Anyone with a significant other deployed overseas?

[Thomperchik]

Hello all! Although I''ve been a lurker for quite sometime, I''ve just gotten around to posting.

Here''s my story in a nutshell. My boyfriend got deployed about a month and a half ago to the middle-east. When I found out, I was fine with it, but now I just feel really lonely. I''m passed being upset about it, now I just miss him so much.

Well, we''ve been talking about moving together when he gets back. He''ll have about 8 months from the time he gets back, until he gets out of the military. So I decided that I''ll meet him half way from where I am now (Jax, FL) to NC, so that we can be close until he gets out.

The problem is, he''s always asking about my move. I told him I''ll be there by the time he gets back, but he''s just so worried about something happening. It''s just so frustrating not being together at the same place to plan such a big move, and not having him here to be able to assure him and discuss things in person.

Don''t get me wrong, he''s not pressuring me or anything, I think he''s just stressed about being overseas and not having me there. Anyone else in a similar situation? Or been through something similar?

 

[jcarlylew]

i dont have any experience with this exactly, but just wanted to let you know we''re here for you!

 

[Hera]

My husband isn''t deployed right now but will be in about three months. Six weeks in is one of the worst times because you''re just starting to feel the loneliness and realizing how far it is from when he gets back. I have been through 3 deployments and this is what has worked for me: spend lots of time with friends and family you haven''t connected with as much, visit out of town friends like your best friend from high school you haven''t seen in years, join a gym and tone up for his return, take a class in a subject you''re interested or continue your education etc. Think of it as "me" time and a time for personal growth.

As for moving, I wouldn''t move until right before he gets back. I don''t think it''s necessary to uproot yourself too far ahead of time because you won''t be around any friends and support. He''s might be pushing on it a little because of his own fears and they''re certainly validated. Whenever I go to pick my husband up there''s always less people there than were there when I dropped him off. Deploying is very hard on relationships and isn''t for everyone. I would just send lots of e-mail and care packages. Nothing is too excessive so don''t be afraid to write every day or several times. It helps for them to hear anything from you.

Good luck and I will pray for his safe return.

 

[Thomperchik]

JCARLYLEW - Thank you so much for your support!

HERAANDERSON - I''m glad you know what it is like. I''ll definitely have to try some of the pointers you gave me. It wasn''t this hard at first, but like you said, now it''s really kicking in. Thanks also for the prayers!

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and we''ve only spent-maybe two full weeks- together at one time. Hes in the navy and stationed in Norfolk and I live and go to school 6 hours from there (on a good traffic free day) I can understand your loneliness to a degree, but he hasn''t been deployed yet. (Ask me how I feel in Oct when he''s gone

) I give you SOOOO much credit for what youre doing, thomperchik. I can only imagine how hard it must be to not be able to communicate with your bf, especially when youre considering a big life change in order to make your relationship easier. But not only concerning that, I know how hard it is not to have him to call when you''ve had a bad day or when you get some bad news thrown your way or just when you''re feeling moody or blue. My advice to you is to think of your bf as often as you can. When you find yourself lonely for him just concentrate on some fond memory you have of him or if youre lonely or looking for advice think of what he would say or do if he were home to help you (which he undoubtedly wishes beyond everything else that he could be). Im sure you know him well enough to almost hear his voice telling you to stop worrying, or that he loves you, or to the point where you can hear his laugh. So apply that to your life and know that your staying positive and optimistic will carry over in all your contact with your bf and keep him as positive and optimistic as he can be at this difficult point in his military career.
As far as his worrying about your move, I think it has a lot to do with him focusing on you and what he wants to come home to. He doesnt have a lot to occupy himself with in down time overseas and Im sure youre always on his mind especially before he goes to bed or while hes standing watch or even when other men in his unit get letters/emails from their significant others. So hes focusing on you being closer to him when he gets home as almost a light at the end of the tunnel. You dont have to get stressed out about it or even feel pressured into moving sooner, like heraanderson said. I agree that it would only make you lonelier for the time being and make those last couple weeks go by even sloooowweer. Just reassure him that you will be there when he gets home and that he doesnt have to worry about it because that won''t be changing while hes away.
I hope that helps some

Cheer up, stay positive, and treat yourself a little more often because you deserve it!

 

[ImpatientOne]

We're a year into a 15 month deployment

The first few months were the worst, but over time it's gotten easier. Only 3 more months and my hubby will be home!!!

 

[funtobewith]

So he is stationed in NC and you want to move to Jax, FL?
I''m confused.

If you are moving to be with him, why aren''t you moving to the same place? Or does he live in the barracks? How long is his deployment?
What will you do when you move?

I would also wait until it gets closer for him to return. So sense in you being without a support group as well.

 

[stryeyes102]

First off, BIG HUGS!

Id be hesitant to move out there before he gets out. Reason being, it will be a very stressful/hectic time for him. Finding work, insurance etc. I know how frustrating it is to not have him home to decide all this. It just might be easier to move out there once he is completely settled and out of the military.

I am coming from this point of view; because my sailor just ended his enlistment as of the 9th.. So i very much know all the realities that are going to hit soon. One half of me is jumping for joy, while the other is a bit nervous.

I ditto everything each person suggested about keeping busy.. The first few weeks suck.. next month or so, are icky but it gets a little easier each day.

ImpatientOne- BIG, BIG, HUGE HUGS!

Praying for each of you and your MM! Safe tours and quick returns

 

[PrincessDijon]

Wow....I commend your effort to take on the role of a military gf....Believe me it will be tough. I was married to a man in the military for 2 years, and we were in an LDR throughout the process from schooling to deployments I have been through it all....

I have many stories to tell but I won''t because they would take up way too much space....but the thing that helped me cope was sending care packages (the flat-rate priority mail boxes are amazing for sending to APO addresses) and cards and of course a webcam!!!!

Hang in there...it is definitely a journey but it definitely gives you time to decide what you really want and value in life....Listen to yourself, your gut and your thoughts during this process....

Best wishes to you!

 

[Thomperchik]

All - thank you so much for your support and sweet comments. I know it will be tough, but we love each other so much, I know we can work it out.
I''m glad I posted here, since all of you understand! I gave it some thought, and thanks for all the suggestions, but I think I''m going to wait for him to get back from deployment before I move. It''ll make more sense since he''ll be two hours away from me max.

Big hugs & prayers to each and everyone of you waiting for your loved ones to come back as well!