Argh!

[Gypsy]

So... in the interest of saving money (HAH) we are planning on a destination wedding on Peter Island in the BVI. With everthing it will cost us about 12K. Wedding/ Honeymoon/ travel/ gown. Which is great.

BUT we have to do these stupid receptions on each coast for our famiilies. And frankly, FI's family doesn't seem to 'get' that A) we are doing TWO of these things so we have to keep it CHEAP B) that NO we can't just do one on the east FREAKING coast because my family is on the west coast and it's not fair to them.

FSIL P (the one who is the best off financially) keeps suggesting we have our wedding where she had hers-- an expesive (and hideous from the outside) venue-- and she keeps insisting on an evening affair.

FMIL is being reasonable. And other two FSIL B & T (who wouldn't be able to come to Peter Island-- unlike the one above) expect something nice for the family-- but also keep forgetting that we are doing two of these and have to keep expenses DOWN.

FSIL P had a huge HUGE backyard at her place. And has offered the use of it-- but keeps pushing us toward her venue. And wants a 'real party' with flowing alcohol. uh huh.

FI suggested we get prices on what we want to do... A brunch with alcohol-- mimosas bloody mary's and consumption bar for wine and beer. Plus a champagne toast. And vow renewal. Priced it out and we're looking at 5K for that for 90 people. And NO one in his family likes the idea-- they keep trying to talk us out of it!

We're up to 17K and we haven't even hit the west coast-- although that will only cost about 3K because my uncle has offered us his house. And has offered to chip in for a wedding present. But still. We've been together for 7 years.

Can I just opt out of these receptions? Just say screw it. Get a videographer at the wedding and send DVD's to everyone with "Wish you were here" on them?


ETA: Or I can [ick someplace for a destination that is easier to get to. But WHERE? That isn't Vegas? FSIL's could come all of them... and anyone else who wants to. (although that would be expesive cause we are talking $$-- unless it's at an all inclusive).

 

[E B]

FI's family sounds like they need to back off. Unless they're contributing $$$, they shouldn't have much of a say.

For the East coast reception, I think the backyard brunch is a fabulous idea. A full consumption bar at 11am? Not. if you stick to Bloody Marys and Mimosas, it will keep costs down. Have a local restaurant cater. Unless you're having this in Manhattan, it shouldn't cost anywhere near 5k!

For the West coast reception, you could do something fun like rent out a room at a Seafood restaurant. Lobster bibs, the works! Something casual, yet fun.

 

[Gypsy]

I think a backyard brunch is great too. How do I have FI approach FSIL about it though. Should I just have him go over there and talk to her about it?

As for west coast... We''re paying but I''m leaving it up to my family to plan. We are persian so it''s going to be a barbeque with various Kabob types catered. Some tables, a DJ and one of my cousin''s (he owns several restuarants) bartenders in the kitchen with Costco alcohol. It won''t cost much. DJ is 800, caterer is 1700 about. Cake will be 100 (nothing tiered) And alchool and Bartender 500. Not bad.

Out here one of my friends is a bartender and she''s offered to tend bar for $150, Costco for alcohol, A nice caterer will be probably be 15 a head, and tent and table rentals, and FMIL has offered to get us a cake. If I''m feel generous, a DJ for about $500 (it''s a brunch they cost less).

It''s it''s a bruch there''s no need for lighting. And I can probably even get away with no tent... Maybe???

 

[E B]

Date: 6/20/2006 1:48:58 PM
Author: Gypsy
I think a backyard brunch is great too. How do I have FI approach FSIL about it though. Should I just have him go over there and talk to her about it?



As for west coast... We''re paying but I''m leaving it up to my family to plan. We are persian so it''s going to be a barbeque with various Kabob types catered. Some tables, a DJ and one of my cousin''s (he owns several restuarants) bartenders in the kitchen with Costco alcohol. It won''t cost much. DJ is 800, caterer is 1700 about. Cake will be 100 (nothing tiered) And alchool and Bartender 500. Not bad.



Out here one of my friends is a bartender and she''s offered to tend bar for $150, Costco for alcohol, A nice caterer will be probably be 15 a head, and tent and table rentals, and FMIL has offered to get us a cake. If I''m feel generous, a DJ for about $500 (it''s a brunch they cost less).



It''s it''s a bruch there''s no need for lighting. And I can probably even get away with no tent... Maybe???

The barbeque sounds wonderful too!

For the tent, it depends. If it''s going to be incredibly hot, a tent might be nice. If not, I wouldn''t spend the extra $$$ (just tell people to wear shorts!

). At 11am (or noon), I really don''t think a full bar would be necessary. Maybe a juice bar, but cocktails and whiskey in the morning?

Since it''s not going to be huge, perhaps you could rent speakers and have an iPod reception. This is what we''re doing, and we''re saving around $1k.

Cutting out the DJ, the drinks, and perhaps the tent, you could save a lot! Save the money for what people will remember: the food!

 

[Gypsy]

The Ipod thing sounds likea great idea. Definitely on the list.

Alcohol is a must have apparently. FI family is itallian and apparently-- that means there has to be alcohol at every thing. But it won''t be bad... some bloody mary mix, fresh squeezed OJ some Vodka, champagne, wine and beer. Other juices and maybe a bottle of tequila and one of Rum (60 bucks for both). Soft drinks, juice... coffee and not water for tea. People aren''t going to drink like fishes...because it''s morning, and it look better to have it there than not. In total it''s like an extra 300 bucks. FI si adamant on that. Not that he''s a drinker... because frankly he''s not.

 

[ladykemma]

Can I just opt out of these receptions? Just say screw it. Get a videographer at the wedding and send DVD''s to everyone with "Wish you were here" on them?

uhhh, yup! sounds sane to me.

like crazy mormon weddings where there are 14 receptions in several cities after.... it''s nuts.

 

[Gypsy]

Seriously... the cost of a videographer would well be worth it to avoid this hassle.

I''m thinking of an easier destination for the wedding too. Make it a LITTLE less difficult to get to. Haven''t come up with anything yet.. mainly because I''m so in love with Peter Island. The staff has been so fabulous with everything. Even if we didn''t have the wedding there... we''d honeymoon there for sure. But the cheapest thing for us is to just do it all right there. With a videographer. DF-- I don''t THINK would go for it though. Will check tonight. He''ll be home from work in about 45 minutes.

 

[selflove]

I agree with Lady Kemma--it''s okay to send dvds!

Seriously, though, you should do what you and FI want to do. I know, I know, everyone always says that. But in this case, it sounds like you REALLY don''t want to hassle with two additional events. And frankly, I don''t blame you.

Sounds like the FSIL P is kinda pushy. Are you sure you wanna use her backyard? I get the impression she might try to push even more of her opinions on you and FI if she''s essentially hosting the party.

I see your quandry...what does FI want to do?

The west coast BBQ sounds manageable and inexpensive enough. It sounds like the east coast party that''s going to be the problem.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay well I talked to DF tonight and he said that he''s okay with not having a reception here... but that ''nothing is set in stone, alright.''

Which generally means he needs to think about it. Or that he didn''t hear me... or wasn''t listening very closely. We''ll see.