Baby shower run amok! Help!

[Logan Sapphire]

One of my friends here in DC is having a baby in early July. She''s from San Diego and all of her best friends still live there. One of our friends in DC wanted to throw her a baby shower, and asked 3 of us local friends if we''d like to help. The organizer had envisioned a smaller shower with just the mom''s close girl friends from this area, figuring that her family/friends back in CA would do their own thing, and that her husband''s family in NY would throw their own shower as well. I think we figured we might have around 20 people or so. Well, the guest list just came in, and they want us to invite 64 people, not including spouses/SOs and families, which feasibly could put the number at around 150 people! And she added a note about how pets are welcome too.

The shower is actually about a month or so away. The original intent was to keep it informal and casual by having a picnic or barbeque in Rock Creek Park. Well, with 150 people, I don''t think we can fit in Rock Creek, and even if we did, would we have to rent tables/chairs for people to sit on? I just hope it wouldn''t rain, otherwise that''s a lot of people to plan to squish somewhere.

So, I really am not trying to be an ungracious host, but this seems to have spiraled out of control to mega proportions here! I mean, 150 people is twice the amount of guests I had to my own wedding! Unfortunately, I do have some monetary concerns about this. Mom-to-be had asked when she sent her guest list if the list is too long. Is it totally rude to address this in any way?? I certainly don''t want to be rude at all. Also, if the guest list remains at 150, is it a breach of etiquette to make it a potluck? Any thoughts?

Thanks!

 

[Lorelei]

Tricky....but if it was ME I would definitely say the list is too long and work with her to reduce it. A baby shower isn''t like a wedding that all and sundry should go IMO, especially as the MTB is having the shower held for her, I take it she won''t be sharing any of the expense? See what you can figure out, here in England a pot luck for large numbers is quite acceptable, I don''t know about in the States though, but maybe the others would say it is fine . I am sure the MTB will appreciate the gift she is being given with her friends having the shower for her and will reciprocate by working with you so that you are not either financially challenged by it or in any other way with so many people. Have a nice chat with her and say that you would love to accomodate them all but really didn''t think there would be so many people invited and if she must have most of them what about the pot luck? She obviously knows the list is too long as she has said and I am sure she will be amenable to deleting some folks.

Hope this helps!

 

[Erin]

How likely is it that all from CA and NY will attend? Just like a wedding you can never assume all invited will show. Maybe if you cater a main item like sandwiches - the rest could be potluck. I *almost* wouldn''t consider changing venues because most would not travel for a baby shower. Then again - I''m not one who could even come up with 64 people I''d consider inviting.

 

[Kaleigh]

150 people??? That''s too many. I woul have a chat with her mom. I''m sure many will not be able to attend but geez!!! Good luck with all of this!!!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Well, I''m not as surprised by the friends from CA, b/c I think she''s only invited like 6 of them. His family is definitely coming from NY, but most of the guests are in-town people, who will most likely show. I talked with the organizer and while she doesn''t want to ask MTB to pare down the numbers, she is going to ask her to really reevaluate her list. For example, they both have quite a few work friends on there who will most likely throw them showers at their respective work places. We are going to keep it as a barbeque and provide the grilling items, serviceware, and drinks, and ask everyone else to bring a side dish.

 

[partgypsy]

Yes, that sounds out of control! I was thinking my baby shower was large. I wasn''t involved with who got invited and 40 or 50 people came. I was very touched by all my sister in law did along with another friend; there was a catered meal of wonderful food, 2 decorated cakes, etc, but I think of baby showers being rather intimate affairs. One thing to think about is to suggest breaking it up into more than one shower, for the different groups of friends.

 

[saturn]

I''m not sure how baby shower etiquette goes, but I''ve never been to a baby shower where SO''s and family were invited. It''s always been just us gals. In your case, that would still be 64 people, but at least it''s better than 150. Plus, I bet a lot of the out-of-towners won''t come. Either way, I think it''s totally fine to have a potluck.

 

[jetmal]

i do not kow your friend.....but, I am just making a guess here.....

perhaps she wanted to "invite" alot of people, knowing that some will not come, but she is hoping they will send gifts instead?????

I do not think it is rude of you or the organizer to say something polietly.......and its VERY ok to ask everyone to bring a dish.....very commonly done.

 

[FireGoddess]

Holy mother of !!! That is absolutely TOO many people.....that''s a wedding for pete''s sake! It would be perfectly okay to ask that the list be pared down or possibly split up according to region with perhaps another host for some of the other people. I definitely would say something. Secondly, for such a substantial number of people, it is absolutely okay to request that everyone bring a dish.

 

[portoar]

Definitely too many. First, you and the other organizers need to sit down and work out a budget. Figure out how many people can attend on your budget. Then, just tell her. Say, "we have to stick to a budget, and we can have a shower with XXX number of people. Can you give me a list that will accomodate that number of people?"

 

[E B]

150 people seems rather excessive for a baby shower. The good news is, even if the guest list remains in the 100s (or close), food shouldn't be too expensive. Party sandwiches (or platters) from Subway are pretty reasonable, and you could have a couple fruit and veggie platters with dip....I wouldn't even think a cake is necessary. The potluck idea absolutely works too.

 

[SquareCut]

Wait a minute-since when do significant others go to baby showers? Sorry but 150 people? I think she is taking advantage by inviting so many. I would want a large baby shower also but only since my family would throw it and pay for it. It''s just not fair to ask friends to host such a large event. What happened to the original plan to have seperate showers in the 3 different cities?
The organizer should have communicated with her. Also, what wil be your responsibility?

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Date: 3/21/2006 8:02:37 PM
Author: SquareCut
Wait a minute-since when do significant others go to baby showers? Sorry but 150 people? I think she is taking advantage by inviting so many. I would want a large baby shower also but only since my family would throw it and pay for it. It''s just not fair to ask friends to host such a large event. What happened to the original plan to have seperate showers in the 3 different cities?

The organizer should have communicated with her. Also, what wil be your responsibility?

The parents-to-be requested a co-ed shower. I''m not against co-ed showers, but I didn''t know this one would be so large. Also, we probably should have communicated with her much better. We should have been explicit that we just envisioned something intimate with her good girl friends in DC, but we (apparently wrongly) assumed that her friends/family would be hosting other showers in NY and CA. That''s why we didn''t say anything, but I see we should have. My responsibility is to organize and pay.

 

[SquareCut]

Well it''s not too late to let her know that you were thinking 20 not 150 people. Otherwise, this will get pretty expensive and labor intensive for you. Good luck. I hope it works out.

 

[monarch64]

If I were invited to a baby shower where I knew there were going to be 150 guests, I''m sorry, but I would send a gift and check "no" on the RSVP! Does anyone involved with this guest list realize how long it will take to watch someone open 150 gifts???? I can''t even imagine.