ARGH! Fi''s w-band weirdness

[Independent Gal]

Hi Ladies,

FI''s w-band came yesterday. It''s a 3mm domed platinum comfort fit band from eweddingbands.com. He said he wanted it thin thin thin, and after looking at pictures, chose the 3mm. Now that it''s arrived, he''s delighted and says it looks exactly like what he wanted. To me, it looks like he''s wearing a woman''s ring. Too feminine.

I sort of half-heartedly said ''Honey, are you concerned it might be too thin?'' And he said no, it''s just like his dad''s ring.

My instinct is to let it go and be glad he''s happy with his ring. Mostly it seems like a no brainer. But honestly? It looks kinda ridiculous. It looks like he''s wearing a woman''s ring.

What would you do, say something a little more pointed, or just let it go because, hey, it''s his damn ring and he''s the one who has to wear it?

 

[KimberlyH]

Let it go. I saw a man wearing a ring similar to what you have described yesterday, I didn''t think anything of it (except oh my goodness he dropped his wedding band, when it rolled near our table during dinner). He likes it, that''s what matters.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I agree--he seems to really like the ring and that''s what matters.

What size ring does he wear? My FI wears a 7.5 and originally thought he wanted 3mm, too. He ended up going with 4mm, but the 3mm looked fine. My father wears a 2mm gold band in a size 11 and I love it. It''s all they could afford, but it''s perfect.

I think it''s great that he loves his ring! Besides, 3mm is probably pretty comfortable for him.

 

[janinegirly]

i agree with you that 3mm is kind of thin and slightly feminine looking (my FI originally wanted one thinking it would be less ring, but once he tried it on, we agreed it was too thin). So you did the right thing..mentioned it gently (I did too), BUT in your case it seems your FI still loves it, so just leave it at that! It''s his ring, so let him be happy with his choice. I always think it''s cute when guys like their rings (since it''s not a stereotype guy thing). We girls get a lot of input on all things wedding, so we should let our guys have some domains where it''s ultimately their choice!

 

[decodelighted]

My DH wanted 3mm at first ... but after trying some on agreed to 4mm, but with milgrain edging so it may appear thinner than 3mm. His hands are smaller than mine actually & he is on computers all day long so he wanted something non-intrusive. It works for him & doesn''t look TOO weird.

Maybe you need to retrain your eyes ... (my dad has a yellow gold band that''s prob 3mm too)

OR

Maybe you should order a SILVER band in 4mm and give it to him asap ... let him see BOTH sizes in person and decide. If he still wants 3mm ... not worth fighting over!

 

[sumbride]

It really all depends on the size of his hand, but if he loves it, let it go.

My FI wears an 11.5 ring so he has a 7 mm band. Anything smaller just looked feminine on him. He loves his, amd I''m glad I was able to push him toward a wider band, but that has more to do with him not knowing what he wanted beforehand. If he knew he wanted a thin band, he got a thin band, and he loves his thin band, then just let him wear it.

 

[musey]

We always scold men on RockyTalky for wanting to push their girlfriends away from styles that they don''t like, but their GFs do. I guess that applies here, as well

I *totally* get why it bugs you, though. I''d probably feel the same way!

 

[firstbase32]

Date: 9/12/2007 9:14:44 AM
Author: KimberlyH
Let it go. I saw a man wearing a ring similar to what you have described yesterday, I didn''t think anything of it (except oh my goodness he dropped his wedding band, when it rolled near our table during dinner). He likes it, that''s what matters.

How in the world did he drop his wedding band? My wife goes NUTS when I play with my ring because she''s afraid I''ll do something like that and either make a fool of myself or it''ll fall down somewhere where we can''t get it.

 

[basil]

Ha! I just posted something similar not too long ago about me not liking the band that my fiance picked out (he wants titanium, I want platinum).

Is he concerned about the comfort, or does he really just like the way it looks?

My fiance has never worn jewelry of any type, so he''s afraid a wide ring will be uncomfortable. When we tried on bands, he decided he liked 4mm-5mm, which is not quite as small, but still pretty narrow. He has thin fingers, though, so it doesn''t look too bad. Originally looking online, he wanted 3mm, though.

I think that most fiancees let their fiance have some input into the design of their ring, so I guess I think it should be vice versa. If you totally hate it, maybe you should mention it. If it''s just kind of "it''s not my favorite or what I would have picked if it were my choice entirely" then I''d probably leave it alone.

 

[San Diego Bride]

i agree with you... and with the others. i don''t like thin rings on men, so i can see where you''re coming from, but the important thing is that he likes it. i''m sure you''ll get used to it and will look at it as the ring you placed on his finger when you exchanged vows rather than the thin, girly ring you don''t like.

my husband and i had a bit of a disagreement about his ring as well. i wanted him to have a platinum band; he wanted titanium. he picked a $55 ring. i thought it would look cheap and ugly. but you know what? it doesn''t. i came to love it as his ring and even bought the same one for me for work and stuff.

another thought... isn''t your fiancee from europe or am i remembering incorrectly? i happen to be traveling in europe now (laptop computers and wireless internet access are a blessing when dealing with jetlag) and have noticed that a lot of men wear thin rings. it''s probably just what he''s accostumed to seeing.

in any case, i would try not to worry about it.

 

[TravelingGal]

IG, I agree with the others to just let him be, especially since he actually seems to LIKE it and is not just nonchalant about the whole thing.

I had no say in what TGuy picked, and I was fine with that because the most important thing to me was that he like it enough to want to wear it, thus keeping the vultresses away.

 

[firstbase32]

My ring is a cheap $60 tungsten ring. It''s impossible to stratch and will not tarnish. The only thing is that you cannot get it resized or if your finger swells they have a hard time getting the ring off. So I just make sure that I only wear my ring when I''m not doing yard work or going to bed. I like it a lot and I plan on getting a tattoo on my finger that resembles a ring so that way when I''m not wearing my ring I can still have something there.

 

[Independent Gal]

Thanks everyone!

I definitely have to just let it go. FI came by my office at lunchtime and said how much fun it was wearing his ring around (he's doing the 72 hour size test...8.75 by the way) and how every time he looks at it he gets excited that we're getting married and doesn't it look nice and... Yeah, I know, isn't he a sweety? Sometimes I almost think he's TOO sweet.

So under the circs, I definitely have to just let him do his thing. He is way too excited for me to burst his bubble.

Plus, as he says, his dad wears a thin ring. So that's what he's used to. Just like my mom wears a really bulky ring, and that's what I'm used to.

I think part of it IS that my ring is so substantial, and part of me is afraid people might infer something from that. But I know that's so completely ridiculous. I mean, a) who gives it that much thought? and b)who cares what they think?

So, so be it.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 9/12/2007 3:17:35 PM
Author: firstbase32

Date: 9/12/2007 9:14:44 AM
Author: KimberlyH
Let it go. I saw a man wearing a ring similar to what you have described yesterday, I didn''t think anything of it (except oh my goodness he dropped his wedding band, when it rolled near our table during dinner). He likes it, that''s what matters.

How in the world did he drop his wedding band? My wife goes NUTS when I play with my ring because she''s afraid I''ll do something like that and either make a fool of myself or it''ll fall down somewhere where we can''t get it.

I don''t know, I just saw it roll by while we were eating.

 

[littlelysser]

IG, good on you for letting it go...my DH (Heheeeeeee) picked his ring, and although there were a bunch I liked better and his is a super simple 4mm white gold band and mine is pretty substantial, I''m alright with it because he likes and he is the one that has to wear it.

He''s never worn any jewelry before and it is kind of a kick to see him wearing it now...

 

[snlee]

I would let it go. My husband wears a 3mm band and I think it looks fine on him. He wears a size 6.75, which is small for a guy. I''m just happy he''s wearing a wedding band. He would prefer to not wear anything so when he wanted a really thin band, I was happy to get him a 3mm. Any band is better than no band.

 

[surfgirl]

IG, let it go hon...I had a similar issue but in reverse. I thought Mr. Surf would prefer a thinner band since he''s not used to wearing a ring. He immediately gravitated towards the wider bands (but he did try on the thinner ones first) and he totally preferred the thicker ones. I tried to sway him to a bit thinner because I thought it would be more comfy but in the end, he fell in love with a 6mm ring and loves it so who am I to complain? He let me select the ring of my dreams so the least I could do was to give him the same freedom. I think as long as your guy is happy with his selection, that''s all that matters....

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Snlee, it''s funny that you say any band is better than no band, FI and I had a discussion about this when I was buying his band. The thing is, he took forever deciding on what band he wanted, but he doesn''t plan to wear it at all. I couldn''t care less, I doubt I''ll be wearing any of my rings half of the time either but I thought it was hilarious that he took twice as long to choose his when he''ll literally be wearing it for one day! I thought about just getting him a silver band for the ceremony since I thought it might be silly to spend all the money on a platinum band just for a 15-minute ceremony, but decided that if he ever decides to wear his band, it should be something he likes.

 

[Kaleigh]

I''m with snlee, any band is better than no band. Mr. Kaleigh has never worn one. Can ya tell it still bugs me??

Tomorrow we celebrate 21 years. I''d love as a joke to buy him a cheapie and give it to him at dinner tomorrow night. Acting all serious, that would be a riot.

He loves it, he''s wearing it, so let him be in all his glory. I think it''s really nice he is so excited about it.

 

[Kit]

Geez, IG, don''t look a gift horse in the mouth. It''s awesome he''s so excited about the band. Focus on that. Worst case scenario: strangers see it and think nothing of it, or think he''s metrosexual, bisexual or gay. And....so what? I am sure it actually looks really nice on his hand

My FI says although he likes his ring, it "hurts his body"

and he doesn''t wear it every day. Big baby, that one!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I like 5-6mm on a man''s ring BUTTTT....if HE is happy and it is the ring HE wants I wouldn''t say anything.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

my guy is the anti jewelery guy (for himself anyway). i tried get him one of those nice mens band with the diamonds inserts and it doesnt fly with him. he wont even wear white gold or plat. what did he finally choose? BLACK titanium! do i think its a little strange, yes, but he let me pick my ring so i would be happy with it and im only doing the same for him. oh well, i still try to get him to like the idea of man diamonds from time to time but i know it will never happen, lol.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

by another one the same that he can wear together hehe....I think it is sweet that he loves it!