Are shorter ceremonies less meaningful?

[zoebartlett]

What''s your take on this? From my experience at weddings, as a guest, I''ve noticed that ceremonies that lasted about 15 minutes seemed to be more about wanting to get it over with rather than "savoring" the moment. I know that the happy couple may not see it that way (hopefully not!), but I''m just stating what I''ve thought. What do you think?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

ours was about 20 mins and I think it was very meaningful!

Granted it was a nonreligious ceremony so once you take out all the "traditional" parts it frees up some space. In that 20 mins we had a friend read a poem, my sister sing, our vows of course, and our officiant (a family friend) give a very nice speech on marriage lessons he has learned. For us it was perfect.

 

[Independent Gal]

Well, I''ve been to a few beautiful longish ceremonies and at least one long one that was totally redonkulous (think: my friend''s MIL leading us all in an interpretive dance to wish them peace...I swear I''m not making this up!)

So I think what makes it meaningful is the content more than the legnth. But yeah, if it were, say, 5 minutes, I''d be a bit ''Huh?''

 

[basil]

I guess I would think it was a little short if a ceremony was "do you ... etc", "do you...etc" "I do" "I do" and that''s it. But I think 15-20 min is probably pretty standard for a nonreligious ceremony. I think the worst thing you could do would be to drag it out with things that held no particular meaning to you.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 9/8/2007 9:29:39 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
ours was about 20 mins and I think it was very meaningful!

Granted it was a nonreligious ceremony so once you take out all the ''traditional'' parts it frees up some space. In that 20 mins we had a friend read a poem, my sister sing, our vows of course, and our officiant (a family friend) give a very nice speech on marriage lessons he has learned. For us it was perfect.

Tacori, I hope you don''t think I was bashing short ceremonies! I didn''t intend to do that at all. I was just saying that from what I''ve seen, the brides and grooms at these weddings I''ve attended wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. That seems to take some of the meaningfulness (that''s a word, right?) out of it.

My FI and I were talking about the same thing tonight Indy, regarding the length vs. the content. You''re right I think -- as long as there''s meaningful content in the ceremony, it shouldn''t matter how many minutes it takes.

We''re not having a religious ceremony either, so ours will probably be about as long as yours is, Tacori, depending on how many readings we have. We''re still undecided about that.

 

[neatfreak]

Honestly? Some of the best weddings I have been to have been shorter. The worst were certainly those who had 40+ minute ceremonies for no reason filled with fluff...

 

[KimberlyH]

Ours was about 20 minutes. We had a speech from our psuedo-priest, 2 readings (one biblical, the other a poem), our vows and that''s about it. It was a good length of time for us (my then 9 month old nephew sat through the whole thing without making a peep, so if you''re having kids the length is something to consider as well).

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Zoe I didn''t feel offended at all! I agree if I was at a wedding with a 5 min ceremony I would be kind of put off too. After all the ceremony should be longer than the length of time it takes everyone to walk down the aisle right

I have also been to some with very looooooooooong ceremonies and I feel bad saying this but they were almost painful.

One of the best compliments I got was on our ceremony. She said she was confused and curious by what we would do (since DH and I are different religions) but thought it was perfect. That meant a lot.

 

[E B]

Date: 9/8/2007 9:53:36 PM
Author: neatfreak
Honestly? Some of the best weddings I have been to have been shorter. The worst were certainly those who had 40+ minute ceremonies for no reason filled with fluff...

I agree! I prefer a shorter ceremony. Ours will be around 15-20 minutes, and full of stuff that's meaningful to us (non-traditional).

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I told the JOP that I wanted our ceremony to be five minutes, haha. I was joking (kind of), but wanted to let him know immediately that I wasn''t interested in a long ceremony. We stripped away everything that wasn''t meaningful to us and the final version is about 20 minutes. The ceremony is the most important part of the day for me, so we were sure to find a JOP that we really liked and we''ve worked with him to make our ceremony as peronal as possible. Also, we want our guests to feel they are a very big part of the day, so we are including them as well. I''m really happy with the final product and I think my only worry about the ceremony is that my tears will make my makeup look a-mess!

 

[Elmorton]

This was such an issue for us! My parents seem to believe that the longer the ceremony, the longer the marriage. I grew up "high church" Episcopalian and I''ll admit, that upbringing carried over into writing our ceremony - I was terrified that it would be "too short." But in the end, it was 25 minutes, which was perfect, because had it been any longer, our guests would have melted (IL weather...never predictable).

When all is said and done, I think the meaning is really conveyed by the couple themselves. I''ve been to a long wedding that all I could think about was the length because the couple seemed so bored. And I''ve been to one that seemed short and rushed because the couple was clearly not connected to their liturgy (ultra conservative ceremony, very liberal couple - the wedding was just the detour before the party). I''m not sure that anybody really notices length, whether it''s short or long, if they''re in the moment.

 

[fabcrab]

Ours was about 15 minutes ish and I thought it was very meaningful, but I''m biased since it''s ours. I actually prefer shorter ceremonies and not for the reason of getting it over and done with. I think in longer ceremonies, you kind of lose some of the romance because it just feels like it drags on a little bit.

 

[Stardust]

Ours was about a 15 minute JOP wedding (no entrance - we were already in the room when guests arrived from the waiting room, no exit, no music at all) and I wouldn''t change it for the world.

While I''m glad that we''re married, that''s all that really mattered to me, was the getting married part. All the fluff just isn''t us.

By the same token, I don''t like attending weddings that get too drawn out. Over an hour and my patience wears thin. But then again, I''m not religious - so that means nothing to me, and however long the ceremony the end result is the same.

 

[Selkie]

Nope!

 

[surfgirl]

Our wedding ceremony was extremely meaningful and very personal and I think it was about 20 minutes, maybe 30 at most. We had selected some specific things we wanted included and it was very moving but not too long. I think Rick thought it was a bit longish but all the elements were there and we had picked each part on purpose so no, even though it wasn''t a long ceremony, it was very meaninful. I also cant stand long drawn out ceremonies where you''re itching to get it over with!

 

[Haven]

I agree that it depends far more on the content of the ceremony than the length, but of course a five minute ceremony might seem a bit rushed.

I''ve also been to several religious ceremonies that were 15 to 20 minutes long, and Jewish wedding ceremonies are especially noted for being quite brief, yet also very meaningful at the same time. I tend to think the ceremonies that include a mix of traditional elements and then some personal touches are the most meaningful. For example, my Rabbi performed my best friend''s wedding ceremony, and although it was brief he said some really beautiful things in his short sermon about the couple and how special they are. It was all I could do to keep myself from curling up in a ball and crying in front of everyone! (I was the MOH, so I was in clear view of everyone.)

The saddest thing about a short ceremony is that people are likely to miss the entire thing if they are running a bit late. I went to an out-of-town ceremony several years ago, and the couple made a small yet crucial mistake when having the directions map drawn up, so all of their OOT guests ended up being about 15 minutes late to the church. Well, the ceremony started right on time, and by the time we all showed up they were already exiting the church! That one made me tear up, but not for the right reasons. It can be devastating to miss that special moment if you''re very close to the couple.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

*blushing* my ceremony was more than an hour long! DH and I are Catholic and we had a full Mass. Hey, I got to wear my dress for a long time!

I don''t think short ceremonies are any less meaningful than a long one - it just depends on the couple. My cousin got married in a shortish non-religious ceremony and it was beautiful. That being said - we are Catholic so most of the weddings we go to are at least an hour long and you get used to it.

Jess

 

[rainbowtrout]

I just went to a wedding last week with a probably 20-25 min ceremony. Well, maybe I am too traditonal, but it was so liberal it left me wondering, "are they married now?" "um, what about now?'' There was a little ritual but it was so mixed up with poetry readings and speeches the couple made to each other, comments by the rabbi, etc, that I missed a sense of ritual formality, I guess---i.e. the "now you are married" bit. They exchanged the rings, etc, but then the ceremony just kept going!

 

[HollyS]

Date: 9/8/2007 9:40:17 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Well, I''ve been to a few beautiful longish ceremonies and at least one long one that was totally redonkulous (think: my friend''s MIL leading us all in an interpretive dance to wish them peace...I swear I''m not making this up!)

So I think what makes it meaningful is the content more than the legnth. But yeah, if it were, say, 5 minutes, I''d be a bit ''Huh?''

ROFLOL!!!! Oh. Please. No.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

what do I think?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 9/10/2007 10:13:52 AM
Author: DivaDiamond007
*blushing* my ceremony was more than an hour long! DH and I are Catholic and we had a full Mass. Hey, I got to wear my dress for a long time!

I don''t think short ceremonies are any less meaningful than a long one - it just depends on the couple. My cousin got married in a shortish non-religious ceremony and it was beautiful. That being said - we are Catholic so most of the weddings we go to are at least an hour long and you get used to it.

Jess

I was raised Catholic and although my family is no longer practicing, most of the weddings I''ve been to have been at least 45 minutes - 1 hour.

 

[Fancy605]

Ours was probably 15ish min. It was a religious ceremony based on traditional vows (but we skipped a lot of things: unity candles, solos, communion, and things that involve standing around while people wait for songs to end). Ours to me was VERY meaningful and very "joyous" (as my husband says). We had several people ask for a copy of it (of course we based it off of a few shorter ones we''d seen that we found meaningful while we were in attendance)

To me, some of the longer ceremonies I have been got lost in the tedious stuff that goes along with weddings. But, I''ve also been to lovely long ones. I think the meaningfulness more comes from the overall effect than the length.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Most weddings I have been to were in protestant churches and about 20 minutes. Let''s face it, I would not exactly enjoy sitting through an hour wedding, and if most weddings were that long, we probably couldn''t get our husbands to go with us!