bachelorette party: is this polite/ok/appropriate?

[sweetpea&babycorn]

this may also be good future advice for my wedding.

my friend got engaged late last year, she''s getting married in one month, and she is planning on having her bachelorette party in winnepeg (canada). she sent a group message on facebook inviting us to her bachelorette party. the message was perfectly nice since extended an invitation to us knowing that we live far away and probably wouldn''t make it.

although it was very sweet of her to invite me to her bachelorette, i wasn''t invited to her wedding. i''m not offended that she didn''t invite me to her wedding, but i do find it strange and on some level a little selfish that she wants everyone at her bachelorette but only a select few at her wedding.
i personally wouldn''t invite girls to my bachelorette party unless they were also invited to my wedding. at the same time, i''m still new at wedding planning and am not an expert at the "do''s" and "don''ts".

so ladies, what do you think? is it ok to invite a friend to your bachelorette party if you didn''t invite her to your wedding?

 

[Haven]

I tend to think you should only invite people to pre-wedding events if you also plan to invite them to your wedding.

I've been to a few bachelorette parties that were more like huge girls' nights out, and I was invited by a friend of the bride. (Per the bride's request, of course.) In those instances I definitely did not expect (nor did I want) an invitation to the actual wedding. This type of thing is typical amongst my friends. It's also very clear that the "extra" girls who joined in just for a fun night out are not expected to pay for any party expenses (other than their own share) or to bring gifts for the bride, either. The bride and her close girlfriends usually do a smaller party/gift opening thing with just them during the day, and then a huge group of women get together for a night out on the town.

Your situation just sounds different. It sounds like the bride invited you to her bachelorette party but not the wedding. I think that's a bit rude, but I wouldn't be upset by it or anything. A girls' night out is always fun!

 

[pancake]

Nope, I don''t think it''s appropriate - especially as the friends usually pitch in (where I live anyway) to pay for the hen''s night.

That said, couples often invite people to their engagement party who do not then receive an invitation to the wedding...but perhaps that is different because the couple is "providing" the party, if that makes sense?

 

[zoebartlett]

I haven''t really been to a bachelorette party, as none of my friends had them. We''ve just gone out to dinner to celebrate our weddings a month or so before our big days. To answer your question, SPBC, I wouldn''t invite anyone to a bachelorette party who wasn''t invited to the wedding as well.

 

[Clairitek]

This has happened to me before except it was a bridesmaid or friend of the bride that invited me. I knew I wasn''t invited to the wedding and wasn''t sure if the bride knew I was I invited to the bachelorette party. Due to that fact I didn''t go because I was worried that the bride would feel bad that I wasn''t invited to the wedding. Personally I wouldn''t invite people to any pre wedding events if they are not invited to the main event (unless there are some strange circumstances). Though from threads started in the past on this topic (mine on the situation I described above included) I think the invite list for bachelorette parties varies greatly by region.

 

[RaiKai]

It varies region to region. I am from Winnipeg actually and it is not so unusual there to invite people to prewedding parties and not the wedding. I do not know why this is...but it would not be shocking for me to get such an invite!

It also seems more acceptable where the wedding will be *very* small or a destination wedding.

I would not do it personally (indeed I had no pre-wedding parties) but I do not find it unusual or automatically "not okay".

By the way, I do not usually send a gift in these situations either. That of course, is up to you!

 

[bee*]

I don''t think that it''s very polite to invite someone to the bachelorette without inviting them to the wedding. I personally wouldn''t go to it.

 

[that_someone_special]

I think it''s borderline rude to invite someone to a shower or party (pre-wedding things) and not the wedding.

It''s like, so what my money and gifts are good enough for you but my presence at the wedding isn''t? pfft. I ignore that stuff. I''ve been invited to several bachelorette parties and not invited to the wedding (also, with a request of a cash gift/ other cash items for the bride!!)

urrg.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I''m with Haven - usually only people who will be invited to the wedding should be invited to any pre-wedding parties/events

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

thanks ladies! i was thinking along the same lines, and just wanted to get additional perspective. it def sounds like it''s a girls weekend but with bridal stuff thrown in. i don''t know the gift giving etiquette, and since i don''t have access to her registry or anything, i am also not planning on sending a gift. plus it sounds like i would be responsible for figuring out travel, lodging, etc. and i just don''t have time for that at such short notice (less than one month!).

i will definitely note this as a lesson learned for my bachelorette party.