Asking permission from Parents?

[Sha]

Hi y'all,

I'm 31 years and have been married before. My fiance... oops...BOYFRIEND!... has never been married - he's 39. We're paying for the wedding (when it comes) ourselves. Seeing that this is my second wedding and I have lived out of my parents' house with my ex and later on by myself for many years, does my boyfriend have to 'ask' my parents first? This was done when I got married before, but I was only 23. It seems a bit strange now. What do you think?

I've also heard that second time brides are not typically 'given away' by their fathers, since they've been 'given away' before. I don't have a problem with this...just wondering what the proper etiquette is.

Thanks,

 

[Aim_Turbo]

I think it really depends on the parents. My dad doesn''t want my BF to ask him permission because he thinks it''s really dated. I think it''s romantic but if my dad doesn''t want it then that''s cool too. I really would just ask your parents and see how they feel about it. I don''t put much stock into wedding etiquette, it''s your day, do what you want. If you want your dad to walk you down the aisle then that''s what he''ll do. So much has changed now with weddings that those rules seem out dated. That''s just my opinion and I''m going to have a pretty chilled out wedding without a lot of the formalities so if you want something more traditional i may not be the right person to talk to.

 

[KimberlyH]

If you and your soon to be FI both think it''s silly than don''t do it.

As for being escorted down the aisle, if it''s important to you I wouldn''t worry about what etiquette says (I don''t know whether or not it''s true). I don''t think anyone at your wedding would stand up and leave because your dad walked you down the aisle even though he wasn''t "supposed" to.

 

[Sha]

Thanks for your replies. We are really not big on tradition either and are having an informal, garden wedding - no first dances or receiving lines or anything like that.. Just very low-key. So sticking to ''tradition'' wouldn''t really be a concern. It would just seem strange to do since I''m older and have been married before, so I''m glad that others also think it might not be necessary.

thanks,

 

[Harleigh]

Hi Sha,

I think you are past the point of asking for "permission," but asking for your parent''s blessing would be acceptable and goes a long way to including your parents in yours and your FF''s lives. Definitely not necessary, but it could really pay off in the long run.

Also, you can choose whomever you like to walk you down the aisle...many people I know choose to have both parents or a brother/uncle walk them down, whether it''s their first of fifth wedding.

Do whatever makes you happy!

 

[BrightSpot]

Hi Sha,

I think Harleigh''s suggestion about asking for your parents'' blessing, rather than permission, is a good one. Or you could choose to forgo that tradition entirely.

As for whether or not your dad should walk you down the aisle, when I got married, it was a 2nd wedding for both DH & me. My dad escorted me down the aisle, but we omitted the "who gives this woman" part of the ceremony. I think it worked well.

Good luck!

 

[Sha]

Thanks Harleight and Brightspot. Yes, asking for a blessing is a good suggestion and seems more appropriate I think.

About the walk down the aisle, though... do I have to walk down it? I read somewhere that it''s appropriate for second time brides to slip in from the side somewhere, and forego the traditional walk. I don''t mind doing this... To me having your father walk you down the aisle feels like you''re being ''given away'' again, what do you think? Or has anybody ever walked down the aisle on their own?

 

[KimberlyH]

I don''t think you need to slip in from the side, unless you really want to. You''re divorced not a leper!

I have been to weddings where the bride has walked down the aisle alone and it didn''t seem strange at all. You need to do what makes you most comfortable and happy, Sha!

 

[Pandora II]

Re the giving away - just go with what makes you, your dad and your FI happy.

I wanted my FI to ask my father - he wouldn''t. He felt it was old-fashioned and mainly - he didn''t trust my father not to let the cat out of the bag.

I was amazed how well he knows my family after very few meetings. My dad is the worst person in the world at keeping secrets and he would definitely have lett it slip - he used to want to show me my presents before christmas when I was a child - my mother used to go nuts!

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 7/17/2007 10:48:07 AM
Author: Pandora II
Re the giving away - just go with what makes you, your dad and your FI happy.

I wanted my FI to ask my father - he wouldn''t. He felt it was old-fashioned and mainly - he didn''t trust my father not to let the cat out of the bag.

I was amazed how well he knows my family after very few meetings. My dad is the worst person in the world at keeping secrets and he would definitely have lett it slip - he used to want to show me my presents before christmas when I was a child - my mother used to go nuts!

That was just too funny, Pandora! What a childhood you must''ve had!

 

[Sha]

I think I''ll have a look at the location set-up when we visit there and decide what to do then. Of course, this is all pre-thinking as I''m still not engaged yet!

Ha!.. but a little pre-planning doesn''t hurt, I guess.

 

[In the rough]

1. Totally agree about asking parents for their "blessing"
2. As for the giving away, I think you should do what makes you and your soon to be husband happy

Congrats and Good luck!

 

[Sha]

Thank you!