Are you marrying your first love?

[luckynumber]

Are you marrying the first person you've ever loved?

How old were you at the start of your relationship?

Do you ever worry that you haven't "played the field" more?














yes, i am cheeky!

 

[paris29]

I'm marrying my first true love. I knew about three months after we started dating that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

We became really close friends and 6 months after we met we became official. I was 16 and he was barely17 his b-day was 4 days earlier. We have been together 4.5 years and are getting married next July.

I dated a lot of other guys before him, but there was something so special about my FF. I always felt that your boyfriend or husband should also be your best friend, and he is. When you know you just know. I think we were fated to met and be together (long story). I can't wait to be his wife.

 

[beezygal]

that's so sweet paris! You must be so excited for the wedding next year. 1 year away.

I've always wanted to marry my first love. Even though that didn'tt work out, I'm happy I'm going to be engaged to my current bf. He's my third bf. I wouldn't change anything for this. I always think everything happens for a reason.

 

[Indylady]

Yes.

Young-ish.

Nah. The field doesn't look like fun compared to what I've got now. I wouldn't trade.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

No. I called off the wedding to my "first love" a month out of the actual day.

I am so proud of myself that I had the guts to do it because we were together for 8 years and always the wrong fit, he was quite aggressive and quick to temper and I am very calm and non aggressive, he also was terrible with money and acted like a child a lot of the time. Now I have found an amazing, has his life together, sweet man, perfect for me and I am so glad everyday I had the guts to call off the wedding.

I am still mates with my ex, because we ended up more like brother and sister than actual partners. And both of us could see it was not going to work. We started dating at 16 and 17.

 

[princesss]

Are you marrying the first person you've ever loved?

How old were you at the start of your relationship?

Do you ever worry that you haven't "played the field" more?

yes, i am cheeky!

1. Nope - I loved two other guys. Neither were good fits for me, but BF is alike enough for me to understand and respect (as a partner) but different enough to be interesting and challenging.

2. 18

3. Yes. It's actually something I struggle with. It's not that BF isn't wonderful (he is) or that I'm not happy (I am). But my life plan included playing the field through my twenties and then finally getting serious in my late twenties/early thirties. So it's a little jarring for a girl who craves plans and loves making and following them to have had to abandon my plan. When I go a little stir crazy, I just remind myself that the roller coaster emotions you get at the beginnings are really just manifestations of fear (what else is "What if?" - What if he doesn't call? What if he doesn't think the same thing I do? What if he wants 10 kids and I want none? What if he leaves me?) and the part of the relationship that everybody wants is what I've got - the happy, fulfilled life with a partner that I respect and value, with whom I enjoy spending time and that I know and trust. There's no more fear or nervousness. I'd have to get to this point with anybody I'd be willing to marry, so why fret about the fact that I get a few more years with a wonderful partner than I was counting on?

 

[lilyfoot]

No, and the same is true for him.

I was 20 and he was 23.

No, not at all.

 

[calibali]

Yes.

Both 19

Nope - I've seen the guys my single friends come up with, so I know I'm not missing anything out there (plus my boyfriend is the best ). I read somewhere that all the women who meet their future husbands in college owe a debt to those who are still out there dealing with the dating game, and I couldn't agree more. I feel so fortunate that I got to snatch my bf up without any real dating struggles/heartbreak, and we couldn't be more perfect for each other!

 

[dawnabee]

To answer you cheekiness

1. No, he is my 3rd love but you know the saying 3rd times a charm!

2. 24

3. Been there, done that and never ever going back! So over rated

 

[ChloeTheGreat]

Sort of. I think I THOUGHT I loved my previous boyfriend, but in comparison, the love SO and I have for each other is so much more real.

We started dating when I was 16, he was 18.

Not really. I'm very picky about the people I want to spend time with. I can't even imagine dating different people and trying to find someone who's right for me. I feel very lucky to have found the person I want to spend my life with so young. (When I was a teenager, my aunt told me "you should date 10 more boys before you graduate"...why would I ever give up a wonderful relationship just to say I had dated more?!)

 

[slg47]

no, I would say that I have loved previous BFs...but with current BF it is different. We just complement each other really well and really enjoy spending time together

we started dating when I was about to graduate college...I was 21 and he was 23. We are now 24 and 26. After graduation I moved back to Ithaca where he was in grad school still and I took a job (not just for him, because I decided I didn't want to go to med school...long story)...so that was good...we got to spend a lot more time together!

last year...I had some doubts and did 'play the field' a bit...we were across the country from each other and it was really hard. in the end I think I was just dealing with a lot of stress and I wish I hadn't...but I am very lucky to still be with my BF, and I think we are really strong now. he moved out here last august and things have been awesome since then.

 

[fuzzers]

1. Yes, I'm marrying the first and only person I have dated, kissed, etc.

2. We met when we were 16 and 18, and are going strong 5.5 years later. We are planning to get married in the next three years. We are taking it sloooow.

3. "Playing the field" is a concept that never has nor ever will appeal to me. I've found the one for me and I'm sticking with him. Luckily for me he has the same mentality.

 

[Luckyeshe]

No, I'm not marrying my first love. I loved and got hurt, and afterwards I "played the field", and now I'm marrying my true love. I couldn't be happier.

 

[MayFlowers]

1-Yes. I thought I loved a previous BF but I realize now that I didn't.

2-We were both 18 when we met.

3-No. As others have said, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and those reasons led me to a happy, fulfilling life with my current BF. I have never doubted him or our relationship. So I have never wanted to "play the field".

 

[nicoleben]

My first love, NO, definitely not! That was a terrible 8 years off and on.

My first true love, absolutely!! We have been together for a year and I have never felt so right with anyone in my entire life!

 

[vc10um]

No, he's my second.

We were both 24. (My birthday was 13 days prior.)

Not at all!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I had two loves before my husband.

One when I was 18-19 and the other from 23-25. I am very glad I had both experiences, I learned a lot. I deluded myself into thinking I might marry the second, but am very glad it did not work out. He was a tool.

I am, however, my husband's first love

 

[crossmyfingers]

1. No, I had two long-term serious relationships before FI. I loved them both, but I'm certainly glad things ended with both of them. A marriage with either of them would have been bad for me emotionally, now that I look back on it. With both of them, I suppose it was more like puppy love.

2. We were both 22. More importantly, in my opinion, we had both had bad relationships that had taught us what we did *not* want and taught us both a lot about ourselves.

3. I struggled with this a little during a previous relationship. I never did much casual dating, just ended up in relationships usually. But I realized after a small freakout about it that I'm not really into playing the field, and now I don't feel like I missed out by not doing so. My last BF before FI broke up with me (after a few years together and a lot of him talking about marrying me) because he hadn't dated many girls and wanted to see what else was out there... then about a month later begged me to get back together with him because he didn't want to ever be with anyone but me ever again... Nope. Sorry. Bye, guy. Anyway, short answer to the question: I never played the field very much and I'm not sad about it.

 

[kagordo4]

Yes : ) I had no idea what love was until one day I literally just knew I loved him. Like just tons and tons.

I can't remember the second question, I think it was when we met? I was 19, he had just turned 22.

I did play the field, and that was a bad choice. I don't regret it, I learned a lot about myself. I also learned that a lot of men can be totally jerks and blind dates can REALLY suck, faking an emergency phone call is not very persuasive.

 

[RhubarbPie]

1. Yes...Ive had other relationships, and I've even said "I love you" (but not meant it), but he is my first and only true love. The person I was meant to be with from the beginning.

2. I was 24 and he was 20 (I think). We've been together for about 3.5 years.

3. Nope. I've dated a lot. I have no interest in "the field". I knew, literally from day one, that he was the one. He is my everything. I feel so lucky.

 

[beezygal]

To answer you cheekiness

1. No, he is my 3rd love but you know the saying 3rd times a charm!

2. 24

3. Been there, done that and never ever going back! So over rated

I've never thought of that. 3rd times a charm is totally true for my bf and my ring.

 

[4ever]

Are you marrying the first person you've ever loved?

How old were you at the start of your relationship?

Do you ever worry that you haven't "played the field" more?

Yes.

19 when we were officially together but we were friends before that.

I don't worry, but I do some times wish that, like BF, I had had previous relationships. BF is so sure of everything in our relationship because he's had long term relationships before to compare ours to and knows for certain we are ment to be together because it is "different" than how he has ever felt before. I envy that confidence.

 

[diamondbuggy]

Yes, he's my first love.

We were both 15 when we started dating officially and were best friends before that.

What I have now is so amazing that I really don't feel like I'm missing anything. In fact, when I look at what my single friends go through, playing the field doesn't look like much fun.

 

[DuckLovingVegan]

Are you marrying the first person you've ever loved?
Yes we both are and I wouldn't want it any other way.

How old were you at the start of your relationship?
I was 20 and SO was 25 then turned 26 a month later.

Do you ever worry that you haven't "played the field" more?
No I don't worry I didn't play the field more because I have always known what I wanted and I found it in him. I never wanted to be the type of person who had to go through countless relationships until I found the one. It turns out for me I didn't have to.

 

[Pushin40]

Are you marrying the first person you've ever loved?
No - FI is my third LTR and real true love.

How old were you at the start of your relationship?
I was 31 and he was 39

Do you ever worry that you haven't "played the field" more?
I played the field plenty!. While that sucked in it's own way, it was still a lot of fun getting to know myself in my twenties, living on my own, learning to support myself, and generally just becoming an independant woman...ON MY OWN.. I was engaged to my high school sweetheart when I was 18, and we called it off (THANK GOD).

IMO, what you THINK you want changes as you get more life experience under your belt.
I thought the first 2 BFs were going to be my husband too, BTW.












yes, i am cheeky!

 

[Anonymous]

Are you marrying the first person you've ever loved?
Not the first person that I've ever loved, I was married for 10 years and I know that I did love my (now ex) husband, but for several reasons it definitely was not the right kind of love. My relationship with my ex was wrong on so very many levels. I'd explain it, but it's too much drama and would take too much emotional energy to get it out. The long story short is while yes, I've loved someone before, never in the 11 years that I was with my ex husband did I love him even half as completely as I love my FI.

How old were you at the start of your relationship?
I was 30 and he was 27

Do you ever worry that you haven't "played the field" more?
Nope, not at all. I've had 3 LTR with a handful of dates/not serious relationships when not in the LTR's. That was more than enough drama and anxiety for me.

 

[Bleed Burnt Orange]

Yes I am. I never wanted to love another person that I wasn't going to marry. That's exactly how it worked out for me.

I was 21 when I met him and fell in love with him and knew I wanted to marry him.

I don't wish I could have played the field. When you find the right person for you, there is not need to know what it would have been like with someone else...for me at least.

 

[blacksand]

I wouldn't call it "playing the field," but I have had other relationships and other loves. And I am so glad I have. I’ll admit that the fact that I could not marry my first love was, at one time, a positively devastating force in my life. Even when I was happy in other relationships, in love with other men, sometimes, when I was alone, I would sit and mourn the loss of my first true love. I was deeply shaken by the loss of that relationship. It changed my whole view of life and love. I had truly believed that each person had one true love in life. I believed in altruism and overcoming obstacles. I think I based my view of love on troubadour poems, many of which equated true, pure love with some kind of quest. The purity of the quest, or the objective, was more important than the reality of the relationship. Even today, I often see love equated in movies and books with overcoming obstacles. There is that romantic notion of “us against the world,” and the thought that staying together is somehow more meaningful if it is difficult. I felt that way with my first love. The odds were stacked against us, but we stayed together. We loved each other. We were going to make it. I did love him, and I absolutely would have married him. If I had, I would now be living in a different country, speaking a different language, with a radically different career, different friends and very little contact with my family. And I think I would probably have been very satisfied with that. He was the one to end things, and I was beyond devastated. For me, this meant that everything I believed about love and life was wrong. I had other loves, and still I felt that I didn’t really have any understanding of life or love. I figured out that I could love again, and love truly, but it still felt wrong, because I had always believed that that could only happen once. And consciously or not, I still measured the worth of each relationship by our ability to overcome the obstacles: distance, time, culture, language, religion, family, political opinions, etc.

I was honestly shocked when I met my boyfriend. I’ll be honest: he’s the first person I ever dated, in all my years, who is…like me. We think alike. We live close to each other. We have similar families and upbringings. I had always thought a relationship that was convenient was “settling.” Overcoming obstacles was what it is was all about. Dreaming the impossible dream. But my boyfriend is like me. We get along. We like each other’s friends and family. Our life and career goals mesh well. There is next to nothing to impede us from being together and doing everything we want to do. We don’t have to give anything up to be together. We don’t have to make any changes. This is the first time I have been in a relationship where there are very, very few obstacles to overcome. Everything fits, the timing is right, and we have the love and support of everyone around us. We love each other completely and without question. Everything seems to conspire in our favor. But suddenly, it doesn’t feel like settling at all. It feels…exactly right. And the pain I always carried around because my “one true love” was not so true is now completely gone. I had absolutely no idea how easy it was to be happy.

I could have been happy with my first love; I am sure of that. And I would have had a completely different world view if that had worked out. But I am incredibly grateful that I did date other people and have other loves. It was the only way for me to learn that, while I can be happy “against all odds,” I don’t need to. I don’t need to carry around pain and longing and then look for something that will make it all worthwhile. Happiness that comes easily is so much better. I actually can have it all.

Okay, sorry, I think I wrote a novel.

 

[16ocean]

1) nope

2) At the start of that relationship sophomore year in college/ 18

3) I feel I have “played the field” plenty and what has been more important than merely “playing the field” is learning about myself. I strive to take what I learned from my past relationships to better my next one.

 

[16ocean]

ps- blacksand thanks for sharing your story . . .. so happy to see how life is unfolding in such a positive way for you.