at what point are you cut off?

[carlito]

Here''s a question for you ladies. I''ve been reading a few posts in this section and I must say it''s cute how many of you are so excited. But I''ve been wondering, I''ve read about your involvement in the whole path to engagement and am curious: when are you cut out of the planning process?

I know surprise is a key element but we need you in the early stages, first, to see if it''s the right thing to do then, next, to see what you really want. When is it okay to take you off the list and do it on our own? And how many of you want to be involved in the ring selection process to the end, as opposed to selecting the exact ring?

carlito

 

[teebee]

Everyone is different I guess. In our family, I am the researcher. I''m always looking up stuff on the internet so I was involved right up to the very last step - I even went and picked up the ring from the FedEx station!! BUT, I didn''t open the package!!

Honestly, I didn''t care about the surprise factor at all. I''m totally not romantic & I just wanted to finally be engaged to be married. I guess the level of involvement should be determined by each couple. I didn''t want my involvement to be cut off - after I knew the budget, I picked the setting and the stone & did all of the research behind those decisions.

But, if you are wanting to have more of the surprise element, I can''t say exactly when it''s okay to take her out of the loop because we''re all different. However... I would just suggest taking your cues from her... If she is very specific & detailed about what she wants & tells you, then I''d keep her involved for a while. If she''s more vague in her descriptions - like all she''ll really say is she prefers a specific cut, like round or princess, or really likes solitaires or thinks channel set sidestones are great, then maybe you can just get a general idea of what she likes and run with it from there.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

My honey did the researching, I just said I liked what he chose. He''s the one who involved me. I didn''t even know he was looking until he asked for my help.

 

[Mara]

I''m the researcher in the fam just like teebee...I research EVERYTHING for months before buying anything really. Our previous couch took me 3-4 months to buy, Greg was pulling his hair out. Thank god we saw our current style of couch at a friend''s and we loved it so that next one was easy, hee hee. Better for hubby''s sanity too.

So I was involved from the beginning, reading up, fwding ideas and images to Greg, visiting the jewelers with him...the only time I got cut off was after our last visit to the jeweler where Greg said ''Do it'' and handed over his card....hee hee. After that it was just waiting, 4-5 weeks for the rings to be made (of course it was around holidays, what timing!) and then when was he getting it, was it in the house etc etc. Fun fun.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Add me to the list of researchers!

My situation was unique:
We first spoke at length about what I wanted, and I began my reserach. I bless the day I found Pricescope! We then visitied a local B&M (armed with my new-found knowledge). Seeing the stones in person sealed the deal for me- I'm a Princess gal! After doing more pricescope research, I learned that Whiteflash is located in Houston. Lo-and-behold- I was heading there soon for a biz trip. I made contact with them, and worked with Renae to bring a stone in for my visit. I was also going to narrow it down to 2 solitare settings. Afterwards, I was to report back to my BF if this stone was "the one". If so, he would take it from there- I was to be completely cut off. I also wanted to make sure that he would be totally OK with purchasing the stone sight unseen. My WF visit was almost a month ago, and I fell in love with the stone! I know that he's been in contact with Renae, and that a decision has been made. But that's all I know, and it's killing me!

 

[cutes814]

Carlito! Welcome to PS!

I''m with the rest of the gals here. I''m a researcher. I did most of the researching, but the final decision was made by both of us. We chose our custom made setting together as well as the diamond together. After we decided on the diamond, I was out of the picture.

It''s been 10.5 weeks since the decision was finalized. I''m currently just waiting for that special day. Our jeweler never told me when the ring will be ready and only called him when it was done, so I would have no idea how long it takes to complete the set. But from a recent discussion with Sam, I know for sure he picked up the ring about a month ago, so it''s somewhere in our house.

It''s a pretty fun secret to share with your SO. The little games we play during this period is priceless. And the feeling of butterflies when I think it is going to happen is a feeling that I''ll never get back once he does ask me. So I''m trying to enjoy the ride although sometimes (most of the time) drive myself crazy thinking about it.

Sorry got so side tracked, but to answer your question, it all depends on your SO. If she is the type that likes to help and be part of everything, then keep her in. There are girls out there that like to be completely surprised, not knowing at all the "the question" is coming. Me? I''m not one of those girls. I like to be involved until my help is no longer needed. I really like the fact that this ring was created by Sam and myself, which symbolizes the beginning of our journey together.

Okay, enough babbling. I hope some of that info was a little helpful.

 

[ame]

Well my husband learned right off, that if I don''t have control or input it''s going to be changed or altered or exchanged.

We had a LOT of problems with my first 3 (yes 3) engagement rings. So I called that all off. I almost didn''t want a ring at all. A few weeks later we got a postcard from the jeweler that made my promise ring, advertising new stones. So we went to check them out and both loved them. Not what we were originally checking out at all. It was a new shape and that was a fresh start for me. So...I picked several out, and flagged a particular one that I liked. And he went back and bought it later. Had it set in a 4 prong temp setting because he knew Id change it, though had it been 6 prong Id probably have kept it. So he told me, pick what you want and do it how you want it. So I did. Took several tries for them to set it and make it right

but once it was done, just right.

So I got all the say. And he paid. haha!

 

[Evie75]

I for one am all about the surprise...dont want any involvment whatsoever! I just told my bf what i like, and showed a picture to give him an idea. Thats it! the rest is up to him..

and i totally trust his judgement and he has very nice taste... and im sure its going to be wonderful.. I just cant wait

 

[researcher]

I was definitely involved in choosing the EXACT stone and setting, but my now hubby and Denise from WF did an EXCELLENT job in surprising me. Although I had seen the stone loose early on in the process, I did not see it in the setting (or the setting except for photos) until my boy was down on one knee. See, he had conspired with Denise to tell me there was a delay with my ring and that it wouldn''t be in for at least another week. So, I got the surprise AND my dream ring

 

[curlygirl]

I, too, am a researcher! I did all the work, combed the internet, showed pictures, dragged him around to try things on, etc. Then when we finally decided on a stone and I had given the jeweler guidelines for the custom setting, I stepped back and let it happen. I didn''t see the final product until he got on his knee and surprised me with it. So while I generally knew what it would look like, I really had no idea until it was on my finger. I like surprises but I knew he was clueless so I didn''t mind helping out in the beginning. But i wanted the actual proposal to be a surprise and it was.

 

[icekid]

My FI and I designed my ring... and I did see the wax model. But that was the end- I didn''t see the finished product until it was on my finger. My FI is really bad at keeping secrets though, so I knew when it was finished

 

[MelissaSue]

I picked my setting out. He got the stone (we inherited from my family), and had it set, I was pretty much out of the loop after he got the stone from my mom.

 

[BrightSpot]

Yup, I''m a researcher too.

I did the research on my ring, consulted w/ my FI on the design, found a jeweler & made the initial contact. We approved the CADs for my ring together, then I stepped back from the process. I didn''t see the final ring (no wax, no images, nothing!) until he proposed with it. I think it worked nicely--I got to have input on the design & had a sense of what the ring would look like, but also had a bit of a surprise as I didn''t see my actual ring until my FI proposed with it!

 

[snuga]

I am definitely a researcher as well, however in this regard I am pretty much staying out of it.

I did lots of research and then my boyfriend and I went to look at rings twice this past summer. I showed him what cut I liked and what settings I liked (Round/Solitaire). I picked out several settings and the jeweler wrote them down for my boyfriend. He also gave him the size of my finger etc.. that way I was involved in picking out the setting and stuff, but will not know which one he will actually pick and with what size diamond.

I just hope he sticks to the list!!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I knew I wanted a Tacori since highschool so I did pick out the setting. I let FI decide on shape though he did show me some loose ECs so I could see what L/W ratio I liked. He didn''t show me the ring put me together until the proposal. He told me firmly that he wanted to surprise me and am not allowed to ask, see, or know any details. So I also got my surprise and my dream ring.

 

[Evie75]

Speaking of finger size.... whats the average? around 6? I have no idea what size my finger is..

OH and the other day my bf took my ring off my finger and was putting it on his ....( maybe to size it up) heeee!

 

[njc]

We looked at settings together and I picked out three I really liked. He was on his own from then on.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 10/14/2005 9:03:04 AM
Author: Evie75
Speaking of finger size.... whats the average? around 6? I have no idea what size my finger is..


OH and the other day my bf took my ring off my finger and was putting it on his ....( maybe to size it up) heeee!

Mine is 4.5

 

[Hunali]

A few years ago I wanted to be surprised with everything: the ring choice and size of diamond and definitely the proposal. Now I only want to be suprised with the proposal.

I was very involved with choosing the type of setting I wanted and the size of the center diamond. He designed the actual setting himself, and he got to pick the exact diamonds (three stone ring). I have not seen the drawings or the actual ring. However, I have an idea of what it looks like since it''s very similar to a scott kay ring. I''m really glad that I won''t be completely surprised with the ring b/c now I know that I will love this one since it was exactly what I wanted and yet had a lot of his input since he designed it himself. I wanted to like what I wore since I won''t be changing or upgrading it ever b/c of sentimentality.

I did want to be cut off once the ring was in produxn and do not want to see it till the proposal, b/c I definitely want to be surprised with the proposal!

 

[SoonIHope]

We went and tried on rings together, and I gave him a (very long ) list of guidelines of what I like. After his first visit to a jeweler without me, he emailed me pictures of some of the settings he was considering to make sure they were in line with what I liked. They were, so now I am COMPLETELY OUT of the rest of the process while he selects the exact diamond (with guidelines!) and setting (most likely one of the ones he already showed me.) This is perfect for me because I really do want SOME surprise at the end, but I''m also 100% confident that he knows what I like so he''ll end up choosing something perfect for me. So it''s a good compromise since he cares a LOT about surprising me and having this be HIS gift to me, but I''m still not worried at all since I know he knows what I like!

Buuuut the suspense is killing me!!!!

 

[SoonIHope]

I really use all caps too much, sorry

 

[BrightSpot]

Date: 10/14/2005 9:03:04 AM
Author: Evie75
Speaking of finger size.... whats the average? around 6? I have no idea what size my finger is..

OH and the other day my bf took my ring off my finger and was putting it on his ....( maybe to size it up) heeee!

I believe the average ring size is 6, though there are a lot of small-fingered ladies on PS!