Awkwardly conservative FIL''s -- Looong rant!

[Sabine]

I apologize in advance for this ridiculously long rant, but I don''t know how to explain the current situation without all the background.

Okay, my FI and I started going out in college, and have been together for 4 years now. His parents are pretty conservative Catholics in some respects, but not so much in others. While my FI and I are both Catholic as well, we are about as liberal as they come, but it has never really been a problem. But after we graduated from college, we decided to move in together. After much discussion, we ultimately decided to get an apartment with 2 bedrooms and actually use seperate bedrooms. The real reason we made this decision is that we knew we''d still be living in the same place after we got married, and we wanted SOMETHING to change when we got married since we weren''t doing the whole buying the first house together thing. We figured going from 2 seperate rooms to sleeping together every night and getting all new furniture that was ours instead of mine in one room and his in the other would be enough of a change to signify what an important step we were taking. We also liked the idea of having seperate bedrooms because right after college our schedules were SOOO different that it was nice to not have to worry about waking the other person up or going to bed earlier than one of us wanted.

However, we knew that his parents would have a major problem with us moving in together, so when we told them about it we made sure to stress that we would sleep in seperate bedrooms and never elaborated on the reasons. Since that point, they have been totally passive aggressive about it. They never said anything to us about how they didn''t like it, but his mom did come up to my mom behind my back on move in day and say "so do YOU have a problem with this whole situation?" And whenever we reference our "home" they get this sour look on their face, and they avoid takling about it if at all possible. Luckily, we don''t have to deal with this often since we live 4 hours away, but the real problem happens when we take trips to our hometown to visit.

Our parents live within 20 minutes of each other in our hometown, and when we go to visit, although we drive in together, I stay with my dad, and he stays with his parents and when we want to go somewhere or get together, one of us has to go pick the other up. After we got engaged, my dad offered for us to stay together, but the spare bedroom only has a single bed in it. We could sleep on teh floor in the living room, but that would be uncomfortable and his parents would totally flip out. My mom has also offered to let us stay with her, but she lives in tiny 1 - room studio, and although she has a pull-out couch, it''s in teh same room as her daybed, and i think that is more of my mom than I want to subject my FI to.

Just recently his parents have had the audacity to complain about how the fact that we stay in seperate houses when we''re at home limits the amount of time we can spend with them because we waste so much time driving back and forth. It''s also been complicated because since we''ve had our dog, we''ve had to shuttle her back and forth with us. What was their solution to this problem? Well, according to them, if we stay with them, FI can sleep in his childhood room and I''ll be perfectly comfortable on the pull out couch in the basement. I almost laughed in their face when they suggested this. I can only HOPE they know that once we are actually married, this situation is not going to work.

We''ve avoided the situation by continuing to stay in seperate houses when we go home, but this past weekend there was no way to avoid it. So I did it. I stayed in the basement. IT WAS THE MOST AWKWARD NIGHT/MORNIGN OF MY LIFE!!! We were in town for Robbie''s wedding, and we got home super late. His mom actually waited up on the couch for us to get home. Then she offered that since his sister is off at college, I could sleep in her room if I prefered, and I was like, uh, that''s okay, the basement will be fine. Then she stayed up to make sure that FI went up to his room and I went down to mine. GRRRR!!!! Like we were kids who couldn''t stand being apart for one night and needed to be watched!

When I woke up in the morning, his dad even came downstairs to check that I was still in the basement! Come on, we live together people! If we really wanted to be together, we wouldn''t wait till the one night we are staying under their roof to do it. Does this sound ridiculous to anyone but me? It''s not like they ever sat us down and told us they would appreciate if we followed their requests while at their house, they just act like we are horrible teenagers who are going to start boinking like crazy if not watched every minute! The worst part about the whole experience is that FI was still sleeping when I got up, and although I could hear his parents awake and getting ready upstairs, any time I went up to say goodmorning no one was around. I didn''t know if I should just sit there and wait for them, start making coffee, or what. His mom told me there was a towel for me in the bathroom, but I could hear a shower going, and I didn''t even know if there was more than one bathroom upstairs or where it was because I''ve never been allowed to go up there before! I really don''t know what they are going to do once we are married, but they better start getting used to the idea that we are not going to sleep in seperate rooms forever! Any suggestions on how to help them make this transition?

Sorry for the long rant!

 

[basil]

If their objection to you being together is based on religious convictions, won''t it change once you get married?

I think parents can feel kind of weird about their children and sex under their own roof though. Even if you aren''t having sex, sleeping in the same bed implies that you are. My parents aren''t religious at all, but my mom had problems with me sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend at her house when she very well knew he often spent the weekend at my house. But we slept in separate beds out of respect to her wishes. I think since now we are engaged and since my brother and his girlfriend have been together forever and live together, she''s adjusted and no longer has a problem with it.

About a month before my cousin''s wedding, my cousin and her fiance wanted to spend the weekend at my grandmother''s cottage with her and the rest of the family. My grandmother insisted that they could not sleep together on the pull-out couch since they were not married. The problem was that there was literally no place for her fiance to sleep otherwise, unless he brought his own tent (tiny 700 sq foot cottage with 8 people sleeping there)! Needless to say they did not end up coming, and now that they are married my grandmother wonders why they will not come to visit her ever

 

[laine]

I know its frustrating, but you''re probably just going to have to deal with it. I''m almost 28 years old, BF is 26. We live together and share a bed, all of the siblings on both sides are adults (youngest is 22--I''d get it if they wanted to set a good example for younger kids or something), but we aren''t allowed to sleep together at either of our parents'' houses. At my house, we just had a huge step forward when we were allowed to sleep in separate beds in the same room (all that was available--I refused to sleep on my brothers floor). I think its silly, our siblings think its silly, most of our friends think its silly, BUT its their house and they are allowed to make the rules. I''m pretty sure they''ll let you sleep together when you''re married, so until then, just grin and bear it.

ETA: When I stay at my BF''s parents house, I get the bed and he gets the couch. Would you be any more comfortable in FI''s room than on the couch--you could tell him to offer the switch so it doesn''t look like you''re complaining about the couch.

 

[Stephanie]

I''m so sorry.. I think that this would really change, though, once you are married. I do just think that it''s parents being parents (my parents still have a problem with FI and I living together). Has your FI said anything about it since the weekend??

 

[FireGoddess]

I think they are being a tad bit absurd - making sure you''re still down there and waiting until you''ve both gone your separate ways, like chaperones?! A little silly, considering you already live under the same roof. I know parents can be overbearing, and I don''t know about other people but I think most of us (okay, at least me) would never even THINK of fooling around at my parents'' house. Ewwwwww. Would NEVER cross my mind.

I''m sure this will abate once you''re married. Though I do understand your frustration!!

 

[WTNLVR]

It will change when you get married. My in laws were the EXACT same way. Totally absurd, and they weren''t even religious, just old fashioned. After we were married, they had no problem with us sharing a room.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Sabine,

Sorry it''s been so awkward. This might just be something that you and your FI will need to put up with for the time being, simply because it''s their house. I personally think it''s silly (ESPECIALLY since you already live together) but I know how weird some parents can be about that whole situation. The passive-aggressive thing escapes me...really, I don''t get it. Maybe it''s easier for your FI''s parents to be that way than to actually have a conversation with the two of you about it. Would you and your FI consider talking to them about it -- or just have him talk to his parents alone? It would probably be awkward but at least it might stop some of the passive aggressiveness.

I know how weird it can be if you''re staying at someone''s house and you''re up and ready for brekfast (or whatever) before everyone else. I usually bring a book with me and read in the living room (or whatever room I''m staying in) until people start making their way downstairs. Did your FI''s parents make any kind of welcoming statement like "help yourself to ________?" That would be a courteous thing for them to do. Can your FI make a point of saying something like that in front of his parents so they take the cue and welcome you more?

I wish I had more suggestions for you.

 

[Sabine]

Date: 9/10/2007 8:54:28 PM
Author: zoebartlett
Hi Sabine,

Sorry it's been so awkward. This might just be something that you and your FI will need to put up with for the time being, simply because it's their house. I personally think it's silly (ESPECIALLY since you already live together) but I know how weird some parents can be about that whole situation. The passive-aggressive thing escapes me...really, I don't get it. Maybe it's easier for your FI's parents to be that way than to actually have a conversation with the two of you about it. Would you and your FI consider talking to them about it -- or just have him talk to his parents alone? It would probably be awkward but at least it might stop some of the passive aggressiveness.

I know how weird it can be if you're staying at someone's house and you're up and ready for brekfast (or whatever) before everyone else. I usually bring a book with me and read in the living room (or whatever room I'm staying in) until people start making their way downstairs. Did your FI's parents make any kind of welcoming statement like 'help yourself to ________?' That would be a courteous thing for them to do. Can your FI make a point of saying something like that in front of his parents so they take the cue and welcome you more?

I wish I had more suggestions for you.

Zoe, I think you hit on what has really been bothering me. I don't think it would even bother me that we stayed in seperate rooms if they still welcomed me to their home and treated me like it was okay with them for me to be there. Although we spend so much time with his parents every time we're home, I could not even help myself to a glass of water there. My fi gets everything for me, or one of his parents does, and I have to sit there like a helpless kid, which I really don't like. I even felt weird turning on the tv in a room no one else was in! I'm sure part of this has to do with my own insecurities about not being as close to his parents as I would like, but I just can't bring myself to make myself at home without them offering for me to first. But due to the looks they give me, the way they ignore me most of the time, and they way they make offhanded comments about stuff like our living situation just make me feel like an unwanted intruder! I'm sure it has to do with the fact that along with being religious, my FI never really had a serious girlfriend before me. Although he has an older brother and a sister who is a senior in college, neither of them have brought home a serious significant other either. I've talked to FI about this too, but he doesn't really know what to do. He feels awkward when we are there too, and since it's not really his home anymore he feels like any offer to make myself at home needs to come from them.

ETA: firegoddess, I'm right there with you...doing anything sexual is definitely the LAST thing on my mind when we are there!

 

[luckystar112]

You think that''s bad? FI and I live in TX, and the very first time I met his family in VA was when there was a big family reunion going on at the lake house. This house sleeps about 20 people comfortably. We took a train from Maine to VA (we had visited my family first) and when we finally arrived it was about midnight. All we had time to do was say hi real quick, introduce me to everyone, and then everyone went to bed. FI''s parents live about 10 minutes from the lake house, and that''s where HE slept. I slept at the lake house with everyone else. TWENTY PEOPLE I HAD NEVER MET BEFORE IN MY LIFE. Worst part is that I shared the basement (it''s not really the basement, it''s a fully furnished floor that is undergound) with his two elderly aunts and a 14 year old cousin. It was SO awkward. I still can''t believe that they insisted on seperate HOUSES and that FI went along with it!

We have now lived together for over 3 years, and when we are in town we still have to sleep in seperate rooms. Honestly, I don''t know what the big deal is to you. What''s wrong with the floor, or a cot, or the couch? Sleep is sleep. I guess I don''t understand why you''re freaking. You don''t sleep in the same room at home, but you want to at your parent''s house? I understand that it was awkward...I mean, could it GET any more weird than the above scenario? But that''s just the way it is.

I understand how you feel like you were being "checked up on", but maybe you weren''t. Ever think of that? Maybe, since it was the first time you were staying at their house and they knew you were probably uncomfortable they were REALLY checking on you to make sure you were okay.

We went to Italy with FI''s fam a couple summers ago, and FI''s parents booked a hotel room for us in Rome. I was surprised that they were going to let us share a room! We walk in......TWO SEPERATE BEDS!!! Maybe it was the fact that I had just been on a plane for 10 hours, and then WALKED around Rome for 4 hours before we ever even SAW the hotel room, but I started bawling when I saw the two beds....I just thought it was so ridiculous. (I was tired out of my mind.) Like, what were they trying to say? That maybe if they put two beds in there they can stay "morally right"? I was livid. I thought they were poking fun at us. TURNS OUT they had booked us for a queen sized bed, and the hotel room gave us a room with two full beds instead. I was freaking out for nothing.

And anyway, I have learned to appreciate his familly''s stance. It''s about respect. Different house, different rules. I like the idea that none of FI''s ex''s were allowed to sleep in the same bed as him...I like the idea that we are good role models for his younger cousins, and I like the fact that his family has such good morals.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Let me tell you. No matter HOW much you get along with your FI''s family there will always be akward moments. I think this is b/c every family handles situations differently. They express their emotions and ideas differently. They react differently. I have only come to accept this. It is hard. I love my inlaws and am close with my MIL and SIL but there are still those moments that I realize dealing with my OWN family is SOOOO much easier. I guess b/c I have known my own family for 27 years and only my inlaws for 6.5 years. My comfort level is never going to be the same.

Do I think they are being silly? Yes. But then again I think it is silly to have seperate bedrooms while living together (if we are being honest). However this works for YOU and that is ALL that matters. Will their attitudes change with time...hopefully. Once married I can''t imagine them wanting you to sleep in seperate rooms. But will they ever stop being nosey and controlling....errr...probably not. Marry a man you really marry his whole family. Akward moments and all.

 

[luckystar112]

Sabine,

I just saw your last post about being uncomfortable in their house. I get it now!
I think its just one of those things that comes with time. I still feel awkward around FI''s family, but it''s because I don''t really know them. I wouldn''t dare call up his mom on the phone, even though she''s my only contact for planning our wedding up there. I just email her, and if she ignores it then I just have to deal with it. I think that since I only see them once a year for a few days at a time that everytime I go there its like I''m meeting everyone again for the first time. Definitely awkward!

I can''t think of anything worse then being uncomfortable in someone else''s home. But you really just got to let it roll of your shoulders. I''ve felt the same way...and then then I started thinkng, Are they going to YELL at me if I get a glass of water? Probably not. Are they going to freak if I go upstairs before FI does? No...probably not.

But I seriously doubt they are going to make you stay in seperate rooms after you are married. And if they do, get a hotel room! lol.

 

[zoebartlett]

Well, you are going to be your FI''s wife next July, so at some point things should change...hopefully. I still think that your FI should talk to them, or at least say things in front of them to make you feel welcome. I mean, even if he said, "in the morning, help yourself to coffee" and then show you were the coffee maker is (obviously just one small example) in front of his parents, would that help? Would his parents say, "yes, Sabine, and help yourself to..." I mean, it''s not as if you''re a new girlfriend and your FI is bringing you home to meet his parents. You''ve been together for four years. I''d speak to your FI again and try to get him to understand how isolated and unwelcome you feel. Maybe he doesn''t really know how much it bothers you (guys are clueless at times, ya know).

 

[Sabine]

Thanks for all the advice! I probably am overreacting. I don''t mean to complain, and I also really don''t want to disrespect their wishes, I just really would like to have a better relationship with my FILs and every time I''m there I feel even worse because instead of getting better, our relationship just stays the same. I probably should take Zoe''s advice and have FI take the lead, and then take the lead myself if that doesn''t work, I''m just so worried that I''m going to offend them and push them even farther away. I guess I won''t know till I try!

 

[Pandora II]

Hmm, I''m in the ''set boundaries with all relatives early on'' camp I''m afraid.

I would just say, okay we''re staying in a b&b and will come round to see you later. I see all this ''living in sin'' stuff as THEIR problem not yours.

At my parents, we sleep in their cottage next door because of FI''s cat allergies and their cool with that, and were when we were dating too.
At his parents we have a double bed - and both his mother and her husband are anglican vicars!

One of my ex-bf''s mothers was an ex-catholic nun - and even she didn''t have a problem with us sharing a bed; she even brought us up bacon sandwiches and tea in the morning. I remember his dad telling us to ''put a pillow between you - because these things happen!'' which I was rather amused by.

If your FIL''s don''t respect your relationship - whether you''re sleeping together or not - they aren''t treating you as responsible adults.

It''s perfectly possible to share a bed without anything going on. FI and I have lived together for 3 years and most of the time we are far too exhausted to do more than think about it!

 

[KimberlyH]

My dad is a devout Catholic and my parents had/have the same rule as your FILs. When we went to visit them before we were married my husband and I opted to stay in a hotel instead of staying in different rooms in their home(and we didn''t live together). If we''d chosen to stay n their home we would have respected their wishes, no matter how we felt about it. IMO it''s not about whether they''re treating you as adults, it''s a their home, their rules sorta thing and I don''t think there is anything wrong with it. If it continued after you were married I''d say you have a problem on your hands that needs to be addressed.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/11/2007 8:04:39 PM
Author: KimberlyH
My dad is a devout Catholic and my parents had/have the same rule as your FILs. When we went to visit them before we were married my husband and I opted to stay in a hotel instead of staying in different rooms in their home(and we didn''t live together). If we''d chosen to stay n their home we would have respected their wishes, no matter how we felt about it. IMO it''s not about whether they''re treating you as adults, it''s a their home, their rules sorta thing and I don''t think there is anything wrong with it. If it continued after you were married I''d say you have a problem on your hands that needs to be addressed.

Ditto. And now that I''m pregnant and can imagine what it''s like having a kid, I have to say that with the hormones come the crazy parent gene. I''m gonna be "one of them", I know it. TGuy is already digging out his cricket bat in anticipation of possibly having a daughter.

 

[diamondfan]

Once you are married, I would think they would have no legit objection to your sleeping together when you visit. Though personally that is about all I would do if hubby and I were at one of our parents, but that is an issue of mine and not everyone would agree!

However, I am just really not clear about the two bedroom thing. Not to be totally ignorant, but I would think where you SLEEP is not what is of concern. You are still cohabitating which is what bothers them. You are not platonic roommates with separate bedrooms. Again, I think as adults, you should do what you would like to, without flaunting it in his parents faces if it is a source of discomfort. However, you two are adults, and I prefer to be honest and open about the choices made, why start with a lot of lies etc? Just makes things tough. But I would say, til you are married, if you stay under their roof together (instead of going back and forth between the parents homes etc) you do need to just abide by what makes them comfortable. You do not have to agree to it or act as if you feel the same way, but you should at least abide by it in their home.

 

[peridot83]

I understand how you feel. It''s not the rules of the home but how those rules are carried out that seems to bother you.

I think your FI has a responsibility to help ease the situation with his parents. He can do it passively aggresively: wake up early, meet you downstairs, yell up to his parents...hey mom dad..we''re going to the store to pick up x for breakfast, and then cook breakfast together. (or lunch if breakfast is too suggestive a meal) If you cook with the dishes, and then clean up after you are no longer a guest but part of the family. It also shows, that you respect the families wishes but you are not going to be "chaperoned" within the home.

Or he needs to outrigh talk to his parents. Such as: Hey guys I don''t like that you disapprove so much of my living situation that you make me and the girlfirend uncomfortable when we come over. We would never imagine to disrespect your house rules while over, and we hope that we have your confidence. Has his family every invited you over for dinner? If not, there is a definite problem that needs to be explicitly addressed. If they have, maybe start pitching in more? Coming over early enough to help with the cooking and stay late to help with the cleaning up?

If you show repeatedly that you respect their house rules (i.e. no messing around while in his home), and that you''re willing to pitch in help out like a family member instead of a guest...if they''re reasonable, you can hopefully have a less awkward relationship with them.

 

[KimberlyH]

One more thing, I do think it''s odd that they''re so aware of your sleeping arrangements in other people''s homes (e.g. they would "flip out" if you slept on the floor together at your dads''). Why would you guys/your FI choose to share this with them? I think I''d have my FI talk to his parents and say "we''re happy to respect your rules in your home, because we care about your feelings, but I am an adult and where we choose to sleep when we''re not in your home isn''t your concern." You are adults and you have the right to choose to sleep wherever you so choose, whether it be in their house by their rules, your dads'' on the floor or a hotel where no one is going to worry about which head lands where (the best choice in my opinion) and as you forge your relationship as an adult couple who are going to be married you need to establish some boundaries amongst yourselves and with your parents and his about what they should know and what remains private.

It sounds like you aren''t comfortable with them at all, and this is just one more way in which you feel like an odd man out. I think peridot''s suggestions are good ones, but I would''t consider your FI getting up early and meeting you downstairs first to make breakfast passive aggressive, to me that would just be him trying to make you comfortable.

 

[Sabine]

Wow, more good advice! I did talk to FI about it, and he agreed that he should do more to make me feel comfortable in the house in front of the FILs, and he has promised to try to do this next time.

Pandora and Diamondfan: We did try to start off with the WHOLE situation being more upfront and adult with them. We were seniors in college when we decided to move in together, and we sat them down, told them if we were going to plan our lives together we wanted to make a commitment, so we planned on getting engaged and we were going to move in together. They totally flipped out. First, they were upset that FI and I tried to talk to them together, which on looking back, I can understand since they felt they were blindsided and that FI should have probably come to them alone first. Then they told us they didn''t approve of us getting engaged so young. Then they told us they didnt'' approve of us living together. And then after I had left, they told FI that if we went ahead as planned they were going to cut him off then and there financially. Getting seperate bedrooms was something we had planned on doing anyway (and i''m sure most of you may not understand that decision, but it does work for us) and that was a compromise they were willing to accept. I thought when they said they accepted it they meant it. If not, I probably would have insisted that FI stop taking any financial support from them right there.

Later on, they tried to continue to take care of FI''s finances (mostly without consulting him) and we had to tell them that we wanted to support ourselves. We figured if we were going to ask to be treated like adults, we sure as heck better act like them.

Recently we tried staying together at a hotel near them, and they actually asked us what the sleeping situation would be and did the whole disapproving sour face the entire rest of the visit when they found we were staying together. I''m sure they would do the same thing if we just stayed with my dad.

Peridot: I''ve been around during many family dinners, and I always try to help out. When I ask what I can do, his mom says nothing. When I try to just start pitching in with the cooking, table setting, etc. his mom will suggest I go find FI, go watch tv, and even one time took the cooking utensil out of my hand!

Okay, I didn''t mean to start complaining again, so I''ll stop now. I really do believe that the sitaution is mostly due to the fact that his family isn''t sure how to act, and I really hope it improves after we are married. Thanks again for the advice!

 

[KimberlyH]

Sabine, it sounds like it''s time for your FI to explain to them that you will respect their house rules, but that your sleeping arrangements in any place except their home is between the two of you and not up for discussion.

 

[VRBeauty]

This may have nothing to do with sleeping arrangements -- it kind of sounds like your FILs just aren''t ready to deal with the reality of their little boy growing up and starting a life where they don''t get to call the shots. Are they "old country" by any chance?

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 9/11/2007 6:42:55 PM
Author: Pandora II
Hmm, I''m in the ''set boundaries with all relatives early on'' camp I''m afraid.

I would just say, okay we''re staying in a b&b and will come round to see you later. I see all this ''living in sin'' stuff as THEIR problem not yours.

At my parents, we sleep in their cottage next door because of FI''s cat allergies and their cool with that, and were when we were dating too.
At his parents we have a double bed - and both his mother and her husband are anglican vicars!

One of my ex-bf''s mothers was an ex-catholic nun - and even she didn''t have a problem with us sharing a bed; she even brought us up bacon sandwiches and tea in the morning. I remember his dad telling us to ''put a pillow between you - because these things happen!'' which I was rather amused by.

If your FIL''s don''t respect your relationship - whether you''re sleeping together or not - they aren''t treating you as responsible adults.

It''s perfectly possible to share a bed without anything going on. FI and I have lived together for 3 years and most of the time we are far too exhausted to do more than think about it!

I totally agree with this. Your are grown adults and you can sleep however you want! If the inlaws have a problem with that then let it be THEIR problem not yours. They are treating you like children and I''d set some boundaries pretty quick. I think that you should respect their opinion and act as a "guest" in their house, but checking up on you crosses the line (at least it would for me).

My inlaws were not too thrilled when DH and I moved in together 3.5 months before our wedding (into a 1 bedroom) but it was something that had to be done. There was no point in paying two rents, two sets of utilities, etc. We just explained to them that we didn''t have that sort of money to just throw out the door and they''d just have to deal - and they did.

I''m sorry you are having such a difficult time with the future inlaws but I can say that it does get better with time. Stand your ground (respectfully) and good luck!~

Jess

 

[luckystar112]

I just think that when you're insecure about your future in-laws, you have a tendency to think they are "out to get you".

I mean, ever think she was staying up because she doesn't get to see her son that often? To hear about how the wedding was? Because she actually stays up that late? To make sure you don't need anything before bed? If she really thought you guys were going to go buck-wild all over the house, why did she offer you your FI's sister's room which is CLOSER to him than the basement? Is it really THAT abnormal to check on a guest the next morning when they are sleeping at your house for the first time?

If you go in there with the attitude that they are out to get you because they disagree with you living situation, you will find a million things to satisfy that claim. I've been there, and once I realized it was all in my head I was pretty embaressed.
Also (not directed toward any specific person) it doesn't make them BAD people because they don't want their kids to share a bed (anywhere) before marriage. They just have different morals. Of course, as adults you can sleep wherever you want, but their house is their rules.

 

[Sabine]

You might be right, Luckystar, adjusting my attitude about the whole situation probably can''t hurt.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Date: 9/13/2007 1:21:59 AM
Author: MINIMS
This may have nothing to do with sleeping arrangements -- it kind of sounds like your FILs just aren''t ready to deal with the reality of their little boy growing up and starting a life where they don''t get to call the shots. Are they ''old country'' by any chance?

This one sounds like it''s hitting home the most to me! They almost seem like they''re being a little bit selfish with "sharing" their son with anyone else. They will just have to get used to it, you will be married after all. To me this is all very strange. I would probably have had a hissy fit and gotten a hotel room that first night, but then again, I have a short temper. I have been dating my FI for over 6 years, and we were only in high school when we started dating. We both come from very open families and honestly, we started staying over each others houses, without hiding it, even back then. For the last three years we have hardly spent 1 night apart. Since we live in the same town we either stay at his house or t mine. His grandmother did try to say something last Christmas when we revealed we weren''t even getting married in a church but his mother stuck up for us so it ended right then and there.

Different strokes for different folks I guess!