At what point did you consider yourself a LIW?

[Xedoc]

Coming from a guy, I''m curious to see how far into a relationship you were ready to commit to one man. I''ve always stated that I wanted to be with someone for a year before a proposal, but after quite a few relationships longer than that and currently having a relationship with someone who has made me understand that I''ve always dated the wrong woman.. I''d be ready for a proposal next month if I didn''t feel it would be too soon. Not that she''d not be ready, but I wouldn''t want her to feel like her friends/family may think it''s too soon...

So you feel he''s the right one.. how long into the relationship did you feel you knew this was it and were ready and wanting a proposal? I''m not talking about when you started dropping hints to him, but more along the lines of when you''re positive you would say ''yes'' to a proposal with no reservation. This should probably be a poll, but I''d rather hear more personal reasons for knowing when than checking a box.

 

[princesss]

Probably not quite what you're looking for, but here's my answer:

I don't actually consider myself a LIW yet. BF and I met at 18, and are 23 now and only really starting to get to the point in life where we want to maybe start thinking about possibly getting married one day. We just have no desire to get married yet (though I assume I'll want to at some point). I think it's probably partly because we met at such a young age, and are each other's only really serious relationship. We realized we were on the path to forever around...well, 6 weeks for him, and around 3 months for me. It took about 2 years to get from "This is it," to "Oh, I guess that means we're going to get married someday." But because we haven't gone through other serious, long-term relationships there isn't that feeling of, "This is it and I want it to start RIGHT NOW." It's been an organic shift in the relationship from teenager/early college having fun, to young adult serious relationship, and I imagine it will be the same as we become ready for marriage. The relationship has just grown and strengthened as we've gotten older, but we're in no rush to tie the knot.

So I'll consider myself a LIW when I realize I'm ready to get married. I'll put myself on the list when we are actively looking/saving for a ring.

ETA: At this point, I can't honestly say that I'd say "Yes" to a proposal. Not because I don't want to marry him at some point, but because I don't feel ready for marriage at all. I don't really want to live with him (or anyone, actually), so I think it's probably best to wait on trying to get married until both of us feel ready.

 

[purselover]

A little before our 8 year anniversary, however we had started dating at 16. We had wanted to finish college and live together before getting engaged, and then once he stopped working and went to law school, I wanted to make sure I could really deal with all of the craziness that brought into our relationship. Once he had the first year of school almost done, I knew I could do this forever and we got engaged about 3 month after that talk.

 

[Lauren8211]

I added myself when we both knew we were ready to get married in the very near future. It was about a year and a month after joining LIW that I got engaged. It was before we(he) started saving for a ring.

 

[vc10um]

For me, I knew he was "the one" from our first date. When you know, you know, right?

That being said, I think I would have said "yes" around the 6 month mark had he asked, but I really didn''t consider the actual potential for marriage until I met and fell in love with his family 10 months into our relationship. At that point, after seeing him with his family and meeting them, I knew he was the real deal, that his family had raised him well, and that everything I knew to be true about him was genuine (not that I ever had a doubt!). I KNOW at that point I would have said "yes" to any proposal. So I think somewhere between 10 and 12 months (about which time we officially moved in together) was the point at which I truly began considering myself a LIW.

Hope this helps, and best of luck with your girl!

 

[Xedoc]

Thanks all,
vc - If you had met his entire family by 4 months in, would that have further solidified your opinion at the 6 month mark?

 

[vc10um]

Now that I go back and think about it, it may have even been earlier than 6 months...it was probably closer to 5...because I''m remembering how much I missed him when he went home for Thanksgiving, which would have been right on 5 months...

As for meeting the family earlier...had I gone home with him that Thanksgiving and met them all, I can probably say pretty confidently that it would have put me in the "yes" category...I don''t know if I can speculate back any further than that!

A good friend of mine went on her first date with her husband on August 1, 2008. She left for a 3 month internship in Europe about 3 weeks later and was gone until Thanksgiving. He visited her while she was in Europe, and in December, 2008, he proposed. They married in May, 2009. Did I think that was fast as an outsider? Yes. Did she? Not one bit...she knew it was exactly right. Just another example.

I think the important thing to remember is that everyone is different! It woudln''t hurt to covertly test the waters to see how she''s feeling...or talk to her friends! I know I started talking about wanting to marry my FF WAY before I got close to talking about it with him!!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I actually had to read through all your posts to make sure you weren''t my daughter''s boyfriend! haha! Your proposal idea is amazing!

I considered my daughter a LIW from the date he told her he loved her (which was mutual) which was about 2 months after they started dating. In fact, I think it was the night that she met his parents for the first time. He is 4 years older than she is and clearly looking for someone to marry as opposed to just someone to date. He has talked about their future (wedding, etc.) since early on. But one day they were talking to someone else and a statement was made about a "year rule" before getting engaged. She commented that she had never heard of that rule but said nothing else so as not to pressure him at all. I do think 6 months is okay if you are certain she is ready at that point. My daughter has been dating her boyfriend for almost 8 months now, and I think she would be fine with a proposal at this point. But she is not expecting it before the holidays or early in 2010 since he mentioned the year idea. I think she would be upset if it went longer than that.

 

[suchende]

i just decided, 14 months in, when he brought up wedding planning and was just excited instead of excited AND nervous

 

[HopeDream]

Hmm ...not sure when exactly.

Do you mean first inklings that he might be the one, or full-blown diamond fever LIWitis?

I''d better just give the whole picture:

My LIW Timeline (We have lived together since before we were dating - started as good friends):

After dating 2-3 days - He asks if he could marry me one day and I refuse point blank (Too much too soon). Maybe this is when he became a MIW?)

1 year of dating - My mom and I have dinner together and she asks me about my future with my BF, specificaly if we will get married one day - I realize that I would marry him if he asked - I had never seriously considered it before.

2 1/2 years of dating - We attend a friend''s wedding, and in a quiet moment alone casually discuss that one day we might get married (first marriage discussion with BF).

2 5/8 years of dating - BF goes through a deeply introspective time, deciding if he still wants to be with me, we seriously discuss breaking up (I''m fine with whatever he decides, I love him and want him to be happy).
After 3 grim days he looks very concerned and says to me "I have a problem, I cant decide which of my three best friends to pick for my best man". We spend a hesitant and exciting two hours planning out our hypothetical dream wedding.(

2 3/4 years - 3 1/4 years - Every once in a while BF casualy asks my ring type questions (like once every 2 months) white or yellow gold? square or circle stone? Canadian? etc.

3 1/4 years - I decide I should know what I want E ring-wise and do an intensive online hunt to avoid studying for final examns. I join PS and present him with the stats of my dream ring. BF reveals that he had wanted to ask me 6 months previous, but couldn''t afford a ring. I''m delighted/excited.

Present (3 5/8years) Definitely a LIW now, but I know it will still be an indeterminant amount of time until I recieve a proposal - I''m fine with this. (In a dream would I would be proposed to around christmas...realisticly probably not for another 2 years).

I probably would have said yes after a year of living together.

cheers,
HD

 

[Winks_Elf]

Hmmm...my boyfriend and I knew we were the one for each other during the first week of dating (we''ve known each other as friends for three years already). I would say that once you start talking about the possibility of getting married to each other (not just in general), and you know that a proposal is going to happen in the future at some point, you''ve entered LIW territory.

 

[ckrickett]

When the SO started talking about proposing and getting married.

 

[AustenNut]

Date: 8/28/2009 11:27:54 PM
Author: suchende
i just decided, 14 months in, when he brought up wedding planning and was just excited instead of excited AND nervous

I have to agree with this one. My boyfriend started thinking marriage before I did, and when he did I had the excited and nervous feeling. But about 1.5 months ago (about the 7 month mark) the nervousness just faded out. I''m not entirely sure I consider myself a LIW yet, but I''m certainly close if I''m not already there.

 

[ImpatientOne]

My husband and I are older, but we met in April of '07. I knew right off the bat he was special. We went on vacation to Hawaii in Sept of '07 for one of his friend's weddings. It was there that he told me he knew he was going to marry me sooner rather than later. That's when I considered myself a LIW. He proposed on Christmas Eve '07, and we were married the following March.

 

[Parsley]

I am still very young in the grand scheme of things, so I feel like though I might consider myself "waiting" from only a month if that from when I met my boyfriend, I don''t know how much of that was teenage idealism. I met my boyfriend when I was 18, we got together the day after my 19th birthday, and I''m now 21.

The thing that made me *know* is so the ultimate in cheese, I forgive anyone for turning away and gagging. I''d had 2 boyfriends before, one for 2.5 years, another that turned out to be the biggest waste of my life. And with them, and all the other million boys I had crushes on, I would imagine our wedding day. Throughout my little girlhood and teenage years everytime I tried to conjure up this wedding day it would be exactly the same, me walking down the aisle to a faceless groom. Try as I might I could not fix their face into that position. The first time this fantasy popped into my head with my boyfriend...it fit. It fit like it was always supposed to be that way and that he was always going to be the person at the front turning around to see me and smiling...this lead me to test out my theory with other fantasies...me telling him we''re having a baby...us shattered getting these children to wherever they need to be whilst getting to work...us taking them to uni..everything was just so right and made so much sense. I''ve known since then that I didn''t want to be with anyone else ever again. And because of that it has given me determination during tough time and when I''ve felt exasperated with his...maleness.

xxx

 

[ts44]

Date: 8/29/2009 10:46:52 AM
Author: ckrickett
When the SO started talking about proposing and getting married.

Agreed ckrickett! I knew he was the one within 3 dates, but he didn''t start talking like that about me until about a year later. We went off of his internal comfort schedule, not mine. It sounds selfish of him when I say it like that, but under the circumstances it made sense, I was his first kiss and his first girlfriend.

I think you can consider yourself a LIW when "the talks" start happening! Otherwise there is a possibility you may be torturing yourself about something that hasn''t even crossed his mind.

 

[Parsley]

Date: 8/29/2009 6:31:58 PM
Author: ts44

Date: 8/29/2009 10:46:52 AM

I think you can consider yourself a LIW when ''the talks'' start happening! Otherwise there is a possibility you may be torturing yourself about something that hasn''t even crossed his mind.

We used to talk about it a lot...now he says he doesn''t want to jinx it! We''ll talk about it maybe once every 2 or 3 months, but now I do fee supremely warm and fuzzy when we do have these talks! Do you think I should consider myself waiting, or shall I save that torturous stage for when I know it''s coming?

 

[southhorizon]

SO started talking about marriage (in a general sort of way) around the 3-4 month mark and, although I was very flattered and thought the relationship was amazing, it was too soon for me. I hadn''t been looking for a relationship when we met and was under a lot of pressure in a new job so contemplating marriage at that point was beyond me. That said, it didn''t scare me off at all because I felt we had something special. We are both in our mid thirties and have both previously been in long-term live-in relationships so I felt I had something to compare it to.

Around the 7 month mark, SO started talking about marriage and about the ring and under the guise of shopping for my birthday present, took me into a few jewellery stores and tried to steer me to the rings but I was very "ooh aren''t the earrings pretty" (although I did start looking at diamonds on-line, hence ending up on PS)

. I would say at this point I was excited and cautiously optimistic, but still not quite there.

Around the 10 month mark we moved in together officially (we''d been living together unofficially for months) and I think that''s when I really felt ready.

And now I think SO is working to the "at least one year rule" so I am a frustrated LIW (but hopefully only for another couple of weeks).

 

[Xedoc]

Thank you all for sharing.. it''s great to see how different people and situations can play out.

diamondseeker2006 - I''m slightly nervous of being discovered on here, which is why I''ve tried to not be too specific on my situation. My username is random - not something that I could be recognized for elsewhere. I highly doubt my SO''s family or friends would be on here, but more unlikely things have happened.. I had typed up a bit more info about my situation but hit the delete key - I''d hate for some of the plans I''ve been thinking about to find their way back to my SO. I''d love to share the rather unique situation I''m in, but I just can''t justify the risk of ruining a surprise in her future.

 

[crossmyfingers]

BF and I will hit the two-year mark in a month. Right after our one-year anniversary, he blindsided me and said he wants to marry me someday. That''s when I realized I would say yes if he asked any time. I knew I wanted to before that, but that was when I realized it would definitely be a yes.

We talked more about it a few months ago, when he said he wants to be married in two years at the longest. That''s when I would consider my LIW time starting. I guess that was around six months ago.