Argh ... Crazy Parents

[elrohwen]

My parents and FMIL have done a fabulous job so far of letting us do what we want and not being demanding about the wedding. My parents did contribute money, which ended up being about 40% of the total, so I realize they have some claim on the wedding ... but they had always told me that it was my money to do what I wanted with (I could elope and keep it if I wanted) and that they weren''t going to hold it over my head.

So last night FMIL calls and spills the beans that the parents had combined forces and wanted to create a slide show that they wanted to show at our wedding and wanted to know if there was a projection screen or flat screen tv they could use

FI and I are just very against the idea of having baby pictures of us playing on a screen ... No offense to anyone that''s done slide show things, but it''s really not us. We suggested that they print out a book or album that can be displayed by the guest book or something, and to my surprise, my mom wanted to do it so badly that she offered to pay for renting a flat screen tv! Argh. They just don''t seem to get it. I''m really trying to not hurt their feeling and come up with a good solution (they could put the slide show on dvds and hand them out to family members if they wanted; or create some other way to display the pictures, like what Musey did). But they really seem to want to do this and I don''t want to hurt their feelings.

The worst part is that they wanted this to be a surprise. This is my wedding that I''m working very hard to plan; I do not want any surprises! If they had brought this up on the day of the wedding, we would''ve just flat out said no and then everyone would''ve been upset about it, so at least we found out early ...

Ok, I didn''t need any advice really, just wanted to vent about our parents suddenly loosing their minds (they should know that I, at least, hate surprises).

Anyone else''s parents try to plan a surprise for you that you really didn''t like?

 

[MakingTheGrade]

My mom wanted to do a slideshow too, but thankfully my husband''s parents didn''t have digital copies of his kid pictures and didn''t have a scanner either, so it was a no go.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I think it''s really important to be firm with your parents and let them know how against this idea you are. If you are clear and firm, then I am sure they will understand and give up on that idea. This is YOUR wedding, not a party for your parents.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Yes my father is making me learn to waltz. I don''t mind learning to dance, I just have this intense fear of falling flat on my face. I''m talking to the seamstress in 2 weeks to see what can be done to keep all this tulle from making me trip. Seriously still terrified to death about this.

 

[House Cat]

Just thinking out loud here...

Maybe you can say your venue won''t allow it?

Then suggest that they frame all of the photos nicely, preapprove each photo, and have a photo table?

 

[mrowmrowsmom]

My FMIL wanted to do this too. It''s definitely not my favorite thing, and especially because I saw the one she did for her own daughter''s wedding and the music was truly awful (Butterfly Kisses, gag). Plus it was soooo long (25 minutes or so).

My solution was to say that I didn''t want a TV or screen in my reception room, but I offered to provide one for the rehearsal dinner instead. Also, I had FI suggest music that was more to our taste. I guess we''ll see in three weeks how it turns out. I''ll let you know.

 

[cara]

Hmm, I think its worth considering that this is not necessarily an issue worth taking a stand on. Just cause its your wedding doesn't mean that every little detail has to be what you wanted with no accommodation of what would make others happy. Now I'm not saying that you have to cave on this issue, but just saying... think about it. If you rented a TV for the rehearsal, and had some input such that the show was brief and not too gag-worthy, would you still be strongly opposed?? Even if its not something you would choose to do on your own and is really not your style, there is something to be said for compromise. My MIL had some ideas that DH and I weren't too thrilled about initially, and some of those got nixed and for some we thought, 'life is too short - let her play with that idea' and just tried to sway toward things not too opposed to our own style and minimize it if we were worried it would be over the top. One of those ideas I was really worried about ended up working out really well, so... anywho. Just throwing this out there.

But if you are still opposed to a video event, I say that you just kindly and firmly tell them you don't want TV screens or projections at your wedding/rehersal but would like it if they nicely framed a couple of pictures to put by the guest book or on a gift table or something. Redirect their efforts to some form that is more acceptable to you, and give them a chance to put a few still pictures on display but without the whole video production aspect. ETA: Oh, I see you tried this. Well, that's a tough one but your choices are put your foot down (and probably disappoint the parents) or put up with it with a smile on your face, and chalk one up in your column for spoiling the padres. What can you do, no way to please everyone all of the time.

 

[iheartscience]

Wow, that''s definitely not the kind of thing you try to surprise someone with at their wedding! Yikes! Hmm...I see cara''s point but I also know that I would not have enjoyed a (surprise!) slideshow at my own wedding. It just didn''t go with the feel of the wedding and it''s a little cheesy for my taste.

I would just put your foot down as gently as possible...I''m sure it''s hard because they''re so excited, but I think you just have to be firm here. The best compromise would be a picture table with pictures of you two in frames, but it sounds like they''re not into that idea. Yikes...good luck!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I actually was surprised with this at my wedding in a way. I had made the typical slideshow with baby pictures up to engagement using movie software, was pretty happy with the results, and showed it to my close friends and family - the people who watched us grow up and would be in the pictures with us - at the rehearsal dinner. Our minister (DH's uncle) referenced the slideshow in his homily during the ceremony, and my MOH alluded to it in her speech as well since the ending song was "Better Together"

Well, my in-laws loved the slide show so much that they asked the photographer if they could show it on his big flat screen tv that he was using to show ceremony pics. My FIL stopped the reception, announced that they were showing the slideshow since people had been asking about it, and for 8 minutes, I had to watch 140 people watch my slideshow. I hadn't wanted to show a slideshow to all those people, some of whom wouldn't have recognized us as children in a lineup, others who had seen it the night before. It wasn't the sort of thing I was going for at my reception, and I was a little embarassed for a moment. I think they may have asked if it was okay right before they did it, but I couldn't have said no considering how much they wanted to show it. You should have seen how much they loved this video; I was really surprised.

My point is that I didn't want to do it, but it wasn't a big deal in the end. They were really proud and happy with it, so I just decided to take it as a compliment since I made it and roll with it. If it means that much to your parents, you might consider letting them do it or make a compromise - show it at the rehearsal dinner. Just make stipulations, like song choice and time limit and right to veto certain pictures.

 

[KimberlyH]

What about renting a small TV/DVD player and having the slide show play next to the guest book. That way no one is forced to watch it, but it''s there and the parents are happy?

I would be extremely uncomfortable with this and would do the above, so that parents were happy and I wasn''t mortified.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 8/22/2009 8:45:58 PM
Author: KimberlyH
What about renting a small TV/DVD player and having the slide show play next to the guest book. That way no one is forced to watch it, but it''s there and the parents are happy?

I would be extremely uncomfortable with this and would do the above, so that parents were happy and I wasn''t mortified.

That''s a great idea, and a better compromise than just photos, if you''re willing!

 

[elrohwen]

Thanks for the replies everyone! I think I was mostly miffed that they were trying to make it a surprise and didn''t seem to get that surprises on your wedding day usually aren''t a good thing (FMIL said to FI, "You have to be prepared for the unexpected!" Uhh ... that usually applies to things that randomly go wrong, not crazy things your family plans for you

). We''re just not surprise people and I know if it had happened the day of the wedding it would not have been good; we wouldn''t have been very happy, and the parents would''ve been upset that we didn''t like it.

I think we''re coming to a compromise ... they might do some sort of album thing people can look through, and then make a slide show on a dvd to hand out to the parents and family who will be there (which is probably less than 10 people). I still feel bad for bursting FMIL''s bubble (my mom said it was FMIL''s idea, which seems strange because she couldn''t put together a slide show in a million years, lol; obviously my dad would be doing it because he loves computer stuff like that). She was so excited about it and so let down when FI told her no slide shows.

I hear what some of you are saying about compromising, but I think in this case we''ll have to compromise with a non-video type arrangement. FI is possibly more against it than I am even, and it just wouldn''t work at the rehearsal dinner since it''s in a small restaurant and we''d be sharing it with a bunch of strangers. Haha. We''ll keep working with them on a creative way to display the pics. I think they didn''t even consider displaying the pics because the moms think they''d have to give up the originals to do that. They were surprised when I said you could take old pics to a photo lab at a drug store and they could just make copies and give you back the original. Silly moms. Maybe if they realize they can keep the original pics and just make copies, they won''t be so against a real picture display.

 

[kama_s]

You''ve got some great advice already, and I was also going to suggest having it at the RD, but that''s a no-go. Just wanted to chime in and say that my parents REALLY wanted a slideshow as well, and like you mentioned, we absolutely aren''t into the whole showing baby pictures at a wedding reception. Anyways, I just clearly and firmly told them that we didn''t want to have a slideshow at the reception, and instead we''ll be displaying our engagement book and an album with our Indian wedding pictures on a table near the entrance. Didn''t really get much of a peep from either side of the family after that

What made it worse was the fact that our videog included the slideshow in his package (including putting it together and displaying it). Yeah. Not. Happening.