Attendant gits

[Gwyn]

Does anyone know the average cost of an attendant gift?

Traditionally, does it pertain to what thay paid to be in the wedding? Or has it always been arbitrary?

 

[robbie3982]

I don''t know about tradition, but for all gifts, I give what I feel is appropriate based on my financial situtation. We spent $40-$50 on our attendants and I''m sure it cost them much more to be in the wedding. Spending more than that on 16 adult attendants was just not possible for us. When you add in the 3 flower girls, 3 ring bearers, parents, readers and program attendant we''re spending over $1000.

I think as long as the presents are heartfelt it doesn''t matter what they cost.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I agree with Robbie (love the new pic BTW) just like wedding gifts, there''s no set formula for factoring cost. It''s simply what you can afford to spend. That being said, if you you''re not spending a lot on your wedding, and you can''t afford to spend a lot on their gift, you probably shouldn''t expect them to buy $500 Nicole Miller dresses with matching Manolo Blahniks.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 8/13/2007 4:56:50 PM
Author: robbie3982
I don''t know about tradition, but for all gifts, I give what I feel is appropriate based on my financial situtation. We spent $40-$50 on our attendants and I''m sure it cost them much more to be in the wedding. Spending more than that on 16 adult attendants was just not possible for us. When you add in the 3 flower girls, 3 ring bearers, parents, readers and program attendant we''re spending over $1000.

I think as long as the presents are heartfelt it doesn''t matter what they cost.

Sorry Robbie, how does 3 ring bearers work? Just intrigued...

We''re spending about £30-£40 GBP on the groomsmen (all in their 30''s) and about £20 GBP on the Flowergirls (all under 12) - I got amazing bargains for them that are worth about 3 times that.

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 8/13/2007 6:53:27 PM
Author: Pandora II

Sorry Robbie, how does 3 ring bearers work? Just intrigued...

Thanks Hudson Hawk! I should add that I tried my best to keep their costs down as well. The bridesmaid dresses only cost $50!

Pandora, we''re having them all walk down together each with a fake ring tied to his pillow. They''re too young (5,6,7) to realize that there are only 2 of us and therefore should only be 2 rings. We thought about having one carry something different, but we thought it might cause a fight so this was just easier. Plus it''ll be funny when they grow up and finally think, hey, why were there 3 of us when there should''ve been only 2 rings?!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

DH and I paid for our attendant gifts and parent gifts ourselves. Like everyone said there is no set rule on how much. I admit I got slightly carried away.

They are worth it though.

 

[Gwyn]

My three attendants are my 3 favorite people in the world. I really want to get them something nice. I feel in love with these necklaces from Tiffany''s but FI thinks thats going a little overboard. they are in the 100-150 range. We both decided to let each other pick out presents for our attendants, I think he just doesnt want to spend that kind of money on his friends LOL.

More that he probably cannot think of anything in that range to get his friends.

 

[ephemery1]

Our attendant gifts ended up being around $100/person for 5 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen. My BMs spent about $200 total on their dresses and shoes, but they are very non-bridesmaidy (short black dresses they chose from White House Black Market, and whatever black shoes they wanted) so I didn't feel too guilty about not matching that with our gifts. HTH!

Oh, and for what it's worth, I'd LOVE getting a Tiffany necklace as a bridesmaid gift!!

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Honestly, I think most people give gifts that they like and can afford; no set number is used.

There is, however, a calculation to give a rough idea:
Attendant gifts are 1% of budget, and the old rule is one attendant per side per 50 guests. If you have more attendants than the norm, you''re supposed to increase the budget. To illustrate, say you''re having a $20,000 wedding with 100 guests; thus, $200 total for attendant gifts (1% of total budget), based on 2 bridesmaids and 2 ushers (1 each per 50 guests), ergo $50 per person. If that same wedding has 5 BM and 5 ushers, you still would/should spend $50 per person on the gift, so the total spent would be $500 instead of $200.

Of course, no one really follows the rule absolutely. You can spend less or spend more; it only should be used to let you know if you''re somewhere in the ballpark (or if you''re being ridiculously cheap or quite overindulgent).

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 8/14/2007 3:25:33 PM
Author: fleur-de-lis
Honestly, I think most people give gifts that they like and can afford; no set number is used.

There is, however, a calculation to give a rough idea:
Attendant gifts are 1% of budget, and the old rule is one attendant per side per 50 guests. If you have more attendants than the norm, you''re supposed to increase the budget. To illustrate, say you''re having a $20,000 wedding with 100 guests; thus, $200 total for attendant gifts (1% of total budget), based on 2 bridesmaids and 2 ushers (1 each per 50 guests), ergo $50 per person. If that same wedding has 5 BM and 5 ushers, you still would/should spend $50 per person on the gift, so the total spent would be $500 instead of $200.

Of course, no one really follows the rule absolutely. You can spend less or spend more; it only should be used to let you know if you''re somewhere in the ballpark (or if you''re being ridiculously cheap or quite overindulgent).

According to the formula we overspent. It came out to $26/person.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Date: 8/13/2007 5:01:23 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I agree with Robbie (love the new pic BTW) just like wedding gifts, there''s no set formula for factoring cost. It''s simply what you can afford to spend. That being said, if you you''re not spending a lot on your wedding, and you can''t afford to spend a lot on their gift, you probably shouldn''t expect them to buy $500 Nicole Miller dresses with matching Manolo Blahniks.

Actually, I would hope that even our friends on a modest budget would insist on Manolo Blahniks... that way, dear FH couldn''t complain!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Well that''s their own choice. Personally, I''d buy the shoes.

 

[Gwyn]

Date: 8/14/2007 3:25:33 PM
Author: fleur-de-lis
Honestly, I think most people give gifts that they like and can afford; no set number is used.

There is, however, a calculation to give a rough idea:
Attendant gifts are 1% of budget, and the old rule is one attendant per side per 50 guests. If you have more attendants than the norm, you''re supposed to increase the budget. To illustrate, say you''re having a $20,000 wedding with 100 guests; thus, $200 total for attendant gifts (1% of total budget), based on 2 bridesmaids and 2 ushers (1 each per 50 guests), ergo $50 per person. If that same wedding has 5 BM and 5 ushers, you still would/should spend $50 per person on the gift, so the total spent would be $500 instead of $200.

Of course, no one really follows the rule absolutely. You can spend less or spend more; it only should be used to let you know if you''re somewhere in the ballpark (or if you''re being ridiculously cheap or quite overindulgent).

So $20,000 wedding with 50 people. Makes $200 budget for 2 attendants $100 each. So having three on each side would make a $600 attendant budget at $100 each....

 

[gwendolyn]

I was just the maid of honour at a wedding in May where most things were done up to the nines (including my dress which was $250 alone), and I got a blank journal that probably cost about $8 at Barnes & Noble.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Date: 8/14/2007 5:38:03 PM
Author: Gwyn

Date: 8/14/2007 3:25:33 PM
Author: fleur-de-lis
Honestly, I think most people give gifts that they like and can afford; no set number is used.

There is, however, a calculation to give a rough idea:
Attendant gifts are 1% of budget, and the old rule is one attendant per side per 50 guests. If you have more attendants than the norm, you''re supposed to increase the budget. To illustrate, say you''re having a $20,000 wedding with 100 guests; thus, $200 total for attendant gifts (1% of total budget), based on 2 bridesmaids and 2 ushers (1 each per 50 guests), ergo $50 per person. If that same wedding has 5 BM and 5 ushers, you still would/should spend $50 per person on the gift, so the total spent would be $500 instead of $200.

Of course, no one really follows the rule absolutely. You can spend less or spend more; it only should be used to let you know if you''re somewhere in the ballpark (or if you''re being ridiculously cheap or quite overindulgent).

So $20,000 wedding with 50 people. Makes $200 budget for 2 attendants $100 each. So having three on each side would make a $600 attendant budget at $100 each....

Per the calculation, yep.

The formula basically presumes that if the wedding becomes more lavish by having a higher per-head cost, then the gifts become a little nicer too; oppositely, a large wedding on a proportionally smaller budget indicates the gifts needn''t be as pricey. I agree that the downside is that it kind of "penalizes" those who have more attendants than is necessary for crowd management, because (I guess) it was a choice that shouldn''t be taken out on the attendants; it takes into consideration that extra BM are just that, an extra, and should be treated accordingly.

As a point of contrast, where a small $20K wedding for 50 people probably have a lot of elegant upgrades, it''s not uncommon for a young couple in a more rural area of the country to throw a wedding for 350 people for $20K. In that example, you probably have a VERY budget-conscious couple operating an a tight budget, grandma''s baking a cake at home, champagne glasses are made from plastic, there''s only one course which may not be served by a wait staff etc. The numbers [$200/(7+7)] there= ~$15 bucks a gift.

In essence, the equation just brings proportionality in to be considered. The $20K wedding for 50 people probably is upscale enough that the bridesmaid dresses/shoes cost a few hundred, the bride purchased a designer and/or silk gown for herself, and proportionate generous gifts for her attendants might include a massage at a spa, matching jewelry from Swarovski, or a little initial chain from Tiffany for her girls. The wedding for 350 probably was budget-conscious every step of the way, with the bride wearing a dress made of polyester and bridal jewelry from Claire''s; thus the bride giving something like $15 gifts from Claire''s seems reasonable.

Of course, it''s not a hard rule. I think it''s just a rule of thumb to gently remind brides to not be narcissistically overindulgent about themselves and miserly when it comes to others.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I actually bought my BMs a necklace from Tiffany''s. They loved it. DH spent a little less on his guys (around $100). I don''t think it really mattered though. We spent $100 on each dad and about $250 on each mom (I really wanted to get them the birthstone necklaces from Red Envelope). I don''t think either mom has taken their''s off since our wedding a year ago. Worth every penny.