doing a DW, but afterwards...wouldn''t change a thing. It was so great to be able to celebrate with everyone we loved around us. We had 200 guests (which is honestly smallish for hispanic and vietnamese weddings) and they were mostly relatives, but we are clsoe to our family, all of them, so it was great. i think the decision is very individually based. it was right for US, but whether or not it is right for you...well only you can decide.

 

[diamondfan]

You could always have the wedding and then later, when things are calmer, throw a party that incorporates more stuff for both of you, the more "you" experience.. just since it might be stressful and tough to change mid stream now...

 

[Rebemdee]

Maybe I'm not catching it quite right, but from your post I'm getting the feeling that you aren't thrilled that most of the guests aren't people you really are that interested in seeing you married, and wouldn't have invited if you weren't having the big wedding. It's like planning a party for people you wouldn't normally have over for dinner, and I can imagine that doesn't seem very exciting. I think it can feel like parents or other people are taking over and you end up planning the event but it doesn't feel like it is for you. Is it too late to reconsider the guest list and have close family and friends only? Or have a small ceremony and intimate reception, and if your parents insist on having a shindig with all the family, they can plan that as a separate reception for you?

Our wedding was small, about 60 people, and as traditional as it can get for a "Jewish-Japanese wedding, ceremony we wrote and performed by a friend, best man played the saxophone for the procession, recession to Barry White, luncheon with a bunch of kids wedding." I loved it and had the time of my life. I don't regret it at all. But it was what *I* wanted, and I only gave in minimally to the "shouldn't you invite so and so" pressure. I ended up inviting about ten people who weren't on my original "had to be there" guest list, but that worked out okay for us, and it made the people requesting those invitations happy, and we enjoyed the people who came, and enough people cancelled that it balanced everything out financially.

Best of luck with this, it's the hardest part, working out how to not hurt feelings and make sure that people feel included. Weddings are so weird, in that it's a happy, joyous, beautiful event, but can bring about such hurt feelings and doubt. Do what feels right for you, while trying to minimize hurting those you love, but realize you aren't going to make everybody happy. Such is life.

 

[codex57]

Big weddings aren''t fun to plan, organize, and then execute. You just do the best you can. If it makes you feel better, we had two weddings. the "small" one was 150 people. 2nd one "the main one" was 300 people. Prolly only knew about 20% of the people there.

When''s the expected wedding date and how much money is at stake? Are invitations out? If you can eat the money and the invitations aren''t out, might not be too late to do what you want. Do you even have an idea of what is "more us"?