Awkward relationship with LIW friend

[sydneygemma]

I am a first time poster and also a former LIW. I''ve read this site religiously for the few months before my engagement and am still a lurker.

My dilemma regards my relationship with a great friend whom I''ve known for many years. I was with my fiance for about 1.5 years before we got engaged. She''s been with her live in boyfriend for 9-10 years. They are both in their early 30s. I am 28 and my fiance is 31.

She acted happy when I told her that I was engaged, but I know that she is very troubled by the fact that she wants to get married too. The problem is her bf does not want to get married, yet, and doesn''t know when he wants to get married since he is not at the point where he has enough financial stability to be a husband. He probably won''t be financially stable for many years. She, on the other hand, makes a good living (and supports him).

I''m not really a fan of her boyfriend, but don''t say too many negative things about him because he''s never done anything bad that I''m aware of, and because everyone has their own taste.

The reason I''m writing is because ever since we''ve become engaged, I sense that my friend and I have drifted apart. We don''t talk as much as we used to, and when we do, I feel she says things that are catty and passive aggressive. I think my engagement has made her feel very tense about her own life, and she''s taking it out on me.

At first I was very understanding, but now it''s gotten to a point where I''m just mad.

What do I do? Do I confront her? She is a very prideful person who likes to be in control. I don''t think she would ever admit that she was jealous or envious. Do I ignore her until she starts talking to me? What do I do?

The sad thing is that I''ve noticed a few of my "friends" act very catty towards me since my engagement. Advice, please.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

it''s LIW syndrome. I had a post like this previously except it was reversed roles. I think that she is happy for you but just kind of needs to get it out of her system. It''s nothing to do with you, it''s her frustration about her own life and there''s not a whole lot you can do about it I guess. Just be as supportive as you feel you can be and hope she returns the gesture. If after a few weeks she is still acting this way, have a talk with her but don''t be too aggressive.

 

[LegacyGirl]

I''m in sort of the same situation except I''ve been dating my SO longer than she has been dating hers. When I emailed her a pic of my ring excited it was done all I got was a single reply and then she never mentioned it again. It just kind of hurts because I listen to her over and over again about her BF (who I really don''t like and I think she can do so much better) and she can''t even say congrats to me. Oh well.

 

[poshpepper]

sydneygemma -- I am sorry you are going through this, I know what it is like to have friends drift away (for me it was not over an engagement, but the effect is still the same). The other posters gave you good insight into what is probably going on.

I guess what I don''t understand about these situations in general is the complete jealousy thing. Its just like anything else, a new car, a new house, a new engagement... I would never alienate a friend just because she/he got something "better" (very subjective) than me. I just don''t get it. Makes me think that person was never really your friend to begin with... Okay, just had to say that

 

[chocolatefudge]

sydneygemma I can understand both sides. If I found out someone who had been seeing their SO for not as long as me had got engaged I must admit I think I WOULD feel a bit jealous..... Isn''t that human? If you want something really badly and someone else gets it in a fraction of the time it does hurt a little. I know time isn''t really important but it still does raise issues.

However, when I think about my best friend, if I found out she had gotten engaged I would be SOOOOO excited for her!! I would never want her to think I resented her for it. We are so close I could probably tell her that I was feeling a bit of the green eyed monster but there is no way I''d let it break up my friendship with her!

How close were you to your friend?