Bachelor Party worries

[ammayernyc]

My fiance is attending a bachelor party for a friend this weekend in Vegas. I know all the debauchery that will occur and I''m okay with all of it. I''ve been to strip clubs and it really eased my mind. I also 100% completely trust my fiance.

However... I don''t trust the bachelor himself. He''s expressed to me about how he wants to sleep with other women and even told me in a ''you-should-be-proud-of-me'' way that he had an opportunity to cheat on his fiance but didn''t.

I''m not worried about peer pressure or that my fiance will give in to any of that stuff, but I''m worried about how their relationship will be afterwards. I refuse to let my fiance be friends with this guy if he cheats. And I''m really worried that he will.

Alrighty... just a vent.

 

[jcrow]

i understand where you are coming from. remember that you are with your fiance and not his friend. and although they maybe friends that don''t have everything in common. i am sure everything will be fine. although i do hate this whole notion of bach. parties and one last night of stupid freedom crap. ok, whew, had to get that out.

 

[ammayernyc]

Date: 9/5/2006 11:13:06 AM
Author: jcrow
i understand where you are coming from. remember that you are with your fiance and not his friend. and although they maybe friends that don''t have everything in common. i am sure everything will be fine. although i do hate this whole notion of bach. parties and one last night of stupid freedom crap. ok, whew, had to get that out.

I hate it too. Oh, and his friend -- 5 NIGHT bachelor party. He''s going to Vegas from Wednesday to Monday. Geez, how many boobs can you see before you''re fufilled! (My fiance is going just for the weekend...)

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Oh my- 5 nights in vegas?? That is just plain overkill! He better get his fill of boobies!

I''m honestly not bothered by bachelor/bachelorette parties- as long as they don''t "push the limits". FI had his in Vegas in July, and I just had mine in Palm Springs weekend before last. We both had AWEOME experiences, which I think has to do with what we were originally expecting to get out of them- a chance to spend time with dear friends, and have all our friends from different walks of life meet up. Everyone totally bonded, and new friendships were formed. In fact, the joke is that our wedding is now being called the "bachelor/ette party reunion." What I''m trying to say is that for a lot of guys/gals this evening/weekend is NOT just about strippers and drunkeness. Unfortunately, this may not be the case with your FI''s friend.

You really can''t worry about the dynamic of their friendship after the "events" of the weekend happen. If you flat out tell your FI that he cannot be friends with this dude because of his infidelity, then he will probably hold this info from you.

 

[Christa]

I agree with Jcrow that you are with your fiance and not his friend, but . . . I might be a little concerned if my husband was very invested in a friendship with a guy with values like that. It sounds like maybe your FI is kind of "making an appearance" by only going for the weekend, but I think it could be a starting point for a conversation about values and why this guy is so important to him.

I''m also in complete agreement that the whole concept of bachelor parties is beyond ridiculous--celebrating the making of what most of us consider to be sacred, life-long vows by getting drunk and checking out other women?!?!?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 9/5/2006 11:05:10 AM
Author:AmandaPanda
I also 100% completely trust my fiance.

So don''t worry. If you trust him he would never give into peer pressure. As for his friend, just be glad you are not his bride. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about that so why worry? DH has a friend who is a great guy but he recently told me how he has cheated on his wife (basically because he told my DH not to f*ck it up like he has). At first it did effect the way I thought about him and I started to judge but then I realized that there is always 3 sides to every story. Unless you are IN the relationship you have no idea what is going on or what works for other people. DH has also been to Vegas for a Bachelor party before and I was fine. I think it is fun (so fun that is where I had my B. Party

)

 

[kcoursolle]

I agree with Tacori on this one. Be happy it''s not your fiancee! I don''t think it''s your place to say anything, and it''s not worth your worries.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/5/2006 11:05:10 AM
Author:AmandaPanda
My fiance is attending a bachelor party for a friend this weekend in Vegas. I know all the debauchery that will occur and I''m okay with all of it. I''ve been to strip clubs and it really eased my mind. I also 100% completely trust my fiance.

However... I don''t trust the bachelor himself. He''s expressed to me about how he wants to sleep with other women and even told me in a ''you-should-be-proud-of-me'' way that he had an opportunity to cheat on his fiance but didn''t.

I''m not worried about peer pressure or that my fiance will give in to any of that stuff, but I''m worried about how their relationship will be afterwards. I refuse to let my fiance be friends with this guy if he cheats. And I''m really worried that he will.

Alrighty... just a vent.

I can understand your concern, but I''m with Tacori on this one. Just be glad you aren''t marrying him. As much as you may not respect the guy, your FI is friends with him and should be adult enough to make his own decisions, without you refusing to let him do anything. Most of us wouldn''t respond well to being "banned" from anything by our significant others, and I would imagine your man to be the same.

My guy will be having his bachelor party in Vegas this weekend as well. I have put only one stipulation on him...no touching anything that sits on him!

Not that he could do it anyway with the bouncers around, I''m sure. And it''s football opener this weekend, so the boys seem way more gungho about watching football and doing some gambling. Whatever they do, I''m just glad he has friends here now in the U.S. that would take him for a bit of a last hurrah (he''s only been here for a year.)

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 9/5/2006 2:16:35 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 9/5/2006 11:05:10 AM
Author:AmandaPanda
.

As much as you may not respect the guy, your FI is friends with him and should be adult enough to make his own decisions, without you refusing to let him do anything. Most of us wouldn''t respond well to being ''banned'' from anything by our significant others, and I would imagine your man to be the same.

C''mon Amandapanda ... you know you can''t "refuse" to let your FI be friends with someone? Don''t ya? Are you afraid "cheating" is contagious??

This hits close to home for me because my FI & I just found out the BEST MAN at our wedding one MONTH from now recently cheated on his wife of 10 years and she moved out. What can I do really? It''s FI''s best friend! So - he did an incredibly stupid awful thing that he''ll have to live with the consequences of in his own life & with his kids. As far as I''m concerned it''s not our place to judge him or punish him or shun him right now. A 20 year friendship isn''t going away overnight no matter how much either of us disapprove of his actions.

 

[ammayernyc]

Thanks for all of your responses.

I wrote the ''refusal'' part when I was really angry. I would never deny my fiance a friendship or anything like that. However, I don''t know if I could ever go out with him and his wife-to-be socially if I knew he cheated.

I''m sure they''ll all have a great time and that I''ll feel a little jealous -- but not worried.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 9/5/2006 6:49:33 PM
Author: AmandaPanda
Thanks for all of your responses.

I wrote the ''refusal'' part when I was really angry. I would never deny my fiance a friendship or anything like that. However, I don''t know if I could ever go out with him and his wife-to-be socially if I knew he cheated.

I''m sure they''ll all have a great time and that I''ll feel a little jealous -- but not worried.

Not sure if you mean jealous, like "jealous he may do something" or "jealous they''re having fun with out me". But if it''s the latter, I''m kind of jealous too! Even thought this week that it would be more fun to be a boy and be so stupid! My FI is SO excited to go and hang out with the boys! Vegas and the general debauchery that occurs doesn''t appeal to me, so I have specifically requested my friends not to do such a thing...but now I feel kinda blah and think maybe I''d want some fun hurrah to go out with.

I can certainly understand that you wouldn''t want to go out with them if he did something...so maybe you shouldn''t ask, and your man shouldn''t tell you. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, and maybe you can give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

[ammayernyc]

Date: 9/5/2006 6:55:38 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 9/5/2006 6:49:33 PM
Author: AmandaPanda
Thanks for all of your responses.

I wrote the ''refusal'' part when I was really angry. I would never deny my fiance a friendship or anything like that. However, I don''t know if I could ever go out with him and his wife-to-be socially if I knew he cheated.

I''m sure they''ll all have a great time and that I''ll feel a little jealous -- but not worried.

Not sure if you mean jealous, like ''jealous he may do something'' or ''jealous they''re having fun with out me''. But if it''s the latter, I''m kind of jealous too! Even thought this week that it would be more fun to be a boy and be so stupid! My FI is SO excited to go and hang out with the boys! Vegas and the general debauchery that occurs doesn''t appeal to me, so I have specifically requested my friends not to do such a thing...but now I feel kinda blah and think maybe I''d want some fun hurrah to go out with.

I can certainly understand that you wouldn''t want to go out with them if he did something...so maybe you shouldn''t ask, and your man shouldn''t tell you. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, and maybe you can give him the benefit of the doubt.

I don''t think G would tell me even if his friend did something. But I have a feeling I''ll be suspicious anyway.

Definitely jealous as in ''they''re having fun without me!'' I love Vegas! And I like the boy version of Vegas so even if I have a bachlorette party, it won''t be the same.

 

[moremoremore]

Let your fiance''s friend worry about himself. Why would it be your place to worry? And why you worry about something that doesn''t affect you yet if at all. IMO, you are only creating drama where there isn''t any... I have hung out with people who have cheated with friend''s fiances...but it''s not my business or place...

And LOL Travelinggal- no touching what sits on you ... LMAO!!! That''s a riot!

 

[KittenKat]

My hubby is also going to a bachelor party this weekend in Vegas. (Only from Saturday thru Sunday)

I agree with many of the posters above... Just be thankful it''s NOT your fiance.